Why do Eskimos do their laundry in Tide?

Because it's cold out-tide.

To the people who ate tide pods.

What did you Gain?

Tide has some serious ad time during the superbowl this year

Must be able to afford it after cornering the teenage snack food market

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man with no arms and no legs is sitting on the beach, thinking deeply about his life.

As he lays there, unable to move, he thinks about all the rejection he has faced. Countless women, scared off by his grotesque appearance, have avoided all contact with him. Never been kissed, never been loved.

As he reflects on his sad, lonely existence, a beautiful, busty young lady, in a v...

Last year, kids were eating tide pods. This year, they're getting vaccines and picking up trash.

Seems that eating tide pods makes you smart!

What’s the best tide and place for Israeli fishermen?

Apartheid state

Learned today what causes high tides.

Sea weed.

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Man sat on a towel on a beach. He had no arms or legs.

3 Women walked past & felt sorry for him.
First one said "You ever had a hug?" He said "No"
so she hugged him & walked on.
The second woman said "You ever had a kiss?" He said "No"
so she kissed him & walked on.
Third said "You ever been fucked?"
He said "No" as hi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Theres a man on the beach with no arms or legs

3 girls walk by and start speaking to him.

Girl 1: Has anybody ever hugged you?

Man: No...

*she hugs him*

Girl 2: Had anybody ever kissed you?

Man: I wish but no...

*she gives him a kiss*

Girl 3: Have you ever been fucked?

Man: Never!!!
...

A Rabbi, a Hindu holy man, and an Alabama Crimson Tide fan are in a car together, but the car breaks down.

Luckily, there's a farm right nearby. The farmer says, "I only got room for two of ya in the house, so one of you's gonna have to sleep in the barn."

The Hindu holy man decides to go, but comes back to the barn because there's a cow in there, and Cows are sacred in his faith.

The Rabb...

It's easy to deter ladies from eating tide pods

It's much more difficult to deter gents.

One of the lines in the song ‘Holly Jolly Christmas’ is, “I don’t know if there’ll be snow, but have a cup of cheer”.

I’m concerned that Tide Pod eaters will misunderstand.

The evolution of tide pods

In 2017 tids pods cleaned clothes but in 2018 it cleans the gene pool

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Fucked

A guy with no arms or legs is sunning himself on a beach near the waters edge.
3 babes are walking by and the first says "Hi there, have you every been hugged?" the guy says no so she gives him a hug and walks away
The second sees this and asks "Have you ever been kissed?" the guy says no so ...

Why don't we see kids doing the Tide pod challenge anymore?

They cleaned themselves up

Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised.

I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

What's the difference between land and sea?

Land is dirty, but sea is tide-y.

People who eat Tide Pods are idiots.

The Costco brand pods are half the price. Just saying.

What do you get when you stack a camera on top of 3 Tide pods?

A tripod

There was a lighthouse owner that noticed the tide was coming way too high and might wash away his home. So he called 911

It was an emerging sea.

Tide announced the new motto for their pods line.

Cleaning the gene pool since 2017.

My brother Tide and his new wife Annie went on a cruise for their honeymoon. Unfortunately my brother didn't survive the cruise.

Riptide.

I used to be addicted to Tide Pods...

But I’m clean now.

9 people go to a beach

A group of nine people went to a beach, they were confused to see the lifeguard wearing a weird, torn clothing which had the word "Time" written on it.


The nine people thought it was a good idea to jump into the water and swim. They played there for a while until it was evening, but sudd...

What if tide pods..

Are just cleaning up people who should have been stains in the first place?

What do Tide Pods taste like?

Natural Selection.

Are you a tide pod?

Because you’re lookin’ like a snack but you’re really just toxic to everyone.

When does the moon shine the brightest?

When the tides in Alabama are still.

Now that the tide pod fad is dying down

lets move onto the cotton candy in the attic.

Instead of using the fear of prison to dissuade criminals, we should start making them eat Tide Pods.

That would be a real crime detergent.

Did you hear the results of the game between the beach and the ocean?

It's tide.

Are people eating Tide Pods because Trump is president?

Or is Trump president because so many people are willing to eat Tide Pods?

Due to turning into laundry detergent, I was unable to go to work today.

What can I say? My hands were Tide.

What do you call a Tide Pod that prevents war?

A nuclear detergent

I haven't seen jokes about Tide Pods in awhile

They must have got cleaned out

A friend and I decided to see who would die first after eating a tide pod...

“Now this is pod racing.”

There is an upside to eating Tide Pods....

It takes the skid marks out of your underwear.

When an eel bites your thigh at the beach (at low tide)

That's a moray

I don't know why people think eating Tide Pods is dangerous...

I mean, you could start today and eat them for the rest of your life.

There are flat earthers, there are tide pod eaters,

And there are people who want the first two to be the same.

Was this whole Superbowl a Tide ad?

I've seen stranger things.

OMG! We have another teen that took the "Tide Challenge"!

Quick, call the podiatrist!

A captain, newly assigned to his ship, meets with his crew at the tavern before they sail.

