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Poor Jokes

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Poor Irish Family

A poor Irish family lives on a farm and they rely on their single cow for income.

One morning, the father walks outside to find their cow dead.

"There is nothing that could help get us out of poverty now," says the dad as he shoots himself.

The mom walks outside and sees the dad...

Steal a man’s wallet, and he’ll be poor for a day…

Teach him to play an instrument, and he’ll be poor for the rest of his life
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Poor Prince Phillip...

99 years old, he just missed out on getting a letter from his wife.
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When I was young, I was poor.

After many years of hard work, I am no longer young.
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A poor old lady was forced to sell her valuables to avoid eviction.

As she rummaged through her dusty belongings, she came across a dull copper kettle. Intrigued by it’s possible value the old woman dusted it off and BAM! A genie erupted from its neck.

The genie says “I have seen your plights, and will grant you three wishes.”

The woman, astounded, t...
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I received a warning at work for poor performance.

We've got 4 sales-people in total. Over the past month Jack \[the boss's son\] has sold nothing. Alex has made £1000, in sales. I've made £5000, and the top guy made £16000.

I got the warning for my performance being below average.

I told them "That's just mean"
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My poor knowledge of Greek mythology...

...has always been my Achilles' elbow.
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A poor man and rich man

The poor man asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The poor man asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange th...

I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.

Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
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Through a poorly-worded genie wish, a man now has a 20-inch-long penis.

While the bragging rights were good for a few days, the man soon realizes that his dick is uncomfortable and unusable, and he must find a solution. He begins asking the local enchanters and witches if they have any suggestions, and finally gets a lead that the enchanted forest over yonder is home to...

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Little Teddy’s doing very poorly in math, so his parents enroll him in Catholic school.

The first day home from St. Michael’s, he walks straight to his room to do his math homework. After dinner Teddy marches back upstairs and starts calculating again.

 

His mother visits his room and says, “You’re working awfully hard!”

 

“Well,” Teddy replies, “today when ...

The woman says to her husband: "If i had known you were so poor, i wouldn't have married you."

Husband: "But I told you that you were the most valuable thing in my life."
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What do you call someone who steals noodles from the rich and gives them to the poor?

Ramen Hood
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What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire
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Sex is like a poorly explained joke.

I don't get it.

You can make a capitalist poor and they’ll still believe in Capitalism

But if you make a socialist rich, you have a new capitalist.
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I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor!

A poor peasant is traveling the woody paths of Barnsdale, when a hooded man walks up to him.

Robin Hood: **"HALT!"**

**"*****I am Robin Hood, I take from the rich to give to the poor, now give me all your money!"***

Peasant: *"I have nothing, I've been hungry for years you see"*...
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A poor Jewish tailor has a son...

So he goes to see the mohel and tells him, "My son must be circumcised, but I have no money to pay you."
After thinking for a moment, the mohel gets a huge jar from his shelf and gives it to the tailor. "For all my years as a mohel, I haven't known what to do with all the foreskins, so I put the...
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Poor Sarah

There are 365 bricks on a plane, one falls off how many are left?




364



How do you put an Elephant in a fridge?



Open the door
Put the Elephant in
Close it



How do you put a giraffe in a fridge?



Open the door
Take th...
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What’s considered trashy if you’re poor but class if you’re rich?

Florida
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A poor cowboy needs a horse.

He buys the only horse he could afford, one that has its commands messed up.

"He'll go when you say 'whoa!' and stop when you say 'giddy up!'" instructs the seller.

The cowboy sets off riding the horse, feeling silly for saying 'whoa'. As he rides further, he sees an upcoming cliff. He...
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I was so poor as a child that

If I didn’t wake up with a hard on on Christmas Day I didn’t have anything to play with.
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The American school system is very disorganised and poorly run

I guess school really does prepare you for the real world
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What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire
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I saw a poor old lady fall in the street today.

