Do you know why there are fewer 'all men are trash' posts now?

Christmas is coming

Boss: "You've got to find a way to make fewer mistakes on the job"

Worker: "Ok, how about I come in later in the morning?"

Since quitting alcohol, my car has seen much fewer accidents.

Now I just need to encourage it to stop smoking.

A pedant goes to the doctor

Doctor says “you have fewer than 5 days to live”
The pedant replies, “actually in this case it would be ‘less’”
Doctor says “alright, 4 days then”

What's the difference between my horse and my gf ?

Fewer people have riden my horse

Everyone knows that venison is deer meat

Few know of Vanison, which is what happens when your deer is hit by a van...

and still fewer know about Vennison which shares qualities with both.

Does the body burn fewer calories in a day in amputees?

Yes. By an arm and a leg.

Why do fewer people get asked out on dates after April?

Because no ones got confidence in May

Fewer people are decorating eggs these days ...

It’s a dyeing art.

My girlfriend has just told me, she thinks we'd have less arguments if I wasn't so pedantic.

I told her, "I think you mean fewer".

What do you call it when fewer and fewer school kids go to the playground?

A recession.

With all my high level degrees and PHD's, I stumbled upon these questions.........

1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?

2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?...

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A general approaches hitler

“Sir, our mining operations are overwhelmed, we aren’t able to ship what we produce. We are simply producing far too many tons of ores!

Hitler responds: “Just mine less”

A grammar nazi interjects: “Mine fewer”

A man asks his wife “how many truly great men do you think there are in the world?”

She replies:

I don’t know, but I can tell you this: there is one fewer than you think.

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The more and more people complain about fewer vs less....

The less fucks I give

Passwords NSFW

"Sorry, your password has been in use for 90 days and has expired - you must register a new one."

roses

"Sorry, too few characters."

pretty roses

"Sorry, you must use at least one numerical character."

1 pretty rose

"Sorry, you cannot use blank spaces." ...

Trump and Mike Pence are at a Covid press briefing.

Trump and Mike Pence are at a Covid press briefing.

Trump: “We have the most cases because we have the most tests. If we tested less, we’d have less cases.”

Pence: “Fewer.”

Trump: “Mike, I told you not to call me that in public.”

Every year fewer people train to become morticians.

Some say it's a dying business.

Which month do wives complain the least?

February because it has fewer days.

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Why is golf better than sex?

The fewer the strokes, the better you are.

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I'm trying to tell fewer dick jokes

But it's really hard

Study Finds Birth Control Pills Linked to Fewer Severe Knee Injuries in Teen Girls...

This is easily explained by the fact that they spend less time on their knees, and more time on their backs.

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I wrote this one a few years ago

A priest, Father John Mclanahan is walking down the street when he bumps into an old friend, Rabbi John Goldman. They haven’t seen each other since college. They happen to be heading to the same part of town, so they decide to walk together and catch up on old times. They reminisce about their frien...

Trump says to Pence, "China's mining too many ores"

Pence: What are you going to do?
Trump: Order more tariffs to make them mine less.
Pence: Mine fewer.
Trump: Shhh, don't call me that yet.

Fewer US schools are selling candy, soda and chips to students

After all, that stuff is horrible for pregnancies!

My new year's resolution is to do less drugs

No wait, _fewer_ drugs—it's to do fewer drugs

I see fewer cats on my front page.

I've been told that Curiosity killed them.

Just developed an app that let's me condense really long paragraphs into a couple of lines.

I've always struggled with being able to express myself in fewer words and hence had to find something that would help me So I booted up my pc and got to coding until I finally did it! I successfully created an app that reads through all my typed and creates the most optimal sentence to summarise ev...

Lite: the new way to spell “Light,”

now with 20% fewer letters!

COVID-19 didn't kill John Conway. It was the social distancing.

He had fewer than 2 neighbors.

[Credit to "Darren New" on YouTube for this one. Also, if you find this funny, you're an awful person.]

What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral?

One fewer drunk person.

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A man dies and ends up in Hell.

A man dies and ends up in hell, Satan shows up and walks him down a hallway, explaining that he would choose his torment from a selection of doors.


The first door opens up onto a vast expanse and millions of people standing on their heads on concrete. This doesn't have much appeal so the...

So many people are bothered about correct grammar

But I couldn't care fewer

Cindy and Lucy were to high-powered DC lawyers.

They had been childhood friends, gone to the same law school, and gone into partnership together. Through their hard work, they became well known in the DC area and bumped elbows with politicians.

One summer, they decided to hold a fourth of july party and invite all the members of congress....

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My friend is visiting Germany this week. I suggested he might want to make it a permanent move.

There's fewer Nazis over there.

i'm not german, but this is a little jokie joke

Overheard at the White House:

Trump to Vice-President Mike Pence: "the less immigrants we let in the better."

Pence to trump: "The FEWER.."

Trump interrupts Pence and says: "don't call me that in public".

[Politics] Trump: 'The less immigrants we bring in the better'

Pence: 'The fewer'

Trump: 'I told you not to call me that yet'

So Donald Trump was discussing domestic policy with Mike Pence

Donald Trump- *The more walls we build, the less Mexicans will come here.*

Mike Pence- *The “fewer.”*

Donald Trump- *I thought we agreed to not call me that in public yet.*

So I realized that I'm trans a few months ago

And you know what? In a lot of ways it's made life easier. Estrogen definitely causes mood swings but I feel like I've been having fewer and fewer bad days.

Yep, it sure does feel easier to keep my head over the water now that I'm boyn't.

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Sex with ghosts

A spiritualist meeting, and the leader asks the crowd, "Who here believes in ghosts?" Most of the hands go up. "Has anyone here seen a ghost?" Fewer hands go up. "Heard a ghost?" "Smelled a ghost?" "Touched a ghost?" Fewer hands go up each time. Finally, he asks "Has anyone here ever had sex...

