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Harper Jokes

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Charlie Harper in Two and a half Men, Season 1 Episode 16

Alan: "I feel sorry that your heart has become so hard and small, that you've lost the capacity to connect with another human being on any level any more meaningful, than the inebriated exchange of bodily fluids.



"Charlie: "Boy, leave it to you to take a beautiful thing like drunken s...

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What is Harper Lee’s favorite cocktail?

Tequila Mockingbird

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Daughters.

A mother had three virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period Because Mom was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.

The first girl se...

Harper Lee made her own alcohol several decades ago, researchers found out it's called

Tequila Mockingbird.

What do you call 2000 of Harper E. Lee's favorite birds?

Two kilo-mockingbirds

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A recent article in the Daily Post reported that a man, Dave Harper, sued St Pauls Hospital, saying that after his wife had surgery there, she lost all interest in sex.

A Hospital spokesman replied:
Mrs Harper was admitted for cataract surgery. All we did was correct her eyesight.

What do Stephan Harper and pennies have in common?

They're both useless in Canada.

What's the difference between Stephen Harper and Rob Ford?

One likes pipelines, and the other likes pipes *and* lines.

A man walks up to Parliament Hall...

Man: I need to speak to Prime Minister Harper immediately!

Guard: I'm sorry sir, Steven Harper is no longer the Prime Minister of Canada.

##The man leaves. The next day, the man comes back again.

Man: Please, I need to speak to Prime Minister Harper!

Guard: Like I told yo...

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Prime Ministers Day

I was eating breakfast with my teenage daughter and I asked her,

"What special day is it in Canada tomorrow?" .

Without skipping a beat she said, "It's Prime Minister's Day!" .

She's smart, so I asked her "What does Prime Minister's Day mean?" .

I was waiting for somethin...

A man died and went to heaven

As he stood in front of St. Peter at the pearly gates he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked "what are all those clocks?" St. Peter answered "those are lie clocks everyone on earth has a lie clock and every time you lie the hands on your clock move." "oh" said the man, "whose clock is ...

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