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A bra and a booster cable go into a bar. The bartender says to the bra "Get out."

"Why?" yells the bra.

"Well," says the bartender, "you're off your tits, and your mate looks like he's ready to start something."

Scales: Get out, you got a note wrong

Jazz: im sorry wot

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How do you ask an Italian ass to get out of your way ?

Es-coochie !

Why are birth control pills so hard to get out of the package?

Childproofing

Scruffy! Get out of there!

A young man nervously went to his girlfriend’s house for dinner and to meet her family. As they were sitting eating, his nerves were getting the better of him and he felt a tremendous build up of gas. Unfortunately, since he was the focus of attention, he just couldn’t find a break in the conversati...

What do you call someone who can easily get out of a sweater?

Hoodie-ni

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I asked my diabetic friend to fake an emergency so we could get out class.

He said "Piece of Cake"

Sometimes it's difficult to get out of a habit.

At least that's what the nun in my bed said.

When I was a kid, you could go in a store with 10 dollars and get out with a new ball, 4 milk jugs, a shirt and a pair of shoes.

Nowadays you can't. There are security cameras everywhere.

What did I do to get out of Iraq?

Iran

How did the crazy person get out of the forest?

He took the psychopath!

A wife is yelling at her housband “Get out! I hate your guts!”

So her husband packs up his things and walks out the door.

As he is walking away his wife screams at him, “ I hope you die a slow and painful death!”

He suddenly stops and says, “So, you want me to stay?”

Why do engineers never get out of jail?

They fix every flaw in prison.

Every morning I get out of the house, a bike keeps running me over.

It’s a vicious cycle.

When you really have to pee but can't find the energy to get out of bed

You are in hiburination.

What inspires you to get out of bed every day?

My bladder mostly.

RETIRED HUSBAND After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:

Dear Mrs. Harris:

Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.

Our com...

How to get out of friendzone

"Hey does this rag smell like chloroform to you?" Works everytime

Did you hear about the beehive bees can’t get out of?

I heard it’s un-bee-leaveable.

Because the government can't seem to get out their own way and are actively hindering relief efforts, evangelicals have a point still going to church

Only God can help them now

You’re trapped in a room with unbreakable walls and no doors or windows. All you have is a computer. How do you get out?

Press the escape key.

Little girl at the hospital: "Nurse, you've been so kind and sweet to me. Would you please come and visit me when I get out of the hospital?"

Nurse: "Nah, graveyards give me the creeps"

What should you do when you get out of Yale?

Try to get a yob

How do you get out of a casino as a millionaire?

You go in as a billionaire.

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A few puns I thought of while trying not to get out of bed

What did the Alabama sister say to her sibling?

"Cum at me bro".



\-

Why did the wild fowl sneak into the girls washroom?

He was a peeking duck



\-

What did the fruit farmer say when asked about his crops?

"It's bananas"



\...

A recent study was conducted to find out why husbands get out of bed at night.

The results found that 5% were getting a snack, 10% percent were going to the toilet and the remaining 85% were going home.

Imagine that you're stuck in a locked room with no windows, no key, no tools, not even a door. How do you get out?

Stop imagining it.

Why do women get out of jail sooner than men?

Because periods ends sentences.

Him : Do you wanna get out of here?

Her : Sure


Him : Good , cause I was saving that seat for my friend.

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Mother: "Come on, Victor, you have to get out of bed or you'll be late for school."

Victor: "Mom, do I have to? All the teachers hate me, and all the students hate me, too."

Mother: "Yes, you do."

Victor: "Give me one good reason."

Mother: "Because you're 47 years old, and you're the principal."

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Three men are offered a chance to get out of Hell

One day in Hell, three men are offered to get into heaven, if they can ask God a question and make him answer incorrectly.

The first man, the smartest mathematician alive, asks God the hardest math question he has ever thought of. God being God, he answered correct.

The second man, the...

A guy gets home late, his wife says where have you been it's 3.00am Guy says I had some games of Poker, Wife said get out of my house, Guy replies Oh forgot to say..

It's not your house anymore either.

I tried to get out of Jury service by arguing that 12 jurors is unfair

It's 2 against 1

How do you get out of San Francisco?

Go straight....

After rounds of extensive life saving operations, I asked my nurse if she’d visit me when I finally get out.

She told me she doesn’t like cemeteries.

