Porpoise Jokes - 100 Hilarious Porpoise Jokes

For my cake day, a joke I made up as a kid: Why is Aquaman such a dedicated super hero?

Because he was born with a sense of porpoise.

So everyone is getting mad at me after telling jokes about marine wildlife

I think it's a turtle over reaction. It just being shellfish and it's giving me a bad haddock. I mean, I don't do them on porpoise...

A joke with no porpoise.

So there’s these two whales right? And they’re swimming in the ocean. So one whale looks at the other and says….

“OOoOoooOoooooOoooooOooooOoOooOoOoOooooooooOOOOOOOoooOoOoOoOoO *whale noises* oOoooOOo
OoooOOoOooOooOooooOooOoooooooOoOoOoOoooooOoooOOOOOooooo”

Then the other whale says…...

Does a porpoise know its purpose?

Dolphinately not.

There was this guy who found an ancient book. In that book he read that dolphins live forever if you feed them the meat of an eagle.

Some time later he came across a very sick eagle and thought: It's gonna die soon anyway, might as well take it to the dolphins at the local zoo to see if what's in the book is actually true. At night he climbed over a wall to get into the zoo – and found himself right in the lion enclosure! He mana...

A local man has been trying to invent a camouflage suit for dolphins

While it seems like a cool idea, I just don't see the porpoise

Pity the poor porpoises

This guy had a few porpoises in his swimming pool even though he knew it was illegal to have them as pets...

One day, he thought he would add a few sea gulls to have around his pool to add to the ambiance...

So, he ran an ad to find some sea gulls - - someone with a few sea gulls answe...

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Immortal porpoises

One day Timmy has had enough. He is completely burned out, so he decides to use his saved up vacation days to go hiking in the mountains. He packs his tent and all his camping gear, and starts driving.

After many hours of driving he finialy arrives. He puts his backpack on his back and hea...

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This is the worst joke I know. "A mad scientist is developing an immortality serum..."

"...and so far it works perfectly in cell culture, in worms, in mice and rats, and in racoons. Next step is testing it in dolphins. As she's reaching for the syringes for her test subjects, she notices that she's run out of serum and has to prepare a new batch. The primary ingredient is a chemi...

What’s the best way to clean a dolphin?

Use a multi-porpoise cleaner…..

I’ll see myself out

What do you call a Tortoise that has to pee ?

A Porpoise

What do you call a dolphin with no direction in life?

Lacking porpoise.

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I was sitting on my dolphin, then I fell off.

Butt not on porpoise.

Every day I go down to the harbour and throw fish to a baby dolphin. My friends say it's a waste of time.

But at least I'm serving a youthful porpoise.

I felt sorry for the sea world animals trapped in enclosures. So I fed them some fish laced with hashish.

It felt good to serve a higher porpoise.

I’ve spent my whole life searching for an invisible dolphin.

But now I don’t see the porpoise.

Did you hear about the passionate aquarium owner who got shut down?

He lost his porpoise!

A man decides to put his life savings into opening an aquarium...

A young man took every penny he had and used it to open an aquarium. He worked tirelessly, growing it from a small roadside attraction into the greatest aquarium ever. Over a lifetime, he amassed the largest collection of sea life ever assembled. He and his team conducted scientific research and ran...

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It’s hard to have sex with a marine mammal under a tarp,

for all in tents and porpoises.

I once got high by snorting ground-up bones of a marine mammal, then I ran my neighbor over.

I did it on porpoise.

Why did the fisherman commit suicide when the last dolphin died?

Because his life had no porpoise.

Have you heard about the kid who was raised by Dolphins?

He went on to live a life of porpoise

I went on a camping trip to try to save the dolphins.

It was a waste of time for all in tents and porpoises.

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My wife asked me if I had heard that female dolphins have clitorises that are very similar to humans.

I asked her why she was telling me this.

She replied, "Do you think God did that on porpoise?"

The Zoo Joke

A man had an uncle who happened to own a zoo. One day, the uncle unfortunately passes away. When the man speaks to his uncle's lawyer, the lawyer offers to give him the zoo. The man willingly agrees. The zoo has an aquarium, a lion cage and a bird cage but it is in horrible condition. The man pays t...

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There's this guy that gets suicidal everytime one of his pets dies.

So he goes to a therapist to see if he can conquer the emotional response. After several sessions his therapist tells him to get a porpoise. They're normal lifespan will allow for him to pass on before the porpoise would.

He also tells the guy that he must feed this porpoise baby seagulls to ...

Did you hear about the existential crisis at Sea World?

Given all the pressure they're under to release their animals, they're fearful of a porpoise-less existence...

I'll see myself out.

Did you know that US law protects dolphins from indefinite imprisonment?

Also know as the writ of habeas porpoise

Have you heard about the lobster that rode a sea mammal into battle?

He did it on Porpoise.

Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)

An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked...

