My neighbor asked me (IT Support) how to fix his leaky faucet. Not being a plumber I offered the only advise I have:

"Have you tried turning it on and back off again?"

What do you call four Mexicans in a leaky rowboat?

quatro sinko

What do you call a hockey player in a leaky barn?

Grain Wetzsky

A thief stole a leaky tin of paint and is well hidden in the mall...

The police found him by following the blueprints.

Had to get a leaky pipe fixed

So I called a plumber and asked him for his prices. He said "most household jobs will fall into one of our 3 flat rates"

$75 for basic jobs
$150 for basic jobs if your husband helps
$200 for basic jobs if your husband tried to fix it before you called

What's similar between a racehorse and a leaky faucet?

They're both off and running.

A prestigious neurosurgeon calls a plumber to tend to his leaky faucet.

The problem requires an easy fix and the entire job takes less than two minutes. Before leaving, the plumber says, “That will be $200.”
The surgeon was astonished. He says, “I will be candid with you. I am a neurosurgeon and even I don't charge $100 a minute.”
The plumber says, “Yeah, I know. ...

What is witches slang for a creampie?

The leaky cauldron

Me: I was recently diagnosed with Hyphil. My Wife: What’s Hyphil?

Me: Hi, Phil Swift here with Flex Tape! The super-strong waterproof tape that can instantly patch, bond, seal, and repair! Flex tape is no ordinary tape; its triple thick adhesive virtually welds itself to the surface, instantly stopping the toughest leaks. Leaky pipes can cause major damage, but Fl...

How do you get a hipster to take a shower?

Give them a leaky showerhead.


You know, so they can avoid the main stream.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man informs his wife 'Tomorrow morning at 5am you me and the dog are going fishing...'

'Fuck that,' she says, 'you know tomorrow is my day to sleep in. There's no way I'll be on your leaky boat tomorrow!'
The husband, accepting this, insists: 'Well then you will have to compensate me then. Oral or anal right now.'
The wife, happy to acquiesce, gets down onto her knees saying 'Or...

The Surgeon and the Plumber

A world-famous and very dignified surgeon called a plumber to fix the flooded bathroom in his office.

When the plumber arrived, he was carrying an extra set of used overalls. The dapper, impeccably groomed and expensively dressed doctor smirked in a condescending way and said: "Do you usually...

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