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The kids asked what was for dinner and I told them "Scraps". They started crying. Spoiled brats, it's really hard to get food at the moment thanks to the panic buying.

And it was a stupid name for a dog anyway.



(Obligatory thank-you edit for the silver!)

(Narwhal! Narwhals are cool!)

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the disaster was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smouldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but did not find the remains of anyone, including the President. They spotted a lone farmer ploughing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor.

"Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of...

I always keep a tape measure in my panic room.

Because desperate times call for desperate measures.

In 1999, in the midst of the Y2K panic, the KY Jelly company announced it was now Y2K compliant:

Known as 'Y2KY Jelly, it now allowed you to put all four digits in your date

What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?

Stress is when the wife is pregnant,

Tension is when the girlfriend is pregnant.

Panic is when BOTH are pregnant!

Why did the Mexican man take Xanax?

For hispanic attacks.

In Germany everybody is panic buying sausages and cheese.

Apparently it's the wurst käse scenario.

A wife calls her husband in a panic

"I just turned on the TV, and there's a car on the wrong side of the freeway, and it's near where you are!"

"FAKE NEWS! It isn't one car, it's all of them!

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A woman rushes to her gynaecologist in a total panic.

“Doctor, doctor! I made a horrible mistake, I hooked up with a guy i met at a bar and now I’m worried! Is it true you can get pregnant from anal sex?”

“Of course you can my dear, where do you think lawyers come from.”

This just in: Due to panic buying, Walmart has decided to open up a 2nd register.

Dire times indeed.

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

Hispanic Attacks

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Joe was having a beer in his town bar when suddenly someone he knows comes running to him in panic and started shouting

"Hurry up! Your wife is cheating on your with your best friend in the woods out back!"

Joe slammed his beer glass down on the counter and stormed off to the woods, angry and furious to see it for himself

He returns after a short while, Sit on his chair and continues drinking.

...

All this panic buying has led me to using alternative methods for toilet paper...

Last week was tree leaves this week it's lettuce. And that's just the tip of the iceberg!

Why did the eligible bachelor get stressed out every time he dated a Latin woman?

Because they are Hispanic.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(NSFW) A man runs up to his physician in a panic

And yells:

"Doctor, I just had sex with a mother and her twin daughters last night!"

The doctor asks "And why are you telling me this?"

The man yells "I'm telling everybody!!"

My friend called me in a panic and shouted, “An evil wizard turned me into a tiny harp! I don’t know what to do!” Frantically, I drove all the way to his house only to find out...

...he’s really a big lyre.

As I began to panic, I became increasingly warmer and very thirsty.

With no access to water, I knew that I had no choice but to do what Bear Grylls would do in this situation and drink my own urine.

It tasted better than I thought it would and to be honest, it really did refresh me.

Although I did get some funny looks from the others who had been stuck...

- Mom, I've lost 2 kilograms and now I'm so worried that I cannot even sleep…

\- Mom, I've lost 2 kilograms and now I'm so worried that I cannot even sleep…

\- Son, don't panic, it's only 2 kilograms, no big deal.

\- Well, there are some Colombians who'd disagree with you mom…

A lost dog strays into the jungle one day. From a distance, a lion sees this and thinks to himself, "Hmmm, this guy looks edible, I've never seen his kind before". So the lion starts running towards the dog with menace but the dog notices this and starts to panic.

As he's about to run he sees some bones on the ground next to him, gets an idea and says loudly, "Mmm... That was some good lion meat!"

The lion screeches to a halt and says, "Woah! This guy seems tougher then he looks, I better leave while I can" and then runs away.

Over in a tree, is...

A man was hospitalized for 3 weeks. He fell in love with the young pretty nurse.

He sent her a note: "You have stolen my heart".

The Young Nurse in panic responded: No Sir, We have stolen your kidney, haven't touched your heart.

I just accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger together and at first, I started to panic. But then I remembered...

That it’s always going to be okay...

