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Humour Jokes

I like my humour like I like my coffee.

Dark and involving child labour.

You always claim Germans don't have humour,

but we have. It's just like healthcare. Most Americans don't get it.

Toilet jokes aren't my favourite kind of humour

But they're a solid number 2...

Non-duality humour

Why do Buddhists only store their books in drawers?

Because they believe the shelf is an illusion.

Good British Humour....

During World War II, many exclusive British Clubs opened their doors to American Servicemen. 

One evening at a 300-year-old Club, an American  NCO stopped a steward  in a hallway and asked, “Hey Mac, where’s the damn Loo?” 

The Steward, who looked like Jeeves replied, “Glad to be of se...

Dark Humour is like anti-vax families

There’s usually a dead baby.

My grandfather died a few days ago after a long and debilitating illness, but he always managed to keep his good sense of humour.

Today I received an Amazon parcel containing a Ouija Board, and a note with a smiley face saying "Let's keep in touch."

My wife and I share a sense of humour

We have to. She doesn't have one.

Kid : Mom, what's dark humour

Mom : Do you see that man without arms over in that corner? Tell him to clap.

Kid : Mom!!! I'm blind

Mom : Exactly

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Little bit of dark humour for you!

The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will ...

Dry Humour

A man went to his doctor, dialogue ensues:

Patient: Doctor im not ok. Whenever I sleep I dream of a Power Ranger.

Doctor: Who?

Patient: The blue one.

What’s the difference between Amrican and British humour?

The spelling (This joke is better said out loud) (Aw frick. That’s a heck of a typo)

They say dark humour's a lot like food...

Not everyone gets it.

Americans have a terrible sense of humour

I mean, their healthcare is a joke and most of them don't even get it.

Oddly Specific Historical Humour

Below is the program for the November 7th, 1917 performance of the Bolshoi Ballet:



Dance

Dance

Revolution

I'm really funny, people tell me my humour comes in all sorts of colors.

Someone suggested I should be a stand up chameleon.

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British Humour

The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in p...

Which type of people are the world's fastest readers [DARK HUMOUR]

9/11 victims. They went through more than 50 stories in 10 seconds.

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TIL why Americans removed the letter U from the British spelling of words like humour and colour.

Because Fuck U, that's why.

Elephant in a fridge (what style of humour is this joke?)

How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

(This is a 6 in 1 joke)
Person 1: You have 500 bricks. If you throw one off a plane, how many will you have left?
Person 2: 499.
Person 1: Correct!

Person 1: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Person 2: That’s not...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s common between humour and sex?

You either get it, or you don’t!

What do my hostages and humour have in common?

They're both pretty dark

My friends say I have no sense of humour

I think they're joking

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.

This is why people with no sense of humour, have a heightened sense of self-importance.

Hey, I like dark humour, I can't help myself. Last week I saw a video of a kid getting hit by a car and just BURST out laughing...

The police officers didn't seem impressed but I just told them, "you had to be there".

8 year old son's greatest joke

My son told me this joke years ago and it still is my favourite joke. He came home from school one day and says 'Dad, I have a joke for you.' I said, oh yes, let's hear it. Very low expectations at this point. He said 'Why did the chicken cross the road?', I replied with the usual, 'I don't know son...

True story ( I hope you see the humour)

Back in the 50’s in Sou’West Nova Scotia the roads were not very good and the fog was always very thick which made driving difficult for even the best drivers.
My father at 17 was in the Canadian Navy, got drunk, got into a fight and landed himself in jail. This was about an hours drive from wher...

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Hospital humour

A doctor was doing his rounds on the ward and came across a male patient masturbating. He said to the Nurse in charge, surely you shouldn’t be allowing this to happen on the ward, it’s most inappropriate. The nurse replied, he has HSC (high sperm count), he has to do this daily to bring the count do...

Just heard this little bit of boomer humour

A priest is giving a sermon in church when suddenly flames leap up from behind the altar and the devil himself rises from below. Terrified all but one of the congregation flee, the devil stares at the last remaining member of the church, a single old man and asks him, ‘are you not afraid mortal?’...

Dark humour

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family photo

What do you call the Greek God of Humour?

Hilarios.

Self-deprecating humour is the lowest form of entertainment.

And I can't even get *that* right.

How many Germans ...

How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, because we are efficient and do not have a sense of humour.

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What humour does a pansexual necrophiliac like?

Deadpan humour

Dark humour joke

Kobe Bryant missed a shot because of the flash of a camera.

To stop this from happening again, he stared at the sun for 8 hours to train his eyes.

It’s a shame he couldn’t see the mountain.

DARK humour

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared.

" The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back ALONE."

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Humour as dark as a black man

How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?


None he fell

I enjoy self-deprecating humour a lot.

I’m just not very good at it.

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

EDIT: happy to see this joke made people laugh, yes it's a classic joke but England have mainly been on the receiving end of it so nice to turn it around on someone else for a change (sorry Germany)

Th...

Okay, we've had so many countries, let's try it with german humour...

...now laugh!

How much humour does a woman of the church have?

Nun

Dark Humour isn’t that popular anymore....

Is my way of telling my Black Friend he’s not funny.

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My kind I humour

What does a frog say to his wife when he’s horny

Rub it...rub it

Three friends die and go to heaven...

Three friends die and go to heaven. When they reach the Pearly Gates, St. Peter greets them, giving them the usual spiel that everyone gets when they're about to enter, and as they are walking in he says " By the way, I almost forgot the new rule. Whatever you do, don't step on a duck." The three fr...

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