This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is a joke my dad told me a long time ago. I hope I don't offend anyone.

A young man was inspired to help out with his church's fundraiser. He asked the preacher if he could participate. The preacher, knowing the young man had a bad stutter, only gave him 3 bibles to sell.

The following day the young man returned asking for more. The preacher gave him 5. The follo...

I've got several jokes that will offend about 35 million people in the US

Unfortunately, none of them work.

What really offends amputees?

Off-handed comments.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a sex-offending cat?

a Purr-vert

As a social justice warrior, you all offend me. I am going to cancel each and every one of you.

Starting with your netflix account.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Everyone who defended trump for saying grab them by the pussy is offended by cardi b's sing WAP

Guess there's only a problem when it's wet

American discovery mapping error (with the right to offend)

The Spanish Cartography Society summoned their voyaging artist, Amerigo Vespucci, to explain what his purported maps of India depicted instead of the standard, approved reality.

AV famously stated, "Um.. err.. I ca.."

Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?

A naked woman jumps into a taxi. The taxi driver stares at her, looking her over from top to bottom. The woman is offended and asks the taxi driver "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before?"

The taxi driver responds: "Oh, it's not the fact that you're naked that bothe...

People who are offended when I breastfeed need to calm down!

What I’m doing is natural and it strengthens the bond between me and my dog.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Now a days people get too offended. You can't even call trans people "chicks with dicks" anymore. You have to call them men

that talk too much.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

We should send sex offenders to storm Area 51

Alien Vs Predator

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wasn't the only one in my house who was offended by the overly sexual nature of this year's Super Bowl Halftime Show.

Even my teenage son ran to his room so he wouldn't have to watch it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sex offender, creep and a billionaire walk into a Manhattan bar

The bartender says
Wow Mr Epstein what'll it be.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God is creating the world, and he talks to the canadians

He says to them “You will have the best land ever. It is beautiful, in the summer it is warm and in the winter it snows beautiful snow flakes. It is called Canada. You will have prosperity and food for all your days.”

He then gets the Australians, and says to them “I give to you Australia. Yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not for the easily offended - my favourite politically incorrect joke...

Man is walking through park. He sees a girl in a wheelchair crying.
"What's wrong?" man asks.
"Never been kissed before" girl says.
Man kisses her and she goes home happy.

Next day man walking through same park. Sees girl in wheelchair again crying.
"What's wrong?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what did the sex offender say to the church ?

I heard you guys are hiring

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People are offended by the smallest things these days

So please keep your dick in your pants

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

because 7 is a registered 6 offender

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say you have a 50% chance living next to a sex offender.

Lucky I live next to a sexy 12year old.

We all know that seven ate nine... We were even more disgusted to hear that seven was a six offender... It turns out that the most infamous number didn’t stop there...

Seven cut four teens in half!

A blonde joke a friend told me sometime ago (I'm sorry if this offends you)

Three women named Katie, Rachel and Karen, our blonde protagonist, attempted to rob the local bank.

Katie explained the plan to both of them. They went through it once again and then left for the bank.

While Karen went inside the bank, Rachel waited in the driver's seat and Katie was l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A corrupt guy, a sex offender, a racist, a compulsive liar, an idiot and a terrible business man all walk into a golf course...

Welcome back Mr. President said the door man.

How do you offend a photon?

You tell it that it doesn't matter.

A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection. Judge asks, "First offender?"

Woman responds, "No, Your Honor. First a Gibson, then a Fender."

I just heard this one, so sorry if it's a repeat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am officially a sex offender.

Every time I ask my wife for sex, she gets offended.

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.

A man and a woman were having a quiet, romantic dinner in a fine restaurant.

They were gazing lovingly at each other and holding hands.

The waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the woman slowly sliding down her chair and under the table but the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a nun was standing on the side of the road waiting for a cab...

A cab stopped and picked her up. During the ride she noticed that the driver was staring at her.

When she asked him why, he said, "I want to ask you something, but I don't want to offend you." She said, "You can't offend me. I have been a nun long enough that I have heard just about everythi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call sex offender semen?

Monster's ink.

How do you offend an African-American and Chinese person?

Make a joke about brack people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mother-in-law says to her daughter-in-law "I don't mean to offend you, but my grandson looks nothing like my son".

Daughter-in-law replies, "I've got a fanny between my legs, not a fucking photocopier".

6 was afraid of 7 because 789. But why did 7 eat 9?