A Preist, a Pastor, and a Rabbit

A preist, a pastor, and a rabbit walk into a blood donation clinic. The nurse at the front desk notices them waiting and asks them if they know their blood types; they're very low on specific types of blood, as usual.

The rabbit hurriedly hops up and says "Yep, I'm a type A-."

The nurs...

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A British Jew is waiting in line to be knighted by the Queen.

He is to kneel in front of her and recite a sentence in Latin when she taps him on the shoulders with her sword. However, when his turn comes, he panics in the excitement of the moment and forgets the Latin. Then, thinking fast, he recites the only other sentence he knows in a foreign language, whic...

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A woman calls her husband in panic...

"Honey, my lips are swollen. I think I may have an allergic reaction!"

Her husband drives home as fast as he can to bring her to the hospital, but when he gets home he sees nothing out of the ordinary about her.

"Honey, you said your lips were swollen?", he asks. She looks down with an...

Shortages of toilet paper are starting to occur, as panic buying sets in again, due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Please don't buy more than is absolutely necessary.

Fortunately, the 24,490 rolls we stocked up on should last us thru the rest of the pandemic.

A man goed bear hunting for the first time in a long while...

Hiding in the woods he spots a bear through the scope of his hunting rifle. He aims... shoots... and hits the bear!

Excited to hit the bear in one shot he grabs his gear and runs over to where te bear was hit. But to his disappointed, the bear is not there and not a single trace of blood can ...

A pregnant woman gets into a car crash..

She survives but ends up in a coma for about a week. When she wakes up, she notices that her belly was flat and starts to panic. Her doctor comes in and tells her that everything is okay and that she actually gave birth to two healthy twins in her coma: a girl and a boy.

He explains to her t...

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I've been trying to understand all the toilet paper panic buying.

I think I got it.
One guy coughs and a 100 people lose their shit.

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The airplane was filled with people to the last seat, everyone was waiting for the pilot and co-pilot to arrive.

Finally they come. The people can see them through the windows, they get inside the plane and the passengers are freaked out. Both pilot and co-pilot are wearing blindfolds marking them as blind, have white canes with them and dark sunglasses. The people freak out a bit, but after both of them get i...

The royal calligrapher's apprentice.

In the late 1400s there was a young man named Pablo. He was apprenticed to the royal calligrapher for the king of Spain. One day the royal calligrapher gathered his apprentices for a lesson.

"Any letter penned for his majesty must be penned with Ink made here in Spain! It would be a trav...

This morning at the bank, while I was in line, two people with masks entered...there was TOTAL PANIC..

Then they said: “This is a robbery”...and we all calmed down...

A passenger, in panic, asked if the airplane was going the right way

To which Yoda responded, “off course, we are.”

What do Coronavirus panic in England and divorce in the United States have in common?

They’re both commonly caused by BBC.

Hannah and Max are talking during recess...

Max finds Hannah really pretty. Thinking he's old enough for a girlfriend, he decides to try to flirt with Hannah.

"I just remembered, I had a dream about you last night!", Max did not, in fact, have a dream about Hannah last night.

"Oh, really? Was it a nice dream?", says Hannah, clea...

Wanted to start panic buying.

But I saw my bank account and can only panic.

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The Pickled Penis

An attractive young lady had recently lost her husband to illness, and while she wasn’t ready to engage in another relationship quite yet, she was certainly missing sex. So, to fill this need, she decided to visit a sex shop and purchase a toy.

As she has never in her life used a toy, she ask...

A man walks into an antique store and starts looking around.

Suddenly, he gazes upon the most beautiful bronze statue of a siamese cat. He asks the store owner how much he wants for the statue. The store owner replies "It's $100 for the statue and $1000 for the story that goes with it."

The man replies "I really don't care about the story, but I do wa...

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A man is walking home from the doctor's office in soviet Russia

He is stopped by a solider, who says "comrade, let me see your papers."

He begins looking but can't find them.

"Show me your papers now or I will assume you are an American spy." The soldier cocks his rifle.

