Nile Jokes - 71 Hilarious Nile Jokes

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Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact.

On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear.

One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.

"Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got ...

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The Bravest and Fiercest

The king was getting old and did not trust his sons to rule his kingdom after his passing. He decided that he must find a husband for his daughter. This man, who would one day take the throne, had to be the bravest and fiercest warrior in all the land.

The king devised a test. his engineers ...

My friend refused to believe that there was a river in Egypt.

He was in de-Nile.

Why cant Egyptian crocodiles get through the 5 stages of grief?

They keep getting stuck in de Nile

Name the smaller rivers that run into the Nile

The Juveniles

After creating the Nile, God became the first self promoter on twitch.

"Check out my stream!"

Carl and his friends are at the Nile River in Africa when his friend receives a call

“Carl, your wife’s car flipped on the road while she was driving, she didn’t make it.” His friend said as he put his hand on Carl’s shoulder.

“No, it’s not true, oh God!” Carl said as he jumped in the Nile River, attempting to drown himself.

“What the hell is going on?!” Carl’s other f...

Why did the Egyptian go swimming as soon as his mom passed away?

De Nile is the first stage of grief

Why is the Nile River filled with holy water?

People keep blessing the rains in Africa.

(90's Dictator Joke) So Clinton, Blair and Mubarak are playing ball in Egypt

They kick the ball and it falls into the crocodile-infested Nile. Clinton says, "Not to worry, one of our marines will get it back", and he asks a marine to go get it. The Marine sees the crocodiles fighting each other and says, "Sorry, I have a family and kids I want to raise". So Tony Blair goes, ...

Three blondes want to cross the Nile. A Golden Fish offers each of them a wish to come true

The first one wishes to swim fast. She gets to the middle of the river and the crocodiles eat her. The second one wishes to swim faster. When she gets to the middle the crocodiles eat her. The third blonde wishes to become a man. The Gold Fish turns her into a man and she says: -Thank God there's a...

Trump went to Egypt and was detained

Apparently, he's still stuck in de Nile.

When are Egyptian fishermen less likely to believe what their are told?

When they're in the Nile.

Why did egyptians never believe in science

Because they were in da Nile

There isn't a lot of water in Egypt.

And if you disagree, you're in the Nile.

Two Egyptians sailed far out, into the sea

"We've sailed too far from the port! I can't see anything familiar" Says one

"We can't have sailed too far" Says the other

They were in de-Nile

There are two great financial geniuses in the Bible

One was Noah, who floated his stock while everyone else had to go into liquidation.

The other one was pharaoh's daughter, who went to the bank of the Nile and drew out a prophet.

My wife asked me "Is it pronounced Nile-ism or Neal-ism?"

I don't think they care

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Two guys go to the river Nile

1: "Yo bro, lets cool off in the river"

2: "Hmm nah dude im good"

1: "Awh come on man, you aren't scared of a little water are you?"

2: "Um n-no, im not, alright lets do it"

So they both swim out into the river, but the 2nd man starts to struggle and thrash around
...

The Queen of the Nile liked to show some leg

but Nefertiti

What's the only animal unaffected by climate change?

Egyptian Crocodiles.

Because they live in the Nile.

A lot of people didn't believe it when they were told the pharaoh wasn't a god, just a man like any other.

They were in the Nile.

Where were the Egyptians during the flood?

In de-nile

A boy in egypt collects water at the nile

A crocodile sees this boy and slowly swims to the boy. The boy notices the crocodile to late and tries running away. He trips over a root and falls. The crocodile swallows him trying to devour him completely. As the boy is almost completely within the crocodile with only his head is sticking out, a ...

2 blondes are on a Cruise on the Nile. Unfortunately they fall overboard. After a while crocodiles start approaching them. One blond sees them and tells the other:

“Oh look how sweet! Rescue boats from Lacoste!”

The Egyptians claim there are no crocodiles in their country

I think they are in de Nile

An Egyptian prince bathes in a nearby river to avoid the reality of his father's recent death...

He's a Pharoah in deNile.

The CIA, The Mossad and The KGB.

A mummy was found in Egypt, and to determine its age and whatnot, three best forensic teams of the world decided to start a competition.

The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years.
...

Chic and Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five are plotting to destroy the world, and so former arch-enemies the Village People and the Beastie Boys put aside their differences to stop them

The slaughter is brutal and extremely exciting to watch, but finally, it ends in a showdown: Nile Rogers and Grandmaster Flash, laughing as they square up to the last surviving Beastie Boy and the last surviving Village Person.

He straightens his hard hat, draws his sword and charges at Nile ...

My friend thinks he's a fish but he's wrong.

He's living in the Nile.

Q: What was the longest river in the world before they discovered the Nile?

A: The Nile

Oldest jokes in human history - Another s*x joke, Ancient Egypt, 1600 BC.

One of the world's oldest joke was found in the Ancient Egyptian story book known as the Westcar Papyrus

It goes:

# "How do you entertain a bored pharaoh?

# "You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish."

Am man fell into a big river in Uganda, Tanzania but didn't believe it.

