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Sense Of Humor Jokes

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Girls -- Please have a sense of humor!

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE:

One evening last week, my girlfriend and I w...

My wife and I share a sense of humor

We have to because she doesn't have one

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Wife has a sense of humor!

I asked my wife why did she marry me.

Wife: "Because you are funny."

Me: "I thought it was because I was good in bed?"

Wife: "You see? You're hilarious."

What do you call cows that have a sense of humor?

Laughing stock.

God Has a Sense of Humor

God told men they would find faithful and obedient wives in all the corners of the Earth. Then men discovered that the Earth is round, and God laughed and laughed.

French sense of humor

So me (not a German, but was living in Germany those days) and a colleague (who is French and lives in France too) were "on-site" in Austria visiting a customer. After the work day was over we went to a nearby farmer's market just for a stroll. We saw some lovely and cheap lemons there and I wanted ...

My sense of humor is so dark...

... one of these days it's going to get shot by the police.

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How can you tell if you have a mature or an immature sense of humor?

poop.

My dog has no sense of humor

Every time I say “knock knock” he just starts barking.

My sense of humor is rubbing off on my dog.

She met me at the door when I came home from work yesterday. I told her “Hi Xander, I’m hungry.”

She looked up at me and said “Hi hungry, I’m Xander.”

Maybe not refilling my prescription wasn’t such a great idea after all…

Grandfathers have the purest sense of humor.

My grandfather is close to 90 years old and has to take medication. One day, my aunt gave him his pills, and the cogs in his brain began to turn.

Grandpa after being given his medication: Tell everyone I'm on the pill.

Aunt:.....

Grandaunt: \*Howling with laughter when hearing t...

I saw an article that said annoying people have a great sense of humor.

I found that really funny because- oh.

Why don't kleptomaniacs have a sense of humor?

Because they take everything, literally....

A sense of humor is like food...

...you're not allowed to have it in Soviet Russia.

I have proof that the FBI has no sense of humor

[REDACTED]

What does a modern excutioner, with a sense of humor do, before injecting lethal injection?

\- Disinfect the arm, to prevent infection.

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My drug dealer has a great sense of humor

He really cracks me up

Credit to u/fukhed69

Scientist: We've discovered a clump of atoms that has no sense of humor.

Me : You've got to br kidding.
Scientist : This is no laughing matter.

A dark sense of humor is a early sign of dementia.

A dark sense of humor is a early sign of dementia.

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Today a flat earther friend of mine told me the earth was as as flat as my sense of humor.

I told him his girlfriends ass would've been a better comparison.

Man who has no sense of humor...

has a serious problem.

I hate my job at the morgue, nobody gets my sense of humor.

I swear I’m working with a bunch of stiffs.

Wanna know how I know that God has a sense of humor?

I look in a mirror.

They say that coffee is like my sense of humor.

It’s an acquired taste.

If you think your girlfriend has a great sense of humor...

try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.

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My dad's 5:30 AM sense of humor

My ex-gf was over the house, and we were waking up early to go down to massachusetts early one thursday morning (we live in NH).


We never would wake up early so her being up and moving at 530 surprised him.


As she comes out of the bathroom he asks " What are you two doing up s...

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All women say they just want to meet someone with a sense of humor -

From what I can tell, Rich guys are fucking hilarious-

A guy is sitting home alone, when suddenly he hears a knock on the door.

He gets up to answer. There are two policemen outside. They ask him if he's married. He says yes and the policemen want to see the photo of the wife. He gets one and shows it to them.
The policemen exchange sad looks and one of them says:
"I'm very sorry, but it looks like your wife was hi...

A friend said my sense of humor was so dark...

that is was like a black hole. Not even a light pun could escape it.

A dark sense of humor is like a hospital.

Lots of sickness and occasionally dead babies.

My sense of humor is like a Latina woman.

Some days it's low brow, and some days it's high brow.

What would you think if one day, you woke up and didn’t have a sense of humor?

You probably wouldn’t think it was very funny.

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A wife gets naked...

…and asks her husband, 'What turns you on more! my pretty face or my sexy body?'

Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, 'Your sense of humor.'

Looking for "A__is like a__, it__." For example: A dark sense of humor is like a make-a-wish child...

....It never grows old.

If you have one, please share. Joke, not make-a-wish child.

If you lose one of your senses, your other senses get enhanced

This is why people with no sense of humor have a heightened sense of self'importance.

My sense of humor is so sophisticated...

...it's not even funny.

What molecule has the best sense of humor?

A helium polymer. HeHeHeHeHe

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I don't think my friends like my dark sense of humor.

They always say "Turn on the lights, asshole."

Interviewer: So what are your strengths and weaknesses. Me: I have a decent sense of humor but my General Knowledge is not so good.

Interviewer: Ok, then tell us a joke.

Me: Knock Knock.

Interviewer: Who?

Me: 2nd US President.

Interviewer: 2nd US President who?

Me: Like I said, my General knowledge isn't good.

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb?

One, because they are efficient and have no sense of humor.

The people who designed the English language had an interesting sense of humor...

I would love to meet the guy who made up the spelling for lisp.

How many germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

One.
We are very effective and don´t have a great sense of humor.

Guten Tag!

My dad passed away a few months ago, today would've been his 61 birthday. Blame him for my sense of humor.

My sister messaged me. "How are you doing?"
I Responded. "My elbow hurts and I have a cold sore on my tongue."
"Two lessons learned, don't fight a hooker and don't kiss one."

Super deflect..

In a doctors office

Woman: “Doctor, how is he? Any news?”


Doctor: “Well the important thing is, he’s going to be fine.”


Woman: “Oh thank God!”


Doctor: “But, you must prepare yourself, the head trauma he sustained has had certain effects on his personality.


Woman: “Oh no!”
...

My grandpa may be having trouble with his memory, but he still has a great sense of humor. He just told me this one: Why was the broom late for work?

Because 7,8,9

Well away from the muffins...

My aunt Sara is someone who has an excellent sense of humor. In a nutshell, my aunt is a lady in her sixties who uses the fact that she loves cakes and is overweight... to make fun of herself. One of the most delightful conversations i had with her was when i met her at the bus stop one day and she ...

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A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says,...

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Three men are standing at the pearly gates...

St. Peter tells them, "As you all know God has a sense of humor and his latest idea is to put the Kingdom of Heaven several hundred miles from the Pearly Gates."
"How is that supposed to be funny?" one guy asks.
"Well, God had the novel idea of allowing those admitted into Heaven a vehicle to...

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Roger was very thin because he was afraid to spend a lot of money on food. He looked forward to the day when his grandfather would die and leave him a fortune.

His grandfather was blessed with both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. So he planned that when he finally died all he would leave to Roger was a cookie.

But what a cookie.

It was made with butter, churned from milk from a yak milked by a virginal milkmaid on the highest field o...

They say women get turned on by guys who are funny

Well, if that's true, I must have a very dry sense of humor.

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The other day, I tried to tell a joke to an American cop...

Well, instead of laughing, he just looked me dead in the eye and said, "That's not funny. What the fuck is wrong with you?"


I guess my sense of humor's so dark, the police will shoot it down.

An interviewer asks an applicant for his greatest weakness and the applicant replied,

"I have an awkward sense of humor which causes me to laugh out of nowhere sometimes and some people take it to mean that I'm laughing at them or thinking something terrible"

The interviewer asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well," the applicant laughed as he said, "I've played this conversat...

Joke written by an AI

Disclaimer: The joke below was not created by me, or any human, but rather by an AI. I was curious to see if an AI could have a sense of humor.

A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a very attractive woman. After an hour of conversation, the woman says to the man, "Thank you for buyin...

Need some jokes

So I'm a mailman and I deliver to a barber where we do a joke a day to eachother. I need some new jokes to tell, they can be clean or dirty as he has a sense of humor. If you have a good barber or mailmen joke would be a plus. Thank you in advance.

A guy told his friend "do you want to hear an edgy joke"?

His friend started laughing immediately.

"Hold on," said the guy, "I haven't told it yet. You don't even know if it's going to be funny. It might be offensive."

