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Nerd Jokes

Nerd joke

A photon walks up to an airline counter to buy a ticket and the clerk asks "any baggage to check?" The photon replies "No, I'm traveling light."

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2 Girls 1 Nerd

A kind of nerdy, loner-type guy finally builds up the courage to talk to two hot women. As he's walking up he's trying to think of something funny and interesting to say when he gets to them he blurts out "97% of women masturbate in the shower!" The two women look at him oddly but are intrigued an...

How do you know you’re eating dinner with a nerd?

They ordered their steak, “uncommon”

Why do a lot of math nerds wear glasses?

It helps with division.

Nerd joke.

Einstein, Newton and Pascal are playing a rousing game of hide and seek. Einstein begins to count to ten. Pascal runs and hides. Newton draws a one meter by one meter square in the ground in front of Einstein then stands in the middle of it. Einstein reaches ten, uncovers his eyes, and exclaims “New...

Soooo my 4 year old nephew just told me this. He's a little nerd but it made me chuckle. Knock knock...

Who's there?

Cows go.

Cows go who?

No idiot... Cows go moo!

What’s a stalker and a Pokemon nerd got in common?

They both hide in the bushes trying to get a Pikachu.

What do you call a MMA fight between E.T. and a nerd with no social life?

Alien versus Redditor.

Language nerds

2 polyglots meet in a bar:

\- Hey, what's up, how's going these days?

\- Same old, just polishing my Finnish... and you?

\- You know me, still trying to finish my Polish.

Joke for economics nerds

A physicist and an economist are invited to a classroom to make a presentation to get the children interested in their field of study. The physicist goes first.

He produces a ball and announces, “I will time this ball falling to the ground and, without looking at the stopwatch, tell you how l...

Where do Soviet nerds gather?

At Commie-Con.

how is a comic nerd the same as an old man?

They both have back issues

what's a nerds favourite dessert?

Raspberry pi

What is a group of nerds called?

A Google.

There are three kittens on a roof (science/nerd joke)

There are three kittens on a roof in a rain storm. Which is the last to slide off?

The one with the highest mu.

............................................................


(mu (can't create the symbol) is the coefficient of friction. But I bet you knew that already)

If I had a dollar for everytime someone called me a boring nerd..

I'd have a mean daily income of $5.64 with a standard deviation of $1.25

What do nerds and racists have in common?

They both aspire to be wizards.

what do you call a pale, introvert nerd?

Fair and square

My nerd friend just got a Ph.D. on the history of palindromes.

He is now Dr.Awkward.

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Nerds

A truck driver hauling a tractor-trailer load of computers stops for a beer. As he approaches the bar he sees a big sign on the door saying "Nerds Not Allowed - Enter At Your Own Risk!" He goes in and sits down.

The bartender comes over to him, sniffs, says, "You smell kind of nerdy. What do...

What do you call adult nightclubs for nerds?

Comic strips.

Do you come from a family of math nerds?

If you do, then you have square roots!

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A skinny nerd walks into a bar.

“Hey!” he shouts to one table “All you idiots should move to table seven!” and to another table he shouts “And all you morons should move to table nine!” A big ass body builder gets up from the first table and faces the nerd and growls “Hey, I’m not an idiot!” The nerd straightens his glasses, looks...

LinkedIn is like reverse dating site for IT nerds

They get a lot of messages from girls

But ignore most of them

Two engineering nerds were walking across their college campus.

One of them had a bike:

Nerd 1: Where did you get that bike, man; it looks pretty well made.

Nerd 2: Yesterday I saw a beautiful woman riding this bike in the park, and I winked at her. She came over, threw the bike down, took off her clothes, and said to me 'take what you want'.
...

How can you tell the difference between a nerd and someone with a BDSM fettish?

