Freaked out when I got to the cemetery

and the GPS said “you have reached your final destination.”

My SUV needs all 4 tires replaced at a total cost of $800. That's more than the stimulus they gave us and so the wife freaked out a little.

I told her that it's no big deal and we can just rent a SUV for a day and it would only cost $50.

She said I was an idiot and that we would need an SUV for more then 24 hours.

Then I explained to her that it's more then enough time for me to swap the tires.

Dad becomes freaked out over sons ability to make people die then he gets another surprise

So a dad and his family are praying one night and his son says, “Goodnight mama goodnight daddy and goodbye Grandpa”, next day grandpa dies. The dad is a little freaked out but is convinced this was just a tragic coincidence. Next night they are praying and his son says, “Goodnight mama goodnight da...

Mom is so weird. Totally freaked out when I told her I was taking her to pound town.

I mean, who doesn't like London?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A dad overhears his daughter...

One day, a dad overheard his daughter praying in her room. She said "bless mom, bless dad, bless grandmom, goodbye grandad". He found this weird but didn't say anything. A few hours later the family finds out that her grandad had passed away. The dad freaked out initially, but chalked it up to coinc...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was having sex with a friends wife, the phone rang. heard it was her husband. I freaked & started getting dressed

She hung up, told me not to worry. He told her he was gonna be late, he was out drinking with me.

Don't know why everyone freaked when I tried to hug them at the covid center

I was just trying to spread some positivity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pay Attention:

First-year veterinary students were attending their first anatomy class with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, "In Veterinary medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities ...

I freaked out when my girlfriend was about to look through my phone

I didn’t want her to see my Reddit account, so I just told her I was cheating on her

Saw a kid riding a bike that looked the same as mine in my neighborhood

I freaked out and went to my garage. Luckily he was still there; chained up and begging for food.

My girlfriend freaked out when she found out I have only one kidney.

Who told her to go poking around in my freezer anyway?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It’s my half cake day soon so I thought I would post a joke.

A older Marine just came back from deployment and went to the local brothel to get some. He lays his money down and asks for the best girl they have. The madam tells him to go into the room and get undressed and he does.

A few minutes later a very vivacious blonde walks in and introduces her...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A condom broke last month. I freaked out and went to the pharmacy, and they told me to use the morning after pill.

That shit doesn't work. I took two and she's still pregnant.

I don’t know why my wife is so freaked out over me practicing necromancy.

I was serious when I said I wanted to raise a family.

I got super freaked out when I saw 2 dead bodies hanging in my closet

I was relieved when I remembered I had just installed a mirror in there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I almost got arrested on my way to a Pistons game

I recently moved to Michigan because of my new job. It was a step up from my previous dead-end one and of course, more pay meant more work which is why I try to enjoy the little free time that I have.

Being a huge NBA fan, I decided to catch a Pistons game at the Little Caesar's Arena. Howev...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Poodle, a Cocker Spaniel & a Great Dane are sitting in a veterinarian's waiting room.

The Great Dane asks, "What are you fellas here for?" The Poodle says, " The other night my owner had his boss and his wife over for dinner. I'd been feeling frisky all day and the wife's leg was looking good, so I jumpd up and started humping the heck out of it. She freaked out, my owner was furiou...

Once, at an all boys summer camp, I dreamed I ate a giant marshmallow, and when I woke up my pillow was gone. But that's not what freaked me out...

...the night before that I dreamed I was in a hotdog eating contest.

Really freaked out for a bit, my computer was giving me personalised Jesus quotes.

Turns out I had it set to depeche mode.

I heard about this spoiled girl who freaked out...

Because her parents bought her a black Ferrari instead of a blue one.

Really makes me appreciate my parents

Because they bought me a blue one

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A group of engineering students...

A group of engineering students and their teacher were given free airplane tickets to go on a holiday.
Once on the plane, the captain announced that they were on the plane the students had built.
Everyone freaked and rushed out of the plane, except for the teacher who stayed there with c...

My wife freaked out when I opened the door for her

She was screaming that I was losing control of the car

My cat freaked out when I told him he was adopted.

Granted, I spelled it out on the floor with a laser pointer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The airplane was filled with people to the last seat, everyone was waiting for the pilot and co-pilot to arrive.

Finally they come. The people can see them through the windows, they get inside the plane and the passengers are freaked out. Both pilot and co-pilot are wearing blindfolds marking them as blind, have white canes with them and dark sunglasses. The people freak out a bit, but after both of them get i...

Just said Hi to this guy on the plane and everyone freaked out

Apparently his name was Jack

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an American man who lived in Thailand and when he was there he had a lot of sex and never used a condom the entire time.

Then he returned to America and one morning he woke up and noticed bright green and purple dots on his penis

Freaked out, he went to the doctor. The doctor said "I have never seen anything like this before. We will need to run some tests." So they ran some tests and he said come back in 3 day...

Viper

(I am not sure if this joke has been said before on this sub)

A lady was at her desk one day and receives a phone call from someone unknown. She goes ahead and picks up the phone and hears a man say,“This is the Viper, I am coming in one week.” The lady hangs up and seems pretty confused. Si...

A farmer purchased a new oxen to help plow his field.

The animal hadn’t been well-tamed and the farmer struggled to keep the beast under control. One day, the oxen freaked out and started tearing through the field, dredging up all of the seeds and plants that they had already sewn into the soil. The farmer’s corn and soybean plants were all destroyed. ...

Came up with a Joke, thought I'd share

As the title says, here's a Joke I came up with, it works better when talking then in text form, but I still say it's alright.
So, in 1832, an American who had moved to Ontario had been hunting wild game.

Now, he hadn't bothered with the paper work for a license, as he thought it was rem...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend said if I turned off the light, I could stick it in her ass.

After I tried, she freaked out and told me never again.

I guess the bulb was hot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I (31m) just had the most uncomfortable experience of my life

I've always kinda wanted an iPhone but never had one before, so I go to the Apple Store to have a look. So there I am, when this middle aged guy comes up next to me, like really close. And then he starts asking me if I like the new iPhone, what do I think about the camera, am I thinking of getting o...

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