One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond

One evening an old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young ...

I was at the courthouse today and witnessed a 4 foot tall felon go down a flight of stairs....

It was a little condescending.

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Farmer Joe decides to go down the road to visit his friend Eb.

When he arrives at Eb's farm he hears music coming from Eb's barn.

Going to take a look Joe finds Eb dancing naked around his John Deer!

Taking a step back Joe asks Eb what the heck he's doing?

Eb explains, "Well to be honest me and my woman's been having problems in the bedroom...

My friend and I frequently give conjugal visits to an all-female prison, to remind the inmates what it's like to have a selfless guy go down on them.

It just gives us some scents of perp-puss.

I met this girl Mary on tinder and took her to an all you can eat buffet I knew it wasn't going to work out when she told me she was a vegetarian so I decided to go down with guns blazing.

She came back with her salad to find me with my plate loaded up with every type of meat I could get my hands on.

I was shocked, though pleasantly surprised, when she asked for a bite of my kabab.

Mary had a little lamb.

I couldn’t figure out why my laminate flooring wouldn’t go down...

And then it clicked.

What do you call Batman who leaves after you ask him to go down on you?

Christian Bale

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This blokes wife was going down to the shops, so she asked her husband if he'd like anything

"Yeah, a packet of smokes", he replied.

The wife came back and chucked him tobacco & papers to make rollies. He didn't want to start an argument, so he just thought, "Stupid Bitch", and smoked them.

The next week the wife was going down to the shops and she asked him again if he wa...

A guy and his girlfriend were getting frisky, and he says “I’m pretty good, god-like even” as he starts to go down on her.

“Oh god! Oh god!” she’s screaming and thinks “he really is god-like” as she finishes with an “ooooooh gooooooood!”. He lifts his head, spits in the water glass on the night stand, and proclaims, “Red wine!!”

I was going down on my girlfriend

She kept trying to guide me to the right spot.

"A little to the left, no, right a bit, go down, up a little.."

I stopped what I was doing and said, "Just tell me what you want, I'm tired of eating around the bush!"

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To commemorate the occasion with a Japanese wine I decided to go down to the cellar

for old time's sake

What do you call hillbillies who go down on their relatives?

Munchkins.

There are 3 boys, named Stupid, Nothing, and Nobody. The boys go down to the river, and Nobody falls in the water, he cant swim, so Nothing tells Stupid to call for help. Stupid calls 911 and says...

"Hello, I'm Stupid, I'm calling for Nothing, Nobody fell in the water."

A samurai’s wife asks him to go down on her

He responded it’s Bushydo

One evening an old farmer decides to go down to his pond.

He hasn’t been there in months, and feels the urge to check on things. As he gets closer, he hears loud giggling coming from the pond. He is shocked to find a bunch of young women skinny-dipping.



“Hey, what’s going on here?” he shouts, alerting the women who were standing at the water...

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Her: How come I always go down on you, but you never go down on me?

Him: My financial adviser told me not to.

Her: Your financial adviser told you not to lick my pussy?

Him: Yeah. He said if I keep eating out all the time, I'll always be broke.

Why does Santa go down the chimney on Christmas Eve?

Because it ‘soots’ him.

My standup routine didn't go down very well at the local gym.

Tough crowd.

I've been watching my HTZ stock go down.

It really Hertz.

You think you can go down to Mexico and do whatever you want? Well I have news for you buddy, Mexico has laws!

That no one follows so go ahead and do your thing.

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A plane has engine failure and starts to go down.

A White woman jumps out of her seat and grabs her bag and starts putting on all her make-up.  When people asked what the hell she is doing. She said, "when planes crash, they find the pretty women first!"


A Mexican woman hears that and jumps out of her seat. She grabs her bag and starts p...

If a firefighter's business can go up in smoke, and a plumber's business can go down the drain...

...can a hooker get laid off?

I’m gonna go down on you slowly... then when you’re enjoying it the most, I’ll work my way back up and f*ck you hard.

With love,
Gas Prices

Why do the older ants go up the side of the mountain and the younger ants go down the side of the mountain?

Because they're descendants!

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"I go down. I've gone down 2 or 3 times, all for inspection."

Well no fucking wonder why Melania never looks particularly happy.

How did the author of harry potter go down the hill?

Walking.


J.k. Rowling



Dont know if this has been posted here but it made eveyone look at me weird on the lrt.

Why didn't the chicken go down the slide?

He de-slided not to!!!!!

How does Harry Potter go down a hill?

Walking




jk, rolling

(Offensive) How do people in wheelchairs go down the stairs?

Fast...

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation.

They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning – though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words.
She says, “I just graduated f...

NSFW: Why don't old men go down on old women?

Have you ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

Why wouldn't the listerine go down the drain?

Because it's antiseptic

What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to go down hill?

Walking...J.k Rowling!

It’s an oldy but thought I’d share

Back when Stormy Daniels was in high school, none of her fellow classmen realized she would go down in history.

