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Melancholy Jokes

A melancholy-looking man walked into a bar wearing a backpack...

He sat down at the bar and asked the bartender for a drink. Meanwhile, he took a tiny man and a tiny grand piano out of his backpack. He set the man and the piano on the bar top, and the tiny man began to play.

“That’s incredible!” The bartender said, holding the man’s drink. “Where did you g...

What do you call a melancholy Android?

A sigh borg.

What's the saddest dog?

A Melancholy.

My friend who bought an old house says sometimes he hears a melancholy voice at night.

Particularly one that whispers, "Sigh, I guess these new tenants will have to do."

I told him to ignore the noises. That it's just natural. It's just the old house - settling.

What do you call a sad community of melons?

A melancholy melon colony.

Once there was a young man with a wooden eye.

Now, he's very self conscious of his eye. Every year, the annual village dance comes around, and every year, he stands off to the side, feeling sorry for himself.

This year was no different. As he's standing there, all melancholy, he spots a young lady with a wooden leg. She too is standing ...

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A bloke walks into an extremely posh restaurant, sits down and waives the waiter over. "I want to see the cock-sucking, mother-fucking boss now," he says.

The waiter is naturally a bit taken aback and replies "Excuse me, sir, would you refrain from using that kind of language in here, I will get the manager as soon as I can."

The manager comes over and the bloke says "Are you the chicken fucking manager of this bastard joint?" "Yes sir, I am", ...

Psychedelic Harmony..

There I was, in the middle of nowhere.. Not a body for miles around.. As I lay in the silence, I started hearing murmurs; whispers of tales and epics long past.. The silence was talking to me.. I fell into a sweet melancholy.. As I listened to the silence, a calm trance took hold of me, the harmony ...

How did the blind farmer react when his dog got loose in his cantaloupe patch?

He felt a bit melancholy.

A grumpy, drunken, old cowboy was riding his horse near the Mexican border when he noticed it chewing on a strange, stout cactus.

Before long, the pony started behaving strangely, walking slowly and irregularly and not responding to the cowboys commands.
The cowboy became progressively more frustrated, as well as more drunk and more mean as he continued to glug himself into the depths of his whiskey bottle.
The horse ev...

My dog is sad after eating her favorite fruit and getting wet from the juice.

She's a watered melancholy watermelon collie.

My new sheepdog pup just swallowed a whole cantaloupe in one!

Since then he's a little melancholy.

The Make-A-Wish foundation and a child

*Offensive*

A cheerful child is diagnosed with a fatal cancer and doesn't have long to live even with modern treatment, making the child extremely melancholy. As such, the Make-A-Wish foundation approaches the child and his family to provide a single wish. When asked what the child wants, he ...

Well, you know what Monty Python always say...

A man sees his friend looking rather melancholy and tries to cheer her up. After listening to her woes he says to her "Well, you know what Monty Python always say..."

She rolls her eyes "Always look on the bright side of life?"

"No." He leaps to his feet, "NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH IN...

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The bloke with turrets syndrome

This bloke with Tourette's Syndrome walks into the most exclusive restaurant in town.

'Where's the pissing, mother fucking manager, you cock sucking arsewipe?' he inquires of one of the waiters.

The waiter is taken-aback and replies, 'Excuse me sir but could you please refrain from usi...

A mental health facility offers supervised hobbies for its patients.

They have access to painting, exercise, a small library, cooking, all sorts of stuff.

When they paint, they are often instructed to paint their mood, or something they would like to see or do when they are released. Some paint melancholy things, dark with depressive imagery and muted colors. ...

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Well, it's a well story.

When I was in my 5th grade, my English teacher told this story.
Once there lived a landlord in a village.He was rich. He had a daughter which meant the world to him. One day while he was on his way to work, he heard the news that his daughter fell inside a well, while she was playing. He immediat...

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An ex-businessman, now bankrupt, is preparing to jump off a bridge...

As he's about to step into the void, a hand grabs him from behind.


He turns back annoyed and sees that the hand belongs to an old bearded overweight guy.


"Why did you stop me you old fool?"


"Have you gone mad my son? You were about to kill yourself!" The old ma...

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A man's best friend

A man decides to get a mascot and heads to the pet store. He began to walk up and down the aisles looking at the different animals available but found fault with each. Dogs needed to be walked constantly. Cats are loners. Ferrets smell. Fish are boring. Snakes are, well, snakes. After roaming around...

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