Well I'm assuming she's poor, she only had $1 in her purse.
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The internet connection at my farm was really poor, so I moved the modem to the barn.

Now I have stable wifi
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Man I'm poor I can't afford crap.

Shit's expensive.

I saw this poor old lady fall down the stairs and hurt herself.

I assume she was poor because I didn’t find more than $1.50 in her wallet.
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What is 1 advantage of having poor memory?

You find all jokes on r/jokes funny.
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Poor mermaid

Paddy English man, Irish man and Welsh man are on the beach. They see a mermaid sitting on a rock. The most beautiful creature they had ever seen.

English man goes up and asks, have you every been kissed? The mermaid is all coy and says no. English man gives her a gentle kiss on the cheek.Wel...

Some poor children in Victorian London were listening to Christmas songs

They heard that Santa Claus gives coal to children who aren´t on his nice list, and so they commit as many petty crimes as possible to be on his naughty list so as to not die of hypothermia.
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Today I donated a laptop, a smartphone and $500 to a poor guy.

Can't express the happiness I got when I saw him putting the knife back in his pocket
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I asked my doctor whether masturbation causes poor eyesight.

He said: “you’re in Walmart Sir”

Your momma is so poor

She gave me imitation crabs.
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I wish I was poor one day in my life...

Because being poor everyday sucks...
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Poor old man...

“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man re...
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It was getting crowded in Heaven one day, so Saint Peter decided for one day to only accept people who could make him laugh.

A man came walking up to the pearly gates and Saint Peter said to him:

“Alright bud, you’re only getting in today if you can make me laugh, so why don’t you tell me about how you died”

The man looked at Saint Peter and said

“Oh man it was awful, I was absolutely SURE my wife wa...

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries

to rich people in poor countries.
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Poor poor woman. . .

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.
She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist. Her doctor recommended that she see Dr. Chang, the well-known Chinese sex the...

Poor dog….

A man takes his rottweiler to the vet.
"Can you have a look at him” he says,
“I think he's cross-eyed"


So the vet picks up the dog
and examines him.
"I'm going to have to put him
down," says the vet.


"Why, just because he's cross eyed?"



"No, says ...
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Whenever I hear of a Putin General I think of this really piss poor joke:

A soldier shows up for military training, but realizes he forgot to bring his gun.

The sergeant hands him a stick and gestures to the training field.

"You'll have to use this, soldier. If you need to shoot someone, just aim your stick at them and shout 'Bangity bang-bang'. If someone g...

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Poor poor William

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved three-year-old grandson.

It’s obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits … you name it.

Meanwhile, Grandpa is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice, “Ea...

What do you call an area with a large amount of poor Italians?

The Spaghetto
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What's got two thumbs and a poor grasp of visual comedy?

This guy!
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Poor Rick Astley

He must be really struggling with Lent.
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A rich man and poor man are at a bar.

A rich man and poor man are at a bar, the rich man turns to the poor man, 'it's my 10 year wedding anniversary on Tuesday.'

The poor man looks astonished, 'it's my 20 year wedding anniversary on Thursday! What are you planning on getting her?'

The rich man goes, 'I'm getting her a...

Did you hear about the poorly-secured portapotties that fell off the flatbed?

It was a lose-loose-loos situation.
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Apparently they couldn’t prove the construction company used poor quality materials when building the bridge that fell down.

They had no concrete evidence.
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Ever heard of the wizard with the poor sense of balance?

He only knows dizzy spells.
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Yo mama so poor…

… that ducks throw bread at her.
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Poor ringo

The Beatles are sitting around a table in a diner. all of them are happily sitting there with their arms around their wives, all except for poor old Ringo.

  “Guys? I’m really getting the blues being all lonely here. How do you suggest going about getting a woman?” He asks, drumming his finge...
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Help the poor

I saw a homeless guy this morning who was starving and asking for food. I felt so bad. So I did what every sensible person would do. I went to the jewelry store and bought a bunch of stuff for my wife and a brand new Mercedes for me.

