Get Out Jokes - 31 Hilarious Get Out Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to get out of a speeding ticket...

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer...

How do you get 30 Canadians out of a pool?

You say, “O.K., everybody, it’s time to get out of the pool!”

A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out.

As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death."

He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

My wife has just told me to pack my bags and get out.

As I walked through the door she screamed : “ I hope you spend the rest of your life in misery and pain”

I said: “make your mind up, one minute your telling me to get out and now you want me to stay”

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An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day.

"I got you a job. It's a one-liner."

"That's okay!" replies the actor, "I've been out of work for so long I'll take anything. What's the line?"

"Hark, I hear the cannons roar," says the agent.

"I love it!" says the actor. "When's the audition?"

"Wednesday," says the agent...

What do you call something that’s easy to get into, but hard to get out of?

Trouble.

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How did I get out of Iran?

Iraq.

What’s hard to get into, but even harder to get out of?

A shower in winter.

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Get out shep!

Loads of guy's sitting around a table in a pub.

One of them has a fart coming on.

He can't hold it in so tries to do a quiet one, letting only a little squeak out.

A guy looks down at his dog under the table and says quietly "Get out shep"!

The guy thinks "Um? Everybody...

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A lawyer parks his sportscar on the side of a busy road. As soon as he opens the door to get out, BOOOM, an eighteen wheeler takes the driver side door clean off.

The lawyer gets out, sees the damage and immediately starts cursing the world "ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!! I JUST PAID THEIS BITCH OFF!!! TOP OF THE LINE EVERYTHING, AND NOW IT IS RUINED!!!!! WHY GOD, WHY ME!?!?!?!" As he continues on his tirade, a bike cop pulls up, and says the the lawyer, "you ...

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Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."

Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."

Mother: "Yes, you do."

Victor: "Give me one good reason."

Mother: "Because you're 47 years old, and you're the principal."

A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.”

The superconductor left without resistance.

Every morning when I get out of the house, a bike comes out of nowhere and tries to attack me.

It’s a vicious cycle.

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To get out of friend zone ,send her a dick pic

Whatever happens next ,you won't be stuck in friend zone for sure

Help, I can't get out....

An airline captain was helping a pretty new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for t...

Watched this TV show called "How To Get Out Of Bed"

Exciting stuff...I was on the edge of my sheet

How did I get out of Afghanistan?

Iran.

My wife asked me to get out of the house because I can’t stop singing Christmas songs.

I said, “But Baby, it’s cold outside.”

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Ever since having my baby daughter, she's become the only reason I get out of bed

16 times every fucking night.

Scruffy! Get out of there!

A young man nervously went to his girlfriend’s house for dinner and to meet her family. As they were sitting eating, his nerves were getting the better of him and he felt a tremendous build up of gas. Unfortunately, since he was the focus of attention, he just couldn’t find a break in the conversati...

Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. “Get out of here!” shouts the bartender...

>!“We don’t serve your type.”!<

Courtesy of Alexa: how does a banana get out of jail?

It wins on appeal.

How does a Midwesterner get out of a painful social situation?

They pop an OPE-ioid

How to get out of friendzone

"Hey does this rag smell like chloroform to you?" Works everytime

I was told to get out of my comfort zone

So I started driving on the other side of the road

Not only I’m I uncomfortable, but so is everybody else

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Every time I get out of the shower and look into the mirror, I see an asshole.

Maybe I should have installed it at eye level

How to get out...

... of a room with nothing but a table and a mirror in it?

You look in the mirror and see what you saw. You take the saw and cut the table in half. Two halves make a whole. Take the hole, put it in the wall and leave.

How do you get out of a jam?

By having a toast

What do you call a police officer that doesn't get out of bed?

An under cover cop.

What inspires you to get out of bed every day?

My bladder mostly.

How did the crazy person get out of the forest?

He took the psychopath!

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