What do you call a group of vampire enthusiasts?

A fang club

At an event famous for giving out awards in bizarre categories, the emcee enthusiastically announces, “The next prize will go to the laziest person in the audience. If you think you qualify, raise your hand.”

Everyone raises their hands except a middle-aged man who seems to show little interest. “Congratulations! You are the winner,” says the emcee to the man. “Your prize is this $100 bill!”

Still showing no emotion, the man replies, “Would you mind coming over here and putting it in my pocket?”

How do two German car enthusiast cowboys greet each other?

Audi, partner

My girlfriend left me and became a motorcycle enthusiast

I guess she prefers two strokes to one stroke

Apparently origami enthusiasts are bad at poker...

they're always folding.

I'll see myself out. lol

OC joke: How to differentiate if a person is a genetics expert or a BDSM enthusiast?

Ask them the opposite of 'dominant'

Hey did you hear about the gathering of St Patricks Day enthusiasts who all contracted a contagious skin disease?

Yeah they’re calling it Leper-con.

What do you call an SCP enthusiast?

[Redacted]

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What did the testicle torture enthusiast say after a long day?

Ahhh, time to hit the sack.

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When I was an enthusiastic 25-year-old I was once chatting to an older woman in a bar...

...she must have been mid-40s if she was a day, but she had taken really good care of herself, she was dressed to kill, and she was confident, secure in herself, and knew what she wanted.

Anyway as the evening wore on it became clearer and clearer what was on both our minds, and towards closi...

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A man and a woman were dating. She, being of a religious nature, had held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so badly. In fact, he had never even seen her naked.

One day, as they slowly drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow driving habits. "I can't stand it anymore," she told him. "Let's play a game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit [60 MPH] you drive, I'll remove one piece of clothing."

He enthusiastically agreed and sped...

What do you call a fish who is very knowledgeable and enthusiastic about an activity, subject, or pastime?

An aficionado!

A vegan, cyclist and climate change enthusiast walk into a bar.

Everyone else leaves

I am also a proud antivaxx mother, flat earther, Trump enthusiast and know for a fact climate change isnt real.

There's no punchline, ive already told you the joke.

Two old men are sitting in the lounge chatting.

The one says,” You should try the restaurant my wife and I went to last night. Pricey but well worth the money.“

“Oh, what’s it called?” asks the other man enthusiastically.

His friend thinks for a minute,” Uhm…I…er…”

Obviously having a senior moment he says,” What’s that flower...

There was a contest on who had the most children...

Contestant #1 walked out on the stage with 12 children behind him. The audience clapped politely, and one of the judges commented "That's a lot of kids, but you can do better."

Contestant #2 walked out on the stage, bringing with him 24 children, all of different ages. The audience clapped mo...

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel,

and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories.
After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
'But why,' they asked, as they moved off.
'Because, 'he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

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A man walks into a bar and orders a Jack and Coke.

The bartender reaches behind the bar and grabs a dark red apple, and hands it to the customer.

Dumbfounded, he says “Hey man, what the hell is this? I asked for a Jack and coke!”

The bartender said “Just go a head and take a bite.”

So the man took a bite and his eyes widened “W...

I was busy talking to this guy who was a fake phone enthusiast

Turns out he was a big phoney

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A porn enthusiast, a carpenter, and Alexander the Great walk into a bar.

They came, they saw, they conquered.

An ant colony enthusiast goes to a convention

His pride and joy is a colony of giant Amazonian ants, *Dinoponera gigantea,* which he brings along with him to present. But when he gets to the door of the convention hall, he's stopped by one of the organizers, who points to a sign on the wall. It says "all ants must not be more than 1 cm in total...

What do you call the job title of a firearms enthusiast and speechwriter?

A glockenspiel.

I started a group for anonymous cycling enthusiasts.

But so far the members who’ve joined Pedalphiles seem to know nothing about bicycles in general.

Why are rappers so enthusiastic about their stage names?

I guess they’re a lil’ something to be proud of.

Time Stands Still for Enthusiast PC Owners...

They are so over clocks!

The class was learning about subtraction and the teacher calls on little Johnnie to solve a problem.

“Johnnie, suppose there are five birds sitting on a fence together and you throw a rock at one of them. How many are left?”

Johnnie ponders the question for a moment and finally replies enthusiastically: “Zero!”

The teacher frowns. “How did you arrive at that answer?” She asks.
...

I decided to teach karate to my neighbors kid for his self-defense

He was enthusiastic for the first two days but then quit before he could finish painting the fence.

A man and a woman hailed the same cab at the exact same time…

“Pardon me,” said the man. “You go ahead. I’m only going to the restaurant row. I’ll grab the next one.”

“Restaurant row?” the woman responded. “What a crazy coincidence! That’s where I’m headed as well. Maybe we can split the fare?”

