What's the difference between a buoy and my ex girlfriend?

A buoy can be found above the ocean's surface.

Why do male dogs float in water?

Because they’re good buoys

I used to work as a coast guard. There's one rescue mission that sticks in my memory.

A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed.

The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc...

My friend David drowned.

At his funeral, we got him a wreath shaped as a life buoy. It was what he would've wanted.

Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a French floating water marker.

Eau Buoy !
(This only works for Brits, as Americans say it like it's boo-ee)

Did you hear about the new electronics store that caters to boats, jet skis and other watercraft?

It's called Best Buoy.

I spent all day bobbing up and down in the water

It's been my dream ever since I was a little buoy.

Why wasn't the giant squid terrorising ships last night?

He was too busy Kraken open a cold one with the buoys!

How do you know if an ant is male or female?

Put it in water. If it sinks it's female. If it floats it's buoy-ant.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman waited to find out the sex of her baby...

After giving birth in a birthing pool, the baby floated to the surface with no arms or legs.

It's a buoy!

I recently threw my dog into the Thames and he didn't sink

He always was a good buoy.

Two ants, Jack and Rose, are sitting on a leaf on water. Suddenly, a small tide comes and upturns the leaf. Only the girl ant sinks…

…because the other is a buoy ant

No arms, no legs.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pothole? Phil.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a wall? Art.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that you lift? Jim.
...

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