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Jumping Jokes

I'm never going bungee jumping.

I came into this world due to broken rubber, I'll be damned if I leave because of it.

**Edit:** Wow, never knew this was so original. My dad told me it years ago, thought it was a typical dad joke.

“Mommy, I saw you jumping on daddy’s belly last night.”

“Yes, we were trying to get rid of daddy’s big belly. I jump on him so all the air would come out.”

“Aha, I know why it isn’t working then – the woman from next door comes every afternoon when you go shopping and blows all the air back into him again.”

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What’s the similarity between having sex and bungee jumping?

If the rubber breaks, you’re doomed.

Ten little monkeys jumping on the bed, one jumped off and bumped his head. Mama called the doctor and the doctor said

We don’t accept your insurance.

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A Japanese, a Russian, a Filipino, and an American went to test the magic swimming pool that turns the waters into any substance of your choice if you shout it out loud enough before jumping in.

The Japanese threw his wooden sandals aside and ran towards the pool shouting "Sakeeee!!" He landed happily in 5 feet of Japanese rice wine. The Russian threw his AK-47 aside and ran to the pool screaming "Vodkaaaa!" as he lept in the air. He happily swam and drank the purest Russian Vodka after. Th...

I was invited to go bungee jumping

My friends said it would be a really great time

I declined

Disappointed, my friends asked me why

I simply stated that "I was brought into this world by a broken rubber and I'll be damned if I get taken out by one."

What did the suicidal man say before jumping off the roof of the building?

Well, time to hit the road!

"Hurt me!" she cried, jumping onto the bed and stripping her clothes off seductively...

"Alright," I said. "You're a terrible cook and I fancy your sister."

What do you call a jumping pelvis?

Hip-hop

I need a few brief jokes to tell to a group of elderly people. The punchlines need to be easily understood, and they need to be clean and not making fun of anyone with any kind of disability. Have any brief and fairly original jokes?

This one is good, although I’ll probably have to emphasize the ‘mispronouncing words’ part, and instead of blonde, the dummy will be me:

*A blonde is flying in a Boeing for the first time. She starts jumping on her seat shouting "Boeing Boeing Boeing".
The pilot, clearly annoyed by this, w...

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Two Army paratrooper recruits are talking about their first time jumping out of a plane.

FNG 1: How was your first jump today?

FNG 2: Well... I stood in front of the open door looking at the Earth flying by and turned to the Jump Master telling him that I couldn't do it. The JM said if I don't jump then he would fuck me in the ass.

FNG 1: Did you Jump???

FNG 2: A l...

What do you call a cow jumping over a barbed wire fence?

Udder destruction.

Go bungee jumping for free!

No strings attached.

A Engineering Student commited su*cide by jumping off a building. He had a lot of potential...

But sadly that turned into Kinetic Energy.

My first time bungee jumping.

*Licks lips nervously*

Me: This is my first time bungee jumping.

Instructor: Can you please stop licking my lips.

A boy is jumping up and down on a big box in the middle of the city street yelling "16!"

Most people are just walking right past the kid, but an old man stops and says to him "boy, what are you doing?"

The boy says to him "you gotta try this! It's so much fun!"

The old man says "that doesn't look like fun"

The boy says "trust me, it is, c'mon just try real quick"...

"dad can I go bungee jumping?"

"No son, your life started because of a broken rubber, it should not end by one too"

A woman decided to end her life by jumping into the ocean.

A young New York woman was so depressed she decided to end her life by jumping into the ocean from a bridge.

Just before she could throw herself in, a handsome young man stopped her. "You have so much to live for," he said. "I'm a sailor and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away o...

A man sits down next to a woman at the bar

He orders a beer and notices the TV above the bar showing the 5 O'clock news

The news is covering someone standing on the edge of a bridge with the police trying to talk him down from jumping

The man at the bar looks to the woman next to him and says "I bet you $10 he jumps"

Th...

I wish people would stop jumping on James Corden for stealing Ricky Gervais' joke....

This could permanently damage his career, and we need to remember he's got a wife and three chins to support.

A man is jumping over some railroad tracks.

He's jumping from side to side over top of them, muttering under his breath each time he lands, "Twenty-one."

"Twenty-one, twenty-one, twenty-one."

Another man walks up next to him. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"I'm jumping over the railroad tracks. Want to join me?"

"Sure!...

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What does sex and bungee jumping have in common?

The thrill only lasts about 30 seconds,and if the rubber breaks, you're screwed.

The flea jumping competition begins

Fleas from all over the country have gathered here today to take part in the contest. Expect an incredible show.

=

Team 1 from Muts-4-homes Animal Shelter take the stage.

=

The team lines up on the platform...

=

6 --
5 --
...

What do you call a row of 10 rabbits jumping backwards?

