Dark humour is like food

Not everyone gets it.

Dead children are like Dark humour.

They never get old.

Hey, I like dark humour, I can't help myself. Last week I saw a video of a kid getting hit by a car and just BURST out laughing...

The police officers didn't seem impressed but I just told them, "you had to be there".

My friends say I have no sense of humour

I think they're joking

True story ( I hope you see the humour)

Back in the 50’s in Sou’West Nova Scotia the roads were not very good and the fog was always very thick which made driving difficult for even the best drivers.
My father at 17 was in the Canadian Navy, got drunk, got into a fight and landed himself in jail. This was about an hours drive from wher...

Piece of British humour for you.

A woman goes to the funeral home to visit her late husband whose funeral is the next day.

Upon seeing the body, she says to the funeral director, “Oh, no, you've dressed him in a blue suit! He hated blue and I've given all his other suits to charity!”

The funeral director says, “I'm no...

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Inigo Montoya finally catches up with the six-fingered man in a monastry in Tibet. He finds him red-robed and shaven-headed sweeping the temple courtyard.

"Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." he says, drawing the six-fingered sword

The six-fingered man sighs and lowers his arms "I am prepared, my son. I have been freed from Earthly desires and acheived inner peace. I wish for nothing more than to move on to m...

Just heard this little bit of boomer humour

A priest is giving a sermon in church when suddenly flames leap up from behind the altar and the devil himself rises from below. Terrified all but one of the congregation flee, the devil stares at the last remaining member of the church, a single old man and asks him, ‘are you not afraid mortal?’...

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Hospital humour

A doctor was doing his rounds on the ward and came across a male patient masturbating. He said to the Nurse in charge, surely you shouldn’t be allowing this to happen on the ward, it’s most inappropriate. The nurse replied, he has HSC (high sperm count), he has to do this daily to bring the count do...

Americans have a terrible sense of humour

I mean, their healthcare is a joke and most of them don't even get it.

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What’s common between humour and sex?

You either get it, or you don’t!

A dad and son are sitting in a park

Son asks, "Dad what is dark humour"

Dad, "Son see that man with no arms. Ask him to clap"

Son, "But dad I am blind"

Dad "I know"

Dark humour joke

Kobe Bryant missed a shot because of the flash of a camera.

To stop this from happening again, he stared at the sun for 8 hours to train his eyes.

It’s a shame he couldn’t see the mountain.

My wife and I share a sense of humour...

Coz we have to...She doesn’t have one.

Dark Humour is like anti-vax families

There’s usually a dead baby.

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British Humour

The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman's poodle.

The war-weary Marine asked, 'Ma'am, may I have that seat?' The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in p...

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What humour does a pansexual necrophiliac like?

Deadpan humour

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Humour as dark as a black man

How many cops does it take to push a black man down the stairs?


None he fell

Accent humour, mate!

It's the year 2022, WWIII has started. 1st world countries vs 2nd world countries and Middle East. Britain asks for reinforcement from Australia. The Australian regiment arrives and next morning starts preparing while the British Commander enters and starts increasing the army's morale:

Briti...

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TIL why Americans removed the letter U from the British spelling of words like humour and colour.

Because Fuck U, that's why.

I enjoy self-deprecating humour a lot.

I’m just not very good at it.

Dark humour

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family photo

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Man walks into a singles bar...

A man walks into a single bar looking for some action. He orders a drink and sees a gorgeous woman sitting at the bar , extremely well dressed sexy but classy.

He goes up to and says "hi.." and before he can try his chat up lines she looks him up and down and says "I don't care what your name...

What do you call the Greek God of Humour?

Hilarios.

Dark Humour isn’t that popular anymore....

Is my way of telling my Black Friend he’s not funny.

Okay, we've had so many countries, let's try it with german humour...

...now laugh!

How much humour does a woman of the church have?

Nun

Toilet humour is not my favourite kind of joke

But it's a solid number two.

Self deprecation is definitely the lowest form of humour.

that's why I use it all the time

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My kind I humour

What does a frog say to his wife when he’s horny

Rub it...rub it

DARK humour

A guy walks with a young boy into the woods.

The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared.

" The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back ALONE."

If you lose one of your senses, your other sense are enhanced.

This is why people with no sense of humour have a heightened sense of self-importance.

Which type of people are the world's fastest readers [DARK HUMOUR]

9/11 victims. They went through more than 50 stories in 10 seconds.

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An half-japanese teenager, an Englishman with a huge sense of humour, an Egyptian who works as a fortune teller and a French guy walk into a bar and elder four ice teas.

It was very bizzare.

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My dick got more humour than me

Everytime i unzip my pants my girl start laughing

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If you joke about dying, that's gallows humour...

But if you joke about cocks, that's *gallus* humour.

Someone asked me how dark my humour is

Dark enough to get six warning shots in the back

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A gummy bear (yes i know my sense of humour is great)

A child asked his mom what dark humour was. She said “You see that man in the wheelchair? Ask him to do stand-up comedy.”

The child answered “But mom, I’m blind!”

Here's some Lame Game Dev Humour:

So, I used to work at a studio - doesn't really matter where - and there was this one guy who'd always be around. Just around. I didn't want to seem impolite so I never asked what he did. I kept my head down and did my thing, you know. I mostly forgot about him, except for when I'd be working late a...

Tried dark humour last night.

Nobody could see the punchline

What does anti-humour have in common with a half empty bottle of ketchup?

Nothing.

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Little bit of dark humour for you!

The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will ...

How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just the one, because they are very efficient and they don't have a sense of humour.

Canadian humour

Did you know that Justin Bieber isn't the most famous Canadian Justin. I know it sounds wierd but it's Trudeau.

I know many handicapped people with a great sense of humour.

Shame they don't do stand-up comedy.

What’s Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?

HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!

It’s my cake day humour me.

Unfortunately my style of humour is reflected in the type of woman I attract.

Dry.

Bathroom humour is not my favorite type of humour...

but it's a solid #2.

Self-deprecating humour is the lowest form of entertainment.

And I can't even get *that* right.

(Dark Humour) How Many Babies Does It Take To Paint a Wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them

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Why do black people have horrible sense of humour?

They do not have access to Dad Jokes.

I love self deprecating humour...

Too bad i suck at it.

Why do ants have eyes?

So they can see.


(Downvote if you like ant eye humour doesn't really belong on this sub

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Dark humour is more like bad food

...It makes you feel funny but you also know something's wrong with you on the inside now.

The upside is that if you can handle it you'll be shitting yourself and those who can't handle it will throw up with disgust.

So western cartoons are being introduced to the Middle East

TV execs decided to go with The Flintstones as an initial trial to see how they'll be received.
So far there has been mixed reviews.
People in Dubai don't get the humour at all but by all reports, the people in Abu Dhabi do.

Puns are the lowest form of humour

Unless you thought of it yourself, then is hilarious

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Self deprecative humour is a bit like sex.

Generally speaking, I just don't get it.

Cop Humour

An Arizona Highway Patrol officer stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.
'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood, thinks he might just give the biker a break, ...

Meta Humour.

"A guy walks into a bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says, "If you can tell me a meta joke, I'll give you a free drink." So the guy says:
""A guy walks into a bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says, "If you can tell me a meta joke, I'll give you a free drink." So the guy says: ...

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A lawyer is hunting ducks in the woods.

Much to his dismay, after hours and hours he hasn't spotted a single one. Finally, he spots a duck past the treeline, and gets ready to shoot. The duck is sitting on a fence post, nice and open; an easy shot. The lawyer takes aim and fires - it's a perfect shot, and the duck falls over onto the othe...

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"So, Doctor van Helsing, we meet at last," said the Count.

van Helsing turned slowly. The castle library was lit in patches by the bright moonlight spilling through the windows, and otherwise only in a circle of yellow gold by the Dutchman's candle. He had never even heard the door open or a hint of a footfall; and yet there Count Dracula was, less than twe...

Most people don't enjoy puns. Wordplay almost feels like an emotional knife stab to them. But at least they appreciate my humour when I get home

It just goes to show you, the only good pun is a dad pun

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A young German wants to travel (x-post from German_Humour)

A young man is undecided where he should spend this year's vacation. He asks his granfather for advice.

Grandfather: 'When I was your age, I went to Paris. I went to a bar and everything was for free. I was totally drunk, climbed on the counter and pissed on the floor. After that I spanked th...

Statistics humour

The median and the mode walked into a bar. The bartender asks, "Where's your other friend". The median says, "We don't like him anymore. He's mean."

Australian humour.

This Australian guy said to me, I just saw a Man playing "Dancing Queen" on a didgeridoo, I thought to myself that's Abbariginal.

More dark humour

After a long labour, a doctor approaches the new mother and says, “Ma’am, I’ve got some good news, and some bad news. What would you like?” After quickly thinking it over, she responds, “I’ll have the bad news first doctor”. The doctor replies, “We’ll, I’m not sure how to put this, and I’m sorry to ...

A little British boy raises his hand to ask his teacher a question

"Miss, My mother says freedom is the most beautiful thing in the world. What does freedom mean?"

The teacher seeing the importance of this question for the sweet, innocent child, thinks quickly about how best to respond.

She smiles sweetly and says "Why don't you come up and tell the c...

Self-Depricating humour is the best kind of humour

Too bad Im not good at it.

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British toilet humour.

"Go and have a look at the size of the shit I've just done in the bathroom!" I said to my wife.

"No thanks," she replied.

"Please, just one quick look," I said, "You won't believe it, it's a good two pounder."

Shaking her head in disbelief, she pinched her nose, ran in, looked d...

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