I don’t know why Gordon Ramsay calls people a doughnut as an insult

Because honestly if someone called me a doughnut that would be the sweetest thing anyone has ever called me

How do you insult a bee

call it a boo-bee

Before you insult a man you should walk a mile in his shoes.

That way you are a mile away, and you have his shoes.

What do you call an insult the recipient thinks is a compliment?

A jab well done!

I had a refrigerator that insults everyone.

Instead of keeping things cold it just burns everyone.

My friend and I had arranged a meeting to insult each other but he didn't show up

It was a diss appointment

A man buys a parrot but the only thing it does is insult the man...

After spending hours trying every possible solution to get it to shut up the man decides to put the parrot in the freezer. A few minutes pass and the parrot falls silent. Thinking he might of killed it the man opens the freezer and finds the parrot shivering but alive. “S-s-sorry for i-i-i-insulting...

A Scottish Canadian man called me on my radio talk show. He started insulting me and repeating what I said in a weird voice

It was call-in mockery

I once insulted an artist about his bad painting

He just brushed it off.

A COVID patient felt insulted when I wished him well...

I told him to stay positive.

A tree house is the biggest insult to a tree

"Here, I killed your friend. Hold him"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is a British insult to a pirate

Scallywanker

My doctor recommended exposure therapy to get over my fear of being insulted, so she set me up with a specialist.

It turned out to be a great diss appointment.

One day a baseball umpire brought his son to a game to watch him work. Dutmring the game, the umpire was rude and insulting, even to the point of spitting and cursing the players. At the end of the game he knelt down and beckoned his son to come sit on his knee. The boy refused saying . . .

The son never sits on the brutish umpire.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Catholic, a Protestant, and a Jew are walking through Washington DC when they see a poster advertising an epic insult smackdown between all the living former US presidents.

"This looks like such a cool event!" says the Catholic. "I think Carter will win."

"I think the winner will be Clinton," says the Protestant, "with Obama at a close second."

"I'm...uh...not interested," says the Jew.

The other two are shocked. "Why not?" asks the Catholic.
...

I met Willie Mays one time, and insulted him

I told him Mickey Mantle was a better Centerfielder

He was quite dis-Mayed

In order to stay healthy during this pandemic, I’ve been dancing in public while insulting people.

I practice social diss dancing.

How to insult an Austrian, a Swiss and a German

Tell the Austrian he is German.

Tell the Swiss he should be German.

Tell the German the other two don’t want to be German.

Heights Of Insult By A Grammar Freak Girl.

Girl To Boy: "You Are As Useless As Ay In Okay"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

‟I should be in charge,” said the brain , ‟Because I run all the body‘s systems, so without me nothing would happen.”


‟I should be in charge,” said the blood , ‟Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you‘d waste away.”


‟I should be in charge,” said the stomach,‟ Bec...

The needle insulted me as it entered my arm

What a prick.

When COVID is over I’m going to go dancing with random people and insult them.

Social diss dancing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two aliens landed in the desert near a petrol station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the pumps assuming it was an earthling and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, we come in peace. Take us to your leader.'

The pump, of course, didn't respond.

The younger alien was stumped. The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.' But the younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Shocked and insulted by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attit...

The easiest time to add insult to injury is

when you’re signing someone’s cast.

A United States was deployed to Afghanistan. While he was there he received a "dear John" letter from his girlfriend.

In the letter she explained she had slept with two guys while he had been gone and she wanted to break up with him.

To add injury to the insult, she said she wanted back the picture of herself that she had given him.

So the Marine did what any squared away Marine would do. He went ar...

A Dwarf Woman Got Mad And Was Yelling Insults At Me

I just walked away and didn't say a thing. I didn't want to stoop down to her level.

My brother went to jail. He didn't take it very well. He was yelling insults and attacking everyone, he even threw his feces on the wall.

I don't think we'll play Monopoly with him again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did You Know Hitler Was Good At Insulting People

He at one point Roasted 6 Million Jews.

The difference between men and women is that men insult each other, but don't really mean it…

…and women compliment each other, but don't really mean it.

The best insult ever is, "who is this clown?", because...

#1- You are calling them a clown
#2- You are saying they are not even a well known clown

Archimedes wasn't just known for inventing his many inventions. He's also considered to have invented the first insult when talking to his brother who was a cheese maker after discovering a early form of lindburger cheese....

He simply stated, You reeka!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to a very muscular man.

He asks the man, "Wow. I didn't realize you could look that great and drink! What are you drinking?" The man responds, "Why, this is magic beer." The guy, feeling a little insulted responds, "Oh yeah? What's so magical about it?" The man stands up, walk over to the edge of the building, jumps off, a...

A man is drowning in the Mississippi river...

