What's the difference between a buoy and my ex girlfriend?

A buoy can be found above the ocean's surface.

Why do dogs float

Because they are always such a good buoy.

A woman is giving birth on a boat

The baby comes out, but a sudden wave causes the boat to rock and the child is sent tumbling overboard into the ocean. The parents are horrified, until they see that the child is miraculously floating in the water, completely unharmed.

It’s a buoy.

How did the dog survive a flood?

Because it was a good buoy

After a generous contribution by the band Thin Lizzy, a seaside village was able to put their navigation marks back out to sea

The residents are ecstatic. The buoys are back in town.

You hear about the anchored float who only employed his mates?

Jobs for the buoys

What did Vito Corleone's brother Frank say when rival fishermen sabotaged his gear?

"Look how they massacred my buoy!"

My friend David drowned.

At his funeral, we got him a wreath shaped as a life buoy. It was what he would've wanted.

How do you know if an ant is male or female?

Put it in water. If it sinks it's female. If it floats it's buoy-ant.

I used to work as a coast guard. There's one rescue mission that sticks in my memory.

A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed.

The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc...

I spent all day yesterday bobbing up and down in the water.

It's all I've ever wanted to do since I was a little buoy.

What did the boat say when it stopped floating?

Oh buoy...

My pregnant, coastguard, friend has had an amazing early Christmas present today

She's had a little buoy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman waited to find out the sex of her baby...

After giving birth in a birthing pool, the baby floated to the surface with no arms or legs.

It's a buoy!

Two ants, Jack and Rose, are sitting on a leaf on water. Suddenly, a small tide comes and upturns the leaf. Only the girl ant sinks…

…because the other is a buoy ant

No arms, no legs.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pothole? Phil.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a wall? Art.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that you lift? Jim.
...

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