What family of animals do porpoises belong to?

No phocoenidae!

My first real estate investment will involve campers and dolphins...

For all intents and porpoises...

What's a life without manitees?

A life with out porpoise.

Remember: If you are riding a dolphin...

The everything you do is completely on Porpoise.

Why do sharks have teeth?

For eating porpoises.

In 1959, the Florida panhandle was hit with a devastating hurricane...

In 1959, the Florida panhandle was hit with a devastating hurricane. Many of the buildings and homes in Destin were damaged. The "Gulfarium", which had opened a few years earlier, was largely undamaged. Their diesel generators were meant for the numerous fish and marine mammals, but could easily han...

My friend asked me what I do for a living. I told him I mostly deal with campers and toothed whales,

For all in tents and porpoises.

A marine biologist walks into the post office

A marine biologist walks into the post office and says he needs to send a large tank overnight. The postal worker asks for the dimensions of the tank and when the biologist gives them to him the postal worker says, "We can't send a tank that big overnight. It'll have to go by freight train."

...

Who caused the porpoise holocaust?

A dolphin

My buddy has been really depressed since his pet dolphin died.

His life has no porpoise.

A trainer at SeaWorld was in charge of keeping the dolphins healthy.

He would feed them, give them medical attention, make sure they were in good spirits. But he knew that the dolphins eventually were going to die. Well, he couldn't have that. After researching for days to no avail, he found an article written by a disgraced marine biologist about how dolphins could ...

So there’s this old, old zookeeper who is nearing retirement.

In fact, she’s so old that she has been employed at the zoo since it first opened. Since she’s been there so long, the zoo has entrusted her with taking care of the two most valuable exhibits in the zoo.

First, she is responsible for feeding an ancient lion. This lion is actually so old that...

From my 8 yr old: Why did the girl dolphin not forgive the boy dolphin?

Because he did it on porpoise!

I'm so sad since my pet marine mammal died.

It's like my life has no porpoise anymore.

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A man's entire family was killed by a masked dolphin...

He set off on a quest for vengeance. He searched high and low for the identity of the masked dolphin. He traveled the world, asking dolphin Gurus and dolphin historians. He searched for ten years before he found his first clue.

In a shallow pool at the top of a tall mountain he found a dolphi...

Was painting my boat when a dolphin swam by and got some paint on its fin.

It wasn't on porpoise.

How do dolphins get job satisfaction?

By working in positions that give them a sense of porpoise.

Admission to our local aquarium only costs 1p if you're camping or you're a dolphin.

So to all in tents and porpoises it's pretty much free.

The wizard materialized on the hill above the outdoor festival and proclaimed, “All shall be vanquished.... except those in temporary shelters supported by a pole, and fully aquatic animals with spade-shaped teeth!”

The area was safe for all in tents and porpoises.

I’ve started adopting sea creatures.

It’s my porpoise in life.

My family went to SeaWorld without me.

I failed to see the porpoise.

Did you hear about the dolphin who steals swimtrucks?

He does it on porpoise.

Marine Biologists

A team of marine biologists accidentally catch a porpoise in one of their nets. They about to let it go, when they notice it has feet! They study it and perform tests, and are now ready to release it. One of the biologists asks, "Why don't we cut its feet off?" To which the other replies, "That woul...

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A husband and wife were arrested...

A husband and wife were arrested...

Attorney: Your honor, these two were arrested for having sex in public and there was a dolphin involved.

The Judge: What do you two have to say for yourself?

Husband: Your honor, we are sorry. It was an accident.

Wife: Yes, i...

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Bobby loved board games.

His collection of board games was massive, he had games from the 40's, 50's, 60's up to today. But one day, the neighborhood bully came over and saw Bobby playing and took all of Bobby's player pieces and broke them, all the Monopoly tokens, all the Battleship ships, all the markers for Sorry!, etc....

A Texas Biologist

A Texas biologist, who discovered that the life of a porpoise could be prolonged indefinitely if it were fed a steady diet of seagulls, has been arrested at the Louisiana border. He faces charges of transporting gulls across state lines for immortal porpoises.

Did you know dolphins commit infanticide?

They do it on porpoise.

After my existential crisis, I decided to take a job as a feeder at the local dolphinarium

Now I’m serving a youthful porpoise

Did you know that dolphins have existential crisis too?

They wonder if their life has a porpoise.

My aquarium broke and everything is gone...

I have no porpoise anymore

My wife started swimming for exercise...

she said it gave her a sense of porpoise.

Lysol's marketing department are trying out some new angles to generate sales. They claim that one bottle can clean an entire family of dolphins!

It's the best multi-porpoise cleaner on the market!

There were two odd conferences at the same hotel at the same time. One was for camping, the other was for aquatic mammals. They were essentially, more or less, basically, virtually...

...for all in tents and porpoises

An old man owned a dolphin

A few kids went to the old man and asked

"Why do you own a dolphin?"

