Earthquake Jokes

It was grounded

It must have been a groundbreaking experience

that I start shaking uncontrollably

Death by Default

A stable

I’m okay. Just a little shaken up.

She was crushed by a title wave.

The evidence to support his claim was shaky at best.

They're literally flying off the shelves.

The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.

The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he wa... read more

I told him it sounds like a recipe for disaster.

He is shaken but not stirred.

Jeez, in Kentucky we just say she fell outta bed

Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

Iraq, Kuwait, UAE, Saudi Arabia and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.... read more

While they wait to be executed they come up with a plan. Right before they are to be shot, each one will yell that some natural disaster or emergency is happening to distract the soldiers and they would be able to escape.

The brunette is first. As she hears the captain counting down to 0 she... read more

But a few snakes were rattled.

California had first choice!

**just a joke, I respect your right to your opinion and free expression **

During an earthquake, coffins double in function as human maracas.

A milkshake

A Shakesperience

Shake Djibouti!

No foreign aid was granted because according to the UN
"It was their own damn fault"

It was just the start of China's two-child policy.

A kid then says, “well that would be a weird flex but ok”

That wasn't my fault.


Courtesy of my 11 year old daughter.

... a number of minor injuries.

It's not my fault!

Because whenever we have a dispute, I'm always at fault.

One shakes a tower while the other takes a shower... hopefully

Relief workers are still at work trying to figure out what was the town's name before the catastrophe.

is it murder by de*fault*?

Because it’s crack-a-lackin’

No one came.

Tsunami had a silent tea.

Amal Shookup

it was all san andreas fault

He walks into the pub and there are all these old men just sitting around in silence. So the backpacker orders a beer and finds himself a seat.

Suddenly one of the men shouts, "Number 4!" and the whole room erupts with laughter.

The backpacker is surprised by this but then the laughter... read more

Their houses are always stable

I've been really stressed out lately, I know it's not your fault, but please stop cracking jokes about me

Guess your mom had a good Valentine's Day.

One day a local scientist named Steve was sent a mysterious email. The email read:

Steve I know who you are, and where you live. My name must remain anonymous, so as of now you may refer to me as "Somebody". Steve I contact you because my independent studies have discovered a massive earthqua... read more

A maraca band

in a stationary store.

Some people call it a massacre

It was the earth’s fault

Milk shakes

The information is groundbreaking

The shake weight.

Develop Parkinsons.

Around 3000 people died.

The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.

England gave medicine.

France sent food.

Germany made huge donations.

USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

Van der Waals start shaking.

Two million Muslims are confirmed dead and another million are injured. President-elect Trump, wanting to help as much as possible, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.

Sorry, that’s a bad ice breaker.

~ Michael J. Fox

It wasn’t his fault

Yes, it’s an old one, Bush was president when I first heard it and I’m keeping it that way.

President Bush visits a primary school and joins a class in a history lesson, when the teacher just asked: “Can somebody tell me what a tragedy is?”

A boy raises his hand and says: “When a bus ... read more

Karen loved the golf game but was not very good at it.

She was out on the links one day, playing with her husband John.

As usual, every time she swung at the ball, she made the earth beneath it fly every which way!

“My goodness, John,” she said, blushing at her ineptitude... read more

The first guy was about to be shot and he shouted “TSUNAMI" and everybody rushed to the sea to looked and he escaped
The second guy was about to be shot and he shouted“EARTHQUAKE" and everybody rushed to a safe place and he escaped
The third guy was about to be shot and he shouted“FIRE"
so ... read more

Moses steps up and puts his drive straight into the hazard. He calmly walks to the edge of the pond and raises his club. The waters part, Moses walks down to his ball, and chips it onto the green.

Jesus, up next, also sends his drive into the drink. He calmly walks out over the water, loc... read more

“Hello little girl, can I speak with your mommy?”
“No. She’s busy”.

“Sorry? Did you say she’s busy? Well could I speak with your daddy?”
“No. He’s busy too”.

“Is there anyone else there?”
“Yes, my aunty and uncle”.
“Could I speak with one of them?”
“No. They’re... read more

I told her it was her fault.

Which is why when my house was destroyed in an earthquake my faith was shook. The saints must have been distracted by something that day. I don't want to point the finger at anyone in particular, but I can't help feeling it must have been San Andreas' fault.

Because they are at fault

California said "It's not our fault."

All that stupid faulty logic.

And they thought the building collapsed due to an earthquake...

George: "Oh no, that's terrible!"

Jeff: "What happened?"

George: "An earthquake! They found 13 dead, and counting!"

Jeff: "That *is* terrible."

Jeff: "I hate counting too."

1. Why do dogs wag their tails? Because no one else will do it for them.
2. A zombie got a new girlfriend. He introduces her to his friend, who says: "Wow, she's a hottie. Where did you dig her up?"
3. Image living in an ice globe city. The weather reports would be interesting: "Chance of an ... read more

Two elderly men met in a town in Florida, and began to talk to each other. It turned out both of them were from Oregon, and had owned small factories, and had now retired and moved to Florida.

"I had a factory that produced high-end furniture," said the first man. "Was successful for many yea... read more

The first captured soldier is taken in front of the firing squad and is about to get killed.

That soldier gets clever and thinks of a plan: right before the enemies fire at him, he yells “EARTHQUAKE!.”
The enemy firing squad gets confused for a moment thinking there’s an earthquake. By the... read more

It shook me up a little bit.

Teacher: Class, what should you do if there is an earthquake?
Tonio: Turn on the light, Sir!
Teacher: How come?
Tonio: Sir, everynight there's an earthquake in our hut, but it stops when I turn on the light.

An earthquake came and the building collapsed because it wasn’t stabilized and I said it wasn’t my fault

Method of execution: Firing squad

The brunette was up, the gunmen readied their weapons, the captain started the countdown ... 3...2...1

The brunette exclaimed : "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

The gunmen were terrified! Fearing their impending doom at the face of such a natural phenomenon, the... read more

After a disasterous earthquake in New York, a wee man from Glasgow headed off across the Atlantic to aid his American friends in the clean up operation.

After many days of making little progress, Joe heard that President Obama had arrived to thank everyone who was digging in.

That af... read more

He argues with them for over an hour before he says

Rabbi John: Alright you three think you're right and I think I'm right. Let's ask God.

The four men walk outside to a cliff, and John shouts to the sky


Rabbi John: God if I'm right send me a sign!


Storm clouds ... read more

Who's There?

KNOCK KNOCK

Who's There? Who's Knocking?

KNOCK KNOCK intensifies....

Why can't I see you? Where are you hiding?

*Dies in an Earthquake*