The crew receives him well, and encourages him to join them in drinking and shenanigans. He declines the former, but joins in on the latter. The crew tells dirty jokes, but what really gets them roaring is joking about the tavern owner, Rex.

"You sure you don't mind the teasing? As the captai...

Tide is fully embracing their new consumers with their new Tide Pod containers...

They just changed their “active ingredients” to “nutrition facts”.

People keep laughing at Millennials over this whole eating Tide Pods thing, but it started with Bill O'Reilly

“Tide goes in, Tide goes out. Never a miscommunication. You can’t explain that. You can’t explain why the Tide goes in.”

I feel bad for all the people eating Tide pods.

They haven't figured out that Cascade actionpacs taste way better.

My mom caught me lying about smuggling Tide pods out of the house instead of doing the laundry

So I had to come clean

Why did the fish swim across the Atlantic?

To get to the other tide.

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach

He had no arms and no legs. Three women, from England , Wales , and Scotland , were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. The English woman said, 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on. The Welsh woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man ...

A high Tide floats all boats...

and drowns all Bulldawgs.

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Emergency supplies.

Three friends decide to go on a luxury cruise around the world. On the third night, the ship suffer's catastrophic damage in a storm and begins to sink. The three jump overboard and cling to debris to stay afloat. The next morning, they awake to find themselves washed up on a nearby small island. Th...

What does the ocean use to clean its clothes?

Tide

Two ants, Jack and Rose, are sitting on a leaf on water. Suddenly, a small tide comes and upturns the leaf. Only the girl ant sinks…

…because the other is a buoy ant

Letter to Tide from beloved consumer

Dear Tide

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have!
One evening about a month ago, while at home, I spilled some red wine on my new white shirt. My wife started to berate me about my clumsiness and how expensive the shirt was. That I was stupid, couldn't even hold a glass rig...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If eating the Tide pods doesn't get you...

That ride in the dryer will fuck you up for sure.

The Cool Clam Club

Deep beneath the ocean there is an exclusive club known for only having the coolest of clams in their midst. This was called the Cool Clam Club.


Now, the Cool Clam Club was known across the seven seas as one of the most prestigious clubs known to seakind due to the fact that their initia...

Two traders go to the beach.

They lay their beach towels on the sand and while one watches the boats out on the water, the other one decides to take a nap.

After a while, the first one notices the waves come closer and closer to their towels. He says to his friend :

\- Hey... the tide's rising, we should move furt...

Roses are red, sometimes they're white

Just like my linens
This is a Tide commercial

I spilled laundry detergent all over myself and the basket of clothes I was carrying. There was nothing I could do.

My hands were tide.

What did the gang of dolphins say to the orca?

"Whale, whale, whale... Look what the tide brought in..."

Why did the chicken cross the ocean?

To get to the other tide.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a donkey with and onion?

Well 99 times out of hundred you get an onion with grey floppy ears, but that 100th time-- when the moon is full and the tides are just right-- you get a perfect piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Poor mermaid

Paddy English man, Irish man and Welsh man are on the beach. They see a mermaid sitting on a rock. The most beautiful creature they had ever seen.

English man goes up and asks, have you every been kissed? The mermaid is all coy and says no. English man gives her a gentle kiss on the cheek.Wel...

What does a Notre Dame fan do after his team beats the Roll Tide?

Turn off the xbox and go to bed...

Give a teen a pizza, they'll be full for a day

Give a teen a tide pod, they'll be full for the rest of their life

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The Genie

One day a man is walking on Malibu beach when he found a genie lamp. He rubbed it, and a genie appeared. The genie said "I will grant you one wish. Anything in the world is yours!" The man sits at the spot he found the genie and thought. And thought. And thought. He told the genie "I don't want anyt...

Why did CSI Alabama fail?

its hard to make a csi show when everyone shares DNA, and nobody has dental records.

ROLL TIDE.

A hurricane named Florence and no "Aunt Flo" jokes?

Hope there's no red tide.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A tourist is backpacking through the highlands of Scotland, and he stops at a pub to get a drink...

the only people in there are a bartender and an old man nursing a beer. And he orders a pint, and they sit in silence for a while. And suddenly the old man turns to him and goes, "You see this bar? I built this bar with my bare hands from the finest wood in the county. Gave it more love and care tha...

Walked into a dry cleaners the other day and I was amazed.

The chap behind the counter had fluorescent blue gel like hands. To my further amazement, he was using them as detergent on the clothes.

I said, “excuse me sir, may I ask you to hold my bag whilst I take a photo of your appendages?! I feel like the internet would be amazed at this”
...

What does a mermaid use to wash her fin?

Tide.

"Son, what would happen if neither team won the Super Bowl?"

"It's a Tide ad."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are walking along the beach...

Three men are walking along the beach of a tropical island when they encounter a lone mermaid. The mermaid seems friendly, and the men are amazed at seeing this beautiful woman, so they strike up a conversation with her.

Eventually, the first man asks "Have you ever been kissed
before?"...

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