I just realized my countertop is made of marble..

I have been taking it for granite all these years.

My wife got mad at me because I didn’t appreciate the new marble kitchen countertops she had installed.

I’ll admit, I took them for granite.

I traded my countertop for a new marble one, but now I miss my old one.

It's like they always say, never take anything for granite

I took my old countertop to a swap meet.

After remodeling my kitchen, I had no use for it and was looking for a trade. It wasn't very long before I was approached by a young couple.

"Wow, that countertop is gorgeous!" says the guy. "I must have it. I will trade you my girlfriend."

His girlfriend was stunning. "Are you sur...

My wife and I are debating whether or not to get marble countertops in our kitchen

I feel like we’ll just take them for granite

When I moved into my new house, I don't think I appreciated how convincing my countertops were.

I took them for granite.

My girlfriend was raving about our neighbors Marble Countertops.

I was unimpressed, but maybe I just took them for Granite

A nervous man walks into the bar

He goes to the counter and starts eating the nuts. Suddenly he hears a voice say “you’re handsome” coming from the countertop, he looks around to find the source of the voice, but is unable to do so.

He continues eating the nuts when the voice once again says “you have nice hair.”

The ...

I really miss the marble countertops at my old apartment...

I guess I just took them for granite.

What did the countertop say to the pizza dough?

You're so kneady.

A man is concerned about his wife's hearing

So he goes to the doctor. The doctor says, “Stand behind her and say something and tell me how close you are when she hears you.”

The man goes home, sees his wife in the kitchen, cutting carrots on the countertop. About 15 feet away he says, “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Nothing. He gets halfwa...

Why did the marble countertop leave the kitchen?

It was tired of being taken for granite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets in a car accident that completely rips off his penis.

The doctor says, “Sir, we are going to have to rebuild your penis from scratch. Now, the way we do this operation is to charge you $1,000 for every inch in length. Your insurance company has given you $12,000, and that’s yours to keep, so maybe you want to use all of it, or maybe only 5 or even 4 th...

A man hired a contractor to renovate his kitchen

The contractor said to the man that he was nearly done.

The homeowner said "no way that you are - there is a giant hole in the granite countertop!"

Frustrated with how long the renovation had taken, the homeowner started yelling at the contractor and his assistant, who was standing in ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have I ever told you of Seamus? Oh no...

One evening while I was vacationing in Scotland, I had decided to visit a pub near the piers. It was an older establishment, and all the more cozy for it.
As I sat there enjoying my drink at the bar, I noticed that a drunken fellow a few stools away from me would occasionally glance at me and gr...

Wrote this one myself (it's a long one but it's good)

There's a man who's decided to redo his bathroom.
He's going with an all red theme; red sink, red countertop, red toilet. The whole shabang.
He starts first with the red countertop, then he installs the red sinks and toilet, then he finally starts laying the tiles.
The ground tiles are lai...

One day, on an Irish farm....

One day, on an Irish farm, a horse was watching MTV through the farmer's window. He watched a music video made by "The Beatles" and was amazed. "I could play guitar like that" said the Horse to himself and spent a year learning how to play guitar. Satisfied by what he achieved, he showed his work to...

Jack was dying of old age...

...and he was on his death bed. suddenly a delicious smell wafted into the room, a smell Jack knew all too well. "Oh, my loving wife, she knows I am dying and she's cooking my absolute favorite, fresh chocolate chip cookies!"

Shaking badly, he rolls out of bed and lands on the floor, disloca...

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