“Oh, no thanks. I’m going to this little hole-in-the...

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A mathematician and a physicist...

... are invited to participate in a psychological experiment.

The first one is the mathematician.

He is guided into a room where his wife sits on a chair, only wearing lingerie, looking at him with lust and desire. The surprised mathematician is placed on a chair a few meters away.
...

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A Priest was about to finish his tour of duty, and was leaving his Mission in the jungle after spending years teaching the natives. Suddenly he realized that the one thing he never taught them was how to speak English.

So he takes the chief for a walk in the forest. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree." The Priest is pleased with the response.

They walk a little further and he points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, th...

I've just walked past our local community centre and I could clearly hear these board-game enthusiasts...

...all stood in the porchway bragging endlessly about their various tournament accomplishments.

You might think that sounds like it would have been pretty annoying for me, but infact...





I rather like the sound of chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.

What do bondage enthusiasts use to do their laundry?

Tied pods.

The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new apprentice

His new apprentice was willing to work long, hard hours.

One day he instructed the boy, “When I take the shoe out of the fire, I’ll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.”

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he’s the new village blacksmith.

Translated joke but I reversed the countries because screw Belgium

Two dutchmen take the train from Amsterdam to Brussels, but they only have one ticket. 2 fellow Belgian passengers ask them how they will get away with it. “Watch and learn!” Say the Dutch. They head into the toilet together and wait for the train conductor to knock on the door. “Ticket please!”. He...

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I don't understand my wife. She seemed enthusiastic when I suggested we make some homemade porn, then she throws a fuckin' fit…

…when I start auditioning women for her part.

The Art Collector

An Art collector was being sued for $10 million. So he hired the best attorney he could find.

A few days into the case, the attorney calls the art collector on the phone.

He says, "Saul, I've got some good news and some bad news."

The art collector replied, “I’ve had an awful d...

As an intolerant dyslexic sports enthusiast...

I really hate all transrefs coming between seasons in college football.

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A man and his 5 year old son are driving in the truck.

Lorena Bobbitt is traveling in the opposite direction, and tosses her husbands severed penis out the window. The penis hits the windshield of the truck. The dad knew what had hit the windshield but wanted to protect his son from such a grizzly situation.

To cover for the situation he says, "O...

What was the name of the political committee that worked to protect the rights of wine enthusiasts?

The Bacchus Caucus

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My Jewish girlfriend wasn't too enthusiastic about anal ..

Until I showed her how much we can save on condoms ...

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[NSFW] A doctor is giving a tour of a local hospital

One day a public health official goes to visit a local hospital. The doctor is giving them a tour around the hospital, bragging about what an outstanding reputation it has. He claims that they are the leading hospital in treating rare disorders and afflictions.

As the doctor and visitor pass ...

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Ralph, the department store parrot

During its hayday, Goldfinches was a glorious department store, with gorgeous decorations, including a Aviary centerpiece, where Ralph held court. You see, Ralph had a special ability to detect what people wanted by their appearance, and he would tell them where to look for the thing they needed....

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A vegan, an atheist, and a CrossFit enthusiast walk into a bar.

I only know because they wouldn't shut the fuck up about it.

I have a friend whose an ophthalmologist, and he thinks I’m not so enthusiastic about the idea of him going into business for himself...

In my words. I said “Open up a store for all eye care.”

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A bestiality enthusiast, an arson, a sadist, a necrophile, and a masochist are right outside a psych ward when a cat passes by.

The beastialty enthusiast says "let's fuck the cat," the arsonist says, "let's fuck the cat, then burn it," the sadist says, "let's fuck the cat, burn the cat, then kill it," then the necrophile says, "let's fuck the cat, burn the cat, kill the cat, then fuck it again," and finally the masochist say...

What would you need to create if you wanted to attract and dominate over an entire community of BDSM enthusiasts?

A Subreddit.

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Guy gets sent to prison for white-collar crime...

Guy gets sent to prison for white collar crime. It's his first sentence, so he decides to play it low key. His cellmate helpfully suggests if he has any questions he can just ask.

A month later, he says, "You know, I think I have the basic feel for the place, people to avoid, the guards...

I thought I found a fun group of cat enthusiasts to hang out with. They meet every week at a local church.

They're called Cat-holics, but I'm kind of disappointed, all they ever want to talk about is Jesus.

A bus full of Elvis enthusiasts has crashed on their way to an Elvis convention.

Witnesses say no one was injured but they're all shook up.

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Two women friends went for a girl's night out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails...

Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee.

They were near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something.

The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them...

What do you call a house where a bear hunting enthusiast lives

A trap house

What did the busy BDSM enthusiast say to avoid coming into work?

"Sorry, my hands are tied!" ^^im ^^^so ^^^^sorry

What do you get when you cross a fisherman with a jazz enthusiast?