Because he needed 3² meals a day.

I hate how politically correct things are these days. You can't even say the word stupid without people getting offended.

I started to tell a Polish joke to a group of guys and one of them said "Hey, I'm Polish and that joke offends me!" Fair enough I thought, no one likes to be stereotyped. So I swapped out the word "Polish" for "stupid" and started the joke over. Same guy got offended.

Why doesn't anybody get offended by Irish jokes?

Because they are ALL TRUE!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a Mexican-run bookstore

He walks up to counter and asks to see the manager. He explains to the manager that he’s been looking everywhere and no store has had the book on Trump’s immigration policies. Offended, the manager says “FUCK OFF, GET OUT ASSHOLE!”

“Yeah that’s the one”

Attitude Adjustment

For her birthday, Jane received a fully-grown parrot as a gift. It was a brilliantly colored, with plumes of emerald green, sunset orange, ocean blue, and ruby red. But the parrot had a vocabulary worse than a sailor's. Every other word was profanity; those that weren't profanity were, to say the le...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was Ash Ketchum on a registered sex offenders list?

Because he was caught having a Pikachu.

There was a short period of time in ancient history when offenders were not only nailed to a cross, but also burned alive

Fortunately, the practice ended and very few people were crucifried

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you make it so no one gets offended at the Christmas song "Baby It's Cold Outside"?

Rebrand it as a rap song and name it, "Yo Bitch, It's Freezing Outside."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."

Obvious repost

As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.

Turks: you come in our country and have the balls to insult us.

Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.

Turks: Let's get him outside.

Russian: that's your second p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many Redditors does it take to change a lightbulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was sitting on the bus, next to this lady when I turned to her and said, "Hey lady, can I smell your feet?" She became offended and replied, "OF COURSE NOT!"

"Then it must be your pussy."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are several distinct cultural differences between Australian and America. For example, Americans are really offended by the word cunt...

Conversely, Australians are really offended by schools being shot up.

To all those who call people snowflakes and say they get offended too easily I’d just like to say…

Happy Holidays

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Brenda was desperately trying to get her co-worker, Yuhap, into bed. He finally agreed to go on a date. After a few drinks she made her move on Yuhap. He said he wasn’t interested in anything physical. She was so turned on that she offered him $500 to sleep with her. He got offended and left.

She learned an important lesson. Money won’t buy Yuhap penis.

I’m not sure whether putting up Christmas lights would offend my Hindu neighbors.

So to make sure, I hung a giant banner saying “YOU WORSHIP FALSE GODS!” on my window.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Top 10 Things That Prison Guards Hate

10) Inmates who don't flush after eating chili for lunch.

9) Coming up with one too many during a head count.

8) Having to break up a fight in the shower.

7) Being asked to be the bridesmaid when two inmates tie the knot.

6) Recognizing the newest inmate as your financial...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm glad we have that sex offender registry.

Without, It would be so much harder to find new, like-minded friends in the neighborhood.

Someone made a post offending handicapped people, but I didn’t reply.

The comments were disabled.

I apologize for offending you when I called you stupid.

I thought you already knew.

I think it was totally disrespectful for Joe Biden to call the President of the United States a clown.

As a clown, I'm extremely offended

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father has a suspicion that his son might be gay

Before I tell the joke I don't mean to offend anyone and if anyone finds it offensive I'll remove it right away

-------------

A father one day catches his son listening to liza minnelli and he says "son, you know typically homosexual men listen to liza minnelli. Son, are you a homosexu...

There was this young minister that had just started his first preaching gig.

Like many younger folks he was environmentally-minded, and as such he rode a bicycle to church. After a month of preaching he finds his bike gone, and he thinks one of the members of the congregation stole it.

So he goes and talks to an older preacher to ask for advice. The wise minister tel...

I told my friend to get Lost, and he seemed quite offended.

But I thought it was a pretty good series.

My wife has a sinus condition that suppresses her ability to detect odors

But she gets offended when I tell people that she doesn't smell good.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a fight called between an illegal immigrant and a sex offender?

Alien vs Predator

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went on the sex offender registry and found the addresses of all the sex offenders in my area, and sent them all hate mail.

Just to make sure they read it, I wrote the letters in crayon.

How do you offend a meth user?

Play them “All I want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth”.

Why was the burglar so easily offended?

He took things personally.

My God will save me

Just to start off, this joke was considered blasphemy by a devout Christian. Sorry if it offends you for whatever reason.