Ask them what a dungeon master is

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Open Season on Nerds

This truck driver was driving through the Silicon Valley. He decides he needs a cup of coffee so he pulls into this truck stop. As he goes in the door he sees a sign that says "No Nerds will be served." He sits down at the bar, and the bartender comes over to him. The truck driver says, "I'll have a...

[Nerd Joke Warning] What Tea makes you original?

Novel-tea

Did you hear about the computer nerd who was eaten alive by a giant snake?

Now he's programming in python.

What do you call a 50 year old nerd?

Boss.

Attention Nerds!

It would be so much easier if humans came with an error message just like computers do.
Imagine sitting in a restaurant and failing miserably at flirting with the waitress.
"Warning! Error establishing connection with the Server"

What's the difference between a nerd and a paid assassin?

One hits the books and the other books a hit.

Nerd Joke

Man walks into a bar and days "Bartender, I'll have an H2O." His friend says "Ill have some H2O, too"
His friend dies.

What did the nerd say to the cute girl?

Are you an API because I want to call you?

How would a nerd date an aged super-model?

Using carbon-14.

Just because someone found out how to connect a keyboard and a portable radio together doesn't make them a nerd

That would be stereotyping.

you know what really turns on a nerd?

unprotected wifi

My crush used to call me a math nerd.

I was 2² to ask her out.

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**INFINITY WAR SPOILERS**

Ok now that all the nerds are gone, there's a party going on at my place this Saturday. hmu if you're interested.

What do you call a restaurant that predominantly uses garlic as an ingredient that caters to literary nerds?

Allicin Wonderland

Why are D&D nerds better in bed?

Because they always take initiative in the roleplay.

The Computer Nerd and His Apprentice

So, I have a story about a wise old computing nerd and his new technological apprentice. He wanted to tell his young child some core life morals, as well as teach about old technology.

The wise man first showed the kid a polaroid camera. The kid quickly took it, and snapped a photo, but was v...

What did the nerd say on a hot day?

I wish I was cool.


(Original joke made up by my 7-year old)

What's a kinky nerd into?

USBDSM

A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend--another nerd--rode up on an incredible shiny new bright red bicycle.....

The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and asked,

"WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"


The second nerd replied,

"Well, yesterday I was walking home,

minding my own business

when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike.

She ...

People will ask what a nerd like me did this Thanksgiving.

[(-1)^(1/2)] (2^3) Σ π

Why don't nerds read the newspaper?

Because they already Reddit.

I was in a new IT themed restaurant the other day...

When I walked in I could see the place decorated like the inside of a computer. The tables looked like motherboards, the placemats looked like keyboards, and the glasses looked like giant USB sticks. The host was there to greet me and he was dressed in the usual "nerd" attire - glasses, pocket prote...

Two computer nerds start arguing about if they have to pronounce it gif or jif.

The argument gets extremely heated and it goes on for hours.

In the end they just decide to have the sandwich with just the jelly.

What does a deaf math nerd speak?

Sine language.

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What did the computer nerd say to the other during sex?

01010011 01110000 01100101 01100001 01101011 00100000 01100010 01101001 01101110 01100001 01110010 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101101 01100101 00101100 00100000 01100100 01100001 01100100 01100100 01111001 00101110

(Must be a nerd to get this one) Why did the chicken cross the mobius strip?

To get to the other... oh... never mind.



Context: a mobius strip is an object with the interesting property of only having one side.

Come over to the Nerd side...

We have Pi.

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A nerd went fishing and caught a very small goldfish...

She spoke with human voice to him, beging to be left alive because she is so young, and if he lets her go, she will grant him a wish. The nerd thought a litle and said "Ok, i will let you go, but don' t let me die a virgin" . This is how he gained immortality....

What do nerds eat for breakfast?

Terabytes

If grammar nerds had a convention...

...it would be called Lexicon.

Heisenberg gets pulled over (Nerd humor)

Finding great success as a scientist Heisenberg decides to buy a sports car. He is blazing down the highway when he sees a cop car behind him. He pulls over and the cop comes up to the window and asks: "Do you have *any* idea how fast you were going?!"

