Two engineering nerds were walking across their college campus.

One of them had a bike:

Nerd 1: Where did you get that bike, man; it looks pretty well made.

Nerd 2: Yesterday I saw a beautiful woman riding this bike in the park, and I winked at her. She came over, threw the bike down, took off her clothes, and said to me 'take what you want'.
...

What do you call a death match between E.T. and a nerd with no social life?

Alien versus Redditor.

Why are D&D nerds better in bed?

Because they always take initiative in the roleplay.

Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock...

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No idiot... Cows go moo!

A nerd is riding a bike on the college campus when he comes across his friend.

The friend asks, "Where did you get that awesome bike?"

"You won't believe what happened," the nerd says. "I was walking on a trail yesterday, minding my own business, when this really beautiful woman rode up to me. She threw the bike on the ground, took off all her clothes, and said '*take w...

My bud Erik introduced me to his beautiful Indian friend, Monica. Being a nerd all my life, I thought I'd impress her with my typing speed. I wrote 70 words in a minute, and she was still unimpressed

Erik told me it was not her type

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A skinny nerd walks into a bar.

“Hey!” he shouts to one table “All you idiots should move to table seven!” and to another table he shouts “And all you morons should move to table nine!” A big ass body builder gets up from the first table and faces the nerd and growls “Hey, I’m not an idiot!” The nerd straightens his glasses, looks...

Come in our nerd group!

We have pi

How does a computer nerd ask out a girl?

Wanna see my software turn into a hard drive?



I made up this joke on my own, so if it was already thought of I apologize.

Nerd Jokes.

What do you do with a sick chemist?

A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.

What do you call a 50 year old nerd?

Boss.

My crush used to call me a math nerd.

I was 2² to ask her out.

Believe it or not, I started my day the same way nerds start their responses in reddit comments.

Well actually

The Computer Nerd and His Apprentice

So, I have a story about a wise old computing nerd and his new technological apprentice. He wanted to tell his young child some core life morals, as well as teach about old technology.

The wise man first showed the kid a polaroid camera. The kid quickly took it, and snapped a photo, but was v...

What did the nerd say on a hot day?

I wish I was cool.


(Original joke made up by my 7-year old)

Where do Soviet nerds gather?

At Commie-Con

Got a phone call waking me up in the middle of my remote learning class today.

My students are such nerds.

So my crush is an otaku and a math nerd, so I asked her to notice me

Sin pi

Did you hear about that cologne made for nerds?

They call it “Elon’s Musk”

When a cannibal prepares to eat a nerd . . .

He makes Dork Rinds

Why is it hard to make friends with computer nerds?

They are very click-y

If I had a dollar for everytime someone called me a boring nerd..

I'd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25

My nerd friend just got a Ph.D. on the history of palindromes.

He is now Dr.Awkward.

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A nerd went fishing and caught a very small goldfish...

She spoke with human voice to him, beging to be left alive because she is so young, and if he lets her go, she will grant him a wish. The nerd thought a litle and said "Ok, i will let you go, but don' t let me die a virgin" . This is how he gained immortality....

What’s a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common?

They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.

Why don't nerds read the newspaper?

Because they already Reddit.

A cornea, a female sheep, a tire and a nerd walk into a haunted house

The cornea bounces in first, making plenty of noise all throughout the house, and leaves terrified and satisfied.

The female sheep prances in next, and terrified bleeting can be heard by all, before she leaves in fear.

The tire rolls in next, making loud, frightened rubbery noises insi...

Attention Nerds!

It would be so much easier if humans came with an error message just like computers do.
Imagine sitting in a restaurant and failing miserably at flirting with the waitress.
"Warning! Error establishing connection with the Server"

Why do nerds confuse Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT 31 = DEC 25

This one is for you philosophy nerds. What do you call it when a middle aged woman takes a break from reading Plato dialogues?

Meno pause

People will ask what a nerd like me did this Thanksgiving.

[(-1)^(1/2)] (2^3) Σ π

What do nerds and Creationists have in common?

They're offended by The Big Bang Theory.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the computer nerd say to the other during sex?

01010011 01110000 01100101 01100001 01101011 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101101 01100101 00101100 00100000 01100100 01100001 01100100 01100100 01111001 00101110

One for the Grammar Nerds (and kids)

Knock Knock

Who's there?

To.

To who?

To *whom.*

Nerd Joke: What do you get if you cross a robot with a pirate?

Aaaarrrrr2D2

Drama nerds will get this one.

What’s Mrs. Malaprop’s favorite type of humor?

Self-defecating.

The bully loomed threateningly over the nerd and said, "You know what snitches get don't you?"

Ummm, "150 points?"

Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd

That would be stereotyping.

A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend--another nerd--rode up on an incredible shiny new bright red bicycle.....

The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked,

"WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"


The second nerd replied,

"Well, yesterday I was walking home,

minding my own business

when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike.

She ...

An unpopular math nerd in school never really interacted with anyone.

Some girls decided to play a prank by giving him a piece of paper saying "i <3 u".

Unfortunately, the nerd did not understand and just responded, "Assuming solving for u, u > i/3".

Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses?

It helps with division.