"I'm sure it's going to be funny" his friend said, still laughing. "I've always had a sixth sense of humor."

If towels told jokes…

They'd probably have a very dry sense of humor.

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Little Johnny’s teacher was starting a lesson on multi-syllable words.

She thought it would be a good idea to ask a few children for examples of words with more than one syllable. Jane, do you know any multi-syllable words? After thinking for a while, Jane proudly responded, “Monday”. Great, Jane, that has two syllables, Mon-day! Does anyone know any other words? I...

Actual conversation between an elderly couple...

"Norm, I only married you because of your sense of humor..."

"Dee, I only married you because of my sense of humor..."

There is two things I are bad at:

1. My Grammar.

2. My Math.

3.My sense of Humor.

Did you know? (Not safe for work)

Did you know that:

1. 80% of Reddit users are more likely to click on an NSFW post than on a regular one?
2. the statistic above is not a fact and has been made up
3. the statements above are false
4. the 3 statements above are inconsistent with each other (i.e. cannot all hold...

I was going to make a joke about water...

But it wouldn't sound good coming from me, as people say I have a dry sense of humor

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Please read only lines 1, 3 and 5.

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Harry the horse

Once upon a time, in a quaint little village nestled between rolling green hills, there lived a horse named Harry. Now, Harry was no ordinary horse; he possessed an uncanny ability to make the most mundane situations utterly hilarious. His knack for comedy made him the talk of the town, and villager...

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My wife is pissed off with me again....

Last night while she was fast asleep, i gently removed her tampax & replaced it with a party popper leaving the string hanging out,

I m telling u! This woman got no fucking sense of humor at all, smh.

A man goes for an interview

The first question he faces - "What are your strengths and weaknesses?"

Man - I have a good sense of humor, but my general knowledge is weak.

Interviewer - Okay tell me joke

Man - Knock Knock

Interviewer - Who's there?

Man - The first president of The United States...

I don’t find self-deprecating humor funny anymore.

I guess my sense of humor is as boring and worthless now as the rest of my personality always has been

Apparently there are three jewish guys in my car's air conditioner....

Hi, Norm and Max.

Background: Something I noticed many, many years ago when I was a teenager in my dad's car. My dad thought it was pretty funny. He had a lousy sense of humor. lol

Did you know the first Easter and ther first April Fools Day coincided as well?

The founder of both was a real trickster... He faked his own death!

(I feel like I should put a note here: this is not to mock religion... It's just a joke. If this offends you please get a sense of humor.)

I was woken up today by a tap on my door

Odd sense of humor my plummer has.

First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door...

My plumber sure has a strange sense of humor...

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What's brown and rhymes with Snoop?

Dr Dre.

Whats brown and sticky?
A stick.

Whats dark and shitty?
My sense of humor.

What do you call someone who's constantly making jokes about their sausage?

Someone with the wurst sense of humor.

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A Birthday Gift For My Dad

This conversation has to have come up before with these devices. I generally don't have much wit, but my Dad pitched me such a lob, I couldn't resist to nail him with the "obvious."

I called my Dad to ask him if he might like a set of Tile Stickers. These are cool little devices you can stick...

True story

Not sure where to post this.


About 6 months ago, my now 5 year old daughter came into mine and my fiance's room, and started screaming saying she was missing her thumb. It took me a minute to realize what was going on.


A little backstory, my 5 year old daughter was born about ...

A guy fell in a puddle

Everybody was laughing but i have a dry sense of humor

Like pulling teeth

I had a wisdom tooth going bad and the dentist told me it wouldn't be worth filling the cavity and she just sent me to an oral surgeon to get the tooth pulled.

So I get there and I'm in the chair and I tell the guy "I've never had a tooth pulled." He was pretty seriously bothered that I used ...

The animal kingdom had become overpopulated.

The lion, being the head of the animal kingdom, made a decree: a joke telling contest would be held at the end of the week. The tortoise, unanimously agreed upon as being the fairest of all the animals, was appointed as the official judge. The rules were simple: tell your joke to the tortoise, and i...

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