Heisenberg looks at him and replies: "No...

How to tell a difference between a Politician and chemistry nerd?

Ask them to read the word- "unionized"

I asked a nerd what his New Year's resolution was.

He said, "1920x1080".

[Nerd Joke] Yo momma's so fat she sees red lights as green...

...Doctors call this colour blindness, physicists call it gravitational blue-shift.

When a cannibal prepares to eat a nerd . . .

He makes Dork Rinds

I know a real nerd, and even though he's given up his interest in farm machinery, he still sucks the atmosphere out of the room.

He's an ex-tractor fan.

The bully loomed threateningly over the nerd and said, "You know what snitches get don't you?"

Ummm, "150 points?"

A nerd was invited to compete in the Trigonometry Mathletic Competition...

he said:
"Sine me up!"

Ten Science Jokes for Nerds

* I’m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I can’t put it down.

* I have a new theory on inertia but it doesn’t seem to be gaining momentum.

* Why can’t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they don’t believe in higher powers.

* Schrodinger’s cat walks into a bar. And ...

So my brother told me this joke. He said it is a nerd joke

What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A brick!
What’s blue and bad for your teeth?
The same brick moving really really fast.

What company makes Nerds?

Your mom.

Did you hear about that cologne made for nerds?

They call it “Elon’s Musk”

What do nerds and Creationists have in common?

They're offended by The Big Bang Theory.

A cornea, a female sheep, a tire and a nerd walk into a haunted house

The cornea bounces in first, making plenty of noise all throughout the house, and leaves terrified and satisfied.

The female sheep prances in next, and terrified bleeting can be heard by all, before she leaves in fear.

The tire rolls in next, making loud, frightened rubbery noises insi...

As I was leaving physics class, a classmate walked up to me and called me a nerd.

What an acceleration’.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do nerds relieve their sexual frustration?

They maths debate.

Nerd joke of the week

If Frodo is a Hobbit, are 8 Frodos a Hobbyte?

A nerd goes to the beach

And none of the women pay him any attention. Embarrassed, he finds a popular guy and asks him for tips.

"Try getting a better haircut."

The nerdy guy tries it, but the women still don't notice him. He asks for more tips.

"Try getting contacts and more stylish swim trunks."
...

Do you want to know what I realized about Quiet Kids that are also Science Nerds?

They only speak periodically.

If nerds play RPGs, what do Geeks play?

RBGs.

Nerd Joke: What do you get if you cross a robot with a pirate?

Aaaarrrrr2D2

(Nerd joke warning) What do you call a pharmacy that *may* exist?

An hypothecary

Jokes that nerds tell

I would tell you a NTP joke, but I don't have the time.

Got any more

Why are so many online nerds voting far-right?

They are terrible at socializing.

A nerd rides up to his friend on a new bike.

The friend asks "Wow! Where'd you get the cool bike?"

The guy replies "A beautiful blond woman rode up to me on it, then took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted!"

The friend says "Good call, dude! The clothes would never have fit!"

Joke for chemistry nerds ;)

Argon walks into a bar and the bartender says:

-We don't serve noble gases here!

Argon doesn't react.

What do Jesus and a nerd have in common?

Both are long-haired, live at their parents' till their 30's, and if they'll do anything, it is considered a miracle.

Help, I need nerd jokes the average high school student can understand.

Something along these lines,

Why can't you trust an atom? They make up everything.

I'm a nerd and I just met the love of my life online.

She's a girl gamer and wants to add me on fortnite, she watches all of the same anime shows as I do, and she says she'll give me a special surprise if I venmo her $30. I bet it's her fortnite username!!!

[Nerd joke] What do trespassers have in common with logical fallacies?

They both violate the rules of the premises.

So my crush is an otaku and a math nerd, so I asked her to notice me

Sin pi

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