What do you call a death that is caused by an earthquake?

Death by Default

Fortunately the California earthquakes were a bit out in the desert so not many people got hurt.

But a few snakes were rattled.

The 911 operator didn’t take my report of an earthquake seriously.

I guess he didn’t understand the magnitude of the situation.

Scientists found out that the cause for the California earthquake was not a divine retribution but simply a banana peel.

Your mom slipped over it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex with me is like an earthquake

Lasts less than a minute and leaves you wondering what the hell just happened

Earthquake

During an earthquake, coffins double in function as human maracas.

What do you call an Arabian Elvis in an earthquake?

Amal Shookup

Did you hear about the earthquake that destroyed 4046.856 square metres of land during church?

Some people call it a massacre

What do you call an earthquake during a production of Hamlet?

A Shakesperience

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How bad was the earthquake?

When I was peeing, it felt like I was jerking-off.

I keep hearing people say these SoCal earthquakes are being caused by the heat or as punishment for how we have been acting. I think they are wrong.

It is actually the San Andreas's fault.

As a Tectonic plate, everyone is always blaming me for earthquakes...

...but they are not all my fault.

The safest place to be during an earthquake would be

in a stationary store.

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

A milkshake!

Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world ...

Why do fat people cause earthquakes

Because they’re always moving plates

What did one earthquake say to the other?

..It's not my fault

A brunette, redhead, and blonde got sentenced to execution in front of a firing squad.

The brunette was dragged, kicking and screaming, to the wall and blindfolded. In desperation, she screamed "TORNADO!". The soldiers, caught by surprise, dropped their guns and covered their heads. The brunette tore off her blindfold and bolted to freedom out of the encampment.

By and by, the ...

4 Brazilian people were killed in an earthquake

How many is in a Brazilian?

A huge earthquake shook Mexico

Around 3000 people died.

The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.

England gave medicine.

France sent food.

Germany made huge donations.

USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

A college professor was very worried about his recent study on earthquakes.

It turns out his findings were on shaky ground.

TIL the Richter scale is no longer the standard measurement for earthquakes.

It shook me up a little bit.

A massive earthquake destroys a town

It was the earth’s fault

What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake?

That wasn't my fault.


Courtesy of my 11 year old daughter.

I hate it when geologists explain the reasons behind earthquakes.

All that stupid faulty logic.

Do you hear about the earthquake in Alaska?

Sorry, that’s a bad ice breaker.

There was an earthquake where I live last night

I'm pretty shaken up about it

How do you know you’re in an earthquake?

You call the lift and the floor comes down for you.

If someone is killed by an earthquake,

is it murder by de*fault*?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In San Francisco 1989 there was a major earthquake, which group of people got out the fastest.

The gays, because they already had their shit packed

Authorities in Beijing have advised that the Earthquake felt by millions last night was nothing to worry about.

It was just the start of China's two-child policy.

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There was an earthquake at the Christian Brothers' monastery and it was leveled.

All fifty brothers were transported to heaven at the one time.

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter said, "Let's go through the entry test as a group. Now, first question. How many of you have played around with little boys?"

Forty-nine hands went up.

"Right!" said St. Peter. "You for...

Mr. Earthquake was finally released from jail for 10 years after being wrongfully accused

It wasn’t his fault

What happens when there is an earthquake in Africa?

Djibouti shakes!

Oklahoma asked California about all these earthquakes recently.

California said "It's not our fault."

I can't describe how terrified I was to be in the middle of an earthquake...

...I was shaking.

What do you get when there’s an earthquake at a cow pasture?

Milk shakes

What is an earthquake's favorite exercise?

The shake weight.

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly th...

Two seismologists have divided California into North and South to be monitored for earthquakes. A deadly magnitude 9 happens right in the middle

The North seismologist says: "why didn't you see the earthquake coming?!"

The South seismologist says: "It's not my Fault!"

Why don't Jehovah Witness' get killed during an earthquake...

Because they are always in your doorway.

If in an earthquake, take shelter with a horse...

Their houses are always stable

Mexico had an earthquake which was a 6 on the Richter scale

Guess you can say there was seis-mic activity down there

Did you hear about how James Bond slept through an earthquake?

He was shaken, not stirred.

A local earthquake station gets an anonymous tip...

One day a local scientist named Steve was sent a mysterious email. The email read:

Steve I know who you are, and where you live. My name must remain anonymous, so as of now you may refer to me as "Somebody". Steve I contact you because my independent studies have discovered a massive earthqua...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It leads to something, I promise

What do you call a cow in an earthquake?

Milkshake



What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky



What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef



What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef



What do you c...

