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Humour Jokes

I like my humour like I like my coffee.

Dark and involving child labour.

You always claim Germans don't have humour,

but we have. It's just like healthcare. Most Americans don't get it.

Dark Humour is like anti-vax families

There’s usually a dead baby.

What do you call a woman with a yeast infection and a sense of humour?

A fun-gal.

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Little bit of dark humour for you!

The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will ...

My wife and I share a sense of humour

We have to. She doesn't have one.

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British Humour

The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in p...

Kid : Mom, what's dark humour

Mom : Do you see that man without arms over in that corner? Tell him to clap.

Kid : Mom!!! I'm blind

Mom : Exactly

I asked someone because I wasn't sure whether the correct spelling was humor or humour.

"Sounds like a *you* problem," I was told.

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Nobody ever really outgrows scatalogical humour,

no matter how crappy the pun.

Good British Humour....

During World War II, many exclusive British Clubs opened their doors to American Servicemen. 

One evening at a 300-year-old Club, an American  NCO stopped a steward  in a hallway and asked, “Hey Mac, where’s the damn Loo?” 

The Steward, who looked like Jeeves replied, “Glad to be of se...

Non-duality humour

Why do Buddhists only store their books in drawers?

Because they believe the shelf is an illusion.

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A traditional piece of 20th century Jewish humour from Odesa, Ukraine

Early in the morning at the Pryvoz market, Benya meets Izya with a suitcase and three rubles in his hand. Benya asks, "Izya, where are you headed?"
Izya replies, "Ah, Benya, I'm going to the port. Finally decided to go to America, gonna buy some cable!"
"Well, good luck!" Benya responds, while...

Toilet jokes aren't my favourite kind of humour

But they're a solid number 2...

Americans have a terrible sense of humour

I mean, their healthcare is a joke and most of them don't even get it.

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced.

This is why people with no sense of humour, have a heightened sense of self-importance.

Which type of people are the world's fastest readers [DARK HUMOUR]

9/11 victims. They went through more than 50 stories in 10 seconds.

Oddly Specific Historical Humour

Below is the program for the November 7th, 1917 performance of the Bolshoi Ballet:



Dance

Dance

Revolution

Dark humour

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family photo

Dry Humour

A man went to his doctor, dialogue ensues:

Patient: Doctor im not ok. Whenever I sleep I dream of a Power Ranger.

Doctor: Who?

Patient: The blue one.

What’s the difference between Amrican and British humour?

The spelling (This joke is better said out loud) (Aw frick. That’s a heck of a typo)

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What’s common between humour and sex?

You either get it, or you don’t!

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One. We are efficient and dont have humour.

DARK humour

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared.

" The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back ALONE."

Dark humour joke

Kobe Bryant missed a shot because of the flash of a camera.

To stop this from happening again, he stared at the sun for 8 hours to train his eyes.

It’s a shame he couldn’t see the mountain.

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TIL why Americans removed the letter U from the British spelling of words like humour and colour.

Because Fuck U, that's why.

Elephant in a fridge (what style of humour is this joke?)

How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?

(This is a 6 in 1 joke)
Person 1: You have 500 bricks. If you throw one off a plane, how many will you have left?
Person 2: 499.
Person 1: Correct!

Person 1: How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Person 2: That’s not...

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?

A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

EDIT: happy to see this joke made people laugh, yes it's a classic joke but England have mainly been on the receiving end of it so nice to turn it around on someone else for a change (sorry Germany)

Th...

Self-deprecating humour is the lowest form of entertainment.

And I can't even get *that* right.

Canadian humour

Did you know that Justin Bieber isn't the most famous Canadian Justin. I know it sounds wierd but it's Trudeau.

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My kind I humour

What does a frog say to his wife when he’s horny

Rub it...rub it

My friends say I have no sense of humour

I think they're joking

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Humour as dark as a black man

How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?


None he fell

What do you call the Greek God of Humour?

Hilarios.

True story ( I hope you see the humour)

Back in the 50’s in Sou’West Nova Scotia the roads were not very good and the fog was always very thick which made driving difficult for even the best drivers.
My father at 17 was in the Canadian Navy, got drunk, got into a fight and landed himself in jail. This was about an hours drive from wher...