Reaching into his inside pocket, he finds some papers, and throws th...

Why was Panic! At the disco so worried about carona virus?

They know its a fever you cant sweat out

Right before surgery the surgeon says: "Relax, Jim. It's just a small scalpel incision. No reason to panic."

The patient replies: "But, Doctor, my name is not Jim." The surgeon says: "I know. I'm Jim."

A priest is driving home

When suddenly his car breaks down, and he must go ask the local farmer for a horse. The farmer obliges, but says that this is a HOLY horse, so you had to say "Praise the Lord" to make it go, and "Amen" to make it stop.

The priest says okay. So he starts off. About a mile down the road, the ho...

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

In a panic she told her lover “Hurry, stand in the corner. Don’t move until I tell you to. Just shut your eyes and pretend you’re a statue.”

At the moment her husband walked into the room. “What’s this, honey?” he asked.

“Oh, it’s just a statue,” she replied nonchalantly. “The Smiths b...

Here in WA state we had our first official Corona virus death near Seattle. Our grocery stores are practically empty from widespread panic. I really don't understand.

It's not going to last. It's made in China.

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My wife walked in on me while I was watching porn.

In a panic reflex I instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel.
As my wife walks out again she says: "you should stay on the porn channel... you know how to fish."

I was really embarrassed when my wife walked in on me playing with my son’s train set by myself, so in a moment of panic, I threw a bed sheet over it...

I think I managed to cover my tracks...

If you're ever skydiving and your parachute fails to open, don't panic.

You will have the rest of your life to try and fix it.

"When drums stop...very bad."

An English explorer was trekking through a remote jungle with a local wise man he had hired as a guide. Two days into their journey, far from civilization, they began to hear the faint, slow beating of drums in the distance.

*Dum. Dum. Dum. Dum.*

The Englishman said to the wise man, “I...

I bought a guide on how to not panic buy.

It's so good I got twenty copies just to be sure.

If you take the panic out of pandemic all you have left is dem

Dem people stealing all of your toilet paper

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

People who panic-buy and hoard toilet papers

are clean assholes.

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A state of the art fighter jet with a sentient navigation computer malfunctioned and went into a tailspin

The human pilot realized it was unrecoverable and shouted, "Computer, initiate automated ejection sequence."

After a long silence, the computer responded, "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."

Smirking, the crafty, old-school pilot muttered, "I knew the...

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PSA on Hoarding and Panic buying due to Covid-19

Due to the current pasta shortage, the government has asked people not to panic buy based to the actions of a fusilli individuals.

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Makes perfect sense to me that everyone is panic buying toilet roll because of the Coronavirus...

One sneeze and everyone shits themselves!

3 lads are in a train

One from Italy, one from Germany and one from France. They don't have tickets and see the ticket inspector coming. They start to panic and run to the baggage Waggon to hide. The Italian jumps into a cabinet, the French into a big box and the German into a huge bag. The inspector following them but t...

LPT: If you have been unable to buy soap due to panic buying

Find someone who has some and ask politely if you can sneeze into their hands.

Why did the deaf airplane passenger panic?

They saw the flight attendant yawn.

My friend Jose suffers from panic attacks. He was recently involved in a car accident.

I don't wanna sound racist, but His panic attacks are getting worse.

The wife & I were staying at a fancy high rise hotel when the argument started.

Things didnt get any better as the night went on. She started to threaten that she would jump out the window. In a panic I called the front desk. They asked how could they help? I said you better send body up here right away, the window wont open.

A man is in the final stages of getting ready for his wedding...

Everything is going well except for one small matter of his bride to be's extremely hot younger sister. One afternoon, a week before the big day, he finds himself alone with her in the house. She slides up to him and suggests to go upstairs - before he finally settles down to a life of wedded bliss....

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Never panic, there's always a solution

In a store in US, a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter.

The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the Store, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg.

So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter...

A guy calls 911 in a panic

"My wife is having a baby! Her contractions are only one minute apart!" He said

"Calm down" the 911 operator said. "Is this her first child?"