The old man smiled and said

"When I was younger my dreams were crushed so I bought a dolphin."

He smiled.

"Buying him gave me a porpoise in life."

A scientist is looking to conduct an experiment using dolphins

He goes to the pet store and asks the clerk if they have any dolphins

The clerk responds “We don’t have any dolphins, but would a whale work?”

The scientist responds “No thank you, that defeats the porpoise”

When a dolphin hits his cousin, is it accidental

or on porpoise?

"Whale whale whale look who it is." My buddy hates when I visit him at the aquarium.

He says I'm not using the word for its intended porpoise.

I had the greatest sense of a fulfilled purpose back in that marine corps.

*wait...stupid autocorrect...*

*scents *porpoise *corpse

What does a dolphin's butler do?

Serves a porpoise.

A man opens up a zoo...

One day a man decides to quit his job and open up a zoo. He first needs to get animals for the zoo, so he buys 100 Mina birds. He then decides he needs some aquatic attractions, so he buys some porpoises from a shady man. The man tells him that if he does not feed the porpoises by 12 midnight, they ...

Why'd the diver suddenly grab and ride the small whale?

I dunno, but he certainly did it on porpoise

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The Hitchhiker

One time as I was driving West through Arizona, I picked up a hitchhiker. He said he worked in a silver mine, and that he was coming to San Diego to have sex with dolphins. Right after we crossed the border into California, the police pulled us over and they arrested me. For transporting a miner acr...

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What am I in for? Well, I used to be a zookeeper, you see...

One day, my boss calls me into her office, and she tells me she's trying to breed dolphins, and she wants my help. And I hear that, and I'm all in, great way to move up in my industry.

So she tells me she's trying to mate these two dolphins, but they're not feeling frisky. She tells me she ha...

A dolphin trespassed and took over my pool...

I guess I could drain it, but that would defeat the porpoise.

Scientists have discovered a way to make dolphins nearly invisible to the human eye.

I don’t really see the porpoise.

What did the dolphin say to the whale when he bumped into him?

Sorry I didn’t do it on porpoise

I rang Sea World this morning ...

They said my call was being recorded for training Porpoises

Even though Sea World is shut down, the animals still need to be taken care of

Obama answers the call for volunteers. On his first day, they assign him to feed the baby dolphins.

As he is doing so, another volunteer accosts him "Our country is in crisis. Don't you have anything better to do?"

He replied "I think I'm serving a youthful porpoise."

A Swiss Army Knife is a lot like a pod of dolphins...

Multi-porpoise!

What did the motivational speaker dolphin believe?

That everybody in life has a porpoise

Why was God hesitant to implement his evolution idea?

He worried it would defeet the porpoise.

Why shouldn't you throw away an old dolphin?

Because they can be re-porpoised!

I honestly didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life until i discovered dolphin-watching.

You could say I found my porpoise.

My sister told me she's decided to pursue a career in training dolphins

I guess she finally found her porpoise in life

I heard that dolphins have vestigial legs...

It would seem evolution defeeted the porpoise.

I don't understand aquatic mammals

What's their porpoise

Anybody see that movie about the dog who befriends a dolphin?

A Dog's Porpoise

I once tried driving to Mexico to steal a couple pet dolphins.

But I was arrested for trying to enter the country for illegal porpoises.

I got so angry with poachers illegally killing dolphins that I began randomly implanting some with tiny bombs.

But it just ended up defeating the porpoise.

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Did you hear about the guy who was caught having sex at Sea World?

Apparently he did it on porpoise.

Why can't you ever accidentally ride a dolphin?

Because it's always on porpoise

A mermaid finally got off the couch and hit the gym once she found a dolphin physical trainer.

She moved with a porpoise.

Why did the little whale wear a burka?

For religious porpoises.

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New Original joke

I had sex on top of a dolphin,
You could say I did it on porpoise.

Quintuple pun

There once was a scientist who was doing research into longevity. He had a lab in Florida and was working with porpoises. He had discovered that he could extend their lifespans indefinitely by feeding them an extract made from seagulls. So each morning he would go out on the beach and hunt seagulls...

A dolphin graduated from college with a philosophy major.

He thought, "what's my porpoise now?"

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The Aquarium [NSFW]

So this guy who works in an aquarium gets summoned by his boss, who says to him: "I just walked by the dolphin tank and they're feeling very amorous. They're doing all sorts of things to each other. In two hours we've got three bus loads of second graders coming, and we can't have them watching thos...

Why couldn't the dolphin choose a career?

She had no sense of porpoise.

Sea World threw me out for trying to ride the manatee

What's the big deal? It's not like I did it on porpoise!

A dolphin was arrested for weed possession.

Cop: Is this your Marijuana, sir?

Dolphin: No sir, it's for my cousins. Strictly for medical porpoises.

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