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Hurting Jokes

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A women goes to the doctor because her butt hurts...

Doctor: " Where does it hurt exactly?"

Women: " At the entrance."

Doctor: "Well lady if you keep calling it an entrance then it's going to keep hurting"

A man went to visit his doctor because his arm is hurting.

"Doc, my arm hurts bad. Can you check it out please?" the man pleads.

The doctor rolls up the man's sleeve and suddenly hears the arm talk.

"Hello, Doctor," says the arm. "Could you lend me twenty bucks please? I'm desperate!"

"Aha!'' says the doctor. ''I see the problem. You...

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How did the man remove the Swiss Army knife from his rectum safely without hurting himself?

Please answer soon it’s starting to hurt

What did the musician get after hurting himself?

A-minor injury

So which knee is hurting Walt?

Walt: “Disney”.

To all the people in Madrid that are hurting...

I feel your Spain.

My back has been hurting for a while now...

But I don't mind, it's spine.

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A Masochist asks a Sadist to Continue Hurting Him

A true sadist says "No!"

Why did the sheep keep hurting himself at the gym?

He had *baaaaaad* form.

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Little Billy comes home early from school, only to find his Dad masturbating in the living room...

As Billy is quite young, he is shocked and confused at what he is seeing. His Dad tries to explain:
"Don't be scared, Billy. I'm not hurting myself, I'm doing something completely normal. In fact, you are going to start doing it pretty soon as well."
"Why is that, Dad?", young Billy asks.
"...

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A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the moment of the accident, 'I'm fine.'" asked the lawyer?

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the..."
"I did not ask you for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?'" Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessi...

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So my therapist asked me if I ever think about hurting myself or others

I told her “my weekend plans are none of your damn business!”

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Once there was a man with a 15 inch penis.

He absolutely hated it, because it was too big for any woman to handle. Every time he tried to have sex, he ended up accidentally hurting his partner.

One day he went to the witch at the edge of town and asked her to help him make it smaller. "I cannot do that," said the witch, "But I do know...

I ate a piece of fresh salmon that was marinated in vanilla and now my stomach is hurting....

I think I might have salmonilla.

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