"No, you idiot!" The guy shouts in anger. "This is her husband!"

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Nobody panics when things go "according to plan".....

If women remove polish with chemicals, nobody panics, because it is all "part of the plan",





But when Hitler removed Polish with chemicals, well then EVERYBODY LOSES THEIR MIND!!!

Nicola Sturgeon is being shown around an Edinburgh hospital when one of the patients sits up in bed and exclaims:

"Fair fa' your honest sonsie face, great chieftain o' the pudden race!"

Before Nicola can respond, another patient responds: "Wee, sleekit, cowerin', timorous beastie! O what a panic's in thy breastie!"

while a third one chimes in with "Some hae meat and cannae eat, and some wad eat th...

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A guy and a girl go out on a date..

It's going so well, SHE invites him back to her place. They do the horizontal mambo late into the night. Around sunrise, she leaps up in a panic.

"What!? what!?" says the man.

"I forgot to ask you, you don't have AIDS, do you!?" she asks.

"No!"

"Whew! I don't wanna get th...

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I woke up in panic and told my wife of a nightmare where my brain ran away

She said “No, dumbass. It’s all in your head”

A wife calls her husband in a panic...

Wife: "There's water in the carburetor!"

Husband: "The carburetor? That's ridiculous!"

Wife: "I'm telling you, the carburetor is completely flooded, there's water everywhere!"

Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Let me come take a look. Where's the car?"

W...

My wife woke me up in the middle of the night in a panic. She said she heard something downstairs, so I got my baseball bat.

She doesn't wake me up in the night anymore.

I wonder how she's doing in hospital.

I have severe pharmaphobia that causes panic attacks.

I wept openly when my doctor wrote me a prescription for it.

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A teenage girl was being intimate with her boyfriend at her parents house.

Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out, and walks in on them.

"Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry"

The dad being a dad replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!"

He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"

Prince Charles is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one.

The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,
Great chieftain o the puddin race,
Aboon them a ye take yer place,
Painch, tripe or thairm,
As langs my airm."

Charles is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient. The patient responds:

"Some h...

David Cameron, Barack Obama Robert Mugabe are all in crashing plane with one parachute. The crew have already jumped in blind panic.

(my friend told me this back in 2016, hence the political outdatedness)

After the initial panic, they pull themselves together and decide what to do. Finally, Cameron speaks up

"Right" he says. "We're all from democratic nations, so I suggest we hold a vote as to who should get the par...

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A rat an an elephant are walking around when the rat falls into a hole.

The rat panics as the hole was deep and he couldnt get out. The elephant looks at the situation and offers help.

“I know this isnt’t ideal but youre gonna have to trust me”

The rat desperate and exhausting all other options he asks for the elephants idea

“Im gonna stick my pen...

Two hunters.

Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, whats your emergency?” The hunter replies “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The e...

Panic struck, I couldn’t understand why my dog was motionless...

Then I realized...it was on paws.

I once tried ice skating on a lake, but I fell in. Nobody helped me either, they just laughed at me panic.

Worst summer vacation ever.

Typical

An engineer is having is lunch. It is a beautiful day so he takes his brown bag lunch outside to the fountain beside the office.

He sits on the edge and is about to tuck into his sandwich when a frog hops out of the fountain and says to him "Hello! Thank goodness you're here. I am a beauti...

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A group of Engineering professors were invited to fly in a plane.

Right after they were comfortably seated, they were informed the plane was built by their students.

All but one got off their seats and headed frantically to the exits in maniacal panic.

The one lone professor that stayed put, calmly in his seat, was asked: “Why did you stay put?”
<...

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A woman pregnant with triplets was shot in the belly three times.

She was rushed to the hospital and was assessed. The doctor told her “each one of your babies has been shot, but the good news is that the wounds are not life threatening. And even better news where they were shot, the bullets will come out on their own.” The mother is patched up and gives birth a ...