Surely, this money will trickle down to the poor bastard.<...

A poor man was looking for a job

For weeks he couldn't find one, and he barely had any money left when he found a job at a company as a bathroom cleaner. He went to the office, and after discussing with the boss, he got the job "One thing," said the boss, "I'll need to send you our policy to sign via email". The man looked at him ...
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A man went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.'

The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost? The man said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped! The priest said, Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box!

Th...
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We were so poor growing up my Dad used to sing...

Hush little baby don't say a word
Daddy's going to steal you a mockingbird...
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A rich man & a poor man

There’s a rich man an a poor man sitting at a bar . Rich man says its my wife’s birthday day , i got her a big diamond ring an a Porsche . Poor man says why both ? Rich man says well I figured if she didn’t like the ring she could take it back in the Porsche an still be happy. Poor man says i got my...

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A poor man goes to a sex club

After standing in line to get in het gets to the doorman. "What can I get for $5" the poor man says.

"You can get into the mystery room" says the doorman and he proceeds to lead the poor man to a door. Once he opens the door he sees a big round chamber with in the middle a donkey with a small...

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When I was a kid, we were so poor

I had to jack off the dog to feed the cat.

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A poor couple...

A poor couple try their best to make ends meet. Times were hard, and there were days when the couple couldn't afford to eat. To curb their hunger, the couple would have sex.

One evening, the husband comes home from work and finds his wife humping the arm rest of the couch. Perplexed, the husb...

My girlfriend is really poor

She's always saying Please! Please leave me a loan!
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We were so poor when I was a kid…

I thought the teachers were rich
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Poor Timmy...

The teacher asks Timmy "why did you bring your cat to school today?"

To which Timmy replied quite sad, I heard daddy telling mommy this morning, "Baby, I'm gonna eat that pussy when the kids go to school"

Yo mama is so poor

That she cant even pay attention
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I'm Friends with a Really Poor Guy

He's been down on his luck lately, so he told me that he had to become a male prostitute to make ends meet. One day, he walked up to me and said that he made a really good amount of money the night before.

Me: How much did you make?

Him: I made $250.05.

Me: Who on earth gave yo...

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In Wild West, a poor miner goes to a brothel

He had worked very hard and saved money but when he asked for a girl, they all turned out to be too expensive for him. Seeing his disappointment, the madam took a pity on him. She handed him a small wooden board with a hole in the middle and said,

"Here, you can look at the girls and fuck thi...

The genie of the lamp

Two neighbours, one is rich and the other is poor.

The poor have a magic lamp : Every morning,he wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" ,and the poor asks for a cup of tea.

The rich neighbour,envious of the magic lamp,said to the poor : i'll give you my car ...
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I wanted to write a complaint to a company about their poorly trained staff.

But nobody could find me a form.
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poor guy...

A man was hospitalised for 3 weeks, he fell in love with a nurse, he sent her a note "You have stolen my heart"
The nurse replied in panic "No sir, we have stolen your kidney not your heart".
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Poor Guy

Poor guy
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up a...

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A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two women along the roadside eating grass.

A wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two women along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one women, "Why are you eating grass?" "We don't have any money for food," the poor women replied. "We have to eat gras...

What's considered trashy if you're poor, but classy if you're rich?

Manipulating the stock market.
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For years poor Lawrence applied for Hogwarts, and year after year they turned him down.

Finally after working his tail off to submit his latest and greatest application, he was climbing the walls with anxiety. He went to see Hagrid. "What do you think my chances are, Hagrid?"

Hagrid looked at him with pity in his eyes. "They aren't good." Said Hagrid. "Why not?" Lawrence asked,...
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What's the difference between a bad golf drive and a poorly packed parachute?

One is whack...fuck and the other is fuck....whack.

A poor old lady...