An Anglo-Saxon ^^I'm ^^^So ^^^^Sorry

A tractor enthusiast

A tractor enthusiast from the country decides to leave his farm and assortment of tractors for a life in the city. He gets a job in a fancy high rise building. One day, the floor he works on catches fire. With one breath the man sucks up all the smoke and flames and blows it out the window. When all...

How does the enthusiastic man eat his hot dog?

With relish.

Subscribers to Bread Enthusiast Monthly were upset when the July edition was all about flat bread. They said it was too big of a change from all the magazine's usual topics.

In actuality, it was a naan-issue.

2 Old Farmers

Two old farmers have each 1 big meadow and only 1 sheep.

One farmer proposes to remove the fence between their meadows because the sheep are both lonely. The second farmer agrees, however he wonders how they could tell which sheep belongs to whom.
The first farmer comes up with the idea ...

Worlds biggest tractor enthusiast...

A man spends his life collecting memorabilia, merchandise and every other trinket to do with tractors. He works in a tractor shop, has tractor dreams and spends every moment of his free time working on his very own tractor.
One day however, he realises that he needs more, so he turns his life ar...

A man wins the lottery...

[*I heard this joke for the first time as a 13 year old at a family party. So imagine my mild mannered German 70 year old great uncle calmly telling this joke to the whole table. I had never heard him tell a joke before. It's still one of my favourite jokes*]

A man wins the lottery after year...

It is really sad what is happening to the local businesses around our town.

The bra manufacturer has gone bust;
the specialist in submersibles has gone under;
the manufacturer of food blenders has gone into liquidation;
a dog kennel has had to call in the retrievers;
the suppliers of paper for origami enthusiasts has folded;
the Heinz factory has be...

An aviation enthusiast enters a bar.

He asks, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender laughs and says, "Sorry, we only have plain chips."

What do you call a Catholic Missionary who is also a car enthusiast?

A Catholitic Converter

What do Classical Music enthusiasts have in common with Redditors responding to OP?

One comments about Yo-Yo Ma, the other about Yo Momma

Did you hear the one about the American military aviation enthusiast who bought himself a French fighter plane?

He was arrested for possession of an Assault Rafale.

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Why is a horny walrus the same as a Tupperware enthusiast?

They're both looking for a tight seal

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Two strangers, a man and a woman, are sharing a sleeper cab on an overnight train

At around midnight, as they are both trying to fall asleep, the man says to the woman:

"Excuse me ma'am, but it's really cold, would you mind passing me one of the extra blankets on the table beside you?"

The woman answers:

"I'll tell you what, I'm also feeling really cold, for ...

Martyrs

Two Middle East mothers are sitting in the cafe strip chatting over a pint of goat's milk. The older of the mothers pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures and they start reminiscing.

"This is my oldest son Mohammed. He's 24 years old now"

"Yes, I remember him as a baby"...

I really hate the term "addict"

I prefer "drug enthusiast"

A Banjo enthusiasts joke

Johnny proudly drove his new VW Beetle convertible into town and had his shiny banjo nestling in the back seat. He had walked half way around the block from the parked car when he realised that the sunny weather had prompted him to leave the hood down... with his banjo in the back.

He ran all...

At first, I was merely a stock trading enthusiast…

…but now I'm fully invested.

Why should you never trust a bdsm enthusiast when the game is on the line?

They enjoy getting beat when tied up!

How does the enthusiastic chef serve his burgers?

With relish

What did the middle eastern man say to his marijuana enthusiast wife?

Stoner!

A young man and a young woman met at a party, fell in love and moved in together.

Soon, some say too soon after that, they got married. As the newlyweds didn’t have a car, the mother of the bride decided to gift them the family heirloom, a 1965 Mustang GT350 that the brides grandfather had been racing back in the day.

For a while all was well and the bride and the groom sp...

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Unhappy man with his little dude

A old man walks into a bar and sits down to have a drink. He quietly orders a beer when suddenly this tiny dude pops out of his shirt pocket. The bartender is amazed, “I’ve never such a tiny dude before.!” The old man quietly grumbles as he pulls out a tiny piano and places it on the bar. Immediatel...

I went out last night with a group of enthusiastic weavers.

Unfortunately they had to rush off to meet a looming deadline.

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Got Wood ? (long-ish)

Tommy is born missing an eye. He’s always been self conscious about it and at a young age he gets a wooden eye so that he looks like he has two eyes. Even though the wooden eye makes him look like he has two eyes, he is still very self conscious. He has never been on a date and at the prom, he goes ...

Jack slammed the door and threw his clubs down.

“What’s wrong?” asked his wife.

Jack replied, “I still have a perfect swing at 80 years old, but my eyes are so bad I can’t see where the ball went!”

“Oh dear, but you love to golf. Take Arnold next time.”

“Arnold is 102!”

“Yes, but he has 20/20 vision.”

