UPJOKE
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Go Down Jokes

If a firefighter's business can go up in smoke, and a plumber's business can go down the drain...

...can a hooker get laid off?

My friend and I frequently give conjugal visits to an all-female prison, to remind the inmates what it's like for a selfless guy to go down on them.

It just gives us some scents of perp puss.

A samurai’s wife asks him to go down on her

He responded it’s Bushydo

A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Russian, and a Ukrainian are on a a plan when the plane's engines fail and it starts to go down.

The pilot grabs one of the parachutes and jumps from the plane. The remaining passengers see that there is only one chute left, and quickly do the math.

The Englishman stands up, straightens his tie, says "God save the Queen!" and jumps from the plane.

The Frenchman, not wanting to b...

What's it taste like when you go down on old people?

Depends

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Her: How come I always go down on you, but you never go down on me?

Him: My financial adviser told me not to.

Her: Your financial adviser told you not to lick my pussy?

Him: Yeah. He said if I keep eating out all the time, I'll always be broke.

Three guys are flying in a plane, and it starts to go down.

They all run to the door. The first guy fires 3 arrows, the second 3 bullets, and the third 3 missiles. Then they jump and parachute down into the jungle below.

Upon landing, they decide to walk their way out. They come to a clearing, where a little girl sits on a rock, crying. The first guy...

How does Harry Potter go down a hill?

Walking




jk, rolling

Mary Poppins in the 60's: "A spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down."

Eli Lilly & Merck in the 00's, "A syringe-full of medicine makes the sugar go down."

how do people in wheelchairs go down stairs?

Quickly.

I felt a chill go down as my wife noticed me eyeing a nice looking ginger

"I know what you're thinking and if that's what you want then go right ahead have it your way" she said

So I made us some herbal tea and that was the best freaking thing that I have had on a cold cold day

Stay warm guys

What does waitress tell when you just go down on her?

- Everything tasting good so far?

One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond

One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young ...

You know how captains tend to go down with their ships?

I always thought that was a weird hull to die on.

Why does Santa go down a chimney on Christmas?

Because it soots him

I was going down on my girlfriend

She kept trying to guide me to the right spot.

"A little to the left, no, right a bit, go down, up a little.."

I stopped what I was doing and said, "Just tell me what you want, I'm tired of eating around the bush!"

One evening an old farmer decides to go down to his pond.

He hasn’t been there in months, and feels the urge to check on things. As he gets closer, he hears loud giggling coming from the pond. He is shocked to find a bunch of young women skinny-dipping.



“Hey, what’s going on here?” he shouts, alerting the women who were standing at the water...

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.

They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.
She says, “I just graduated f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Farmer Joe decides to go down the road to visit his friend Eb.

When he arrives at Eb's farm he hears music coming from Eb's barn.

Going to take a look Joe finds Eb dancing naked around his John Deer!

Taking a step back Joe asks Eb what the heck he's doing?

Eb explains, "Well to be honest me and my woman's been having problems in the bedroom...

Why didn't the chicken go down the slide?

He de-slided not to!!!!!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When i go down....

Jean Pierre, popularly known as JP among his friends was a fighter jet pilot of the French air force.

One day he took his girlfriend to the park for a picnic. Since he wanted to be really romantic, he packed the picnic basket himself.

Hours later, JP and his girlfriend were having a g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to go down on you and make you happy. Then I want come back up slowly and fuck you hard...

Sincerely,

Gas prices

I've been watching my HTZ stock go down.

It really Hertz.

How often does the vampire go down on his wife?

Periodically

Every day I go down to the harbour and throw fish to a baby dolphin. My friends say it's a waste of time.

But at least I'm serving a youthful porpoise.

What do you call hillbillies who go down on their relatives?

Munchkins.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"I go down. I've gone down 2 or 3 times, all for inspection."

Well no fucking wonder why Melania never looks particularly happy.

My standup routine didn't go down very well at the local gym.

Tough crowd.

NSFW: Why don't old men go down on old women?

Have you ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

My driver's side window won't go down.

So I guess I'm on a diet now.

What do you call Batman who leaves after you ask him to go down on you?

Christian Bale

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This blokes wife was going down to the shops, so she asked her husband if he'd like anything

"Yeah, a packet of smokes", he replied.

The wife came back and chucked him tobacco & papers to make rollies. He didn't want to start an argument, so he just thought, "Stupid Bitch", and smoked them.

The next week the wife was going down to the shops and she asked him again if he wa...

Why wouldn't the listerine go down the drain?

Because it's antiseptic

Why did the toilet roll go down the hill?

Because it wanted to get to the bottom.

Why do the older ants go up the side of the mountain and the younger ants go down the side of the mountain?

Because they're descendants!

I was at the courthouse today and witnessed a 4 foot tall felon go down a flight of stairs....

It was a little condescending.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Harry Potter go down the hill?

Tumbling.

Fucking wizardry robes ain’t safe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

To commemorate the occasion with a Japanese wine I decided to go down to the cellar

for old time's sake

What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to go down hill?

Walking...J.k Rowling!

It’s an oldy but thought I’d share

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wife asks her programmer husband to go to the store

'Can you go down to the store, and get a gallon of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.'

Later on he returns home and she looks at his
purchases and says 'Why the fuck do you have 6 gallons of milk?'

He responded 'They had eggs.'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A soldier returns home to his wife after a year-long deployment overseas.

He wants to show her how he managed to go a year without having sex with anybody else. "So how did you do it?" she asks.

"I trained my dick to respond to drill commands like so." He undoes his belt and drops his trousers. "Dick, ten-HUT!"

His penis springs straight up, erect and raring...

I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl

Momma always taught me to eat my vegetables.

I only go down on country girls.

With me, everything's gotta be farm-to-table.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favourite joke to perform. Terrible accent recommended.

Pierre, zee French fighter pilot is with his amour.

"Oh, Pierre, I want you to kiss me", she exclaims.

And so he tilts her chin up and leans in, but just before he plants a kiss on her lips, he pours a little red wine on them, and then goes in for the kiss.

"Oh, Pierre, mon di...

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