My boyfriend is upset that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and right.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A rude man walks into the bank and tells the teller: "I want to open a fucking checking account." The teller, upset, says "We don't tolerate language like that here."

The man asks "What's the fucking problem? It's not like anyone really gives a shit!"

The teller then leaves without a word, to go and speak to the manager about how to deal with this man. The manager, hearing the story, goes back to the man to see what the problem is.

After asking the ...

My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset.

she screamed at me and said "what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

Whenever my wife is upset

Whenever my Wife is upset, I let her color in my black and white tattoos.

Sometimes she just needs a shoulder to crayon..

I am very upset with my mom. When I was growing up she told me, "You can be whoever you want to be."

That's not true. Turns out Identity Theft is a crime!

I just got my doctor's test results and I'm upset with it

Turns out, I'm not gonna be a doctor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Father is upset his teenage daughter is pregnant…

He tries to be understanding and asked when it happened.

She says to her father, “Remember when I asked if my boyfriend could go on vacation with us!”

Her father says, “Yes, I remember that talk.”

The pregnant teen replies with, “You said ‘Fuck him!’ and I did.”

The cops just knocked on my door upset about my dogs chasing people on bikes

Which is ridiculous, of course. Dogs can't ride bikes.

Frank farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really upset and throws him out.

He goes and sits outside the class and can’t stop laughing. The principle walks by and sees him. He asks, “Frank, why are you sitting outside your class laughing?"

“I farted in class and the teacher threw me out.” The principle asks him again, “Well then, why are you laughing?”

“Becaus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl trying on some shorts asked her boyfriend, ‘Does my bum look big in this?’ The boyfriend went ‘Ummm, welllll, ahh….’ The girlfriend said ‘Come on honey. We’ve been together for so long now. You can tell me anything and I won’t be upset. I want you to be honest with me.’

‘Ok’ said the boyfriend
‘I fucked your sister’.

Why were the strawberries upset?

Because their parents were in a jam.

My colour blind friend is still upset with me.

I thought the Rubik’s cube was a great gift.

A woman comes home to her husband, upset and bawling her eyes out...

Her husband, who's having a chat with one of his mates over a coffee, takes his shirt and vest off, gives the woman a box with some colouring stuff in, and she calms down and begins to draw Noddy in wax on her husband's right scapula.

The husband's mate looks bemused and asks the guy what she...

My friend came by today, he looked visibly upset. He said he just slept with his third cousin.

I told him if it upsets you so much, quit counting them.

A woman's swim team competitor was really upset by her recent loss at the Olympics.

It was during the breast stroke competition when she came in fourth place. She complained the other women were cheating because they were using their arms.

I paid a guy £10,000 to smash into my ex's bumper. After it was done, I watched her converse with police office, clearly upset.

I don't know why she was sad, though.

She's always liked being hit from behind by random men.

Four guys have been going on the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years.. Two days before the group is to leave, John's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. John's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.

Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find John sitting at the bar with four drinks set up! "Wow, John, how long you been here, and how did you talk your Missus into letting you go?" "Well, I've been here since last night... Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and ...

I was real upset when I lost my nonbinary friend at the store

But I felt better when someone told me "They're there"

Billy Idol’s wife gets very upset when he’s behind on the yardwork.

Why just yesterday, in the midnight hour, she yelled: mow! mow! mow!

What did England say to Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland when it saw they were upset?

UK?

I’m upset that my doppelgänger moved in next door.

I’m beside myself about it.

I just had some cheese dip and got an upset stomach

Turns out it was a bad queso gas.

Jesus and satan bet on who is a better programmer

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.

They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for severa...

"I do not tolerate tardiness," a professor tells his class at the beginning on the semester.

Looking out at the sea of stricken faces in the large lecture hall he continues. "There are 300 of you, and only one of me. I will not allow you to waste my time. If you are late to class, I will count you as absent for the day. If you hand in an assignment late, it will not count towards your grade...