A group of scientists conducted experiments on earthquakes

The results were ground breaking

What to do during earthquakes...

Teacher: Class, what should you do if there is an earthquake?
Tonio: Turn on the light, Sir!
Teacher: How come?
Tonio: Sir, everynight there's an earthquake in our hut, but it stops when I turn on the light.

What did San Andreas said to the Earthquake?

This is all your fault!

"What earthquake?"

~ Michael J. Fox

Ben, Dan and Carl were sentence to death by a firing squad because of treason to the state.

Ben was the first up, the general would give the command to his soldiers to shoot. “Ready..Aim...” Then Ben suddenly shouted “EARTHQUAKE!!” All the soldiers hid for cover and Ben escaped. Dan was next. “Ready...Aim...” Then Dan Screamed “TSUNAMI!!” The soldiers hid for cover again and they lost Ben ...

Did you hear about the recent earthquake research?

The information is groundbreaking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Japan just had an earthquake, I saw it on TV.

It was a ground breaking news

Whose fault is it that California always has earthquakes?

San Andreas fault.

What's an Etch-A-Sketch artists's worst nightmare?

An earthquake.

What causes German Earthquakes?

Teutonic Plates.

I'm sorry I'll find my own way out

So, there was an earthquake in Georgia.

Guess your mom had a good Valentine's Day.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.

(This was in the days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws,
tornados and droughts-not the current situation, where the Wild West means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and
earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)

So, Fred fou...

It’s a great time to live in California

Because all the giant tsunamis caused by the giant earthquakes can put out the giant fires

A brunette, a redhead and a blonde were to be executed during a dictatorship.

Method of execution: Firing squad

The brunette was up, the gunmen readied their weapons, the captain started the countdown ... 3...2...1

The brunette exclaimed : "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

The gunmen were terrified! Fearing their impending doom at the face of such a natural phenomenon, the...

A lot of cities like to name their sports teams after their states major disasters

For example:

- Chicago Fire (Soccer)
- Colorado Avalanche (Hockey)
- Kansas City Tornadoes (Basketball)
- San Jose Earthquakes (Soccer)
- Miami Hurricanes (Football)
- New York City Jets (Football)

Original joke taken from a comment by u/toastytreats

The Worst Natural Disaster

So, all the natural disasters took a vote to see which one was the worst.

* Hurricane blew the others away.
* Earthquake shook things up pretty badly.
* Flooding was a bit of a wash.
* Blizzard almost buried the rest.
* Sinkhole's campaign totally collapsed.
* Meteor made a dee...

3 criminals are about to be executed by firing squad

The first one is told to get in front and the marshal count down. 3! 2! 1! The prisoner shouts TORNADO and points behind the soldiers. When the soldiers turn around the prisoner runs away.

The marshal isn’t pleased and orders the second prisoner to the line. He counts down 3! 2! 1! The priso...

3 prisoners on their execution day

There were 3 prisoners: Prisoner A, Prisoner B and Prisoner C.

They were going to be shot by soldiers on top of a cliff.

So the first day, it was the Prisoner A. He was taken to the cliff and the soldiers asked, "Any last words?" Prisoner A yelled, "TYPHOON!" so the soldiers ran and l...

3 men were sentenced to death by firing.

The day of the execution came, and the firing squad leads the men to the execution grounds.

 

Now, this firing squad was rather well-known to be the most gullible group around, and it’s due to this knowledge that the first man started to hatch a cunning plan to escape.

...

Cow jokes

What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake
What do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef
What do you call a cow with 3 legs? lean beef

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are in a Mexican prison.

They committed a crime and have been sentenced to death. The women are instructed to say when they are ready for the firing squad to shoot and kill them. The brunette is called up. She says, "Ready, aim, tornado!" Afraid of an approaching funnel cloud, the police quickly turn around and the brunette...

3 prisoners are to be executed by a firing squad

The first one thinking of ways to escape shouted "EARTHQUAKE!" which caused everyone to panic and allowed the prisoner to escape.
The second prisoner seeing what the first one did shouted "TORNADO!" which caused everyone to panic again and also allowed him to escape
The third prisoner, knowing...

There was a Brunette , Redhead and a blonde getting ready for Execution.

The Brunette was marched to her final place, the firing squad's guns on her. The commander said

"Ready"

"Aim"

then the Brunette screamed "EARTHQUAKE", the firing squad looked around, and the brunette ran away and escaped.

The Redhead was marched to her final place, the f...

Wee Joe fae Glasgow...

After a disasterous earthquake in New York, a wee man from Glasgow headed off across the Atlantic to aid his American friends in the clean up operation.

After many days of making little progress, Joe heard that President Obama had arrived to thank everyone who was digging in.

That af...

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