Today I saw a poor old lady fall down in the grocery store parking lot. At least I think she was poor, she only had $1.35 in her wallet.
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poor teacher

A teacher was teaching a class, when the students started creating chaos.

The teacher shouted "Whoever is standing will be declared as stupid"

Everyone went back to their seats except for one.

"So you admit you're stupid?" said the teacher,

"No, but i didnt want you to be...
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Poor Will Smith isn't getting any sleep tonight

His wife is so pissed Will can hear her ranting all the way from her boyfriend's bedroom

Where I live, I have poor cell phone coverage. I also have to drive several miles to get decent food and shopping.

The struggle is rural.
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Poor Stanley!

Stanley died in a fire accident and his body was burned badly. The morgue needed someone to identify the body. So they sent for his two best deer hunting friends, Jim and Allen. The three men had always hunted and fished together and were long time members of a hunting camp.

Jim arrived first...

Due to poor attendance, the Oakland A’s are moving to Vancouver!

They will now be called the Eh’s.
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A dad bod is like a poorly designed website.

The best part is below the fold.
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Yo mama so poor

When people come to the door she gotta stick her head out and say “Ding, Dong!”
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A rich man and a poor man are Christmas shopping

A rich man and a poor man are Christmas shopping on Madison Avenue when they run into each other and talk about the gifts they've bought their wives.

The poor man asks the rich man what he got his wife for Christmas and the rich man says "I got my wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes Benz" ...

Why smart people with good opinions are poor?

Because they make cents.
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What weighs more, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers?

The ton of feathers because you have to live with the weight of what you did to those poor birds.
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What do you call a wizard who walks everywhere on bare feet, has poor bone density and really bad breath?

A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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What’s the difference between a poorly baked pastry dish and a cash-grabbing prick?

One’s a shit pie and the other’s Ajit Pai.

Growing up we were so poor...

Growing up we were so poor my brother and I had to share clothes.

And kids are so mean, at school they used to make fun of me ... especially when it wasn't my turn to wear the pants and underwear
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Poor Creature

Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day, the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya be saying a mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not. We cannot have services for an ani...
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We were so poor growing up

that for breakfast we had Ordinary K.
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How to retire when business is poor

Two elderly men met in a town in Florida, and began to talk to each other. It turned out both of them were from Oregon, and had owned small factories, and had now retired and moved to Florida.

"I had a factory that produced high-end furniture," said the first man. "Was successful for many yea...
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Poor daddy

A husband and wife have four sons. The oldest three are tall with red hair and light skin while the youngest son is short with black hair and brown eyes.

The father was on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said “Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me: Is our youngest son tru...
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My cousin is so poor....

that when she couldn't afford pay the Catholic church for her exorcism, they repossessed her.
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Poor Nimbad.

Has to travel 6 miles every day for fresh

water on a bike with no wheels and no seat.

Send us just £2 a month,

and we will send you the DVD. It's fucking hilarious.

Poor Doggie

After hearing a shot, Hank ran next door and found his friend Tony crying. "Say, what's wrong?" Hank asked. Tony sobbed, "I had to shoot my dog." Hank said, "My God! Was he mad?" Tony replied, "Well, he wasn't exactly overjoyed."
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A man tells his doctor about his wife's poor hearing.

In order to determine the level of hearing damage, the doctor tells the man to ask his wife something from 15 feet away, Moving 5 feet closer and trying again if she doesn't respond, until she responds.

The man then goes home and sees that his wife is cooking.

He stands 15 feet behind ...

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A rich guy and a poor guy are talking with each other....

Both of them are discussing what they got their wives for their anniversary.

The rich guy tells he got his wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes. The poor guy is amazed and asked him why he got two gifts for her.
The rich guy said, "Well, if she doesn't like the ring, she can go and return...

When I was growing up, we were so poor...