What’s the similarity between a man with an upset stomach and a list of ancient Egyptian pharaohs?

>!They both have a toot in common!<

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pinocchio

Pinocchio is in bed with his girlfriend doing what wooden boys do with their girlfriends.

When it is over, he notices she is crying. He asks her what's wrong and she says : "Oh Pinocchio, you're the sweetest lover in the world, but every time we have sex, I get splinters!"

Pinocchio i...

I caught my girlfriend cheating with my best friend.

She was tired of getting beaten all the time, and he was jealous of all my money and property. I was so upset when I found out, that I flipped the game board over and left them to pick up all the pieces.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the vampire upset after having sex?

Premature adraculation.

Would you remarry?

Out of the blue, a woman asked her husband, "if I die, will you remarry?"

"You're not gonna die."

"But what if I do? Everybody dies eventually. Answer the question."

"Well, in theory, I suppose I could get married again, yes."

The woman gasps in disbelief. "Well! Who woul...

Do Rumanians get upset when they get asked about Vampires?

I asked my Rumanian friend whether he ever gets upset when people ask him whether his relatives were Vampires.

He said "Of course not, That has only happened two or three times this past 180 years."

I don't get why people are upset that some people with the same name met and hung out.

After all, they were just Joshing.

My friend got a job at the dry cleaners but he got stressed out because he always mixed up the orders and kept upsetting the customers.

So the boss sent him to do a course in hanger management.

My friend was obviously upset, so I asked her what was wrong. She said they lost her brother last night.

Apparently, "Why aren't you out looking for him?" was not the reply she expected.

A Blonde is very upset at people stereotyping blondes, so she organises a blonde convention. Over 50,000 blondes attend.

The leader stands on a stage and says,
"Us blondes have always been misrepresented by the media and we have always been stereotyped. We are here today to prove us blondes aren't dumb! Now may I have a volunteer?"

A blonde steps onto the stage.

"What is ten divided by two?"

Th...

Ten years ago today, I married my best friend

My wife was pretty upset about it, but Dave and I were drunk and thought it was funny

A guy comes home from work and he is clearly upset.

His wife looks concerned and asks him what's wrong. He shakes his head and refuses to say anything.

Later, during dinner, he's just pushing his food around on his plate and staring out the window.

"Honey, what is it? I've never seen you like this before," the wife says.

"It's . ...

We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.

Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mickey and Minnie Mouse Are in Divorce Court

The Divorce Court Judge has just finished reviewing Mickey's petition for divorce when he says to Mickey, "Now let me get this straight, you say you want to divorce Minnie Mouse because she's crazy?".

Mickey, visibly upset and very emotional responds to the judge: "No, No, No Your Honor. I d...

Why was the vegan comet upset?

As he entered the atmosphere he became a little meteor.

In a small town near Dracholt, the only cow in the town stopped giving milk

After some research, the town folk learned that they could buy one in Aubin, another town near Dracholt, for cheap. The cow was wonderful. Everyone was happy as she produced lots of milk every day. They also got a bull to mate with the cow, so they'd never have to worry about cows or milk anymore....

Why is Pence upset about plexiglass at the debate?

>!This administration is afraid of transparency.!<

My aunt always helps whenever I have an upset stomach.

My Aunt Acid

A lot of people are pretty upset about "fat shaming" jokes these days

Maybe they need to lighten up

My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther

He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his body extremely upset. Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond belief.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down...

Why was the priest upset with his new PS5

It didn’t support cross play

My tennis coach got really upset at me for how I was re-stringing the equipment. He said...

"STOP MAKING SUCH A RACKET!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walking his dog comes across an old man sat on a park bench sobbing

He walks up to him out of concern, and says "Is everything OK?".

The old man says "Well not really".

"What's wrong?" says the man?

"Well a couple of weeks ago, I married this 30 year old exotic dancer. She's the best thing that ever happened to me. Every morning, she wakes me up...

