There’s a special fire hydrant exclusive to only certain dogs.

It’s for VIPees.

I used to work at a company that made fire hydrants

but i couldn't park anywhere near the place.

If H2O is inside a fire hydrant what’s on the outside?

K9P

I used to work at a fire hydrant factory.

Benefits were good, but the parking was terrible.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Bill is out for a drive and comes across a place that does psychic readings.

Bill, ever the skeptic, walks in just to tell the psychic that he's a fraud and that he's taking advantage of people. The psychic tells Bill to try his Skeptic's package. "What's that?", Bill asked. "It's a special deal I offer to people who don't believe in psychics." The psychic began to explain. ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask a question...

A passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask a question.

​

The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, missed a biker, scraped a fire hydrant, and stopped just 3 centimetres from a department store shop window.

...

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A dog, a cat, and a penis are sitting around a campfire

The dog suddenly says, “Ugh, I hate my master! He makes me do my business on a fire hydrant.” The cat chimes in with, “That’s nothing! I have to do all that in a tiny litter box!” The penis, outraged, shouts, “At least your master doesn’t put a bag over your head and make you do push-ups ‘till you t...

A Mathematician is given a psychological test.

The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What ...

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Three dogs

Three dogs, a German Shepherd, a Boxer, and a Labrador are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's office when they strike up a conversation.

The German Shepherd turns to the Boxer and says, "So why are you here?"
"I'm a pisser," the Boxer replies, "I piss on everything - the sofa, the ca...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Taxi driver

In the middle of the night, a guy hailed a taxi.

After a few hours, the guy in the taxi wanted to chat with the driver so he leaned forward and tapped him lightly on his shoulder.

The driver suddenly yelled , panicked, jumped up in the air and yanked the wheel over. The car mounted t...

The mathematician's interview

A mathematician is interviewing for a prestigious job. To make sure he has the right morals, the interviewer gives him the following situation:

"You're late for a meeting, when you come across a burning house, a fire hydrant, and a fire hose lying across the street. What do you do?"

...

The Purina Diet

Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs.

I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had..an elephant?

So because I'm retired and have litt...

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A few one liners from over the years

If you can't be kind, at least be vague

Before the invented baseballs, how did they measure hail

Rehab is for quitters

If you don't go to other people's funerals, then they won't go to yours

I've got three wonderful children. 60% isn't too bad

If your not part of t...

Why do fire departments have dalmatians?

To help the firemen find the hydrants

So a while back the Pope went on a visit...

to a city. He was trying to get across town without attracting too much attention, so instead of the Popemobile, he was driving in a heavily armored SUV with very tinted windows.

So the chauffeur is driving the Pope around, and the Pope gets to wondering. "Man," he thinks, "I haven't driven i...

The firefighters dog

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngs...