Today I learned that if you're in a canoe and it flips over in the water....

.....you can safely wear it on your head....because it's capsized.

Did you know when you flip a canoe over you can wear it as a hat?

It's cap-sized

Before my surgery today, the anesthesiologist said I could be knocked out with gas or he could just hit me over the head with a canoe paddle.

So I guess it was an ether/oar situation.

Saw an old lady sitting alone in her front yard; in a canoe. I thought to myself...

Now there's someone who could use a good paddle.

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What do making love in a canoe and Michelob Ultra have in common?

They are both fucking close to water.

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A blonde woman is driving through the countryside when she spots another blonde woman sitting in a canoe in the middle of a field, trying to row through the grass.

Feeling very angry she pulls over her car, stomps over to the fence, and calls out to the woman in the canoe. “It’s women like you who make blondes look stupid. If I could swim I’d come out there and kick your ass!”

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They say that Bud Light is like sex in a canoe

If you offer it to a girl in a bar, she’s likely to be disgusted.

Two explorers find a canoe in an ancient temple

Inside, they find what appears to be a reflective rowing tool. Unfortunately, it was just a mere oar

Three people became shipwrecked on an island inhabited by cannibals.

They were swiftly captured and told they would be killed, cooked, eaten, and their skin would be used to line the tribe’s canoes, but they would be able to choose how they died.

The first man, a British man, decided he wanted to die by the sword. In an instant, a tribesman cut his head off. ...

An Innuit is out fishing in his canoe one day, feeling fairly miserable because he's cold and he hasn't caught anything...

Suddenly, he hits upon the idea of lighting a camping stove in the bottom of the boat so that he can stay warm, and cook his catch at the same time. However, before too long, the canoe hits a large wave, causing the stove to tip over and start a fire in the canoe. Not wishing to get burned, the Innu...

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A Blond Biking sees another Blond Paddling her canoe

They stop abruptly in confusion, watching this Blond paddling a canoe in the middle of a field of grass.

Quickly the confusion turns to anger as they continue to watch this Blond getting nowhere but continuing to paddle

They shout out loud to the other Blond "Hey! You know it's blonds...

What do you call a transformer that turns into a canoe...

A rowbot.

If 2020 was a math word problem:

**If you're going down a river at 2 MPH and your canoe loses a wheel, how much pancake mix would you need to re-shingle your roof?**

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So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race...

So a Japanese company and a North American company decided to have a canoe race on the St. Lawrence River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile. The North Americans, very discouraged and depressed, deci...

A blonde is in a canoe in the middle of a grassy field.

As she tries to row toward the nearby road, another blonde driving on the road sees her and stops. She rolls down her window and yells,

"What are you doing?"
"Rowing to shore, I'm stuck in this sea of grass!" The blonde in the field replies.
"You idiot! It's blondes like you that give u...

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A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Australian were hiking through some remote mountains.

The weather was oppressively hot when they saw this beautiful lake. They ran down to the lake, stripped off and swam in the wonderfully cool water.

Natives appeared on the shore and captured them and took them before the Chief.

"Lake is our most sacred site. You have violated sacred si...

A man is canoeing in the everglades

After spending the day exploring, things look differently then he remembers finding his way back, and realizes he’s lost.

To make matters worse, a large reptilian appears to be swimming under and around his boat as the sun is starting to drop.

At his wits end, he yells “goddammit im l...

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A British man, a Japanese man and an American man are kidnapped by cannibals...

The chief says to them: "First, you die. Then, we eat you. Then we make your skin into canoe. But you may choose how you die."


The British man says: "Gun."


The cannibals give him a gun that they took from a previous captive. The british man shouts "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!" and ...

A Frenchman, an Englishman and an Iowan are travelling down the Amazon River in a canoe...

They get abducted by Natives who tell them,

"We will use your skin to make conoes, you may kill yourself in any way you like."

The Frenchman asks for a knife and says, "Viva la France!" And he slits his throat and dies.

Next, they ask the Englishman how he would like to die. He ...

Did you hear about the guy who was captured by cannibals and turned into a canoe?

Don't worry. He's in ship shape now.

Canoe (NSFW)

One day three explorers venture out into a jungle.
They stumble across a very hostile tribe and get captured.

Next the chief of the tribe comes to them and says “We are going to kill you and use four skin for canoes, but you get to choose how you die.” So all of the explores begin thinki...

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What do American beer and having sex in a canoe with some girl have in common?

If you have too much of either, your wife will eventually divorce you!

I needed some paddles for my canoe

So I found someone selling some on Craigslist. I went over, but his directions were all screwed up and there wasn't any cell coverage so it took me three hours to find the place. And then when I got there he tried to charge me four times what he'd posted on the site! So I argued with him for wha...

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Good joke I was once told

3 men are captured by a tribe in the jungle the leader of the tribe tells them that they have trespassed on sacred land and they must die. Once they are dead the tribe leader says that he will use their skin to make canoes. They are told however that they can choose how they die. The first man asks ...

Did you hear about the huge sale they just had on canoes?

It was quite the oar deal.

Skin Canoes

Three men were exploring the deepest part of an african jungle. The come across a cannibalistic tribe that tied them to stakes and began a bonfire.

The chief walked up to the men and said,
"Three things happen tonight. First, you will die. Second, you will be eaten and your bones licked cl...

Paddling joke.

I don’t like to brag but I can control a kayak brilliantly.

Canoe?

SNL should parody CNN by having Tina Fey be a news correspondent delivering headlines from a canoe.

They call the segment "Fey Canoes."

I was in the middle of a lake in a canoe with my girl friend last week when suddenly the boat sprung a leak. We had to decide whether to try and get the boat back to shore or abandon ship.

We had a real row v. wade debate that day.

If the beavers are rowing their canoe down main st and the wheels fall off, how many pancakes will it take to shingle a dog house?

Seven because ice cream has no bones

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Canoe

Three explorers - a preacher, a poet and a banjo player - are lost in the jungle and captured by a tribe of cannibals.

The cannibals tell the three they will be sacrificed to provide skins for the tribal canoes - and because this is such an important and sacred ritual, each of them can make...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American are captured by cannibals.

The leader says "we are going to kill you and then use your skin to line our canoes. But you can choose how you die."

The Englishmen asks for a pistol and says "long live the queen!" before shooting himself in the head.

The Frenchman asks for poison and says "viva la France" before dri...

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an American wash up on an island inhabited by cannibals...

They are quickly captured and imprisoned. At dawn on the first day, the chief of the cannibals has the Englishman brought to him and says "We are going to cook you and eat you, and make a canoe out of your skin. But because I am a generous chief, you may choose how to die."

The Englishman say...

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