We used to leave the front door open all night, hoping a thief would come in and drop something.
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Blessed are the poor

For they pay no inheritance tax.
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Poor women

An elderly woman was cleaning out her attic one day. She come across an old lamp that she hadn't seen before. Start cleaning it to see what it is.
A genie pops out and says for setting me free I'm going to Grant you three wishes.
The woman thought about it for a while and said I have made my d...
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A rich man and a poor man were sitting at the bar, having a few drinks

They got to chatting and after a while, realised both of their wedding anniversaries were the next day.

Poor man : What did you get your wife then, for tomorrow?

Rich man : I got her a pink ferrari and a diamond ring.

Poor man : Wow, what made you choose those gifts?

...

I'm so fat and poor that...

I only have one diabete.
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Poor planning?

Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "it was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "no, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The l...
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Jack was from a poor family with many siblings [OC]

As the eldest child, he took up the responsibility of helping his parents financially by doing odd jobs, be it collecting recyclable scraps, cleaning, babysitting, dog walking or simple repair work. He had no choice but to drop out of high school at the age of 14 to work full time in order for his o...

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What’s the difference between a poor marksman and a constipated owl?

One shoots and shoots and never hits, and the other hoots and hoots and never shits.

Your mommas so poor

I saw her walking down the street with one shoe. I said "hey you lost a shoe". She said "na I found one"
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Poor Dave ...

Poor Dave had spent his life making wrong decisions. If he bet on a horse, it would lose. If he chose one elevator rather than another, it was the one he chose that stalled between floors. The line he picked before the bank teller's cage never moved. And so it went, day after day, year after year. T...
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How poor are you?

I’m so poor, I have to refinance before I can spare a penny for your thoughts.
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A very poor man

decided his last resort was to write a letter to God. His family was going hungry. He was behind on all of his bills. He became unemployed, and started to grow ill. He wrote "Dear heavenly father. I've no other resources. No other place to turn. I don't ask for much. I really just need $1500 to catc...

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Poor Granny

Me: Today we all found out that my grandpa as been fighting with an addiction this past month to Viagra.

My buddy: Man that's tough to hear. How's your grandma taking it.

Me: Pretty hard apparently!

A rich guy and a poor guy were having lunch togheter

The rich guy was eating a delicious fancy meal while the poor guy only had slop.

**Poor guy**: "Hey, wanna swap ?"

**Rich guy**: "Why would I trade my delicacy for your slop ?"

**Poor guy**: "This isn't ordinary slop, it's a secret family recipe. Whoever eats it becomes smarter....
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Pyotr is a poor serf in Tsarist Russia... (Wife's favourite joke)

...tilling his field one day, he unearths a lamp. As he starts to rub off the dirt, a genie comes flying out and in a great, booming voice, says, "Pyort Petrovich, you have freed me! Fortunate you are, for I shall grant you any wish your heart desires!"

Pyort thinks a moment and says, "No, I ...
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Why are pizza makers always poor?

Because they knead dough to make a living.
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Poor man

Three men sat outside of a coffe shop in a spanish town, two of them are rich and the third is poor. As they sat there drinking their coffes a very attractive lady walks up to them and asks what they would give to sleep with her. The first rich man says "I would buy you a yacht, a sports car and a c...

Why do poor people eat insects?

Because they're locust!
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When I was first married we were very poor, but my wife stood by me

She had to - we only had one chair
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Poor dog

I'm so sad. Stupid me. Yesterday i drained all the old gas out of my lawnmower and left it in a bowl beside the garage. Next thing i know, my dog drank it all then started running high speed laps around yard. He does about five laps, then runs right up to me and looks me dead in the eye, rolls over ...
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100 years ago, a poor Polish immigrant was begging for money in New York city

Suddenly, a stranger appears and starts to talk with her.

Stranger: What is your name, sad lady

Lady: My name is Edit, I am the daughter of Solomon and Alta. I am asking for help because I have nothing to eat

Stranger: I just won this golden coin in a game of poker. I feel guilt...
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