How do you make a dead baby float?

2 scoops of ice cream
1 scoop of dead baby

Do trans girls float in water?

After all, they are boy’nt

Why do dogs float in water?

Because they’re good buoys.

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A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the ocean, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.


"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
...

IF i ever see a billion dollars fall from the sky and float around in front of me i am going to grab it.

I suddenly understand fish on a whole new level.

I had a friend who was always dressed well, and could float on lava.

He was flamboyant.

How do you make a baby float in water?

Take your foot off the back of its head

What type of wood doesn't float?

Natalie Wood

What’s big, gray, and can’t float?

A castle

How amazing is that scene from The Last Jedi where Rey makes the boulders float..

CGI Rocks!

What floats on the water and goes quick?

A South African duck.

Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong...

I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.

What do you call it when Freddie Mercury floats?

Flam-buoyant

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If Mohammed Ali could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee

He would be dead after one punch.

Why does the Buddha float in water?

Because he’s enlightened

My friend Claire predicted she'd be able to float in water

Guess she thought she was Claire bouyant.

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TIL you can determine the sex of an ant by dropping it in water

Sinks - girl ant
Floats - boy ant

All things that float are female

They're boyn't

How do you tell apart a girl ant and a boy ant?

the girl ant will sink

^the ^boy ^ant ^will ^float

Why was the LGBT parade float a disaster?

Their tranny stopped working

Why did the male ant float while the female ant drowned?

It was bouyant

Ants can float on water using their toes. But why can't larger ants float on milk?

Because they lack toes in taller ants.

Why doesn't Texas float into the gulf?

Because Oklahoma sucks.

What do you call it when Kratos floats in water?

BOYancy

How do you make a baby float?

A bottle of soda, a cup of water, and two scoops of baby.

A ghost floats into a bar

He stops at the bar and says “Barkeep, I’ll take a glass of your finest wine.

The bartender doesn’t respond.

The ghost is angered and says, “Your finest wine, or I’m going to haunt your bar.”

Still no response from the bartender.

The ghost says, “Hey buddy, what’s your p...

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A man walked into a bar on the 100th floor of a building, chugged a pint, then jumped out of an open window.

Ten minutes later, with no injuries, he ran back into the bar, chugged a pint, then jumped out of the same window.

When he returned ten minutes later, a man asked him how he survived.

“You see, alcohol makes you warmer and heat rises. So if you chug a pint really quickly then concentra...

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Two whales are chilling in the ocean when a boat floats above them...

Whale 1: Hey, you know what would be funny? If we went under the boat and tipped it over with our blow holes.

Whale 2: Haha yeah, let's do it!

*The two whales proceed to go under the boat, blow their blow holes and tip it over*

Whale 1: Hahaha that was great! You know what woul...

Why did the Avengers have the best float at the parade?

They had a gigantic Banner!

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An Englishman, a Frenchman and an Australian, are hiking through the South American jungle

When all of sudden, they see a crystal clear pool at the foot of a mountain. They're all hot and tired, so naturally, they strip off and jump in, and to their surprise, that are captured by natives. They are brought in front of the chief and told that the pool is sacred. He tells them that they are ...

Two Jewish banker escaped from that sinking Italian cruise ship

They were both clinging to a life preserver. One guy, knowing the other can't swim, says, " I'm going to try to swim to shore to get some help. Can you float alone?"

The second Jewish banker says, "how could you talk business at a time like this?"

How does Thor's home float in space?

_Asgardium leviosa!_

The density of Saturn is so low that the whole planet would float on the water in your bath.

However, you wouldn’t want to try this experiment at home as it would leave a massive ring around the tub.

What do you call a breast that couldn't float?

Sanctity

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[NSFW] so, this guy is going on a business trip,

and he doesn't want his wife to get horny and not have anyone to help, so he decides to get her a little gift. he heads on down to a sex shop, and he's looking at the dildos. "too short. too think. ... WAY too big.." so he goes up to the clerk and asks "hey, you have anything really special?" the cl...

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A multi-millionaire living in Darwin, Australia, decided to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors...

He also invited Brian, the only aborigine in the neighborhood.

He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating prawns and oysters from the barbecue, and flirting.

Then at the height of the party, the millionair...

What doesn't float to the top when it dies?

A day old reddit post.

A ghost floats up to a bar...

...and points to one of the bottles on the shelf. "Give me a shot of that over there," he tells the bartender.

The bartender picks up a bottle. "This?" he asks.

"Nope."

The bartender picks up another bottle. "What about this?"

The ghost shakes his head.

"Ah," says ...

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Two guys are sitting in a bar on top of a cliff on the Pacific Ocean

They are all watching the birds fly down close to the water, catch the draft and fly all the way back up.

One of the guys then exclaims, “I bet you I can do the same thing as the birds; drop down, catch the draft and have it carry me back up.”

“No you can’t” the second guy explains, “t...

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Two bananas were tanning when a piece of poop floats by..

So there were two bananas tanning on the beach when a piece of poop floats by. The poop yells " hey the waters great, get in". The banana turns to the other banana and says " do you believe that shit".

When your iPod stops working, it floats.

Because it doesn't sync.

What's black and yellow and doesn't float?

A bulldozer.

Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off when one fellow noticed that his partner only had one golf ball...

"Don't you have at least one other golf ball?", he asked. The other guy replied that no, he only needed the one. "Are you sure?", the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?" The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it so I don't need another one." Well,"...

A bubble floats into a bar . . .

The bartender asks, "What do you want?"

The bubble says, "Pop."

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Three guys were standing on the roof of the Empire State Building.

The first said: "You know, the wind currents here in New York are so strong that you could step off the edge of this building and literally float in mid-air due to the upward thrust of the thermal air current"

"You're crazy", said the second guy.

"You don't believe me?", said the first...

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Muhammad Ali in 1974: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee

Floyd Mayweather in 2015: Run like a chicken, hug like a bear

A young man goes into the public swimming pool because he wants to swim the 100 meters.

At the edge of the pool are sitting three elderly ladies and watch him swimming the 100 meters in one and a half minutes.

As he climbs out of the pool, one of the three ladies says, "Not bad, but I'm 70 years old and can do it better!" "I do not think so, you have to prove that to me!" Says ...

At a family breakfast the following conversation takes place between a dad and his 7 year old son.

Son: Daddy what are those big round things on mummies chest?”

Dad: They’re balloons son. When mummy dies we can blow them up and she’ll float to heaven.”

Son: Really? Because Uncle Frank was blowing them up yesterday and mummy kept saying “Oh God, I’m coming” but she didn’t float any...

Perogies are like fish

You put them in the water and they float to the top when the're finished

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Why did the skeleton's dick float?

because he had a hollow weenie.

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