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Waters Jokes

While sailing, I had trouble navigating the waters between Russia and Alaska.

I couldn't get my bearings straight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese, a Russian, a Filipino, and an American went to test the magic swimming pool that turns the waters into any substance of your choice if you shout it out loud enough before jumping in.

The Japanese threw his wooden sandals aside and ran towards the pool shouting "Sakeeee!!" He landed happily in 5 feet of Japanese rice wine. The Russian threw his AK-47 aside and ran to the pool screaming "Vodkaaaa!" as he lept in the air. He happily swam and drank the purest Russian Vodka after. Th...

After the waters receded, Noah commanded all the animals to "Go forth and multiply!"...

The ark quickly emptied, except for two small snakes, who stayed behind.


When Noah asked them why, they replied, "We can't multiply. We're adders."


Noah, being the resourceful man he was, immediately got busy cutting down trees and building a large table with the unfinished...

Six Supreme Court justices, floating face-down in a river

All 6 conservative members of the SCOTUS got stranded in the woods with only a giant suitcase and a couple of paddles. Then they came to a raging river- it was fast-moving, wide and rocky but only waist deep. They began to bicker over how to get across. Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch said "We are st...

Jesus walks into a bar

“Just twelve waters please!”
*Winks at disciples*

Why is a seal with just one fin safe to swim in shark infested waters?

Like everyone else, sharks know that if the seal is broken the food isn't safe to consume!

Always remember that children can drown in as little as one inch of water

so please if you are drowning children, don’t waste water.

A new Navy recruit has his first day on the submarine...

He speaks with the officer, who assigns him his post.

"Go stand at the periscope entry-way, and make sure no unauthorized personnel touch the periscope."

The recruit follows orders, and stands by the periscope. After 15 minutes, the officer stops by.

"Son I'm changing your post ...

My mouth waters when I smell steak on a grill

I wonder if the same happens to vegans taken they mow the lawn

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Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: "Are you okay? What's your name?"

"It's John, and I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart.

"John," she said, (firm loose breasts undula...

Swedish government is not allowing the aircraft carrier Admiral Kuznetsov in their territorial waters

The main issues seem to be related to the working conditions of the rowers.

You know how when your mouth waters when someone's grilling?

Do vegans drool when someone is outside and is mowing their lawn?

If the waters so “Smart”

Then why’s it in the bottle?

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TIL you can determine the sex of an ant by dropping it in water

Sinks - girl ant
Floats - boy ant

What did Robert Plant?

...I don't know, but Roger Waters it.

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