What was the earthquakes punishment

It was grounded

I get so nervous during earthquakes

that I start shaking uncontrollably

What do you call a death that is caused by an earthquake?

Death by Default

James Bond is fast asleep in bed when suddenly there is an earthquake!

He is shaken but not stirred.

I wonder who was the first person to see an earthquake

It must have been a groundbreaking experience

Fortunately the California earthquakes were a bit out in the desert so not many people got hurt.

But a few snakes were rattled.

Did you hear about the librarian that was killed in an earthquake?

She was crushed by a title wave.

Earthquakes are confusing

We know where the fault lies but we have no one to blame

If an earthquake hits California,

...it will be San Andreas’ fault.

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

A milkshake.

I asked god why we have earthquakes

She said it wasn’t her fault.

What do you call an earthquake during a production of Hamlet?

A Shakesperience

A scientist recently said that the “perfect earthquake” was going to strike the West Coast soon.

The evidence to support his claim was shaky at best.

There was a devastating earthquake in the Irish town of Llanfair Pwllgwyngyll.

Relief workers are still at work trying to figure out what was the town's name before the catastrophe.

I keep hearing people say these SoCal earthquakes are being caused by the heat or as punishment for how we have been acting. I think they are wrong.

It is actually the San Andreas's fault.

I recently got fired as an architect

An earthquake came and the building collapsed because it wasn’t stabilized and I said it wasn’t my fault

Three men were about to be executed by the firing squad.

The first man was brought forward and before they could shoot him he yelled "avalanche"! The firing squad panicked and in the confusion, the man jumped over the wall and into freedom before the firing squad could regroup.

The second man thought what the first man did was clever and when he wa...

The 911 operator didn’t take my report of an earthquake seriously.

I guess he didn’t understand the magnitude of the situation.

During an earthquake drill, a teacher mentions the age of the school and how the windows might move a bit.

A kid then says, “well that would be a weird flex but ok”

Tsunami invited Cyclone,Earthquake,and Drought to a tea party.

No one came.

Tsunami had a silent tea.

A salesperson calls a home and the phone is answered by a softly spoken little girl, so quiet she’s hard to hear.

“Hello little girl, can I speak with your mommy?”
“No. She’s busy”.

“Sorry? Did you say she’s busy? Well could I speak with your daddy?”
“No. He’s busy too”.

“Is there anyone else there?”
“Yes, my aunty and uncle”.
“Could I speak with one of them?”
“No. They’re...

George and Jeff watches TV

George: "Oh no, that's terrible!"

Jeff: "What happened?"

George: "An earthquake! They found 13 dead, and counting!"

Jeff: "That *is* terrible."

Jeff: "I hate counting too."

Three people were about face death sentence

The first guy was about to be shot and he shouted “TSUNAMI" and everybody rushed to the sea to looked and he escaped
The second guy was about to be shot and he shouted“EARTHQUAKE" and everybody rushed to a safe place and he escaped
The third guy was about to be shot and he shouted“FIRE"
so ...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are arrested and sentenced to death by firing squad, one by one.

While they wait to be executed they come up with a plan.

Right before they’re about to be shot, each one will yell that some natural disaster or emergency is happening to distract the soldiers. During the distraction, they would be able to escape.

The brunette is first. As she hears ...

What do you call it when there’s an earthquake at a cemetery ?

A maraca band

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with me is like an earthquake

Lasts less than a minute and leaves you wondering what the hell just happened

My sister in California said she felt two earthquakes just in the last week.

I told her it was her fault.

Last week we had an earthquake, a hurricane, and a LITERAL serpentine fire so, on this auspicious day, I'd just like to say:

OK, Earth Wind & Fire...

WE REMEMBER THE 21ST NIGHT OF SEPTEMBER!!!

Earthquake

During an earthquake, coffins double in function as human maracas.

Scientists found out that the cause for the California earthquake was not a divine retribution but simply a banana peel.

Your mom slipped over it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, Scotsman and an Irishman get caught by the Nazis during the war.

The Englishman is put up to the wall to be shot. The officer asks him "Do you have any last words?", the Englishman shouts "Tornado!". The Germans all turn around and the Englishman jumps over the fence and gets away.

The Scotsman is put up the wall to be shot. The officer asks him "You you h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cato was a running in a marathon when an earthquake killed all the other participants...

It was cato's trophy.

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

That wasn't my fault.


Courtesy of my 11 year old daughter.

Did you hear about the earthquake that destroyed 4046.856 square metres of land during church?

Some people call it a massacre

The safest place to be during an earthquake would be

in a stationary store.

What happens when there is an earthquake in Africa?

Djibouti shakes!

What is an earthquake's favorite exercise?

The shake weight.

Why is a planet that is earthquake-free so awesome?

Because it’s crack-a-lackin’

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Englishman, an American and an Irishman are lined up against the wall to be executed by the Nazis.

The Englishman is first, they put him against the wall, ready, aim …. The Englishman yells out earthquake earthquake!!! The Germans panic and he manages to run away.

The american is next and having seen what happened, as the Germans go ready, aim …. He yells out flood, flood. Again the German...

I hate it when geologists explain the reasons behind earthquakes.

All that stupid faulty logic.

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly th...

If in an earthquake, take shelter with a horse...

Their houses are always stable

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an earthquake at the Christian Brothers' monastery and it was leveled.

All fifty brothers were transported to heaven at the one time.