A man is drowning in the Mississippi river and screams for help. Two police officers are standing nearby, but they are just ignoring him. The man does not know, what to do, and so with his last attempt, shouts: "The president is an idiot!". Immediately after the police officers heard this, they pull...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a pub [NSFW]

As he sits down, a man in rags walks in. All the people start chanting, with hostility, "rat fucker! Rat fucker!" The stranger sits down next to the man, ignoring all the insults, orders a pint, then splits.

The second day, the man comes back, and the same stranger walks in, to the chants of ...

So this dude dies and goes to heaven...

... as he's approaching the pearly gates, St Peter says to him. "Ok, it's like this. You don't get into heaven just for being good anymore. You have to have done something really great. Can you think of anything that might qualify you?"

The man says. "Well, I once saw a group of really m...

What’s the most insulting thing you can say to a commedian?

Ok Schumer

A North Korean man was arrested and given 15 years for calling Kim Jong Un a fathead

1 year for insulting the Supreme Leader and 14 for revealing a state secret

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Russian dude enters a bar wearing a tshirt saying, "Turks got 3 problems."

Obvious repost

As soon as he enters the bar a bunch of Turks stop him.

Turks: you come in our country and have the balls to insult us.

Russian : that's your first problem. you guys gets offended so easily.

Turks: Let's get him outside.

Russian: that's your second p...

When cashing out at the grocery store it was obvious my cashier was high, slow as hell, and insulting me under their breath.

I still don't know if I like self-checkout.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me.”

The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

Don’t let anyone insult the quality of your cheese.

You can always make it grate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A twist to an old classic

One day a son asked his mom what a insulting joke is.

Mom: u see that virgin there tell him to go fuck himself.



Son: But that is dad


Mom: Not urs he isn't.

The other day I asked my younger cousin if he’d rather get $1 for complimenting a stranger or $10 for insulting a stranger

In that instant he looked me in the eye and called me a “Freak of nature”. I quickly reminded him that I’m not a stranger because we know each other. To which he replies “There’s nobody stranger than you”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Timmy comes home from school to find his parents in the middle of a fight.

Timmy's parents keep him pretty sheltered, and they don't normally fight in front of him, so he stops to see what is going on. The argument is pretty heated and at this point has devolved to plain old shouting insults at one another.

His mother yells at his father "At least I don't have hairy...

What's the difference between a lightsaber and pants with insults written on them?

One is disarming, the other is diss leggings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The ultimate revenge ( long)

Melville was 10 years old and he loved clowns. When he heard that the circus was coming to town he did everything he could to convince his parents to take him so he could see the clowns. They eventually agreed and when the day arrived he was incredibly excited! He was on the edge of his seat with an...

How many redditors does it take to change a light bulb?

1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed.

14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently.

7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs.

17 purists who use candles and...

I've created a company whereby people hire us to insult the people they don't like.

We're doing a diss service.

The best way to insult someone is in a way they can't understand.

_[< &!:÷ ! ,>"÷ @?>)÷.

Why should you insult your coffee beans before brewing them?

To make sure they are well roasted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got ridiculed, insulted, and thrown out for coming out of the closet.

That’s the last time I masturbate at IKEA.

Someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate

Right where it hertz

Mugging

A tortoise went out for a few beers and despite being severely worse for wear decided to walk home through the rough part of town. Half way home he was set upon by four snails who beat him senseless and stole what little money he still had and as a final insult they sprayed obscenities on his shell ...

10 Ways To Insult Your Friends With Math

10. You're obtuse.

9. You're not normal.

8. You're so negative.

7. You're not natural.

6. You're irrational.

5. You're odd.

4. You're past your prime.

2. You're such a square.

1. What friends? They are all ***i***maginary!

A tribal chief down on his luck decided to marry off his three daughters

For in those days suitors paid a bridal price, and the chief thought he could live off what his daughters would fetch him, and at the same time ensure that his children would be secure and provided for.

Now, it was a point of rivalry between the girls to see who would fetch the best price amo...

How is a long line at a Vietnamese soup restaurant an insult?

It’s a big pho queue.

If there were a cord that insulted people...

It would be called a discord

I don't get why people saying "you're hung like a baby" is an insult

21 inches and 7 pounds 2 ounces is pretty impressive if you ask me.

What does a coffee bean tell when he insults another coffee bean

'' You just got ROASTED ''

What do you call it when someone insults the whole world, and everyone retaliates?

Counter-Strike: Global Offensive

I want to a cafe in Paris and was insulted by the barista.

It was a regular French roast.



*edit "went"

Garden-variety hoe...

still sounds like a terrible insult despite clearly specifying which kind of hoe is meant.

How to be insulting

A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.

He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"

She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"

The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have a condition where my boner spontaneously shouts insults at people

I suffer from an Erectile Diss Function.

What’s your favourite insult joke?

