Carl and his friends are at the Nile River in Africa when his friend receives a call

“Carl, your wife’s car flipped on the road while she was driving, she didn’t make it.” His friend said as he put his hand on Carl’s shoulder.

“No, it’s not true, oh God!” Carl said as he jumped in the Nile River, attempting to drown himself.

“What the hell is going on?!” Carl’s other f...

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Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact.

On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear.

One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit.

"Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got ...

Why is the Nile River filled with holy water?

People keep blessing the rains in Africa.

There isn't a lot of water in Egypt.

And if you disagree, you're in the Nile.

Q: What was the longest river in the world before they discovered the Nile?

A: The Nile

There is a river I don't want to believe exist

The nile

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Two guys go to the river Nile

1: "Yo bro, lets cool off in the river"

2: "Hmm nah dude im good"

1: "Awh come on man, you aren't scared of a little water are you?"

2: "Um n-no, im not, alright lets do it"

So they both swim out into the river, but the 2nd man starts to struggle and thrash around

My wife asked me "Is it pronounced Nile-ism or Neal-ism?"

I don't think they care

I told my disbelieving Egyptian friend that he was standing in a river...

...but he was in The Nile.

Three blondes want to cross the Nile. A Golden Fish offers each of them a wish to come true

The first one wishes to swim fast. She gets to the middle of the river and the crocodiles eat her. The second one wishes to swim faster. When she gets to the middle the crocodiles eat her. The third blonde wishes to become a man. The Gold Fish turns her into a man and she says: -Thank God there's a...

What do you call someone who refuses to accept that they're swimming in an African river?

in de Nile.

What do you call a group of Egyptian Stoners?

The Nile High Club

I never thought I'd be drowning in a river.

I think I was in the Nile

Why can’t Crocodiles ever admit that they’re wrong?

Cause they live in Da Nile

Why was the Jamaican man doubting himself that he swam in Egypt

He was In De Nile

An Egyptian farmer refuses to believe his fields had flooded...

He was in De Nile.

Hippopotamuses are seemingly unconcerned about the effects of climate change on their habitat

It's as if they lived in de Nile

Where do Egyptians go when they don't want to face reality

De-nile River

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The Bravest and Fiercest

The king was getting old and did not trust his sons to rule his kingdom after his passing. He decided that he must find a husband for his daughter. This man, who would one day take the throne, had to be the bravest and fiercest warrior in all the land.

The king devised a test. his engineers ...

My friend refused to believe that there was a river in Egypt.

He was in de-Nile.

On a river rafting trip in Egypt, a couple began to sink. The husband urged his wife to swim to safety before the water got too deep, but she refused to believe she was in any danger.

She was too deep in de Nile.

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It is the year 2200

In a small city lived a master fisherman. This fisherman was famous throughout the world for being able to catch numerous amounts of fish in any body of water. Now, fish these days have mutated and changed quite a bit, but this fisherman was able to catch them all with little to no effort.


Which word describes someone that refuses to believe that rivers can flow from south to north?


You hear about the Egyptian who insisted that he could breath underwater?

He was forever in De-Nile

Why do Egyptians never believe they’re drowning?

They’re in de Nile

People who can’t accept the fact that they are in Africa’s biggest river

are in de nile

After Ryan got pushed into a river, he kept yelling that he wasn't wet.

He was in de-Nile.

What was old is new

A man living in ancient Egypt had a great idea for a business: he would pay couriers to deliver messages professionally inscribed on stone slabs to people all over the kingdom. For a small fee, people could have an important message written down and sent anywhere on the Nile. It swiftly took off a...

People kept insisting that I was swimming in the world's longest river .

I couldn't believe it. I was in de Nile.

Me: Did you know that the fish in Egypt dont believe in global warming?

Friend: ....
Me: Yeah, they're in Da Nile

The CIA, The Mossad and The KGB.

A mummy was found in Egypt, and to determine its age and whatnot, three best forensic teams of the world decided to start a competition.

The CIA went first. They studied the mummy for a year, and then came up with a result: the person lived around 1000 years BC, plus or minus 200 years.

What do you call a River who acts in a very Childish way?


Did You Hear About The Egyptian Crocodile That Heard About His Wife Cheating?

He's in De-Nile

What happens to Egyptians who don’t believe?

They end up in deNILE

Trump was in Egypt claiming he brought peace to the Middle East.

He was in de Nile

An Egyptian man won't accept that he is a bad swimmer, so he jumped into the river...

He's still in the Nile.

Did you hear about the hippo on trial for murder?

He's currently in de Nile.

Where do alligators that can't accept the truth go?

Da Nile

Why is it really hard to convince Egyptians?

Because they all live in de-nile...

The Egyptian kayaker who lost his paddle

just couldn't accept the fact that

he was stuck in de nile.

(90's Dictator Joke) So Clinton, Blair and Mubarak are playing ball in Egypt

They kick the ball and it falls into the crocodile-infested Nile. Clinton says, "Not to worry, one of our marines will get it back", and he asks a marine to go get it. The Marine sees the crocodiles fighting each other and says, "Sorry, I have a family and kids I want to raise". So Tony Blair goes, ...

If rivers could speak, which river would always say no?

Da Nile

Why can Egyptian crocodiles never admit when they are wrong?

They're always in de Nile.

Two guys are walking through Africa when one of them falls in a river...

"Hey, you fell in de river!" Says his friend

"No I didn't!" he says

"Oh you just in de-Nile!"

My Friend Shipped Me To Egypt Overnight

I can't believe it! Its been two days and I'm still in De-Nile.

The egyptian man wouldnt admit he'd fallen in a river

I guess he was in de Nile

The captain has good news and bad news.

The Egyptian royal barge returns to harbour after a long day ferrying the pharaoh up and down the Nile. The captain says to the tired oarsmen 'Right, lads, I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?'

The oarsmen consult among themselves and decide they fancy some good n...

A frog is sitting on a lily pad in the middle of what is clearly a river. He shouts to a toad on the shore, "Hey, look at me, I'm on a lake!" The toad yells back,

"Naw man, you're in de-nile"

Why couldn't Moses believe his mother sent him away in a basket?

Because he was in de-nile

What do you call a an Egyptian crocodile who swears they live in Florida?

In da-Nile

Man goes to a Doctor and says "Doctor I feel like I'm swimming in an African river"

The Doctor replies "You're in de Nile."

Who is the richest person in the Bible?

The Pharao's daughter.

She went to the bank of the Nile to pick up a little prophet.

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The most hateful joke - beware

So a guy’s wife goes into hospital for a minor operation. She goes into the operating theatre, and after about six hours the surgeon comes out to speak to the husband.
‘How did it go?’ says the husband.
‘Well,’ says the surgeon, ‘the operation was a success, but it seems to have had one or two...

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