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said, "Let's go through the entry test as a group. Now, first question. How many of you have played around with little boys?"

Forty-nine hands went up.

"Right!" said St. Peter. "You for...

How does a Dutch gecko know when there's an earthquake?

Van der Waals start shaking.

What do you call an Arabian Elvis in an earthquake?

Amal Shookup

TIL the Richter scale is no longer the standard measurement for earthquakes.

It shook me up a little bit.

Three men are about to be executed

The guards bring the first man out & the firing squad gets ready to shoot. But then the man yells “*EARTHQUAKE!*” Everyone runs for cover, & the prisoner escapes.

They bring the second man out & the firing squad gets ready. But then the man yells “*TORNADO!*” Everyone runs for co...

A huge earthquake shook Mexico

Around 3000 people died.

The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.

England gave medicine.

France sent food.

Germany made huge donations.

USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

If someone is killed by an earthquake,

is it murder by de*fault*?

A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East .

Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.

Iraq, Kuwait, UAE, Saudi Arabia and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.

The rest of the world is in shock.

Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace....

A few jokes...

1. Why do dogs wag their tails? Because no one else will do it for them.
2. A zombie got a new girlfriend. He introduces her to his friend, who says: "Wow, she's a hottie. Where did you dig her up?"
3. Image living in an ice globe city. The weather reports would be interesting: "Chance of an ...

Authorities in Beijing have advised that the Earthquake felt by millions last night was nothing to worry about.

It was just the start of China's two-child policy.

There was an earthquake where I live last night

I'm pretty shaken up about it

A local earthquake station gets an anonymous tip...

One day a local scientist named Steve was sent a mysterious email. The email read:

Steve I know who you are, and where you live. My name must remain anonymous, so as of now you may refer to me as "Somebody". Steve I contact you because my independent studies have discovered a massive earthqua...

Do you hear about the earthquake in Alaska?

Sorry, that’s a bad ice breaker.

A massive earthquake destroys a town

It was the earth’s fault

Mr. Earthquake was finally released from jail for 10 years after being wrongfully accused

It wasn’t his fault

I moved my girlfriend's vase to the top shelf

Then there was an earthquake and the vase fell off and broke.

My girlfriend was angry with me, but it wasn't my fault.

What do you get when there’s an earthquake at a cow pasture?

Milk shakes

"What earthquake?"

~ Michael J. Fox

A large earthquake with a strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale just got the Middle East recently.

Two million Muslims are confirmed dead and another million are injured. President-elect Trump, wanting to help as much as possible, is sending back two million replacement Muslims.

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

I've been really stressed out lately, I know it's not your fault, but please stop cracking jokes about me

So, there was an earthquake in Georgia.

Guess your mom had a good Valentine's Day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cow Jokes

What do u call a cow with 4 legs? A cow

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Tri-tip

What do u call a cow with 2 legs? Lean Meat

What do you call a cow with 1 leg? Steak

What do u call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

Where do you find a cow with no legs?
R...

How to retire when business is poor

Two elderly men met in a town in Florida, and began to talk to each other. It turned out both of them were from Oregon, and had owned small factories, and had now retired and moved to Florida.

"I had a factory that produced high-end furniture," said the first man. "Was successful for many yea...

Rabbi John is arguing with three other Rabbis over a passage in the Torah.

He argues with them for over an hour before he says

Rabbi John: Alright you three think you're right and I think I'm right. Let's ask God.

The four men walk outside to a cliff, and John shouts to the sky


Rabbi John: God if I'm right send me a sign!


Storm clouds ...

What to do during earthquakes...

Teacher: Class, what should you do if there is an earthquake?
Tonio: Turn on the light, Sir!
Teacher: How come?
Tonio: Sir, everynight there's an earthquake in our hut, but it stops when I turn on the light.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japan just had an earthquake, I saw it on TV.

It was a ground breaking news

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

Not enough to save his family after the earthquake collapsed his house.

RIP woodchuckers

Did you hear about the recent earthquake research?

The information is groundbreaking

What causes German Earthquakes?

Teutonic Plates.

I'm sorry I'll find my own way out

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were to be executed during a dictatorship.

Method of execution: Firing squad

The brunette was up, the gunmen readied their weapons, the captain started the countdown ... 3...2...1

The brunette exclaimed : "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

The gunmen were terrified! Fearing their impending doom at the face of such a natural phenomenon, the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

(This was in the days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws,
tornados and droughts-not the current situation, where the Wild West means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and
earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)

So, Fred fou...

What's an Etch-A-Sketch artists's worst nightmare?

An earthquake.

Ben, Dan and Carl were sentence to death by a firing squad because of treason to the state.

Ben was the first up, the general would give the command to his soldiers to shoot. “Ready..Aim...” Then Ben suddenly shouted “EARTHQUAKE!!” All the soldiers hid for cover and Ben escaped. Dan was next. “Ready...Aim...” Then Dan Screamed “TSUNAMI!!” The soldiers hid for cover again and they lost Ben ...

KNOCK KNOCK

Who's There?

KNOCK KNOCK

Who's There? Who's Knocking?

KNOCK KNOCK intensifies....

Why can't I see you? Where are you hiding?

*Dies in an Earthquake*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dam Buster?

Theres an old village in a valley some where with a Dam at one end.

One day theres an earthquake and a crack appears in the dam and the village starts to slowly flood.

The emergency services and army are called and the village is cleared, other than the village church where the priest ...

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