What's the difference between a buoy and my ex girlfriend?

A buoy can be found above the ocean's surface.

Why do dogs float in water?

Because they’re good buoys.

Why do they put protection buoys on boats during docking?

To protect it from pier pressure.

I used to work as a coast guard. There's one rescue mission that sticks in my memory.

A ship carrying a huge haul of industrial strength glue got into trouble just off the coast where I was stationed.

The weather was the worst I'd seen it, and one of the containers of glue had fallen from height and smashed into the hull, covering a number of the crew members in glue and knoc...

My friend David drowned.

At his funeral, we got him a wreath shaped as a life buoy. It was what he would've wanted.

Did you hear about the new electronics store that caters to boats, jet skis and other watercraft?

It's called Best Buoy.

I spent all day bobbing up and down in the water

It's been my dream ever since I was a little buoy.

What do you call a floating Dog?

A good Buoy.

My pregnant, coastguard, friend has had an amazing early Christmas present today

She's had a little buoy

Why wasn't the giant squid terrorising ships last night?

He was too busy Kraken open a cold one with the buoys!

How do you know if an ant is male or female?

Put it in water. If it sinks it's female. If it floats it's buoy-ant.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman waited to find out the sex of her baby...

After giving birth in a birthing pool, the baby floated to the surface with no arms or legs.

It's a buoy!

I recently threw my dog into the Thames and he didn't sink

He always was a good buoy.

Two ants, Jack and Rose, are sitting on a leaf on water. Suddenly, a small tide comes and upturns the leaf. Only the girl ant sinks…

…because the other is a buoy ant

No arms, no legs.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pothole? Phil.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a wall? Art.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of a door? Matt.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs that you lift? Jim.
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