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Colombia Jokes

Im from colombia and if i got a dollar everytime someone asked me if i sell cocaine.

I would not have to sell cocaine anymore.

In Colombia, kids have built a snowman.

The police guessed snowman's value at approximately $400 million.

After someone pointed it out to her, my mother asked me to explain the difference between the District of Columbia and the country Colombia.

So explained to her that one of them is famous for it's drugs, corruption and blatant criminal activity, while the other historicly lost to England on penalties in this years world cup.

There once was a guy so dumb, he got sent to colombia for coke

He returned with pepsi

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a football match between Colombia and Jamaica in 1967

It didn't go well, the Colombians sniffed all the white lines and Jamaicans smoked all the grass.

Jesus was worried about the drug epidemic plaguing the world. In an effort to solve this dilemma, he decided that a few apostles would return to earth and fetch a sample of each drug, so they could understand what these substances did...

Two days after the operation is implemented, the disciples begin to return.

Jesus, waiting at the door, lets in each disciple.

"Who is it?"

"It's Mark."

Jesus opens the door.

"What did you bring Mark?"

"Marijuana from Colombia."

"Very well son, come i...

How do you respond to someone about where you’ve been if you’ve been to Colombia?

Sorry, I was Medellín in Colombia.

“I lost 5 pounds.” “That’s good for your health!”

The colombians disagree.

3 Nuns at the Pearly Gates (very mildly NSFW)

3 nuns are in a bus in Colombia, which due to budget cuts breaks it's axle, rolls over, and kills them all. When they come to, they realize that the three of them are in a cloud-filled place standing in front of an elderly man at a dais, behind whom are enormous, gold-plated gates, which at the mom...

A blonde takes part in a game show

[Disclaimer: I don't know whether this counts as a joke, if not please tell me which subreddit would be suitable, 'cause it's actually a pretty fun "story"]

First question: how long did the Hundred Years War last?

a) 99 years

b) 116 years

c) 100 years

d) 150 years<...

There was a guy so dumb, that one time drug dealers sent him to Colombia to bring coke

He brought back Pepsi

A blonde joins a Mexican cartel

The cartel sends her to Colombia to get coke and she brings Pepsi.

A really twisted joke

What do Ted Bundy and the Space Shuttle Colombia have in common?

They both left bodies in four states.

Have you heard about how much meat pastries cost in Antigua, Barbados, Colombia, Dominican Republic, Haiti, Honduras, Jamaica, Aruba, Trinidad and Tobago, The Bahamas, Turks and Caicos Islands?

You should have done, they are the pie rates of the Caribbean

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Following England in the world cup...

Every time England play I try to get in the spirit so when they played Tunisia I had a kebab, when they played Panama I treated myself to a cigar, when they played Belgium I pulled out the chocolates, can’t fucking wait for this Colombia game!

Between the Coffee and the Cocaine

I think it's Colombia's mission to keep the world awake.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jesus sits down one day and considers the high rate of drug abuse that will follow long after his time on earth.

He thinks it is a bit hypocritical of him to condemn them without first trying them himself, so he sends his apostles out to see what drugs they can find.

A couple of days later Jesus hears a knock at the door. “Who is it?”. “Paul.”Jesus opens the door. “What did you bring, Paul?”. “Hashish f...

Jesus called a meeting of the disciples in Heaven...

...When they all arrive he mentions that there is a massive drug problem on Earth and they need to find a way to rid the world of it. He suggests that they all go down to Earth, all over, and bring back samples of different drugs so they can examine them and figure out the best way to rid the world...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pope Goes to America

The Pope leaves Vatican City for an official trip to America.

After his flight lands, he is ushered off the plane by the pilot, who says to him "Welcome to America, Elvis. I bet you're glad to be home". To which the Pope replies, "Oh, my son, I am not Elvis. I am the Pope. I am the Holy One."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my favorite old jokes

Juan works in a supermarket.

A man came in and asked Juan for half a pound of butter. The boy told him they only sold 1 lb packets of butter, but the man was persistent.

The boy said he'd go ask his manager what to do.

Juan walked into the back room and said, "There's a crazy as...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heaven meeting year 2015

Every year in heaven jesus and the apostles gather up for a meeting to discuss about earth's problems.
The theme of the year is.. Drugs, they discuss about it for a while with no succes
and then it comes clear: they don't know the subject enought to fix it...

So Jesus tell his apostle t...

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