The All Lives Matter crowd is extremely upset.

To learn that All Votes Matter.

A cheating husband decided to write a letter to his wife.

"My Dear Wife,



You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, as a 54 year-old, can no longer satisfy. I'm very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. However, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the...

My parents seemed upset when I told them about my new girlfriend.

So what if she's a miner?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man’s wife left him

Upset, he went for a drive and suddenly ran over a cop and crushed him to death.
Not knowing what else to do, he threw the cop in the trunk and drove to the cemetery.
When he got there, he came across a drunken watchman.
"Listen, if you bury this body with no questions asked, I'l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband ask wife

Husband- tell me something that makes me upset and happy at same time.
Wife, replied - between all your friends you have the biggest Dick.

My friend was upset to find out my percussion instrument liked both males and females.

I replied "mate, just let bi-gongs be bi-gongs".

Some people are upset that Profesional athletes get payed so much

But really it makes sense.

After a few years of training an athlete is playing professionally.

After more than a decade of work and education most doctors are still practicing.

Why were people so upset with that financial planner, Bernie?

Because he made-off with all of their money!

During my recent office visit, my doctor was visibly upset, and he told me to cancel my upcoming annual physical. But it was a piece of advice he gave me that concerns me the most.

"Don't buy any green bananas."

Why was the pregnant apple so upset?

Because her boyfriend, the banana, split.

The leper was upset at the expensive ambulance ride to the hospital

It cost him an arm and a leg

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My son's been really worried about his puppy's upset stomach, so in the night I let him into the garden for a shit.

"Why can't I just use the toilet?" he always asks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why was the Eunuch Hoarder upset?

Because they removed his junk

A Jewish man's son decides he is going to convert to Christianity....

The father is quite distressed about this, and decides to ask a Jewish friend of his for advice."It's funny you should come to me," his friend says, "because my son did the same thing, not even a month after moving out on his own. I was probably more upset than you seem to be, but I eventually reali...

A Trump supporter was upset...

...about having ordered custom "Trump 2020-2024" merchandise from China and now not being able to get a refund. "I just can't accept that I have to kiss my 10 yuan goodbye." I nodded sympathetically but advised him that he'll just have to accept bye ten yuan.

Work likes to say we're like one big family...

...but then get upset with me when I call my boss Daddy. You can't have it both ways.

I introduced my girlfriend to my family today. They were upset for no reason.

Especially my wife.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The maid asked her boss, the wife for a raise, and the wife was upset.

The wife asked, "Now, Helen, why do you think you deserve a pay increase?"

Helen: "There are three reasons. The first is that I iron better than you."

Wife: "Who said that?"

Helen: "Your husband."

Wife: "Oh."

Helen: "The second reason is that I am a better cook tha...

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[NSFW] A man walks into his doctor's office visibly upset

"Doctor!" the man exclaims

"The medicine you prescribed me doesn't work!"


The doctor, who is immediately confused, replies

"If it didn't work, you wouldn't be here right now. You'd be hospitalized or dead. What makes you think it doesn't work?"

The man explains "I kn...

What does an upset chef make food with?

Angrydients.

I'm upset about the election

SNL will have to go back to political satire instead of news.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife is upset because I had “I Love You” tattoo’d on my penis

Apparently it’s typical of me, always trying to put words in her mouth.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Slightly NSFW) Man says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."

Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do toget...

I lost my left headphone on Friday night

At first I was upset, but now it’s all right…

No but seriously, that’s why I came up with this bad joke.

I told my parents that I’m planning to move to the Arctic circle for work, and they seemed really upset.

My dad said, “I don’t like your latitude.”

My son was upset that I gave all his toys to the orphanage.

I just didn't want him to get bored over there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A soldier gets his penis blown off in jungle combat and is sent to the closest field hospital

The doctor at the field hospital says sorry son your penis is completely blown off, there is nothing I can do.. well there is something but it would be completely experimental.
The next morning the soldier wakes up and slowly lifts the sheets only to see a baby elephant trunk had been sewn on whe...