I guess you could say he was in deNile

The Egyptian police arrived to arrest a tourist for trespassing.

The police said, "Sir, you're in the Nile river. Come out now."

The man shouted, "I'm not in the Nile, you are!"

I saw an Egyptian not accepting his responsibilities

He was in de-Nile to say the least

They won't admit the Egypt flight crashed...

...because they're all in *da nile.*

I never thought I'd be drowning in a river.

I think I was in the Nile

Crocodiles in Egypt will never admit to being in love...

They all live in de-Nile

Two Egyptians walk into a bar

"Where's your third friend?" Asks the bartender.

"He's gone to drink his sorrows down in the river." They replied.

"Oh no, is he depressed?"

"No, he's in De Nile."

Do you know what the biggest state is in the US?

DaNile it has a population of 74million.

What do drug addicts and pharaohs have in common?

De Nile

If an alligator lives in a river and thinks he's a crocodile

There's a good chance he's in da-nile!

Why is it really hard to convince Egyptians?

Because they all live in de-nile...

What do you call someone who refuses to accept that they're swimming in an African river?

in de Nile.

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3 men in a nursing home are sitting and reminiscing.

First man says, “I wish I could just go pee as easily when I was younger. It’s getting harder and harder to do so as the years pass.”

The second guy says, “I can pee just fine but I would give anything to be able to poop with no trouble. It’s getting more difficult even with fruits and veggie...

An Egyptian man won't accept that he is a bad swimmer, so he jumped into the river...

He's still in the Nile.

An Egyptian farmer refuses to believe his fields had flooded...

He was in De Nile.

Why was the Jamaican man doubting himself that he swam in Egypt

He was In De Nile

Hippopotamuses are seemingly unconcerned about the effects of climate change on their habitat

It's as if they lived in de Nile

On a river rafting trip in Egypt, a couple began to sink. The husband urged his wife to swim to safety before the water got too deep, but she refused to believe she was in any danger.

She was too deep in de Nile.

What do you call a River who acts in a very Childish way?

JuveNile!

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It is the year 2200

In a small city lived a master fisherman. This fisherman was famous throughout the world for being able to catch numerous amounts of fish in any body of water. Now, fish these days have mutated and changed quite a bit, but this fisherman was able to catch them all with little to no effort.

On...

What is the status of a hippo that is mourning because of his recently passed wife?

In the Nile

Where do Egyptians go when they don't want to face reality

De-nile River

Which word describes someone that refuses to believe that rivers can flow from south to north?

de-Nile

If rivers could speak, which river would always say no?

Da Nile

You hear about the Egyptian who insisted that he could breath underwater?

He was forever in De-Nile

Why couldn't Moses believe his mother sent him away in a basket?

Because he was in de-nile

The pharoah woke up in the middle of the night kicking and screaming. Concerned for his saftey, two guards burst in! After making sure the room was safe, one guard immediately ran off to fetch the soothsayer, always close at hand.

The soothsayer quickly calmed down the pharoah and began to ask him what had him clearly so distraught.

"Oh, it was terrible!" The pharoah recounted, "The mountains shook and ungodly scream sound across the world, as though the gods themselves were yelling in torment!" A moment to steady hi...

People kept insisting that I was swimming in the world's longest river .

I couldn't believe it. I was in de Nile.

Did you hear about the hippo on trial for murder?

He's currently in de Nile.

Where do alligators that can't accept the truth go?

Da Nile

The egyptian man wouldnt admit he'd fallen in a river

I guess he was in de Nile

Be Careful of Egyptian Sharks

They can smell blood a nile away

Why can Egyptian crocodiles never admit when they are wrong?

They're always in de Nile.

The Egyptian kayaker who lost his paddle

just couldn't accept the fact that
 

he was stuck in de nile.

Man goes to a Doctor and says "Doctor I feel like I'm swimming in an African river"

The Doctor replies "You're in de Nile."

The captain has good news and bad news.

The Egyptian royal barge returns to harbour after a long day ferrying the pharaoh up and down the Nile. The captain says to the tired oarsmen 'Right, lads, I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?'

The oarsmen consult among themselves and decide they fancy some good n...

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Mrs. Rosentein is walking her poodle down 5th Avenue, when she ran into her good friend Gladys Goldberg

"Gladys! It's been so long since I've last seen you, where have you been?"

"Oh, Blanche, Ira and I went on safari in Africa, and let me tell you, it was horrible!"

"Horrible? How was it horrible?"

"Well, first, Ira lost our tickets, so we had to fly coach all the way from New Y...

What was old is new

A man living in ancient Egypt had a great idea for a business: he would pay couriers to deliver messages professionally inscribed on stone slabs to people all over the kingdom. For a small fee, people could have an important message written down and sent anywhere on the Nile. It swiftly took off a...

A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, "Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!" The toad yells back,

"Naw man, you're in de-nile"

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