A receding hare line.

I refuse to go bungie jumping

I came into this world because or a broken rubber, I’m not leaving because of one.

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day.

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second. "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico." The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insura...

Jumping from the bridge...

Bikers were riding west on I-70 when they saw a girl about to jump off a bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State
Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the railing, and says, "Hey Baby....

A couple go to the Zoo and stop next to a Gorilla’s cage

Husband: “Tease the gorilla like you tease me”

The wife promptly pulls up her shirt….the gorilla starts panting

Husband: “Tease him a little further like you tease me”

The wife mischievously pulls up her skirt….the gorilla is now running and jumping around

The husband ope...

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Why don’t blind people go bungee jumping?

Because it scares the fuck out of the dogs

There's a hotel that still has an elevator operator, to prevent people from doing graffiti in it, or kids from jumping in it.

A man who's on vacation talks to the elevator guy whenever he rides the elevator, and they get to know each other pretty well.

When he's leaving the hotel at the end of his vacation, the elevator operator notices his suitcases and says "Goodbye son" and the man replies "you're not my father"...

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Sex is like bungee jumping

I've never done either.

The Wife caught me on the Internet last night. She said “ What are you looking for “.?… “Cheap Flights” I said….and she started jumping around all excited like…..

Which I found rather strange,, she’s never shown any interest in darts before.

Did you know that there’s a species of antelope capable of jumping higher than the average house?

This is due the antelopes unnaturally strong hind legs, and he fact that the average house can’t jump

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Pavlov walks into a bar

He orders a pint and sits at a table sipping his beer.

Suddenly the phone rings.
"Oh shit!" Pavlov exclaims, jumping up to his feet. "I forgot to feed the dogs!"

Mario was sick of jumping around all day

He felt like he should be more politically involved. A few weeks ago, his friend Toad helped him set up a TV (mostly for watching trashy reality shows), but Mario became obsessed with US news networks. CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, you name it. He had heard before of American democracy, and found it prefera...

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A beautiful women is standing on a bridge!!

A beautiful woman is standing on a bridge, looking over the side and thinking about jumping off.

A homeless man walks up to her.

She sees the man coming and says, "Go away! There's nothing you can say to change my mind!"

He says, "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, w...

What did they say about the artist who completed suicide by jumping off a building?

Well, at least they finally made an impact on the world.

Why scuba divers always flip backwards when jumping from boat in water?

Because if they flip forward they would still be in boat.

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Why are black people so great at jumping? [NSFW]

Because their knee grows...

Edit: Ok so people have been saying that I'm racist..

But I can't be racist because being racist is a crime.

And only black people commit crimes.

What do you call a Chinese that is good at jumping

Lee ping

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to...

I'm afraid to try bungie jumping.

Was already born because of broken rubber, don't want to die because of it.

A beautiful young woman is standing at the edge of a pier in New York City, debating jumping in and drowning herself

A sailor passing by sees her and yells, "Lady! Don't jump! I don't know what the problem is, but it's certainly nothing worth killing yourself over!"

She tells the sailor, "I've just been so depressed with my life. Nothing I try works and everything ends in failure. I don't see the point in g...

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First time bungee jumping...

ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.

INSTRUCTOR: Don't lick my lips again.

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Whats the similarities between bungy jumping and cheating?

First you dont dare and if the rubber breaks you are fucked

What kept the suicidal kid from jumping?

A rope.

Naked man doing jumping jacks...

db qp db qp db qp db qp

I tried bungee jumping the other day.

It had its ups and downs.

Whats the difference between golfing and cliff jumping?

One goes “whack, ... Dam” The other goes “Dam, ... Whack”

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Getting oral sex from an ugly person is like bungee jumping.

You know it’s gonna be fun but for fuck sakes don’t look down!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian, a Mexican, and a Blonde American are working construction.

The three men eat lunch together each day at the top of the building they are constructing.

The Italian opens his lunchbox and exclaims "Seriously!? Spaghetti again? If my wife packs this one more time, I swear I'm jumping off this building."

The Mexican opens his too. "Tacos again? ...

What’s the hardest thing about jumping off a building?

The ground

Jumping with a rope can either be fun or sad.

It all depends on where the rope is attached.

A little boy was jumping on his bed.

A few minutes later, his mom came in and said, "Alex! Stop doing that! You'll break the bed!"

Alex says, "But I heard you two jumping on your bed earlier, and you both were making weird sounds. Are you okay, Mommy?"

Mom said, ".....Uh..... Just stay in your room. And stop jumping on th...

I enjoy watching children jumping and screaming on the playground.

They don’t know I’m firing blanks.

Mama kangaroo is jumping along the bush.

Suddenly, a small penguin peeks out of her pouch, vomits and says, “Damn this student exchange!”

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