Why does the moon raise and lower the tides over and over again?

It has to make shore

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Don't Worry. The Tides Will Take Care of It.

Upon learning that the captain of the freighter that blocked the Suez Canal was ambivalent about the mess he created, the ship has been re-christened as the *No Fucks Ever Given.*

It's easy to convince ladies not to eat tide pods.

But it's harder to deter gents.

I'll let myself out.

Ladies that eat Tide pods should be aware it could negatively affect their chances for a romantic relationship. Odds are likely that it will...

...detergents.

Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year

Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market

People who eat Tide Pods are idiots.

The Costco brand pods are half the price. Just saying.

Trump brings back the Tide Pods challenge to fight against the Coronavirus

What? It's a disinfectant...

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Three beautiful young girls are walking along the beach when they come across a man sunbathing.

He has no arms or legs. The first girl goes up to him and says, "Have you ever been hugged?"
The man shakes his head, so she bends down and gives him a big hug.

The second girl asks him if he has ever been kissed. Again he shakes his head so she bends down and gives him a long lingering k...

Why was the tide high?

Too much seaweed

I'm not saying your mom is fat, but...

Sailors use her sweat glands to gauge high and low tides.

Why do eskimos wash their clothes in Tide?

Because it’s too cold out Tide.

A poem

A fisher was fishing a bass

The water came up to his knee.



Strange, it rhymed this morning when there was high tide.

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A man with no arms and no legs sits at the beach pondering his lonely life

3 beautiful women walk by and the first woman taking pity on the man walks up and asks "Have you ever been hugged before?"

"No" says the man. So she hugs him and walks on.

The 2nd woman also taking pity on the man, walks up and asks "Have you ever been kissed before?"

"No" the m...

Why did the salmon cross the road?

To get to the other tide.

Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised.

I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

Last year, kids were eating tide pods. This year, they're getting vaccines and picking up trash.

Seems that eating tide pods makes you smart!

I hear all the kids that did the Tide Pod challenge can't get the Corona virus...

Because their social distancing is 6 feet vertical.

The evolution of tide pods

In 2017 tids pods cleaned clothes but in 2018 it cleans the gene pool

The tide will come in!

It did shore enough!

There was a lighthouse owner that noticed the tide was coming way too high and might wash away his home. So he called 911

It was an emerging sea.

I used to be addicted to Tide Pods...

But I’m clean now.

What do Tide Pods taste like?

Natural Selection.

What do Prince Andrew and Tide Pods have in common?



They should always kept away from children

Tide announced the new motto for their pods line.

Cleaning the gene pool since 2017.

Learned today what causes high tides.

Sea weed.

What if tide pods..

Are just cleaning up people who should have been stains in the first place?

Are you a tide pod?

Because you’re lookin’ like a snack but you’re really just toxic to everyone.

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At the beach (nsfw)

A man sees to a woman on the beach with no arms/legs. He starts a conversation and eventually asks if she has ever been kissed. When she says no he leans over and gently kisses her. After a while he asks her if she has ever had her breasts fondled. She replies no so he fondles her breasts tenderly. ...

What do you call a Tide Pod that prevents war?

A nuclear detergent

A Rabbi, a Hindu holy man, and an Alabama Crimson Tide fan are in a car together, but the car breaks down.

Luckily, there's a farm right nearby. The farmer says, "I only got room for two of ya in the house, so one of you's gonna have to sleep in the barn."

The Hindu holy man decides to go, but comes back to the barn because there's a cow in there, and Cows are sacred in his faith.

The Rabb...

What do you call the racial separation of fish?

An apart-tide

Now that the tide pod fad is dying down

lets move onto the cotton candy in the attic.

Are people eating Tide Pods because Trump is president?

Or is Trump president because so many people are willing to eat Tide Pods?

When an eel bites your thigh at the beach (at low tide)

That's a moray

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A man is resting on a Saturday

A man is resting on a Saturday when his wife comes in, wakes him up and tells him she needs laundry detergent.
He reluctantly gets up, gets dressed and exits his apartment on the 10th floor. He presses the elevator button only to find out it’s broken, he goes down the stairs and goes to the supe...

There is an upside to eating Tide Pods....

It takes the skid marks out of your underwear.

Instead of using the fear of prison to dissuade criminals, we should start making them eat Tide Pods.

That would be a real crime detergent.

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A man with no arms and legs was sun baking on the beach.

A gorgeous blonde was walking past him, stopped for a second with a tang of pity in her eyes.

“Have you ever had a hug?” She asked.
“No.”
So with an “aww”, she gave him a big hug.

Two minutes later, another beautiful woman was walking past the man.

“Aw look at you honey. ...

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A tourist is backpacking through the highland of Scotland (Taken from Andrew Stanton’s Ted talk)

A tourist is backpacking through the highlands of Scotland, and he stops at a pub to get a drink. The only people in their is the bartender and an old man drinking a beer. He orders a pint and they sit in silence and drink for a while.