Nerd joke

A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nerds

A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying: "NERDS NOT ALLOWED -- ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK". He goes in and sits down. The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says he smells kind of nerdy, and asks hi...

How to tell a difference between a Politician and chemistry nerd?

Ask them to read the word- "unionized"

What's a kinky nerd into?

USBDSM

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

2 Girls 1 Nerd

A kind of nerdy, loner-type guy finally builds up the courage to talk to two hot women. As he's walking up he's trying to think of something funny and interesting to say when he gets to them he blurts out "97% of women masturbate in the shower!" The two women look at him oddly but are intrigued an...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'd been a bit of a shut in computer nerd for a long while before I lost my virginity...

My parents forced me out on a date they arranged. To my surprise I manage to bring her home.

Still, I didn't know the first thing about women, completely clueless.

However, like a good nerd I was prepared. Right before the date I wrote a list of questions about sex on my laptop should...

you know what really turns on a nerd?

unprotected wifi

My software developer friends tell me to stop exposing them to COVID-19 jokes...

.. but I tell them it's the best way to achieve nerd immunity.

If grammar nerds had a convention...

...it would be called Lexicon.

Nerd joke.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims “New...

(Nerd joke warning) What do you call a pharmacy that *may* exist?

An hypothecary

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do nerds relieve their sexual frustration?

They maths debate.

A nerd was invited to compete in the Trigonometry Mathletic Competition...

he said:
"Sine me up!"

What does a deaf math nerd speak?

Sine language.

Why are so many online nerds voting far-right?

They are terrible at socializing.

Why was the computer nerd sad that there weren't any barbecues with wifi?

Because there aren't any grills on the internet.

What do you call two nerds dry humping on the couch?

Science friction.

Well if I had a dollar for every time someone called me a boring nerd

I'd have enough to create a pretty big hole in the ground.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

**INFINITY WAR SPOILERS**

Ok now that all the nerds are gone, there's a party going on at my place this Saturday. hmu if you're interested.

What do you call a tall, obese computer nerd with a bladder control problem.

A Big Fat Geek Wetting.

What company makes Nerds?

Your mom.

Help, I need nerd jokes the average high school student can understand.

Something along these lines,

Why can't you trust an atom? They make up everything.

[Nerd Joke] Yo momma's so fat she sees red lights as green...

...Doctors call this colour blindness, physicists call it gravitational blue-shift.

Nerd Joke

Man walks into a bar and days "Bartender, I'll have an H2O." His friend says "Ill have some H2O, too"
His friend dies.

How many geeks does it take to ruin a joke?

You mean nerd, not geek. And not joke, but riddle. Proceed.

I asked a nerd what his New Year's resolution was.

He said, "1920x1080".

What's the difference between a nerd and a stoner?

One gets high scores, while the other gets high on scores.

What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?

Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.

A nerd rides up to his friend on a new bike.

The friend asks "Wow! Where'd you get the cool bike?"

The guy replies "A beautiful blond woman rode up to me on it, then took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"

The friend says "Good call, dude! The clothes would never have fit!"

Heisenberg gets pulled over (Nerd humor)

Finding great success as a scientist Heisenberg decides to buy a sports car. He is blazing down the highway when he sees a cop car behind him. He pulls over and the cop comes up to the window and asks: "Do you have *any* idea how fast you were going?!"

Heisenberg looks at him and replies: "No...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A principal notices a Post-It on a locker.

"Jocks of JFK High! This small change in diet can boost your physique FOREVER! Head to the gym to find out how!"

Puzzled, he pulls it off and continues down the hall. Just a few lockers down, another catches his eye.

"Hey goth girls! Tired of dark eyeliner that just runs all day? One ...

A nerd goes to the beach

And none of the women pay him any attention. Embarrassed, he finds a popular guy and asks him for tips.

"Try getting a better haircut."

The nerdy guy tries it, but the women still don't notice him. He asks for more tips.

"Try getting contacts and more stylish swim trunks."
...

(For Star Wars nerds) What do baby Twi'leks wear when they eat fish?

A Bib Fortuna

A knock sounds at a nerd's door...

*Knock knock!*

"Who's there?"

"You know!"

"You know who?"

"Exactly. AVADA KEDAVRA!!!!!"

[Nerd joke] What do trespassers have in common with logical fallacies?

They both violate the rules of the premises.

Nerd joke of the week

If Frodo is a Hobbit, are 8 Frodos a Hobbyte?

What is the difference between a Nerd and a Troll.

Trolls were once Nerds too before they went over to the Dork side.

Jokes that nerds tell

I would tell you a NTP joke, but I don't have the time.

Got any more

Joke for chemistry nerds ;)

Argon walks into a bar and the bartender says:

-We don't serve noble gases here!

Argon doesn't react.

George Michael would make a pretty good Fremen.

Guilty feet have got no rhythm.

^^^^^Yes ^^^^^I ^^^^^am ^^^^^a ^^^^^complete ^^^^^nerd, ^^^^^stop ^^^^^looking ^^^^^at ^^^^^me ^^^^^like ^^^^^that.

Ten Science Jokes for Nerds

* I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

* I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

* Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.

* Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Game of thrones spoiler!!!!

Now that all the nerds aren't paying attention, party at my house this Saturday.

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