The only rule to get out of a casino with a small fortune

Is to enter there with a large one.

(Me) Ok I’m going to get out of bed now

(Also me one hour later) Ok I’m going to get out of bed now

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Ever since having my baby daughter, she's become the only reason I get out of bed

16 times every fucking night.

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There are 3 flies in a jar, one male, two female. One day, one of the female flies decides she wants to get out of the jar. She goes up to the other female fly and says, "Hey, how do you get out of the jar?" The other female fly says, "I don't know, maybe ask him."

So the female fly goes up to the male fly and asks, "Hey, how do you get out of this jar?"

The male fly says, "I can tell you, but you have to fuck me first." And flies....they aren't very smart. So they do it and the male fly tells the female fly, "You start from the bottom of the jar and fl...

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How did I get out of Iran?

Iraq.

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Why was it so hard to get out of R. Kelly’s sex cult?

Because once you’re in, urine.

There's a man who can't get out of bed before noon.

No matter how hard he tries, or how early he gets to sleep, he just cannot get out of bed before noon. For twenty years, his wife puts up with him until she suddenly dies in a freak accident.

The man meets a nurse at the ER who is also going through a life tragedy and they fall for each other...

How did that video of R. Kelly get out?

It leaked.

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A couple driving home run over a badger they get out and find it is still breathing but freezing cold

Husband says, "put it between your legs to keep it warm",

Wife replies "but it is all wet and it stinks,

He say, "well hold the badgers nose then!"

Inside every fat person theres a thin person trying to get out.

but outside every fat person theres a pizza waiting to get in.

An Arabian person asked me and said “How did you get out of Iraq”

“Iran”

A superconductor walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Get out! We don’t serve your kind here.”

The superconductor left without resistance.

My friend and I took a trip to Egypt. While we were sightseeing, he slipped and fell into a river. I told him he needs to get out as soon as possible but he refused to acknowledge his predicament.

He was in denial.

I was taking a dump and suddenly got stuck in the toilet and couldn't get out.

That was the worst experience I ever had at a Home Depot.

What's the difference between waiting for a woman to get out of work and stalking?

I'm not sure either but I think Judge Kaplan is going to tell me on Monday.

Why can't proctologists get out of debt?

They're always in arrears.

My dad told me to get out of bed and go to school.

I said no because I couldn't take this lying down!

Why did the zombie child find it hard to get out of bed?

He was a little stiff.

If you’re Russian when you’re going to the bathroom, Finnish when you get out, what are you while you’re in the bathroom?

European.

Silver walked up to elements in a bar that was on fire. Silver said "Get out!"

Gold said "Aukay"

Potassium said "K"

Sodium said "Na"

Argon didn't react.

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A bloke walks into a pet shop and places a bomb on the counter and says ” you’ve got one minute to get out”

A tortoise in the back shouts ” you bastard!”

What do you call a police officer that doesn't get out of bed?

An under cover cop.

How did Batman get out of religious jail?

He had to pay Christian Bail

I have a weird mental health issue where I have to get out and pull my car every time I go through a tunnel.

It's car-pull tunnel syndrome.

I've been in an abusive relationship for months now and I can't seem to get out of it. Someone show me what I'm doing wrong.

Everytime I hit her, she keeps coming back.

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What's the best way to get out of an uncomfortable conversation?

Put your penis back in your pants.

I found out my wife's been blowing the judge to get out of her parking fines.

I shouldn't be talking about it really... The judge put a gag order on it.

Yesterday I watched "Get Out" with my racist grandpa

He thought it was a documentatary.

My 8 year old got me this morning. We were rushing to get out the house quickly and then he told me...

MOM.. QUIT RUSHING ME.. I'M NOT RUSSIAN!

I asked an Ikea assistant to get out of my way.

He said, “You’re going to have to make me.”

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Fell into a pile of my wife's bra's and couldn't get out.

It was a booby trap.

How to get out...

... of a room with nothing but a table and a mirror in it?

You look in the mirror and see what you saw. You take the saw and cut the table in half. Two halves make a whole. Take the hole, put it in the wall and leave.

How can you tell your acne is really starting to get out of hand?

The blind start reading your face.

How does a dinosaur get out of a swimming pool?

Wet.

[WP] You're stuck in 2nd person and you can't get out.

Help you. Help you. Please, help you before it's too late.

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