I don't suffer from madness.

I enjoy every second of it.
(attributed to Salvador Dali)

I ran into R. Kelly while he was filling out a March Madness bracket.

He was picking primarily the 14s and 15s.

Turns out he’s really into #1 too.

Cruel March Madness Odds

If you want a sure thing in your men’s NCAA tournament pool, you’ll need to fill out the 9,223,372,036,854,775,808 brackets necessary to guarantee a winner. Just leave yourself *plenty* of time to finish them all*:* if you filled out one bracket every second it would take you 292 billion years to co...

There's a reason they call it "March Madness".

A Duke fan, a Kentucky fan, and a Tennessee fan are climbing a mountain and arguing about who loves their team the most.

The Tennessee fan insists that he is the most loyal and then yells “This is for the Vols!” and jumps off the mountain.

Not to be outdone, the UK fan next professes h...

I told my doctor I had a case of Macho Madness. He asked, “Really?” I said

#OH YEAH!!!!

Saw a woman in Walmart who had March Madness teeth this morning

She was down to her final 4!!!

A young girl runs under a church awning to escape the rain.

"Wow, it's really pouring sky buckets out here!" she yells to the priest greeting visitors.

Before he can respond, the sky releases a torrential downpour, as if a thousand firehoses opened up from the clouds.

"Whoa! Now it's *really* raining cats and dogs!" she exclaims. Suddenly, a c...

What’s the opposite of a soft drink?

Alcohol




Get it? Because it’s a “hard drink”
No?
Really?
Please?
I am slowly spiralling into madness
Help me
Anyone there?

The mad old King

Once upon a time there was a King who was quite mad, through and through.
So mad in fact, that he would kill every daughter his wife bore as he only wanted sons.
He lived in a huge castle right next to the sea.

The kingdom that this King ruled over stretched far and wide. All the good...

A Cowboy is riding his horse on his first trip to cowtown when he reaches a fork in the road...

At the fork, there is a sign which reads "Reddit go right, cowtown go left." The cowboy, confused and having never heard of Reddit, decides to give in to his curiosity and go right.

After riding for a mile or so on the path, he reaches another fork. This sign reads "Reddit go right, cowtown ...

When Mad cow disease was going around, noone knew what to do.

It was utter madness.

A tale of Middle Earth

In the land of Gondor there lived one of the most renowned gardeners in all of Middle Earth.


All the various people would come to Master Kizal for healing herbs that could be found nowhere except his gardens. The Elves would come to him for rare tree saplings and advice on how to care f...

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"Have you ever broken up with someone over a single character flaw?"

My ex-girlfriend and I were a perfect match.

Like Batman and Robin.

Only we didn’t solve crimes and the tight, latex outfits we owned were used in the bedroom and not on the streets.

I truly thought she was the one.

But she had one character flaw that proved too great to ...

Heard this from a Navy officer on shore leave.

A Commodore in the Navy found himself wrongly accused of trading secrets with the enemy, so he bluffed his way onto a docked submarine and ordered it out to sea so he could wait out the inquest in peace.


His superiors caught wind of this and ordered a nearby friendly destroyer to go to hi...

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Physicians were unable to reach a consensus:

Should Brexit take place?

The Allergists were in favor of scratching it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologist's had sort of a gut feeling about it,

but the Neurologists thought May had a lot of nerve.

Meanwhile, Obstetrician...

A king hired a professional thief

The king wants to steal the national treasure of the neighboring kingdom, something that, if he owns, he'll have the right to rule BOTH countries. He sent out a call across the land for the best, sneakiest, and most ruthless assassins, thieves, brigands, and highwaymen and stated their crimes would ...

Math Puns

The first sine of madness.

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What did Bruce Dickinson reply when he was asked to play in a tour?

Can I play with Madness?

There was a man that was completely infatuated with Beethoven.

This man had heard a rumor that Beethoven was buried with his final masterpiece that nobody had ever seen or heard. In a fit of madness he went to the great masters grave and dug it up. When he finally reached the lid of Beethovens coffin he pried it open and to his amazement Beethoven was busily er...

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[NSFW] [long] 3 dudes are lost in the desert

After weeks of dwindling supplies and failing hopes, they happened upon a luxurious tent. They were afraid, because their hunger had driven them to near madness. Sensing their apprehension, the eldest man says to the others,"I'll go check it out. Stay back."
The two younger men hang back and watc...

The wife phoned me and said, "You better come to the hospital. My mother hasn't got long to live!"

I replied, "But it's March Madness! All the basketball games are important!"

She said, "Record it and watch it later."

You should have seen her face when I turned up at the hospital with the camcorder and the tripod…

There was this musician in North Korea....

One day he was called upon by Kim Jong Un to compose a piece of music and have the Great North Korean Orchestra play it live to him in the Humble Auditorium.

The musician, not wanting to displease the Great Leader, did as he asked and got to work composing a piece of music. One week later, on...

The camping story

A couple of years ago I went out camping in the woods with a few of my friends. It was a dark and stormy night, and we felt very alone in our little tent, so we started telling scary stories.

I described how the hills we were in used to be coal mining country, and the coal mines were dark and...

I listened to our house for ten seconds.

It was a moment of madness.

Tim the Conductor

Once upon a time there was a train conductor named Tim. Tim greatly enjoyed conducting his train around every day, and even though he had relatively poor pay, all was well in Tim's world. There was only one issue; Tim was a flat out *awful* conductor. He reduced the overall efficiency of all of the ...

A man is driving his Ferrari on the highway...

A man is driving his Ferrari on the highway speeding slightly above the limit when he sees cop lights flashing in his rear mirror. In a instant of madness, the man thinks "what the hell, I'll just outrun him". After a few moments of extreme speeding the man comes the his senses, realizes he is actin...

An amateur group of Islamic film makers have posted a video on YouTube which mocks Christianity and Jesus Christ.

It is believed to be so offensive that St Mary's church in Dublin have postponed their tea and cake morning until next Wednesday, and Dorothy O'Neill from Dinlge has written a strongly worded letter.

When will the madness end?

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Mad Japanese Businessman

So a Japanese businessman comes to America and seeks to have the time of his life. He goes to the bank, gives them some yen, and he gets $1,000. A night on the town was in order and he goes crazy and spends it all. The next day he is excited to do it again, gives the teller the same amount of yen, b...

The strange man counting on the bridge

A man was walking on a bridge over the water, when he came across a strange man that was counting out loud, however he kept repeating the same number over and over again. "21, 21, 21, 21" he would say constantly and in the same monotone voice.

Interested The man walked up to the one counting...

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Jimmy Carter, Richard Nixon, and Jack Kennedy were on a sinking boat

"Keep calm and save the women and children first!", Jimmy Carter exclaimed.
"We're former presidents, fuck the women and children!", Nixon replied.
Robert Kennedy looked around at the madness and replied,
"I don't think we have time!"

An old lady is driving on the motorway...

when a cop drives by and sees that she is knitting whilst driving. So the cop trying to stop this madness realizes he needs to do something. So he shouts over to the lady "Pullover!"

The old woman replies "No, its a cardigan!"

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