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The King of all the gorillas was having a yard sale

The king of all the gorillas, mister Kong, was having a yard sale. He decided to sell his items collected over the years of roaming in the forests. He had been lowering his sale prices over the course of the day as fewer and fewer people were coming by.

Finally, one passer by came to buy his...

So Donald Trump was talking to one of his aides, and off on one of his usual rants

“We need less immigrants! Less Mexicans! Less Colombians! Less Guatemalans! Less Puerto Ricans!”

Finally the aide couldn’t take it anymore, leaned in and said quietly: “fewer.”

“I told you not to call me that yet!!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Captain America and a Grammar Nazi are working for a diamond mine

Captain America and a Grammar Nazi are working for a diamond mine, and they have a meeting with a consultant. The consultant tells them that the mine is flooding the market with too many cheap diamonds, and their income is dropping as a result.

Captain America says, "Well, if you're correct, ...

Heard that Poland is a lot like Britain...



Just with fewer Polish people

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You have died and gone to hell

When you arrive in hell, you are greeted with a very happy and joyful Satan

Satan: WELCOME TO HELL!!!!! Please, let’s get you checked in and see where you will fit in our depths.

Satan scans the book of life. Locates your name

Satan: Ohhh, I see!!!! OH, WOW that is a lot of ti...

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Hitler is chairing a Nazi economic meeting.

The Reich’s Commerce Minister is delivering a tremendously boring report on minerals, and Hitler is about to nod off. “We are mining too many ores that are useless to the war effort. We need to mine less,” the minister says.

The Reich’s Chief Engineer, who is a stickler for grammar, is irrita...

If you read the bible backwards its about a man sent to earth on a cross who is helped down by some Romans and told to go on his way. He then travels the world making people blind and giving them leprosy. He even ruins a meal for a huge crowd by turning all their food into 2 fish and 5 loaves.

He gets fewer followers as time goes by and in the end he's lying in a stable and 3 old men steal all his presents.

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If Hitler were alive today, he'd hate playing Minecraft

Whenever he'd start mining diamonds, his generals would yell out "mine fewer!"

There was a contest in high jumps in pool

(small explaantion before joke start - in my contry Bosnian man are usually laughing stock )

There was a contest in high jumps in pool!

Winner will be the one who disturbs less water in pool and fewer drops of water get out of the pool.

Three man applied - man from USA, man from...

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The final word on nutrition and health.

The final word on nutrition and health.


1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the English.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attac...

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Golf is like the opposite of masturbating

It’s gets more impressive the fewer strokes it takes you to finish

What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla?

The Tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year.

Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!

Way fewer bars!!!

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A legend of the Native Americans

While many people know of Sequoya, the Native American genius who developed the Cherokee alphabet, fewer have heard of another visionary – yet he made a discovery no less groundbreaking, owing nothing to the white man’s knowledge.

It fell out like this: In the early 1800s, a certain chief, ...

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What's the difference between a C-SPAN cameraman and a pornography cameraman?

The porno cameraman sees fewer ass holes on a daily basis.

A man flirts with a mathematician

"Imagine you are a variable and your clothes are constants, and then you derive."

"Well, I would be naked but I would also have fewer curves."

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A farmer has 1000 chickens.

He keeps them all in a large barn behind his house. He makes a comfortable living from selling their eggs. One day, however, the chickens' egg production drops off sharply. Days and weeks go by, and the chickens continue to lay fewer and fewer eggs. Worried for his livelihood, the farmer makes a num...

A group of soldiers was fighting against a group of rebels...

They had been fighting for a few years now, and many people, including innocent citizens, had lost their lives during this period. The soldiers tried and tried to rid the city of the rebels, but the latter was a strong resistance and were hard to defeat. Regardless of the many new personnel, bases a...

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Hitler is speaking to his advisers...

He was surrounded by all of the lead managers and advisers of his entire Reich. His main adviser told him how amazing and efficient Germany was.

"All of ze industries are over performing and creating enough resources for ze new world. Except perhaps ze mining industry, sir. Zey are performin...

I went to the pub and drank 10 beers...

When I finished them I ordererd 9 beers and drank them all. After that 8 then 7 and so on. The weirdest thing was; When I drank fewer beers, I became more drunk!

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A grammar nazi was working in the iron mines

A grammar nazi was working in the iron mines, when one of the miners went up to Hitler and gave him a report.

Hitler told the man, "You are mining too much iron. Mine less!"

The grammar nazi could not help himself and shouted, "Mine fewer!"

Hitler said, "Yes?"

Satan was severely depressed.

Fewer and fewer souls each new year were coming to hell and it was soon becoming quite empty. So Satan hired an analyst to find out what was going wrong. The analyst traveled all over hell, interviewed lesser demons, and surveyed the experiences of tortured souls, taking notes here and there. A week...

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What's the difference between Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?

Bill fucked fewer people in the Oval Office.

What does a communist teenager want?

Fewer classes

Buying cookies at the grocery store

Joe took his daughter to the grocery store to help him buy groceries. In addition to the healthy items on his wife’s carefully prepared list, the two of them returned home with a package of chocolate chip cookies.

"Why in the world did you buy those?" his wife asked. "You know they aren't goo...

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I was watching FOX Sports, but decided to switch to the History Channel...

You still get to see the US destroy Japan, but there are fewer commercials!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Yay for bar jokes!

A bartender is bored at work, as it is a slow night. There are far fewer customers than usual, and he still has another two hours before close. One of his patrons is quite drunk, but running low on money. The drunk man says "Hey barkeep! If you give me a free drink, I will recite all 50 states back...

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