John was on the roof of his house as the city was flooding.

A raft stops by and ask the man, "Hey, jump into the raft. The entire city is flooded and you're going t...

Master/slave terminology was recently removed from the python programming language so as not to offend anyone.

Looks like PC’s finally won.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Are you offended by sexual assault jokes?

\#MeToo

My friend gets offended when people tell fat jokes.

I told her to lighten up.

There are two types of people on Indian roads

Traffic Police and a beggar.
One doesn't leave you until you give some money and other is the begger.
I told this joke to my friend and he was offended because his father was a traffic police. Then we settled the dispute for 25 dollars

Saw a man at the supermarket today who was saying the most nasty things while walking up and down the aisle, picking different kinds of breakfast-food off the shelves, shouting at the boxes and putting them back again. I asked the manager what his problem was.

Turns out the guy's a cereal offender.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Religion] If you're religious this is not for you. The setup is completely fictional. Please don't get offended.

The catholic church would have you believe that Jesus Christ was one single person while, actually they were a set of twins - Jesus and Christ. It was through this that Jesus came back to life, Christ was crucified and Jesus made a religion by apparently coming back to life.
Christ was a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Aliens Vs Predators

This is where you can have your illegal immigrants chase and hunt down sex offenders for a chance at citizenship

Dirty jokes time.Don't click if you are easily offended.

I asked my uncle how I could tell if a girl was into me?
He told me, Oh that's easy, when you have your hand down her pants...if it feels like your feeding a horse...she likes you.

A woman is arrested for killing her guitar player husband

She is accused of bashing her husband's head in with his guitars because he never paid any attention to her.

In her first court appearance, the judge looks at the woman and asks: “First offender?"

The woman replies: “No. First it was a Gretsch, followed by a Gibson, and then a Fender."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a sexual offender that lurks on Reddit called?

A predditor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A clown, a politian and a sex offender walks into a bar.

He orders a drink.

I was hoping 2019 would be a year where people stopped getting offended by everything, but boy was I wrong. All I said was "I hope you start off the new year on the right foot"

Damn amputees

My neighbor got offended that I used the word “puke”

But to me that’s what her cooking tasted like.

An elderly lady called the front desk to complain.

“I am most offended! There is a man bathing in the room across the courtyard. His windows are open and you can see everything. Please do something about it at once.”


The manager arrived at her room. “Please show me what you mean and we will fix it right away.” The lady led him to her win...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't know why I offended the Asian man wearing a damaged bulletproof vest...

...all I said was "There's a chink in the armour."

How to stop repeat offenders?

Don't re-elect them!

People who get offended by crucifixion jokes seem rather cross.

I don't get what their hangup is.

A perpetual criminal offender is brought to the court house for trial. However the judge is a duck wearing robes and a powdered wig

. The criminal is incensed, he shouts out "I will not be judged by a common duck"
The judge says to the defence lawyer "If you don't silence your client he will be held in contempt."
The defence says "Yes Mallard"

In the hospital, I asked the charge nurse for a phone charger - she was very offended.

Don't even get me started on the reaction from the head nurse.

Why did people get offended by the extremely busy Vietnamese restaurant?

because it was a big Pho Queue to them

I asked my Latino friend if Mexicans are offended by all the talk of building a wall on the southern border...

He said, "Eh... we'll get over it"

[Offensive] How do you offend homeless people?

By telling them knock knock jokes!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father goes shopping in a market.

At the market he sees a man selling large potatoes for a substantially higher price. He asks the seller, "What are you selling that's so expensive?"

The seller answers, "They're dam potatoes."

"Mind your language!" says the father, very offended.

The seller replies, "No Sir, the...

An old farmer is sitting in his house

It’s a cold winter day outside, and he is warm and cozy in his house. He hears a knock on the door. It’s a young pretty gal. She says “I have driven my car into a ditch and I was hoping you could pull me out.” The farmer thinks for a minute and says. “Why yes I think I might be able to help you out....

A man hosts a party for 4 of his friends.

(This joke is translated from Chinese. It sounds a lot better in the original due to the reiteration and how the syllables works out)


Three of the guests arrived on time, but long has past since they waited for the 4th. The host, impatient, started muttering.

Host: "The one who i...

My wife made me dinner the other day. She got offended when I put down my knife and fork and said, "This dinner is disgusting"

then my wife said, "Well, boil your own toast next time then"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.