My son stumbled upon his adoption papers and got upset

I was waiting for the right time to talk about the matter.

Not too worried as he will be with a new family by tomorrow.

A few hours ago I dropped a piece of ice

It slid under the refrigerator. I was really upset at first but now it's water under the fridge.

A Jewish boy comes home from school one day

A Jewish boy comes home and gives his father his report card for the first marking period and he gets a D in math. His father is quite upset and tells his son he’s got to do better. After the second marking period The boy gets an F in math and his father is very upset now and decides to pull him out...

Why was Snape so upset when Lily Potter was wrongfully terminated?

She was never able to receive her Severus package.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A father was very upset about his young son's betting habits

So he went up to the school to talk to the boy's teacher, who promised to have a word with him.

"Maybe if he lost heavily on a bet, it would cure him", she suggested. That afternoon after school she asked the
boy to stay behind and confronted him about the bad habits he was getting into....

Face only a mother could love

A lady walks into a restaurant with her child. The waiter, showing her to her seat, says "Ma'am, that has got to be the ugliest baby I've ever seen." Upset and shaken, the woman turns to the group at the table beside her and asks what they would do after being so insulted. The gentleman speaks up an...

My wife gets upset when I steal her kitchen utensils...

But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.

Edit: Thank you, children. It would appear I've peaked as a father.
My actual son will be devastated.

Canadians and British are very upset about yesterday's events.

They are no longer the only ones that rushed the Capitol.

A couple was Christmas shopping at the mall on Christmas Eve and the mall was packed.

As the wife walked through the mall she was surprised to look up and see her husband was nowhere around. She was quite upset because they had a lot to do. Because she was so worried, she called him on her mobile phone to ask him where he was.

In a calm voice, the husband said, "Honey, you rem...

They say to upset a blind man, leave the plunger in the toilet...

But I think you'd frustrate him more by putting door handles all over the wall.

My mom got upset at me for mercy killing my brother when we were playing Call of Duty

I don’t understand

He didn’t even struggle when I pressed the pillow over his face

My girlfriend got upset when I called her a plateau...

...but that’s the highest form of flattery.

Why were the two melons upset about Covid-19?

Because now they cantaloupe.

My wife was so upset when I brought a basket full of cadaver feet home from the morgue the week before Christmas...

I thought they'd make great stocking-stuffers.

Women. I just can't read 'em.

While trying to avoid hitting a dog, a man deviated from the road and his car fell in a hole beside the road..

He crawled hard outside the hole. A pretty woman saw him and stopped her car to help him.



"Are you OK?" the woman said.



"I am, I guess" the man said while he was trying to stand up.



"You have some blood on your face, come, get in my car and we will go to ...

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm...

He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know what, I bet he...

How do I talk to my girlfriend about her weight without starting a fight?

Whenever I bring it up with my wife she gets upset.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My stomach gets upset if you feed me strings.

I shit you knot.

So I'm reading a book about a movie star that was born a woman but then comes out as identifying as male, but no one gets upset or judgemental about it, they just accept it and get on with their lives. It's a good book...

It's a real page turner

The only joke I know.

How does a cow introduce his wife...?

He says, "meat patty".

I am very sorry.

Edit: it makes sense that my only popular post is a dad joke. I've never received any awards before so thank you everyone, this is insane.

Also, I understand everyone is upset about the cow vs b...

Why were the prisoners of Alcatraz upset when the shortest inmate broke free by sliding down his homemade rope?

It was a little condescending.

Don’t be upset about the road you’re on...

It’s your own asphalt

Why was Blitzen so upset with his wife?

She snuck off to Vegas for the weekend and blew 1000 bucks

As an atheist, I was upset when my son became a priest but then he passed away.

