A man is jumping over some railroad tracks.

He's jumping from side to side over top of them, muttering under his breath each time he lands, "Twenty-one."

"Twenty-one, twenty-one, twenty-one."

Another man walks up next to him. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"I'm jumping over the railroad tracks. Want to join me?"

"Sure!...

Last night, I was jumping for joy and yelling, and my wife came over to ask me what was going on

I yelled out - I just won the lottery!!! Pack your bags!!!

She got really excited and said - Where are we going?!?!

I replied - what do mean, “we”?

My mom asked me "If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?"

I don't think she understands how bungie jumping works.

Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day as they were walking past the hospital pool, Ralph jumps into the deep end and sinks to the bottom and just stayed there..

..Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse became aware of this heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged as now she was considered to be mentally stable. She went to tell Edna the news in person. “Edna, I have good news and b...

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A Japanese, a Russian, a Filipino, and an American went to test the magic swimming pool that turns the waters into any substance of your choice if you shout it out loud enough before jumping in.

The Japanese threw his wooden sandals aside and ran towards the pool shouting "Sakeeee!!" He landed happily in 5 feet of Japanese rice wine. The Russian threw his AK-47 aside and ran to the pool screaming "Vodkaaaa!" as he lept in the air. He happily swam and drank the purest Russian Vodka after. Th...

A man was walking down the street and he saw a monkey jumping up and down on a manhole

The monkey would jump on the manhole while saying “Forty two, forty two, forty two”. The man was curious and went to investigate.

When prompted, the monkey said nothing of his actions. The man decided to do what the monkey had done, and jumped several times on the manhole saying “Forty two, ...

Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.

They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."

Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.

He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to...

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Two Army paratrooper recruits are talking about their first time jumping out of a plane.

FNG 1: How was your first jump today?

FNG 2: Well... I stood in front of the open door looking at the Earth flying by and turned to the Jump Master telling him that I couldn't do it. The JM said if I don't jump then he would fuck me in the ass.

FNG 1: Did you Jump???

FNG 2: A l...

What would you call if spiderman starts jumping around buildings instead of swinging using his spider webs?

Peter Parkour

Did you hear about the guy who tried to kill himself by jumping into a manhole?

The authorities called it attempted sewer-cide.

A skydiving instructor tells his student, "After jumping off the plane, count to ten and pull your parachute."

"W-w-what w-w-was th-th-that n-n-numb-b-ber ag-g-gain?"

"Two."

Why scuba divers always flip backwards when jumping from boat in water?

Because if they flip forward they would still be in boat.

A man is asked by his colleagues why he never goes on their annual bungee-jumping trips.

He says, "A broken rubber brought me into this world. I'm not letting one take me out of it."

"Mike, why do you keep calling your bungee jumping accident "the pregnancy scare?"

Mike: "The rubber broke."

What do you call a row of 10 rabbits jumping backwards?

A receding hare line.

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A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big...

Mario was sick of jumping around all day

He felt like he should be more politically involved. A few weeks ago, his friend Toad helped him set up a TV (mostly for watching trashy reality shows), but Mario became obsessed with US news networks. CNN, Fox News, MSNBC, you name it. He had heard before of American democracy, and found it prefera...

I refuse to go bungie jumping

I came into this world because or a broken rubber, I’m not leaving because of one.

My friend has been terribly depressed since he went bungy jumping and the cord snapped.

He just hasn't bounced back.

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What's similar between casual sex and bungee jumping?

Somebody dies if the rubber breaks.

What do you call a Chinese that is good at jumping

Lee ping

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Getting oral sex from an ugly person is like bungee jumping.

You know it’s gonna be fun but for fuck sakes don’t look down!

A guy's looking through the job vacancy ads...

...times are tough and there's not much about.

He comes across a job at the local zoo..."help wanted"... He doesn't  have any experience but he decides to give it a shot.

He gets to the interview and the zoo keeper says..." look mate I'll level with you. I've promised the directors I...

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A Nun, a Priest and a camel

So theres a nun and a priest walking through a vast desert with their camel. On the camel is their water and food plus all other belongings. They've been walking for a few days before suddenly the camel collapses. The priest checks its breathing and confirms it's dead. With too far to go and no way ...

The penguin and the mechanic

A penguin is driving a rental car through Arizona when, suddenly, the air conditioner stops working. The penguin, frantic with the heat, swerves into the first car repair shop he sees.

Penguin jumps out yelling, "Quick, quick! Drop everything and fix my air conditioner. I'm literally dying...

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Did you hear that they cancelled bungee jumping for blind people?

It scared the shit out of the guide dogs.

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Dick measuring contest

Kind of long


3 men, 1 white, 1 Mexican, and 1 black were standing on a 15 story building.

Mexican: hey let’s measure our dicks. Just throw yours down, and whoever’s makes it the most stories wins.

They all agree, and the white guy goes first. He unzips, throws his dick do...

Why does a ghost throw himself off of a bridge?

Banshee jumping

I couldn't sleep camping last night...

I couldn't sleep last night in my tent because of noise. I got up and followed the sound into some nearby woods. Deep inside I discovered a clearing in the middle of which was a DJ setup with dance music blaring out with smoke and flashing lights. Behind the decks there was a huge but rather worse-...

What is it called when you get aroused by jumping through windows?

Autoerotic Defenestration

What is the difference between an angel of love jumping a motorcycle through a ring of fire and a Karen?

One is a cupid stunt and the others a....

I enjoy watching children jumping and screaming on the playground.

They don’t know I’m firing blanks.

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A man was interviewing for a position with the CIA (Part 3)

It was day three of the interview process for the position with the CIA.

Our guy has to complete a practical exercise of jumping out of a plane.

He gets up there all strapped with the instructor at the jumping altitude. When it gets time to jump though he suddenly gets nervous. The ins...

Jumping with a rope can either be fun or sad.

It all depends on where the rope is attached.

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Three guys sitting at a bar

After a few drinks they started arguing who has the longest dick. So they decided to go on the rooftop of the bar which is in a 5 story building. The first one walks up to the edge of the roof opens his fly and lets his dick out. They are all standing behind him and ask him “how long is it?” He says...

My friend asked me to go Bungee Jumping...

I told them "No, because a broken rubber brought me into this world, it sure as hell ain't taking me out."

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