Valve shows the public a new game, Half-Life 3.

A fan of the series sees Gabe Newell, Valve's co-founder, and walks up to him.
"Hey, Mr. Newell, how did you do it? You actually made another Half-Life game!" the fan says.
"Well 15 percent was creating it, and 5 percent was thinking up the story." Gabe replies.

Confused, the fan as...

Square Enix, Ubisoft, EA and Valve are all in class.

They're all taking a quiz. The teacher tells them that'll have 60 minutes to complete the quiz and that they'll be graded immediately. An hour later, the teacher collects their test sheets and begins grading.

Square Enix answered every question correctly, even the extra credit essay question...

What is the best card in Valve's Artifact?

The Credit Card.

What do Valve games and unvaccinated children have in common?

They never reach 3.

Why is Valve so much better than EA and Ubisoft?

They have a higher Self Esteam.

Valve should have the rights to the world wars

That way they will never make a third

What's the difference between Valve and uranium?

Uranium gets to its half-life on time.

Why was the Valve developer crying?

He was having a Half-Life crisis.

The president of Valve walks into a bar with 2 colleagues.

The waitress approaches their table and the president orders drinks for them.

"We'll need 2 beers and 1 beer please."

The waitress looks confused. "So you need 3 beers?"

The president is also confused. "What the hell is 3?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The company Valve is just like a child. It came into the world on the 24th August, 1996. Nurtured by a community...

...only to get fucked as soon as it turns 21.

Three Valve employees walk into a bar

One says "I'd like two beers and one beer please."

The bartender replies "you mean three?"

The three employees stare at him confused for several moments before one blurts out

"What the hell is three?"

Three Valve employees walk into a bar

Three Valve employees walk into a bar and sit down in front of the bartender.

The first employee asked for a pint, and the bartender serves him one graciously.

The second employee asks for two pints, and again the bartender gives him what he wants without question.

The third emp...

What does Valve have in common with a blonde?

Both of them can't count to three

I'd love to make a joke about Valve releasing a new game when hell freezes over...

But then again, hell actually might freeze over.

A woman is at the park with her son when he starts misbehaving.

She looks at him sternly and says "If you don't stop before I count to 3, we're going home!"

1...

2...

2 and a half...

2 and three quarters...

2 and five sevenths...

Just then a man taps her on the shoulder and hands her his business card. Hi I work for Gab...

How is Valve like Uranium-238?

By the time they get to the third Half Life 13.5 Billion years will have passed.

Sometimes when I want to make my girlfriend feel skinny...

...I just release about 25% of her from the air valve.

I don't know how Valve managed to do it, but...

they even included the British Pound in their summer sale this year.

A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a motorcycle when he spotted a well known heart surgeon in his shop.

The surgeon was there waiting for the service manager to come take a look at his bike. The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, can I ask you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic working on the motorcycle. The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hand...

I like my women like I like my third games in a series by Valve...

I think they're gonna be great, but they never seem to come.

An old, wealthy man who had three sons was about to die.

An old, wealthy man who had three sons was about to die. He only wanted the cleverest of his three sons to inherit his money. So he came up with a test: he called all his sons into his room and told them: "Use 100 bucks to buy whatever you want. Whoever fills the room to the fullest shall inherit my...

The keyboard player in our band committed suicide...

...after his Hammond c70, Moog 361 and Casio with a built in valve and leslie keyboards all broke down at once.


The coroner said he died of multiple organ failure

Harley Davidson dies and goes to heaven...

He was met at the gate by saint Peter. He said to Harley your not suppose to be here, your supposed to be in hell. Harley said no I’m not I want to see the boss. Saint Peter takes Harley to see God. Harley says to God I’m suppose to be up here not in hell. Oh Harley you invented the motorbike, I’m a...

How to prevent WW3

Just give valve the rights to 1 and 2.

An elderly radio engineer showed up at the house instead of a plumber.

"You said you needed some valves replaced."

A heart surgeon took his car to his local garage for a regular service, where he usually exchanged a little friendly banter with the owner, a skilled but not especially wealthy mechanic.

"So tell me," says the mechanic, "I've been wondering about what we both do for a living, and how much more you get paid than me.."
"Yes?.." says the surgeon.
"Well look at this," says the mechanic, as he worked on a big complicated engine, "I check how it's running, open it up, fix the valves...

Dear Abby...

I really need your advice on what could be a crucial decision.
I’ve suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs … phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their names, she a...

Four engineers in a car...

Four engineers are driving to a conference when the car sputters and dies as they pull off to the shoulder. After a moment of silent contemplation, the electrical engineer says; "you know, I bet the coil's bad. We need to replace the core." The chemical engineer says; "you're nuts, it's obviously th...

There's been some interesting science news today.

Apparently materials with a half life of 3 pass through valves at a extremely slow rate.



-plauge inc

What did GabeN tell his wife when she shouted "shut your hole" at him?

"Babe, it's a valve!"

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