Why did the toad evade his taxes?

He was Kermiting frog.

Did you hear about the bank robbers who managed to evade the police but lost one of their associates from the northern UK?

They got away scot-free

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A preist, a paedophile, a tax evader and a rapist walk into a bar.

He orders a drink.

As a newborn, I successfully evaded my own Circumcision...

...guess you could say I had foresight.

Why are tax evaders underfed in prison?

Five words: you get what you pay for

TIL Although Hansel and Gretel were able to evade being eaten, they developed 99 illnesses due to the fact that they lived in the candy house for over a month...

They got 99 problems but a witch ain't one.

The German tax evader in Switzerland

A German wants to bring his untaxed savings to a number account in Switzerland.

He sneaks into the bank, looks around and whispers to the bank assistant:
"Psst! I've got 2 million euros in my suitcase!"

The bank assistant replies in a normal voice:
"Why do you try to be so unsusp...

What do you call a Sith Lord who left his wife?

Darth Evade-her

A man was speeding, when a cop noticed him.

The man saw the cop and tried going faster. The cops chased him, he sped up even more, the cop stayed on him.



The man finally got his car going as fast as his car would go and the cop still stayed on his tail, so he pulled over.



The cop walks up to his and tells the guy...

Engineers take a bow!

During the development of a new jet fighter aircraft the wings on the prototypes kept snapping off where they joined the fuselage. The test-pilots who only barely survived by ejecting in time were terrified. No amount of re-design seem to solve the problem, so the aircraft company in desperation off...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

His family was experiencing financial trouble, and needed money. He tried applying for many jobs, they just didn't work out. After ending up working in the drug business to support his family, a deal went bad and he got shot, landing him to the hospital. The night his family arrived to check on him...

Darth Vader has a twin brother who’s a tory..

He’s called TAX EVADER

An art thief broke into the Louvre.

Through careful studying of the building plans and months of meticulous planning, he was able to evade all the security and stole several priceless paintings.

He then loaded the paintings into his van parked nearby. Just as he was about to leave, he heard the alarm go off in the building.
...

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So Merkel, Trump and Putin meet at the coast of normandy ...

Trump starts to tell them as soon as he arrives "we invented some new submarines, which can permanently stay under water for almost a month now". "Hah. We already invented submarines, that only have to cut surface once a year" Putin proudly replies. Both look at Merkel waiting for her to top them, b...

Hundreds of years ago, there was a brave ranger who went on many adventures.

There was also an evil sorcerer named Danny who claimed he could enchant arrows to follow their targets. Mysteriously, anyone who made the journey to the sorcerer never came back. Of course, the ranger decided to make the journey, to figure out what was going on. He made sure to take an arrow as wel...

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There once was a police dog...

The K-9 unit had decided to get some new dogs to sniff out drugs and the like. One of them happened to have an exceptional talent for this, and while training this dog, several notorious local drug dealers had already been caught. Eventually, the dog was assigned to a cop, and the cop named the dog ...

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So a man crashes his plane onto a deserted island...

After a while of being alone the man begins to grow incredibly horny. He spots a donkey off in the distance and decides to go for it. The donkey isn’t having any of it and quickly evades the man. Years go by and he still just can’t catch the damn donkey. One day an unconscious woman washes up on the...

A man walks into an art museum...

...saunters past a guard and rips a painting off the wall with his bare hands. The guards attempt to stop him as he runs out of the museum, but he is too quick and acrobatic and evades all of their efforts. Just out the museum doors, he hops into the back of a white van that begins speeding away wit...

Three bank robbers: a redhead, a brunette, and a blonde...

Are trying to evade the police when they come across a farm. Being short on time and options, they all decide to hide in the barn. The redhead hides near the horses, the brunette hides near the cows, and the blonde hides in a pile of potatoes.

When the police come to search the barn, first t...

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Happiness is just like a butterfly...

It always fucking evades you.

A man and his son were at a bar. The man is standing near a dartboard.

When one dart almost hits him, the man says, "look son I'm Dart Evader!"

The son sighs, "stop it dad."

The man says, "look, I'm not your dad. *I am your father.*"

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The tale of three friends

There were once three friends who were traveling along a lonely, winding road at twilight. In time, the friends reached a river too deep to wade through and too dangerous to swim across.. However, these friends were learned in the magical arts, and so the first friend waved his broken wand and made ...

An old lady gets into a taxi

An old lady gets into a taxi (they're usually mostly Mercs here in Germany) and asks, what that star is for. The taxi driver jokingly replies

"That's a crosshair. I need it to aim for pedestrians."

A few minutes into the drive, a pedestrian ran onto the street and the taxi driver bar...

Christ is on the cross

He's calling out to Peter. 'Peter! Peter!' he shouts. Peter hears him and tries to get closer, but a Roman guard cuts off his arm and sends him packing. Christ calls out again. 'Peter! Peter!' he shouts. Again Peter tries to get closer but is again stopped by the Roman guard, who cuts off his other ...

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