What's the difference between a buoy and my ex girlfriend?

A buoy can be found above the ocean's surface.

What did Vito Corleone's brother Frank say when rival fishermen sabotaged his gear?

"Look how they massacred my buoy!"

What do you call a dog lifeguard?

A good buoy

Why do male dogs float in water?

Because they’re good buoys

My friend David drowned.

At his funeral, we got him a wreath shaped as a life buoy. It was what he would've wanted.

I used to work as a coast guard. There's one rescue mission that sticks in my memory.

A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed.

The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc...

Doctor, doctor I keep thinking I'm a French floating water marker.

Eau Buoy !
(This only works for Brits, as Americans say it like it's boo-ee)

I spent all day bobbing up and down in the water

It's been my dream ever since I was a little buoy.

How do you know if an ant is male or female?

Put it in water. If it sinks it's female. If it floats it's buoy-ant.

Why wasn't the giant squid terrorising ships last night?

He was too busy Kraken open a cold one with the buoys!

What did the boat say when it stopped floating?

Oh buoy...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman waited to find out the sex of her baby...

After giving birth in a birthing pool, the baby floated to the surface with no arms or legs.

It's a buoy!

Two ants, Jack and Rose, are sitting on a leaf on water. Suddenly, a small tide comes and upturns the leaf. Only the girl ant sinks…

…because the other is a buoy ant

No arms, no legs.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pothole? Phil.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a wall? Art.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that you lift? Jim.
...

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