What do you call a death that is caused by an earthquake?

Death by Default

Fortunately the California earthquakes were a bit out in the desert so not many people got hurt.

But a few snakes were rattled.

The 911 operator didn’t take my report of an earthquake seriously.

I guess he didn’t understand the magnitude of the situation.

Scientists found out that the cause for the California earthquake was not a divine retribution but simply a banana peel.

Your mom slipped over it.

During an earthquake drill, a teacher mentions the age of the school and how the windows might move a bit.

A kid then says, “well that would be a weird flex but ok”

Earthquake

During an earthquake, coffins double in function as human maracas.

What was the earthquakes punishment

It was grounded

My brother tried to argue that earthquakes are much worse than volcanoes because volcanoes are cool.

I shook my head and told him his argument is on shaky ground.

I get so nervous during earthquakes

that I start shaking uncontrollably

What do you call it when there’s an earthquake at a cemetery ?

A maraca band

James Bond is fast asleep in bed when suddenly there is an earthquake!

He is shaken but not stirred.

I keep hearing people say these SoCal earthquakes are being caused by the heat or as punishment for how we have been acting. I think they are wrong.

It is actually the San Andreas's fault.

How does a Dutch gecko know when there's an earthquake?

Van der Waals start shaking.

My sister in California said she felt two earthquakes just in the last week.

I told her it was her fault.

What do you call an Arabian Elvis in an earthquake?

Amal Shookup

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with me is like an earthquake

Lasts less than a minute and leaves you wondering what the hell just happened

The safest place to be during an earthquake would be

in a stationary store.

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly th...

Did you hear about the earthquake that destroyed 4046.856 square metres of land during church?

Some people call it a massacre

TIL the Richter scale is no longer the standard measurement for earthquakes.

It shook me up a little bit.

What do you call an earthquake during a production of Hamlet?

A Shakesperience

What did one earthquake say to the other?

..It's not my fault

A college professor was very worried about his recent study on earthquakes.

It turns out his findings were on shaky ground.

Why do fat people cause earthquakes

Because they’re always moving plates

I blame Mother Earth for all earthquakes.

It’s always her fault.

There was an earthquake where I live last night

I'm pretty shaken up about it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cow Jokes

What do u call a cow with 4 legs? A cow

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Tri-tip

What do u call a cow with 2 legs? Lean Meat

What do you call a cow with 1 leg? Steak

What do u call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

Where do you find a cow with no legs?
R...

Heaven

One day, there is a massive earthquake and you and a few of your friends are killed. You want to hang around for a while to check on your family before you go up to heaven. When you get up there, God says, "For being one hour late, you have to spend eternity cleaning my palace." One of your friends ...

A huge earthquake shook Mexico

Around 3000 people died.

The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.

England gave medicine.

France sent food.

Germany made huge donations.

USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

4 Brazilian people were killed in an earthquake

How many is in a Brazilian?

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

That wasn't my fault.


Courtesy of my 11 year old daughter.

A massive earthquake destroys a town

It was the earth’s fault

I hate it when geologists explain the reasons behind earthquakes.

All that stupid faulty logic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an earthquake at the Christian Brothers' monastery and it was leveled.

All fifty brothers were transported to heaven at the one time.

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said, "Let's go through the entry test as a group. Now, first question. How many of you have played around with little boys?"

Forty-nine hands went up.

"Right!" said St. Peter. "You for...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dam Buster?

Theres an old village in a valley some where with a Dam at one end.

One day theres an earthquake and a crack appears in the dam and the village starts to slowly flood.

The emergency services and army are called and the village is cleared, other than the village church where the priest ...

Do you hear about the earthquake in Alaska?

Sorry, that’s a bad ice breaker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I finally got a chance to feel what it was like to have sex as a woman...

There was a large earthquake in our area and all I had to do was just lay there, scream and cover my head while the bed shook around

If someone is killed by an earthquake,

is it murder by de*fault*?

When have videogames ever hurt anyone?

Well actually, three thousand people were killed in California in the 1906 earthquake. That was San Andreas's fault.

What’s wet and likes to shake?

An earthquake on a rainy day.

Ben, Dan and Carl were sentence to death by a firing squad because of treason to the state.

Ben was the first up, the general would give the command to his soldiers to shoot. “Ready..Aim...” Then Ben suddenly shouted “EARTHQUAKE!!” All the soldiers hid for cover and Ben escaped. Dan was next. “Ready...Aim...” Then Dan Screamed “TSUNAMI!!” The soldiers hid for cover again and they lost Ben ...