I’ll get it started: 2090 called, you’re dead and nobody misses you

Clever Insult joke

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level.

A man insults the Tsar.

A man yells in the street: "Nicholas is a moron!". He is taken away by the police on charges of *lese majeste* (insulting the monarch).

He tells the policemen "Please let me go, I meant another Nicholas!".

The police chief replies: "Do not lie. If you said 'moron', you certainly mea...

What do you call it when Cain insults his brother?

Disable.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my wife for anal the other day. She was insulted and angrily gave me the finger

I couldn't walk properly the next day

What do you call a quick, clever reply to an insult or criticism.

A riposte

Don`t insult the French.

They eat pain for breakfast.

My wife insulted me saying I suck at finishing stories.

That’s when I hit her with the sickest burn / comeback of all time.

If someone insults the OP of a post

Is it called OP-ression?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The cocky exponential function e^x is strolling along the road insulting the functions he sees walking by.

He scoffs at a wandering polynomial for the shortness of its Taylor series. He snickers at a passing smooth function of compact support and its glaring lack of a convergent power series about many of its points. He positively laughs as he passes |x| for being nondifferentiable at the origin. He smil...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my wife to give me a compliment and insult me at the same time

After thinking for 5 seconds, she said: Out of all your friends, you have the biggest dick.

The wind whispered insults in my ear today

It was really diss gusting

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think "dildo" is an acceptable insult.

Like I'd call you a dick, but you're not real enough.

A woman and her baby get on a bus to head out for some errands. The bus driver mumbles: 'Wow, that's one *ugly* baby!' The woman was absolutely livid and storms to the rear of the bus to sit. The man next to her asked if she was OK. She replied: 'No, the driver just insulted us!'

The man replied: 'You should go back and tell him off! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The perfect response to the age-old insult

"Ur mum's gay!"

"Which one?"

I insulted an espresso yesterday.

It was a really good roast.

Why did the Navy captain have a hard time keeping up his insults of the island people?

He had a wrecked isle diss function.

Why don't Greek gods insult people anymore?

Because Icarus already had the sickest burn.

There only way to insult my religious beliefs...

...is to accuse me of having them.

My friend got offended when I insulted his broken lamp...

Then again dark humour isn't his thing

Waldo once insulted chuck norris

And we all know how that's going

When you insult a deaf-mute murderer in sign language

...it's a deaf-sentence.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It makes me so mad when people use the word "gay" as an insult

..fucking assholes

A woman seated while flying in economy and holding her baby in her arms, was startled when the man sitting behind her bent forward to say "Ma'am that is one ugly baby you have there!"

The woman, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, was so shocked she could barely retort "Well I ... I never!"

The man continued: "I'm just being honest with you ma'am, I mean, I've seen some ugly babies in my time, but yours is a real showstopper".

Quite overwhelmed, the woman called a fligh...

It’s so rude to insult someone in Braille.

Just think about how it makes them feel.

Did you know that a single comma can insult a head of state?

Trash is Putin, the garbage bin.

If I had a dollar every time a baby boomer insulted me...

I could afford a house in the economy they ruined

You know, those people who insult Obama and the Clintons..

really need to stop beating around the Bush.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wondering why "cuck" has become the new insult of choice among basement dwellers and neck beards?

They finally found an insult that can never be used against them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two breast implants were arguing. After very insulting comment the other replied:

”That was so low, now you’re making an ass of yourself.”

OC. Using my time on the train productively. Sorry.

Insult me with your BEST, most offensive , crude insults you can think of!

Let's see who can make me cry, and rethink continuing living!

An old man is traveling to a far off land, but is arrested in a city named Runnia along the way.

The townspeople of Runnia are convinced that he was the murderer of Barth F. Bradley, the local butcher. Though there is not much evidence of the claim, a witness claims he saw the old man leave Bradley's shop on the night of the murder. The townspeople, who were always suspicious of strangers, cons...

Adding Insult to Introduction

Some Texans are mingling at the bar when an Oxford graduate walks in. “Howdy, stranger,” one Texan says. “Where are you from?”

The Oxford graduate answers, “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” replies the Texan. “Where are you from, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Driving home after a hard day at work, a man gets pulled over by a cop. His patience is wearing thin.

"Tell me, officer: would it be a crime for me to insult you? Hypothetically speaking, of course - I think the police are wonderful - but in theory, could you arrest me if I said you were a cunt?"

"Yes sir. That would count as disorderly conduct."

"What about if I were just to think it?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you insult an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it is from.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, there were two native tribes who were bitter enemies

One tribe lived in houses made of sticks, and the other tribe lived in houses made of grass. Each tribe had a sacred throne on which the tribe elder would sit and judge his people.

On day, the tribe who made their houses out of grass raided the village of the tribe who made their houses out ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.