What's the difference between a buoy and my ex girlfriend?
A buoy can be found above the ocean's surface.
Why do they put protection buoys on boats during docking?
To protect it from pier pressure.
Two ships crash into each other on a densely foggy day on the ocean.
The two captains (a man and a woman) wind up in the same hospital and they fall in love. They give up their sailing careers to raise a family.
When the wife was almost ready to give birth, they decided it would be really sweet if their child chose a career that would be helpful in preventing...
Whenever my dog goes into the water he doesn't sw, he just floats there
He's a good buoy
Why do dogs float
Because they are always such a good buoy.
A woman is giving birth on a boat
The baby comes out, but a sudden wave causes the boat to rock and the child is sent tumbling overboard into the ocean. The parents are horrified, until they see that the child is miraculously floating in the water, completely unharmed.
It’s a buoy.
Did you hear about the woman who gave birth at sea ?
She had to have an emergency sea-section.
(Oh! I haven't finished with this joke yet!)
She had a bouncing baby buoy.
My friend David drowned.
At his funeral, we got him a wreath shaped as a life buoy. It was what he would've wanted.
After a generous contribution by the band Thin Lizzy, a seaside village was able to put their navigation marks back out to sea
The residents are ecstatic. The buoys are back in town.
What did Vito Corleone's brother Frank say when rival fishermen sabotaged his gear?
"Look how they massacred my buoy!"
How do you know if an ant is male or female?
Put it in water. If it sinks it's female. If it floats it's buoy-ant.
You hear about the anchored float who only employed his mates?
Jobs for the buoys
I used to work as a coast guard. There's one rescue mission that sticks in my memory.
A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed.
The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc...
I spent all day yesterday bobbing up and down in the water.
It's all I've ever wanted to do since I was a little buoy.
What did the boat say when it stopped floating?
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A woman waited to find out the sex of her baby...
After giving birth in a birthing pool, the baby floated to the surface with no arms or legs.
It's a buoy!
Two ants, Jack and Rose, are sitting on a leaf on water. Suddenly, a small tide comes and upturns the leaf. Only the girl ant sinks…
…because the other is a buoy ant
No arms, no legs.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pothole? Phil.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a wall? Art.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that you lift? Jim. ...