I love self-deprecating humour.

But I'm not very good at it.

Here's some Lame Game Dev Humour:

So, I used to work at a studio - doesn't really matter where - and there was this one guy who'd always be around. Just around. I didn't want to seem impolite so I never asked what he did. I kept my head down and did my thing, you know. I mostly forgot about him, except for when I'd be working late a...

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Hospital humour

A doctor was doing his rounds on the ward and came across a male patient masturbating. He said to the Nurse in charge, surely you shouldn’t be allowing this to happen on the ward, it’s most inappropriate. The nurse replied, he has HSC (high sperm count), he has to do this daily to bring the count do...

Meta Humour.

"A guy walks into a bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says, "If you can tell me a meta joke, I'll give you a free drink." So the guy says:
""A guy walks into a bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says, "If you can tell me a meta joke, I'll give you a free drink." So the guy says: ...

Just heard this little bit of boomer humour

A priest is giving a sermon in church when suddenly flames leap up from behind the altar and the devil himself rises from below. Terrified all but one of the congregation flee, the devil stares at the last remaining member of the church, a single old man and asks him, ‘are you not afraid mortal?’...

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What humour does a pansexual necrophiliac like?

Deadpan humour

Tried dark humour last night.

Nobody could see the punchline

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My joke was removed for comparing Trump to Hitler

Apparently it's against the rules to make personal attacks on someone even after they've been dead for over 70 years.

Self-Depricating humour is the best kind of humour

Too bad Im not good at it.

Statistics humour

The median and the mode walked into a bar. The bartender asks, "Where's your other friend". The median says, "We don't like him anymore. He's mean."

8 year old son's greatest joke

My son told me this joke years ago and it still is my favourite joke. He came home from school one day and says 'Dad, I have a joke for you.' I said, oh yes, let's hear it. Very low expectations at this point. He said 'Why did the chicken cross the road?', I replied with the usual, 'I don't know son...

Dark Humour isn’t that popular anymore....

Is my way of telling my Black Friend he’s not funny.

Cop Humour

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, ...

I love self deprecating humour...

Too bad i suck at it.

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My dick got more humour than me

Everytime i unzip my pants my girl start laughing

Australian humour.

This Australian guy said to me, I just saw a Man playing "Dancing Queen" on a didgeridoo, I thought to myself that's Abbariginal.

Self deprecation is definitely the lowest form of humour.

that's why I use it all the time

My favourite joke: Now Hiring

A dog sees a "Now hiring" poster outside of a computer store. The poster reads:

"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."



The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and deci...

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If you joke about dying, that's gallows humour...

But if you joke about cocks, that's *gallus* humour.

Self-deprecating humour is my specialty...

I mean, it’s easy when you’ve got so much to work with.

More dark humour

After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first doctor”. The doctor replies, “We’ll, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to ...

How much humour does a woman of the church have?

Nun

Where do naughty rays of light go?

Prism

(Note: I made this joke up. Sorry if this little note refracts from the humour.)

I occasionally enjoy dark humour...

Which is why I turn the lights off before browsing /r/Jokes.

I know many handicapped people with a great sense of humour.

Shame they don't do stand-up comedy.

Cephalopod humour

How much does it cost to treat an ill octopus?

Six Quid....

Puns are the lowest form of humour

Unless you thought of it yourself, then is hilarious

will you enjoy some humour?

Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offense!

------------ --------- ---------

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long li...

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British toilet humour.

"Go and have a look at the size of the shit I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.

"No thanks," she replied.

"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it, it's a good two pounder."

Shaking her head in disbelief, she pinched her nose, ran in, looked d...

Justice has been served [long, English humour]

Justice has been served!
There's been some scumbag called Carl going round breaking in to people's houses near me for months, but the police can't catch him. The weirdest thing about it all, is he was breaking into people's houses and ruining their washing machines by putting bricks in to them &a...

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Why do black people have horrible sense of humour?

They do not have access to Dad Jokes.

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Self deprecative humour is a bit like sex.

Generally speaking, I just don't get it.

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