I have such issues with Panic! At The Disco.

They’re teaching people to follow a single path when really, you can panic anywhere.

My wife phoned me in a panic. She said, "How do you get wine out of the carpet?!"

"No idea," I replied. "I usually get mine out of the fridge."

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A young man is wandering, lost, in a forest when he comes upon a small house.

He knocks on the door and is greeted by an old Chinese man with a long grey beard. “I’m lost,” said the man, “Can you put me up for the night?”
“Certainly,” the Chinese man said, “but one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tort...

While my wife was in the kitchen cooking breakfast, I suddenly heard a loud thud.

Running in I found her dead on the floor.

In a panic, I had no idea what to do.Then I remembered.

McDonald's do an all-day breakfast.

Two nuns are driving through Transylvania when suddenly, out of nowhere, a vampire jumps on their windshield

The nuns panic and the one driving starts swerving the car to try knock him off, to no avail.

"Quick! Quick! Show him your cross! Show him your cross!", shouts the one nun.

The other nun looks at the vampire and shouts:

"Get the f\*\*k off the windshield!!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife keeps pressing the panic button on her car keys when I kiss her

I really do make her horny

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An aircraft control tower suddenly last communication with a small twin engine aircraft

A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees.
The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone!
He yelled,Mayday, mayday!
The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack! I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and h...

The king's guard bursts into the throne room...

Out of breath and in a panic they alert the king
> Sire, the peasants, they're revolting!


The king nods and responds:
>Mmm yes, they are quite disgusting aren't they

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Guy runs into a bar in a panic. "Does anybody here own a six-foot penguin?"

Guy runs into a bar in a panic. "Does anybody here own a six-foot penguin?" he asks. Everybody shakes their heads no. "Well shit!" says the guy, "I think I just ran over a nun."

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Husband came home and found her wife lying in the bed trying to catch her breath.

He asked her what was the problem.

She said, " My heart is racing. I think I am having a panic attack. Please call 911."

He went to call 911, when her little son told him that Uncle was hiding under the bed naked.

He immediately came to the room, looked under the bed and found ...

An Australian ventriloquist is visiting Afghanistan.

One day he walks into a small village and sees a local sitting on his porch patting his dog.


He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the villager "can I talk to your dog?"


Villager: "The dog doesn't talk, you stupid Aussie."


Ventriloquist: "Hello dog, how'...

A blonde calls the front desk of her hotel in a panic.

"Help! I'm trapped in my room!" she says. "How do I get out?"

The clerk at the front desk says, "just go out the door."

"I tried," she says "but one just leads to the bathroom, and the other has a 'Do Not Disturb' sign on it!"

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An Englishman, an American and an Irishman are lined up against the wall to be executed by the Nazis.

The Englishman is first, they put him against the wall, ready, aim …. The Englishman yells out earthquake earthquake!!! The Germans panic and he manages to run away.

The american is next and having seen what happened, as the Germans go ready, aim …. He yells out flood, flood. Again the German...

It was the day of my anniversary, and I had forgotten to buy my wife a present.

In a panic, I told her that my gift was that I would cook her whatever she wanted for dinner. She said she'd always wanted to try escargot, a fancy French dish made of snails and she wanted me to go out and buy them. So I went out and bought a bag of snails, but it was early in the evening so I thou...

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Royal Wedding

On the day of the Royal wedding,Sophie was getting dressed,surrounded by all
of her family. She suddenly realised she’d forgotten to get any shoes.
Panic!

Then her sister remembered that she had a pair of white shoes from her wedding so she lent them to Sophie for the day. Unfortunately...

A blonde driving a car became lost in a snowstorm.

She didn't panic however, because she remembered what her dad had once told her. "If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snow plow to come by and follow it." Sure enough, pretty soon a snow plow came by, and she started to follow it.

She followed the plow for about forty-five ...

A guy finds his dog with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth.