Now I'm being haunted by the father, my son, and the holy ghost.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When my wife left, I was sad, upset and lonely

Since then I've got a dog, I bought a new motorbike, shagged two women and blown a grand on drugs and drink. She'll go fucking mental when she gets home from work.

My friend is kind of upset about which video game system to get.

Nobody can console him.

My wife is upset our young next door neighbor sunbathes topless.

Personally, I am on the fence.

Why was the knight so upset over losing his headgear?

Twas a great helm...

My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut

I can't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.

Fresh Paint

A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint the toilet seat. After he finished, he headed to the kitchen to raid the refrigerator. The wife comes home sooner than expected, and heads to the bathroom, sits down, and gets the toilet seat stuck to her rear.

She becomes...

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My next door neighbour really gets upset at his wife whenever she’s sunbathing nude.

Personally, I am on the fence.

Two men are in a rowboat…

…After being shipwrecked in the middle of the Pacific. The first man looks over to the second and says: “We should paddle to the west. It is the way the ship was going. They’ll probably look for us first over there.”

The second man nods and says: “We could do that, or…”

The first man i...

My mum was upset when I put ginger in the pasta last night

I guess she liked that cat

Why was the student upset when his teacher called him average?

It’s a pretty mean thing to say!

Never upset a pediatrician.

They have very little patients.

How did I know the theatre was upset?

It was in tiers.

What does a ghost do when it gets upset?

Loses its sheet!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whilst watching The Incredible Dr. Pol, my wife got upset with the answer I gave my daughter, when she asked me what "Applying monofilament sutures to female canine's lacerations" meant.

Apparently, "Bitches gonna get stiches" isn't an appropriate thing to say to a 7-year old...

My son was really upset.

I tried everything to cheer him up. I have him a Nintendo switch, an xbox, a PlayStation. But nothing worked. He was unconsolable.

Woman Decides To Test Her Husband's Love. Then This Happened... LOL!

Not too long ago, there was a woman who felt that her husband was being distant and unloving.

She wanted to know how her husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone.

She decided to write him a letter saying she was tired of him and didn't want to live with h...

A woman is hugely upset and sobbing because she has locked her keys inside her car.

A passing soldier stops and assures her he can help, she looks on amazed as he removes his trousers, rolls them into a tight ball and rubs them against the car door.

Magically it opens! Amazed she asks him how he did it, "Easy" he says,

"These are my khakis"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Its Friday after work and Joe's co-worker wants to go get some beers.

"No way" says Joe. "Last time I came home drunk, my wife was so upset she said she would leave me if I ever get wasted again."

"Cmon" says the co-worker. "Drinks are on me" And after a little more coercing, Joe finally gives in and goes out drinking with his buddy.

They stay until ...

A viking walks to the gates of heaven

After dying a heroic death, the viking finds himself at the gates of Heaven.

God asks the viking whether he has afterlife insurance, and the viking nods.

However, God stands there confused for a moment but then tells the viking that he has the wrong kind of insurance and that the he w...

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A man dies and meets God before going to heaven

God asks the man if he’s ever been unfaithful to his wife, to which the man replies that he has cheated several times. God then tells the man that in the afterlife the man will only be given an old, crappy car to drive.

Another man dies that day and meets God. God asks the man the same quest...

A young man walks up to the bar and sits down next to a young blonde woman.

As he sits down the 10 o’clock news comes on. The news team were at the scene of a man who was preparing to jump from a tall building.

The blonde looks over to the man and asks “Do you think he’ll do it?”.

The man answers “Yes, I think he probably will. In fact I’m willing to make a be...

I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall.

He said, “ Eh. I’ll get over it.”

When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. “You’re running around with other women,” she told her mate.

“Eve, honey, you’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You know you’re the only woman on earth.”

The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by a strange pain in the chest. It was his darling Eve poking him rather vigorously about the torso.

“What do you think ...

If a Scottish person got just a little upset every time he was mistaken for his Gaelic neighbors...

...wouldn't that still make him ire-ish?