Suddenly the old man turns to him and says, “ye see this ...

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Rabbi Eliezer was the most brilliant Rabbi of all time...

Nevertheless, his fellow Rabbis would often disagree with his opinions, leading to lengthy philosophical and theological debates.

During one debate on the subject of the legal minutiae of a religious ritual he found himself at odds with three of his colleagues. While everyone recognized that ...

What does a mermaid use to wash her fins

Tide

A friend and I decided to see who would die first after eating a tide pod...

“Now this is pod racing.”

There are flat earthers, there are tide pod eaters,

And there are people who want the first two to be the same.

Was this whole Superbowl a Tide ad?

I've seen stranger things.

I don't know why people think eating Tide Pods is dangerous...

I mean, you could start today and eat them for the rest of your life.

People keep laughing at Millennials over this whole eating Tide Pods thing, but it started with Bill O'Reilly

“Tide goes in, Tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that. You can’t explain why the Tide goes in.”

Tide is fully embracing their new consumers with their new Tide Pod containers...

They just changed their “active ingredients” to “nutrition facts”.

I feel bad for all the people eating Tide pods.

They haven't figured out that Cascade actionpacs taste way better.

Old married couple eating a quiet 50th anniversary dinner

A husband and a wife are celebrating their 50 year anniversary by having some dinner. After being together for so long they don’t have many secrets but the husband always wanted to know.

“Hey honey, have you ever cheated on me? We’ve been together so long it doesn’t even matter, but I’d li...

Recent reports have shown that Tide Pods can be used to clean your bathtub or jacuzzi...

Since they're already acting like chlorine on our gene pool

My mom caught me lying about smuggling Tide pods out of the house instead of doing the laundry

So I had to come clean

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A Scotsman and an Englishman

Were walking along the beach when they come upon a beautiful Mermaid sitting on a rock.

Englishman says "Have you ever been kissed?" She says No, and he kisses her.

Scotsman says "Have you ever been fucked?" She says No, he says "Well you are now the tide's just gone out"

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A limbless man is on the beach

A man with no arms or legs was laying on a glorious beach in the blazing sun. A gorgeous redhead approached him and said
"Have you ever been kissed?"
The man replied "No".
The redhead knelt down and kissed him passionately.
Shortly after a gorgeous brunette approached him and said ...

Yo mama so fat...

She went to the beach and the lifeguard said “madam, could you please leave the beach, the tides waiting to come in”

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If eating the Tide pods doesn't get you...

That ride in the dryer will fuck you up for sure.

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A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach, thinking deeply about his life.

As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved.


As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, ...

Letter to Tide from beloved consumer

Dear Tide

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have!
One evening about a month ago, while at home, I spilled some red wine on my new white shirt. My wife started to berate me about my clumsiness and how expensive the shirt was. That I was stupid, couldn't even hold a glass rig...

Two ants, Jack and Rose, are sitting on a leaf on water. Suddenly, a small tide comes and upturns the leaf. Only the girl ant sinks…

…because the other is a buoy ant

Russian emergency !

Russian President Putin called President Trump with an emergency:

"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried.

"My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within t...

What does a Notre Dame fan do after his team beats the Roll Tide?

Turn off the xbox and go to bed...

Due to turning into laundry detergent, I was unable to go to work today.

What can I say? My hands were Tide.

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Poor mermaid

Paddy English man, Irish man and Welsh man are on the beach. They see a mermaid sitting on a rock. The most beautiful creature they had ever seen.

English man goes up and asks, have you every been kissed? The mermaid is all coy and says no. English man gives her a gentle kiss on the cheek.Wel...

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A group of...

A group of sperm cells in a guys balls are getting ready for their big moment. They all talk about racing to the egg, who will be first, how to get in, etc. But while all the sperm are talking, one sperm cell by the name of Matt instead of chatting is busy working out. He's doing sprints, push ups...

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A new washing liquid has been launched

It is marketed as the Best Universal Grit Grime and Effluence Remover. So if Persil won't whiten it and Tide won't brighten it and Dash won't renew it - BUGGER it.

I don't need to inject disinfectant

I'm still protected by that Tide pod I ate two years ago.

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I had sex with my best friends mother, sister and girlfriend all at the same time.

It wasn’t a foursome or anything, Roll Tide.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Armless Man on the Beach

Three women see a man lying on the shore of a beach and decide to approach him. The man has no arms or legs. Feeling sorry for the poor man, the British woman of the bunch goes over to him. "Have you ever been hugged?" The British woman asks. "No." The man replies, sadly. So the British woman goes d...

What's the score between the ocean and the beach?

Tide

Give a teen a pizza, they'll be full for a day

Give a teen a tide pod, they'll be full for the rest of their life

The Cool Clam Club

Deep beneath the ocean there is an exclusive club known for only having the coolest of clams in their midst. This was called the Cool Clam Club.


Now, the Cool Clam Club was known across the seven seas as one of the most prestigious clubs known to seakind due to the fact that their initia...

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