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Botanist Jokes

Who is the botanist’s favorite Irish hooker?

Angie O’Sperm!

What's a botanist's favorite musical instrument?

A xylem phloem.

What did the botanist do every time he was in a slump?

He turned over a new leaf.

There was an Irish botanist that was trying to cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy...

He was hoping for a rash of good luck.

A botanist starts playing minecraft, and he becomes a mathematician

He had to calculate the cubic root

Why did the botanist leave the brothel?

He couldn't find a horticulture.

A genetic botanist doesn't show up to the church picnic.

Her concerned husband finds her in her lab working feverishly on a new pesticide resistant strain of maize.

"Aren't you coming to the congregation picnic?". He asks.

"Screw them and their impossible deadlines! They told me I have until today to get the corn bred!"

Last summer I met with a botanist friend of mine...

Last summer I met with a botanist friend of mine who was keen to show me his private collection of rare tree and plant species. I wasn’t particularly interested but I went along anyway because he was really excited to show me the newest addition to his collection.
“It’s a unique species of oak...

Why can you never find a botanist in the woods?

Because you can't see the florist for the trees!

A botanist visited an onion farm and said to the farmer:

"I'm sorry but I think your ground is leeking"

Sherlock Holmes and his trusty associate Dr. John Watson are strolling leisurely through London's botanical gardens. (OC)

They are investigating the mysterious disappearance of a botanist who specialized in arboreal citrus.

Watson squints, focusing his gaze on something across the gardens. He gasps in surprise and grabs Sherlock's arm. He points at the thing that has captivated his attention and asks "Sherlock, ...

About 6 months ago I got a promotion

So naturally I wanted to celebrate. On my way home I grabbed a handle of captain and a litre of cola. I invited my friend Frank to have a few drinks with me. We ordered a pizza, played some Mariokart, got drunk and passed out. Nothing crazy.

The next morning Frank was still there (he usually ...

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