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Falling Asleep Jokes

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An elderly woman's husband keeps falling asleep in church

An elderly lady's husband habitually falls asleep during the sermon, so she meets with the pastor one Saturday and tells him "Give me a wink every time you notice my husband falling asleep so I can poke him with a hat pin and wake him up." The pastor agrees.

The next day, sure enough, during...

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A woman who is constantly embarrassed by her husband falling asleep in church goes to the priest to ask for help.

The priest says, "Look love, if he falls asleep again, poke him with this hat pin. I'll nod to you as a signal to poke him.". The woman agrees to the plan.

So Sunday rolls around and sure enough, good old Mr. Jones nods off again. The priest notices and asks, "Who is our savior?" then nods to...

A man went to the doctor because he had trouble falling asleep.

The doctor told him to count to 1000 every night to help him fall asleep.

So that night, the man got into bed and started counting to 1000. When he got to 50, he started feeling very tired, so he got up, made himself a coffee, and went back to bed to keep on counting.

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A guy keeps falling asleep in church (Long)

So Charlie has a problem with falling asleep in church. He turns to his friend sitting beside him. "Here", he says handing him a straight pin. "Stick me with this pin if I fall asleep". His friend agrees, and Charlie settles in for the service.

The service goes on for a while, and the priest ...

I was fired after falling asleep.

Being diagnosed with narcolepsy ended my career as a skydiving instructor.

A man falls asleep at church.

One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the
local church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my
husband keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very
embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you.
I...

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A man is driving home one night and almost falls asleep while driving...

"God dammit," he thought, "I'll never be able to stay awake on the road, and I don't have money for a motel. I'm not gonna risk it, I'll just pull over to the side of the road and take a little nap."

He parks his car just outside of a park, and kicks his seat back. "I don't need much, maybe j...

Mrs. Smith is having trouble with her husband falling asleep in church...

... and it was really embarrassing for her to be seen with him constantly nodding off. So Mrs. Smith asks the preacher before Sunday service if he has any ideas for her. He thinks about it, then hands her a pin and says, "Every time I signal you with this gesture, poke your husband with this pin." M...

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How do I keep her awake?

A man went into work one day and asked his best friend for advice on a “personal matter.”

“Every time me and my wife are 69ing; she always tends to fall asleep. Do you have any ideas how I can stop this from happening?”

His friend surprised says “I used to have the exact same problem!...

What do you call a male cow that keeps falling asleep?

A bulldozer.


I just made this up. I apologize for my self and my entire ancestory that led to this.

A guy kept falling asleep in church

A guy kept falling asleep in church, so his wife asked the priest what she could do. The priest gives her a needle and tells her to stab him with it when he’s asleep.

The next day, during the sermon, the priest asks the church, ‘Who is our Saviour?’

The guy falls asleep. His wife stab...

I accidentally called emergency services whilst falling asleep.

I had to burn down my house so I didn’t look stupid.

People get mad at Tesla drivers for falling asleep behind the wheel.

My car must be broken. Every time I fall asleep while driving it takes me to the hospital.

I'm having a little trouble falling asleep so I figured I'd write a joke

a joke

Tomorrow I'll write two jokes

"I want your face to be the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing I see before falling asleep"

"Oh my God! Are you proposing?"

"What? NO! Just setting your photo as my phone wallpaper. Geez!"

My wife will never forget falling asleep in the sun with her breast exposed.

It’s forever burned in her mammary

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Little Johnny is falling asleep in class and little Susie is sitting behind him

The teacher noticed Johnny’s head down so she called on him to answer: “Johnny, who is our lord and savior?” Susie pokes him in the back with a pencil, making him jerk awake and scream “JESUS CHRIST!” The teacher was shocked but just said “very good Johnny” and he fell back asleep. Teacher notices t...

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What's worse than a girl falling asleep during sex?

A girl waking up during sex.

What do you call a royal pig that is falling asleep?

Prince Nodding Ham

A pastor was complaining to another pastor about people in his service falling asleep

So the other pastor invited him to his own church. The Pastor began to notice some of his congregation nodding off and gave a nod to the visiting pastor.

"Ahem, I'd like to make an announcement, er a confession really" Everyone began paying attention, nudging each other, straightening up and...

Mr. Jones falls asleep in church.

Mr. Jones keeps falling asleep in church, and Mrs. Jones is not to happy with this. So one day she makes an appointment with the pastor and sits down with him to discuss it.
She says to him, "pastor I am getting tired of Mr. Jones falling asleep during church there has got to be something we can ...

I've been watching the Netflix series about Escobar, but I keep falling asleep...

I think I have Narco-lepsy.

I got really bad sunburn after falling asleep on my stomach at the beach...

I wanted emergency medical attention but 911 never returned my call. I guess they put it on the back burner.

An older minister sat in the congregation of a younger colleagues church as he noticed fellow church goers falling asleep during the sermon.

The younger minister notices this as well. And so he says to his congregation, "For many years of my life I have been in the arms of another woman other than my wife."
The congregation stirred and gasped as they paid more attention to get the full shocking story.
"It was my mother!" He finishe...

I was originally ok with my wife getting a white noise machine in our bedroom

turns out falling asleep to country music is harder than I thought

A priest passes away and goes to heaven…

He arrives at St Peter’s gate and joins the back of the queue.

Shorty after, Bob the bus driver passes away. St Peter sees Bob and waves at him - “Bob! Come on over! Please go through you’re very welcome and please enjoy heaven you deserve it!”

The priest is flabbergasted and confused....

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Today I woke up to a blow job..

..never falling asleep with my mouth open again.

I used to be a Shepherd, but I have no idea how many sheep I had.

Kept falling asleep trying to count them.

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