The rabbit is dead and the guy panics.
He takes the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house.
He gives it a bath, blow dries its fur, and puts it back into the cage at the neighbor's house, hoping they will think it died of natural causes.
A few days later, the neighbor asks the guy, "Did you...

I had to give up using the work carpool as I got panic attacks every time we drove through a tunnel.

I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

One night, Sally was saying goodnight to her parents and grandparents.

“Good night Mom, good night Dad, good night Grandma, goodbye Grandpa.”
Her dad asked her, “Why goodbye?”
“Oh, I dunno, I just felt like it.”

The very next day, her grandpa died.

That evening, Sally was saying goodnight again.
“Good night Mom, good night Dad, goodbye Grandma...

A motion picture crew is filming a Christmas movie.

A motion picture crew is filming a Christmas movie. The director wants to sprinkle white laundry soap flakes in front of the camera to simulate snowfall, so he sends his producer to the grocery store to buy some laundry soap.

The producer comes back several hours later. "It's the pandemic, ...

A man calls a doctor in a panic

"Doctor, doctor!" the man cries. "My son swallowed my pencil, and I don't know what to do!!"

"Now calm down," assured the doctor. "Tell me this:

...do you have a *pen?*"

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My favourite joke :)

A guy driving a nice new Mercedes parks along the side of a road and opens the door but a car drives by at the same time and rips the door off the car before coming to a stop.

The Mercedes driver runs up to the car and starts yelling at the driver: ‘look at what you’ve done to my brand new M...

A lady and her husband arr at the hospital to give birth to their baby

Just before the operation, she starts to get panic attacks due to stories she's heard of the immense pain. The doctors offer an alternative solution.

Doctor: "We've procured a machine that transfers the pain felt by the mother to the father. But be warned, the pain will be like nothing you've...

My father's friend died in an car accident.

My father took me to his friend's funeral even though I didn't knew anyone of the people who attended that funeral. Few moments later a gentleman stood beside me and said,

Man- Hey kid, enjoy your life to your fullest and never give up in your life. These are the days which you'll remember y...

I want to die like my Grandpa. Peacefully in my sleep...

...And not in utter panic like the 245 passengers of the airplane he has piloting.

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I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.

Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.

That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids ar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy's mom comes home. "Billy, what's wrong?" -"Dad hanged himself in the attic!" he said in tears.

The mother rushes to the attic in a panic, quickly followed by her son.
As she gets up to the attic, she notices that nothing is there, and little Billy started giggling.
HaHaHa! April fool's mommy!!! He hanged himself in the basement!"

Why did the Mexican go to the psychiatrist?

His-panic disorder.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I ran over my neighbors cat this morning

I was running late for work and as I’m rushing out of the house I backed up without checking my surroundings. To my surprise I felt a bump and heard a yelp.

I get out of my car and instantly recognized my neighbors cat — I felt terrible. Feeling it was the right thing to do, I went and grabb...

For those of you who are placing Christmas lights / decorations in your garden, can you please avoid anything that has Red or Blue flashing lights together?

Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.
I have to brake hard, toss my wine out the window, hide the weed, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the gun under the seat, all while trying to drive.
It's just ...

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A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy three nickels to play with and keep him occupied.

Suddenly the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping his back.


The boy coughs up two nickels but keeps hacking. Looking at his son, the father panics, and starts shouting for help.


At the bar the...

Ok, don't panic…

If we hold the North Pole and South Pole down simultaneously for three seconds, it'll automatically restore to factory settings.

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Jim Bob stays out too late

Jim Bob stays out drinking.

Jim Bob went to a bar after work and time got away from him. He stayed out too late and began to panic because his wife was going to be furious. Jim Bob became so nervous he vomited all over his shirt.

“Oh No! I’ve really done it now!” Jim Bob exclaimed in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man wants to be a farmer.

He is walking around looking to start his farm. He comes across someone selling roosters. "Excuse me sir, can I purchase one of your roosters?" "Of course!" Replied the seller, "but to let you know, around these parts we call them by their formal name, a cock". The young man buys his rooster, ho...

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