Guys were usually getting it in the gym locker room or behind the teacher's parking lot.

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How did Harry Potter go down the hill?

Tumbling.

Fucking wizardry robes ain’t safe.

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When i go down....

Jean Pierre, popularly known as JP among his friends was a fighter jet pilot of the French air force.

One day he took his girlfriend to the park for a picnic. Since he wanted to be really romantic, he packed the picnic basket himself.

Hours later, JP and his girlfriend were having a g...

I was worried that my new T-shirt would go down a size in the wash

Then the unshrinkable happened

A coworker yesterday had some coffee go down the wrong way and he was having a time of it.

I asked if he was ok. He said, "yeah, that's why they call it 'cough-ee'"

My driver's side window won't go down.

So I guess I'm on a diet now.

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I got into a fight in a bar’s bathroom the other day. I kept pushing but I ended up running out of energy, the guy just wouldn’t go down.

What a piece of shit.

Welcome to the 23rd annual Leper Colony marathon! We now go down to our racers at the start of the first leg.

Aaaaaand they're off!

What’s it like to go down on an old lady?

Depends

I'm always willing to go down on a handicapped girl

Momma always taught me to eat my vegetables.

A guy walks up to a girl in the bar with his fist closed and says........I will go down on you if you can guess what I have in my hand.

The girl says........The empire state building.

The guy says..........That's close enough.

I'm dating an older woman. When i go down you know what it tastes like?

Depends...

How often does the vampire go down on his wife?

Periodically

You might be a redneck if your girlfriend can pack a lip and go down on you at the same time...

...and still know what to spit and what to swallow.

Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys next year?

It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.

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[True Story] So today I had to get three wisdom teeth pulled and I jokingly told my girlfriend that I was going to ask the dentist how long before I had could go down on my girlfriend?

Well that was too just funny and just between us. "Maybe I should ask how long after the surgery before I can suck a cock again?"..we both laughed hard. But omg the anesthesia must kicked in and I ACTUALLY asked the doctor. I don't remember a thing my gf relayed everything later. But I was insistent...

I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming…

They Don’t Know I’m Only Using Blanks.

Go down a water slide when it isn't wet.

And then you'll understand the importance of foreplay.

Did you hear about the lady who was so crossed eyed that when she cries her tears go down her back?

She got back-tear-ia.

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I am going to go down on you, make you feel reall good. Then I'll slowly come back up and fuck you.

Lots of love, Petrol prices.

True story: when I was a kid I used to mix up lyrics. For example, after watching Mary Poppins, I sang "a spoonful of medicine helps the sugar go down." -My dad thought is was SO funny I mixed that line up.

Little did either of us know, I was predicting my future diabetes problems.

What does Audrey Hepburn say when you go down on her?

How *kind* of you to let me come.

I'm getting ready to go down to support the woman's march.

Just waiting on my wife to pack me a sandwich.

I haven’t had a server go down on me that long

since New Year at Hooters.
Edit for explanation: https://techcrunch.com/2016/08/11/reddit-is-currently-experiencing-a-major-outage/

What do you say to someone who wants to go down on you when you're just not in the mood right now?

Save it, fellator.

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3 men on plane thats about to go down.

One day an American,Canadian,and a Chinese are on a plane thats going down quick and need to lose weight to stay up so the pilot tells them to toss some stuff overboard.

The Chinese man was carrying an abundance of rice so he decides to throw a bag off. The Canadian man had a bottle of maple ...

Why does Santa go down the chimney?

Because Mrs. Claus told him he'd never get in the back door.

If you think Hillary is going to drop out of the presidential race, you should know Hillary doesn't go down...

That's why Bill had Monica.

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So this man is about to go down to the bar...

...but his wife says: "You're not going to the bar again. Last time you went there you came home with puke all over your shirt!". Husband responds: "Alright, but I really want to meet up with the guys, so I promise, I'm not going to drink anything". The wife's okay with that and lets him go.

...

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Pilot: the plane is going down!

**Me:** *[texting my dentist]* I've never really flossed

**Pilot:** false alarm everyone.

**Me:** *[rushing to cock pit]* no no no this thing needs to go down!

What do you call it when your Cloud (IT) services go down?

Rain

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A plane is about to go down...

While airborne, a plane crew discovers that their plane is carrying too much cargo and is at the risk of going down. The captain makes an announcement

"Unfortunately, due to a few miscalculations, our plane is carrying too much weight and therefore, we have no choice but to let some people o...

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A guy decides to go down on a prostitute for no reason…

He's having fun until he feels like he's got a piece of food stuck in his teeth. Sure enough, he pulls out a little bit of broccoli.

"That's strange, I don't remember the last time I ate broccoli."

He keeps going and again, something stuck in his teeth. Carrots.

"It's been a rea...

What do you call it when you go down on a paraplegic?

Meals on wheels

What day did the Mexican boat go down in the water?

Sinko-de-mayo

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