This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Japanese, a Russian, a Filipino, and an American went to test the magic swimming pool that turns the waters into any substance of your choice if you shout it out loud enough before jumping in.

The Japanese threw his wooden sandals aside and ran towards the pool shouting "Sakeeee!!" He landed happily in 5 feet of Japanese rice wine. The Russian threw his AK-47 aside and ran to the pool screaming "Vodkaaaa!" as he lept in the air. He happily swam and drank the purest Russian Vodka after. Th...

I refuse to go bungie jumping

I came into this world because or a broken rubber, I’m not leaving because of one.

I'm never going bungee jumping.

Broken rubber brought me into the world. It's not going to take me out.

What do you call a Chinese that is good at jumping

Lee ping

My friend has been terribly depressed since he went bungy jumping and the cord snapped.

He just hasn't bounced back.

What do you call a row of 10 rabbits jumping backwards?

A receding hare line.

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What's similar between casual sex and bungee jumping?

Somebody dies if the rubber breaks.

Thinking about when the kids were young and I'd come home from work each day. The kids were always excited that Daddy was home, and naturally jumped up and down shouting, "DADDY'S HOME!!! DADDY'S HOME!!!"

Thinking about when the kids were young and I'd come home from work each day. The kids were always excited that Daddy was home, and naturally jumped up and down shouting, "DADDY'S HOME!!! DADDY'S HOME!!!"

I think every daddy has had that greeting. After all, anybody can be a father, but it t...

What is it called when you get aroused by jumping through windows?

Autoerotic Defenestration

I enjoy watching children jumping and screaming on the playground.

They don’t know I’m firing blanks.

What is the difference between an angel of love jumping a motorcycle through a ring of fire and a Karen?

One is a cupid stunt and the others a....

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Whats the similarities between bungy jumping and cheating?

First you dont dare and if the rubber breaks you are fucked

Jumping on the bandwagon: I wanna see if this Spanish joke is as funny to English speakers.

Q. What do you call someone who speaks two languages?

A. Bilingual

Q. What do you call someone who speaks three languages?

A. Trilingual

Q. What do you call someone who speaks many languages?

A. Polyglot

Q. What do you call someone who speaks one language?...

Jumping with a rope can either be fun or sad.

It all depends on where the rope is attached.

Two Canadians Die and End Up In Hell

Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hel...

Why do Narcissists quit competitive High Jumping just when they get good at it?

They can never get over themselves.

Two guys are bungee-jumping one day. The first guy says to the second.

"You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee-jumping service in Mexico."

The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two pool their money and buy everything they’ll need – a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the ...

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.

Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out....

Two little boys stole a big bag of oranges from a neighbour.

They decided to go to a quiet place to share the lot equally. One of them suggested the nearby cemetery.

As they were jumping over the gate to enter the cemetery, two oranges fell out of the big bag but they didn't bother to pick them since they had enough in the bag.

A few minutes lat...

My friend asked me to go Bungee Jumping...

I told them "No, because a broken rubber brought me into this world, it sure as hell ain't taking me out."

I tried bungee jumping the other day.

It had its ups and downs.

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Barnyard antijokes, written by an AI

Q:
What's the difference between a horse and a duck?

A:
A horse has legs but a duck has feathers.

Q:
Why do elephants play hide-and-seek?

A: They don’t have to worry about winning.

Q:
How much is a cow worth?

Answer:
100 Pounds.

Q: ...

Did you hear about the guy who invented base jumping?

It was the highpoint of his career. It was all downhill after.

What do you call parachute jumping when the parachute doesn't work?

Jumping to a conclusion.

I once told a joke about jumping onto a trampoline and nobody understood it.

I was pretty devastated, but it’s ok. I’ll bounce back.

I want to learn more about suicide..

But I’m having trouble finding a jumping off point.

10 little monkeys

10 little monkeys were jumping on the bed.



One fell off and bumped his head.



Mama called the doctor and the doctor said:



Take your schizophrenia pill f***ing idiot.

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