Two engineering nerds were walking across their college campus.

One of them had a bike:

Nerd 1: Where did you get that bike, man; it looks pretty well made.

Nerd 2: Yesterday I saw a beautiful woman riding this bike in the park, and I winked at her. She came over, threw the bike down, took off her clothes, and said to me 'take what you want'.
...

Where do Soviet nerds gather?

At Commie-Con.

What's the difference between nerds and eggs?

Eggs get laid

what's a nerds favourite dessert?

Raspberry pi

What do you call a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life?

Alien versus Redditor.

Two computer nerds start arguing about if they have to pronounce it gif or jif.

The argument gets extremely heated and it goes on for hours.

In the end they just decide to have the sandwich with just the jelly.

Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock...

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No idiot... Cows go moo!

There are three kittens on a roof (science/nerd joke)

There are three kittens on a roof in a rain storm. Which is the last to slide off?

The one with the highest mu.

............................................................


(mu (can't create the symbol) is the coefficient of friction. But I bet you knew that already)

How can you tell the difference between a nerd and someone with a BDSM fettish?

Ask them what a dungeon master is

My friend wrote his dissertation on nerds who love palindromes

He is now Dr. Awkward.

[Nerd Joke Warning] What Tea makes you original?

Novel-tea

(Must be a nerd to get this one) Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

To get to the other... oh... never mind.



Context: a mobius strip is an object with the interesting property of only having one side.

What's the difference between a nerd and a paid assassin?

One hits the books and the other books a hit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a nerds penis?

Microsoft.

So my brother told me this joke. He said it is a nerd joke

What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick!
What’s blue and bad for your teeth?
The same brick moving really really fast.

The Computer Nerd and His Apprentice

So, I have a story about a wise old computing nerd and his new technological apprentice. He wanted to tell his young child some core life morals, as well as teach about old technology.

The wise man first showed the kid a polaroid camera. The kid quickly took it, and snapped a photo, but was v...

Why do mathematicians confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25.

This might be the nerdiest joke I know. Here's a bonus mathematical nerd joke:

Why don't riddles work in octal notation?

Because seven ten eleven.

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A schoolyard bully is picking on a nerd and says, "Hey, loser, see that guy over there? He told me your mother fucked a donkey, and you're the result!"

The nerd gets upset and says, "Ignore him! Hee-haw, hee-haw, hehaways says that."

I'm dating an astronomer and she's a total nerd,

but with a heavenly body.

Do you want to know what I realized about Quiet Kids that are also Science Nerds?

They only speak periodically.

Why are D&D nerds better in bed?

Because they always take initiative in the roleplay.

As I was leaving physics class, a classmate walked up to me and called me a nerd.

What an acceleration’.

A nerd is riding a bike on the college campus when he comes across his friend.

The friend asks, "Where did you get that awesome bike?"

"You won't believe what happened," the nerd says. "I was walking on a trail yesterday, minding my own business, when this really beautiful woman rode up to me. She threw the bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, and said '*take w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A skinny nerd walks into a bar.

“Hey!” he shouts to one table “All you idiots should move to table seven!” and to another table he shouts “And all you morons should move to table nine!” A big ass body builder gets up from the first table and faces the nerd and growls “Hey, I’m not an idiot!” The nerd straightens his glasses, looks...

What did the nerd say on a hot day?

I wish I was cool.


(Original joke made up by my 7-year old)

If I had a dollar for everytime someone called me a boring nerd..

I'd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25

Music history nerds- What do Wagner’s musical works and his debts have in common?

They both never resolve.




Yes I know this is bad but we’re studying Wagner and the class/professor appreciated it. Carry on with your day.

What do you call a 50 year old nerd?

Boss.

My crush used to call me a math nerd.

I was 2² to ask her out.

My bud Erik introduced me to his beautiful Indian friend, Monica. Being a nerd all my life, I thought I'd impress her with my typing speed. I wrote 70 words in a minute, and she was still unimpressed

Erik told me it was not her type

What’s a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common?

They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.

Believe it or not, I started my day the same way nerds start their responses in reddit comments.

Well actually

The Race!

Johnny was 16 years old and wanted a motorcycle really bad. But his parents said he couldn't get one until he graduated from high school. So, he saved up all his money, and when graduation day came, he threw his graduate cap up in the air and walked right down to the nearest Harley Davidson dealer a...

Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses?

It helps with division.

Nerd joke

A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."

Glasses wearers are less likely to get Covid-19...

I guess you could say we have nerd immunity.

Why don't nerds read the newspaper?

Because they already Reddit.

A cornea, a female sheep, a tire and a nerd walk into a haunted house

The cornea bounces in first, making plenty of noise all throughout the house, and leaves terrified and satisfied.

The female sheep prances in next, and terrified bleeting can be heard by all, before she leaves in fear.

The tire rolls in next, making loud, frightened rubbery noises insi...

Why is it hard to make friends with computer nerds?

They are very click-y

Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd

That would be stereotyping.

Attention Nerds!

It would be so much easier if humans came with an error message just like computers do.
Imagine sitting in a restaurant and failing miserably at flirting with the waitress.
"Warning! Error establishing connection with the Server"

People will ask what a nerd like me did this Thanksgiving.

[(-1)^(1/2)] (2^3) Σ π

The bully loomed threateningly over the nerd and said, "You know what snitches get don't you?"

Ummm, "150 points?"

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What did the computer nerd say to the other during sex?

01010011 01110000 01100101 01100001 01101011 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101101 01100101 00101100 00100000 01100100 01100001 01100100 01100100 01111001 00101110

So my crush is an otaku and a math nerd, so I asked her to notice me

Sin pi

When a cannibal prepares to eat a nerd . . .