Authorities in Beijing have advised that the Earthquake felt by millions last night was nothing to worry about.

It was just the start of China's two-child policy.

What happens when there is an earthquake in Africa?

Djibouti shakes!

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East .

Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

Iraq, Kuwait, UAE, Saudi Arabia and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace....

Mr. Earthquake was finally released from jail for 10 years after being wrongfully accused

It wasn’t his fault

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It leads to something, I promise

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

Milkshake



What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky



What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef



What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef



What do you c...

Two seismologists have divided California into North and South to be monitored for earthquakes. A deadly magnitude 9 happens right in the middle

The North seismologist says: "why didn't you see the earthquake coming?!"

The South seismologist says: "It's not my Fault!"

What's an Etch-A-Sketch artists's worst nightmare?

An earthquake.

Why don't Jehovah Witness' get killed during an earthquake...

Because they are always in your doorway.

What is an earthquake's favorite exercise?

The shake weight.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

(This was in the days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws,
tornados and droughts-not the current situation, where the Wild West means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and
earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)

So, Fred fou...

What do you get when there’s an earthquake at a cow pasture?

Milk shakes

If in an earthquake, take shelter with a horse...

Their houses are always stable

A local earthquake station gets an anonymous tip...

One day a local scientist named Steve was sent a mysterious email. The email read:

Steve I know who you are, and where you live. My name must remain anonymous, so as of now you may refer to me as "Somebody". Steve I contact you because my independent studies have discovered a massive earthqua...

I can't describe how terrified I was to be in the middle of an earthquake...

...I was shaking.

Mexico had an earthquake which was a 6 on the Richter scale

Guess you can say there was seis-mic activity down there

A group of scientists conducted experiments on earthquakes

The results were ground breaking

It’s a great time to live in California

Because all the giant tsunamis caused by the giant earthquakes can put out the giant fires

What did San Andreas said to the Earthquake?

This is all your fault!

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were to be executed during a dictatorship.

Method of execution: Firing squad

The brunette was up, the gunmen readied their weapons, the captain started the countdown ... 3...2...1

The brunette exclaimed : "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

The gunmen were terrified! Fearing their impending doom at the face of such a natural phenomenon, the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japan just had an earthquake, I saw it on TV.

It was a ground breaking news

"What earthquake?"

~ Michael J. Fox

A lot of cities like to name their sports teams after their states major disasters

For example:

- Chicago Fire (Soccer)
- Colorado Avalanche (Hockey)
- Kansas City Tornadoes (Basketball)
- San Jose Earthquakes (Soccer)
- Miami Hurricanes (Football)
- New York City Jets (Football)

Original joke taken from a comment by u/toastytreats

Whose fault is it that California always has earthquakes?

San Andreas fault.

Did you hear about the recent earthquake research?

The information is groundbreaking

What causes German Earthquakes?

Teutonic Plates.

I'm sorry I'll find my own way out

So, there was an earthquake in Georgia.

Guess your mom had a good Valentine's Day.

A brunette, redhead, and blonde got sentenced to execution in front of a firing squad.

The brunette was dragged, kicking and screaming, to the wall and blindfolded. In desperation, she screamed "TORNADO!". The soldiers, caught by surprise, dropped their guns and covered their heads. The brunette tore off her blindfold and bolted to freedom out of the encampment.

By and by, the ...

3 men were sentenced to death by firing.

The day of the execution came, and the firing squad leads the men to the execution grounds.

 

Now, this firing squad was rather well-known to be the most gullible group around, and it’s due to this knowledge that the first man started to hatch a cunning plan to escape.

...

3 prisoners on their execution day

There were 3 prisoners: Prisoner A, Prisoner B and Prisoner C.

They were going to be shot by soldiers on top of a cliff.

So the first day, it was the Prisoner A. He was taken to the cliff and the soldiers asked, "Any last words?" Prisoner A yelled, "TYPHOON!" so the soldiers ran and l...

3 criminals are about to be executed by firing squad

The first one is told to get in front and the marshal count down. 3! 2! 1! The prisoner shouts TORNADO and points behind the soldiers. When the soldiers turn around the prisoner runs away.

The marshal isn’t pleased and orders the second prisoner to the line. He counts down 3! 2! 1! The priso...

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