Jack reluc...

A man walks into a bar in Los Angeles, carrying a large wooden box

A man walks into a bar in Los Angeles, carrying a large wooden box.

The bartender is quite curious and asks the man what’s inside.

“I’ll show you if you get me a beer”, the man says.

The bartender accepts the deal and gets the guest a beer. He then opens the box and takes out a ...

A Scottish farmer is sitting on his front porch one day, resting after finishing his tasks with his dog at his feet.

A man in a suit approaches the farmer, greets him warmly, and the farmer greets him in turn. The man notices the dog lying at the farmer's feet and smiles at the pooch.

"Can I talk to your dog?" The man asks. The farmer gives him an odd look but shrugs.

"Dog don't talk, but whatever...

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[NSFW] a white guy is showering at the gym alone when in comes the biggest and most muscle bound black guy he has ever seen walks in...

The black man whips off his towel and reveals the largest member on a dude the white guy has ever seen. He can’t stop staring and it makes the black man uncomfortable after a few minutes

“You got a problem?” the muscles dude says

“I have to be honest” starts the white guy, “that thing...

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The Godfather’s relaxing at his social club...

...with his crew. The usual gaggle of young Turks waits in the wings, hoping to get noticed, hoping to move up.

The Godfather calls one of them over.

“Jimmy, I hear good things about you. They tell me you’re serious, that you can be trusted.”

Jimmy swells with pride.

“I ...

Bart Simpson goes to a bar

He introduces himself to the barkeep and orders a drink that is enthusiastically provided to him.
Bart downs the drink, keels over and dies.

A patron sitting at the bar observing all this exclaims to the bar keep, "Oh my God! What just happened? Did you just poison Bart Simpson?!"

T...

Cold War Era Joke: The chairman of the Communist party decides to go check how his fellow comrades are doing. He walks into a dreadful cinema and sits down. Before the movie starts, there is 15 minutes of communist propaganda, with him giving a boring speech at the end. Everyone stands up and

Starts clapping and cheering enthusiastically.

The chairman is so humbled and stays seated, soaking in the love.

A few minutes into the cheering the guy on his left bends over and whispers directly in his ear.

"Comrade, I know how you feel, but if don't want to be sent to Siberi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Doing the Boss

A woman's boss calls her into his office asking her if she would house sit when he's gone for a weekend.
Accepting right away she says , "I'll make a list right now of what you'll need. Whatll you need me to do?"

"I've a mini pig that has a rash, can you rub some soothing oil on it?" The b...

A man goes to a job interview.

"Well, everything looks great," the employer said. "But I see here there was an 8 year gap since your last job. What happened there?"

"Oh, I went to yale," the man told him.

"Neat!" The employer responded enthusiastically. "You're hired! You start on Monday."

"Yay!" the man excl...

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A homeless guy stopped me and demanded I give him £5 for some new shoes.

So I gave him £5 and followed him to see if he got new shoes. He turned down one road, picking up the pace, the end of his baggy jeans scuffing the pavement. He took a sharp left turn down an alleyway, down which I pursued him for some three or four minutes at a safe distance of around three hundred...

So this guy goes to the pharmacist

"Hello, sir. How can I help you?"



"I'll have a pack of condoms, please."



"That'll be $6.25 please."



The guy hands the pharmacist a $10 bill, saying, "We're good, keep the change." and he walks out with a bis smile on his face.



About an hour...

Top 20 worst jokes ever !!!!

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
You, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was once a tiny sperm,

pretty tiny as compared to the others he found himself around.

But unlike the others, he did not like to practice. Most of the time, he would jump around, making fun of others while they were all trying to perfect their swimming.

His comrades tried to advise him to stay focused, but ...

Read in "Playboy", told by CC, herself, on "the Tonight Show"

Cindy Crawford and a crewman survive her yacht sinking and make their way to a deserted island. There's fresh water and plenty of fruit to eat, so they settle in to wait for rescue. A few weeks go by and Cindy's feeling a "need". She asks the crewman for help and he's happy to oblige.

This...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An engineer dies and goes to hell...

He is welcomed by his orientation demon, who shows him around and explains how things work. The engineer notices that a lot of things aren't working and are in dire need of fixing. The air conditioning is busted, the network is overloaded, there's power shortages everywhere, everything is overheatin...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Abomination!

A recently ordained Irish priest was traveling to his new parish. As he drove down the lane, he saw a man in a ditch screwing a sheep. The young priest shuddered, offering a prayer, and crossed himself.

A few miles down the road he saw another man in the fields also boffing a sheep. Appalled ...

When I was ready to check out and pay for my groceries, the cashier said...

the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."


Making a mental note to complain to my local MP about this running amok,over-enthusiastic security rubbish, I did just as she had instructed....
After the shrieking and hysterical remarks finally subsided, I found out that she was referrin...

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