He makes Dork Rinds

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nerd went fishing and caught a very small goldfish...

She spoke with human voice to him, beging to be left alive because she is so young, and if he lets her go, she will grant him a wish. The nerd thought a litle and said "Ok, i will let you go, but don' t let me die a virgin" . This is how he gained immortality....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 Girls 1 Nerd

A kind of nerdy, loner-type guy finally builds up the courage to talk to two hot women. As he's walking up he's trying to think of something funny and interesting to say when he gets to them he blurts out "97% of women masturbate in the shower!" The two women look at him oddly but are intrigued an...

One for the Grammar Nerds (and kids)

Knock Knock

Who's there?

To.

To who?

To *whom.*

you know what really turns on a nerd?

unprotected wifi

How to tell a difference between a Politician and chemistry nerd?

Ask them to read the word- "unionized"

Did you hear about that cologne made for nerds?

They call it “Elon’s Musk”

This one is for you philosophy nerds. What do you call it when a middle aged woman takes a break from reading Plato dialogues?

Meno pause

My wife's friend had a baby...

She posted a picture on Facebook and my wife commented "Aww, what a little angle." I replied to my wife's comment "Ya, she's pretty acute."
I felt like a tremendous nerd for even thinking of a geometry joke, but ya...

Nerd Joke: What do you get if you cross a robot with a pirate?

Aaaarrrrr2D2

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nerds

A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "Nerds Not Allowed - Enter At Your Own Risk!" He goes in and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says, "You smell kind of nerdy. What do...

Drama nerds will get this one.

What’s Mrs. Malaprop’s favorite type of humor?

Self-defecating.

An unpopular math nerd in school never really interacted with anyone.

Some girls decided to play a prank by giving him a piece of paper saying "i <3 u".

Unfortunately, the nerd did not understand and just responded, "Assuming solving for u, u > i/3".

Nerd joke.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims “New...

What's a kinky nerd into?

USBDSM

A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend--another nerd--rode up on an incredible shiny new bright red bicycle.....

The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked,

"WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"


The second nerd replied,

"Well, yesterday I was walking home,

minding my own business

when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike.

She ...

A nerd was invited to compete in the Trigonometry Mathletic Competition...

he said:
"Sine me up!"

What do nerds and Creationists have in common?

They're offended by The Big Bang Theory.

What does a deaf math nerd speak?

Sine language.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'd been a bit of a shut in computer nerd for a long while before I lost my virginity...

My parents forced me out on a date they arranged. To my surprise I manage to bring her home.

Still, I didn't know the first thing about women, completely clueless.

However, like a good nerd I was prepared. Right before the date I wrote a list of questions about sex on my laptop should...

What did Ryu and Ken find at Chuck-E-Cheese?

**HA TOKEN!**

**- - -**

(Street Fighter joke, but I know my fellow nerds lurk this sub)

If grammar nerds had a convention...

...it would be called Lexicon.

(Nerd joke warning) What do you call a pharmacy that *may* exist?

An hypothecary

Why are so many online nerds voting far-right?

They are terrible at socializing.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trucker is hauling a B-double with three containers full of computer parts.

It's getting on toward dark, and so he stops at a steakhouse for a bite.


The first thing he sees is a sign on the door:


NO THONGS


NO SINGLETS


NO NERDS


MANAGEMENT RESERVES THE RIGHT TO REFUSE ADMISSION


No nerds? Weird. But whatever...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do nerds relieve their sexual frustration?

They maths debate.

What do you call two nerds dry humping on the couch?

Science friction.

Why was the computer nerd sad that there weren't any barbecues with wifi?

Because there aren't any grills on the internet.

I asked a nerd what his New Year's resolution was.

He said, "1920x1080".

Nerd Joke

Man walks into a bar and days "Bartender, I'll have an H2O." His friend says "Ill have some H2O, too"
His friend dies.

What company makes Nerds?

Your mom.

[Nerd Joke] Yo momma's so fat she sees red lights as green...

...Doctors call this colour blindness, physicists call it gravitational blue-shift.

What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem.

A Big Fat Geek Wetting.

What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?

Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

**INFINITY WAR SPOILERS**

Ok now that all the nerds are gone, there's a party going on at my place this Saturday. hmu if you're interested.

Heisenberg gets pulled over (Nerd humor)

Finding great success as a scientist Heisenberg decides to buy a sports car. He is blazing down the highway when he sees a cop car behind him. He pulls over and the cop comes up to the window and asks: "Do you have *any* idea how fast you were going?!"

Heisenberg looks at him and replies: "No...

A nerd rides up to his friend on a new bike.

The friend asks "Wow! Where'd you get the cool bike?"

The guy replies "A beautiful blond woman rode up to me on it, then took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"

The friend says "Good call, dude! The clothes would never have fit!"

A nerd goes to the beach

And none of the women pay him any attention. Embarrassed, he finds a popular guy and asks him for tips.

"Try getting a better haircut."

The nerdy guy tries it, but the women still don't notice him. He asks for more tips.

"Try getting contacts and more stylish swim trunks."
...

(For Star Wars nerds) What do baby Twi'leks wear when they eat fish?

A Bib Fortuna

Joke for chemistry nerds ;)

Argon walks into a bar and the bartender says:

-We don't serve noble gases here!

Argon doesn't react.

Help, I need nerd jokes the average high school student can understand.

Something along these lines,

Why can't you trust an atom? They make up everything.

[Nerd joke] What do trespassers have in common with logical fallacies?

They both violate the rules of the premises.

Jokes that nerds tell

I would tell you a NTP joke, but I don't have the time.

Got any more

A knock sounds at a nerd's door...

*Knock knock!*

"Who's there?"

"You know!"

"You know who?"

"Exactly. AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!!"

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