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Mutant Jokes

Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"

Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"

She points up and says: "3 pulls"

Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.

Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
...

My 4 year old son just got me with a dad joke I hadn't heard before.

My son was playing with his teenage mutant ninja turtle action figures, and was making them fight each other.

Me: "Where are their weapons? Are they just fighting with their bare hands?"

Son: "No, they are fighting with their turtle hands."

Doesn't have a clue why I was laughin...

Did you hear about the team of mutant trans-women super-heroes?

They're called "The Ex-Men".

Professor X asks a potential new, young mutant recruit, "What's your mutant power?"

Mutant: "Hindsight!"

Professor X: "That's not going to help us at all"

Mutant: "Yes, I can see that now"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A new mutant is trying to join the X-Men.

To join, he must complete an interview with Professor X.

"What's your superpower?" asks Professor X.

"I can pull a rabbit out of my hat!" says the young man. He takes off his hat, and pulls out a fluffy white rabbit.

Professor X gets up, walks over, and examines the rabbit car...

A Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “you’re underage. Get the hell out of here.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I don't know why people keep asking if one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is gay.

They have a strict "Don't Ask Donatello" policy

What do you call a group of divorced mutants?

The Ex-Men.

Shredder finally defeated the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

All he had to do is to throw a box of plastic straws to the sewer system.

I've just been robbed by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

Though ironically, he wasn't wearing a mask so I don't know which one he was.

I’ve been killing rich parents, throwing spiders at nerdy teens, dumping acid on kids, and calling disabled people mutants.

I haven’t created a superhero yet, but it better happen soon because I need to be stopped.

what do you call a legionary captured by super mutants?

A centaurion

What do you say when only one mutant from X-men manages to stay alive?

A-men

How many mutants do you need to take over a Ship?

5 MutantA MutantB MutantC MutantD and Mutiny

What do you tell the teenage mutant ninja turtle Raphael when he picks up a miniature version of his weapons?

Those are the wrong Sais.

A lot is said...

A lot is said about the famous mutant Telepath, Professor X...

Less is said about his incredibly inquisitive younger brother, Professor Y.

What happens when you screw up

Biologist screws up:
Mutant virus

Physicist screws up:
Deadly black hole

Geologists screws up:
Rock on table is now rock on floor

Is Caitlin Jenner a mutant?

Yes, she is part of the X-Men

What will happen if you silence an ant?

It'll become "mutant".

What do you call an ant that can't speak but has super powers?

Mutant

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the shop the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out….

there was a damn traffic officer writing a parking ticket for over-running the meter.
So I went up to him and said,
"Come on, how about giving a man a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another...

I have a 2 headed dog

But sadly she's a mutant and was born with only one head 😥

What's the difference between a superhero and an ant that cannot speak?

Nothing, both are mutants.

X-Men

It’s probably a good thing Charles Xavier did not use his first initial for his band of mutant misfits.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Greatest Insult To Hicks / West Virginians

You're so imbred your family tree looks like a Ferris Wheel!

Thought about this watching the Fallout 76 trailer, and then realizing that radiation isn't even needed to create mutants there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There's a little known legend about the Brothers Grimm: they wanted to write a story to rival The Ugly Duckling. For 'research' purposes, they bought a hundred ducks and released them into a cave..

..planning to return years later to document their behavior. Unfortunately both passed away before that, and the project was forgotten.


This information came to light hundreds of years later in 2>!XXX!<, during an investigation into strange quacking noises and numerous missing p...

Kitty Pryde walks into a bar

Something is disrupting her mutant power.

A guy goes to a fancy dress party with his girlfriend on his back....

When asked what he has come as he tells everyone, "I'm a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle of course"
"What's that on your back then???"
"Oh, that's Michele he replies"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The screw and the bellybutton

So a guy I work with told us this joke on the plane, went on for full 30' which made it even funnier smh, this is a short version:

A boy is born and is perfectly normal, arms legs ears and stuff, except a tiny detail: He had a screw on his bellybutton. Parents send him to all doctors imagina...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to give your cat a pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
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