(This was my first joke I wrote a few years ago. It's bad, but I wanted to post it as a cake day commemoration. And then never tell it again :D)

A woman’s on vacation and calls home

She asks her husband, "How’s my cat doing?"

The husband says, "The cat’s dead."

The woman’s upset and says, "Well, you could have broken the news to me when I got home. I can’t enjoy my vacation now. You could’ve just said a little white lie, like the cat’s on the roof and you can’t ge...

To all the people who are upset at the fact that confederate statues are coming down, don’t worry.

You may have lost the battle, but you have won the....never mind.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife keeps asking why I drink a pink liquid whenever my stomach is upset.

Frankly, it's not her bismuth.

An old woman is upset at her husband’s funeral.

"You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit" The mortician says "We’ll take care of it, ma’am" and yells back ‘"Ed, switch the heads on two and four!"

My friend was upset that he was passed over for promotion at work by an attractive older colleague.

I said, “Don’t cry over skilled milf.”

My wife just left me. She says life revolves around football and she's sick of it.

I'm quite upset. We were together for 7 seasons.

For the past twenty years, I've received a Valentine's card from the same secret admirer. So, I was pretty upset when I didn't get one this year.

First my granny dies, now this?

Trump is reportedly upset that the Ukraine just elected a comedian as president.

Oh, Crimea river!

My wife would be upset - (Long)

I was going on my motorbike when I saw a car coming the wrong way on a oneway road. An extremely beautiful woman was at the driving seat. I was so distracted that I had to swerve last minute to avoid the car which led to me losing control and ending up in a ditch next to the road. After a minute or...

People are getting upset about the implications of a "cashless society".

I'm not sure what they're worried about I've been cashless for years.

I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but he got upset due to the image being too blurry.

He has selfie steam issues.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest and a nun are playing golf...

The priest is taking shots while the nun counts how many holes he makes. The priest takes his first shot and misses, "oh shit" he exclaims. Father! Dont swear its a sin! The upset nun says.
The priest apologises and takes another shot and misses again; "oh shit" he says.
Father! Its a sin to ...

A man lost his tongue in an accident. He was most upset that he could no longer enjoy his food, so he searched for a surgeon that would do a transplant. Finally he found an organ doner and paid $25k for the procedure...

...later, he had to admit that the new tongue wasn't the same as before, but still it was an acquired taste.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woman in the 1800s becomes very upset after seeing the painting an artist had done for her. She says to him, "I tell you I want a painting commemorating my husband's last thoughts, and you give me cows with halos and Indians making love?”

"Miss," he says. "Those are your husband's last thoughts." "Holy cow, look at all those fucking Indians."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Husband and wife go to therapy. The Husband tells the therapist “ His wife gets historical every time she gets upset! The therapist corrected the husband and said “ hysterical”... the wife is sitting there with a smirk on her face. Like her husband is an idiot

The husband corrects the Therapist and said “ No she’s historical... she’s always bringing up the past “.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Priest and his Donkey

A young priest wanted to raise money for his church, and seeing that there was a fortune in horse racing, he decided to purchase a horse and enter it in the races. However , at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep that the priest ended up buying a donkey.

The priest fig...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, a girl comes home crying, upset that her boyfriend had just dumped her.

Devastated, she starts trashing the place, smashing pictures of her ex-boyfriend and knocking things off shelves, rampaging from room to room. In her mother’s bedroom she rips down the curtains, jumps on the bed and smashes some mirrors. She finally calms down enough to notice that a small secret dr...

What did the sea say to the shore that it got upset ?

You're my beach!

There was a famous pianist

There was a famous pianist that was moving to a new mansion he had just bought. He had with him two removalist trucks. One had all his personal belongings and furniture and the second had his favourite piano in it.

As they were travelling to the mansion they passed by a quarry. As they were ...

I can't wait to see the dim bulbs who are upset they have to wear a mask to prevent corona when...

...they find out what they have to wear to prevent the clap.

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