UPJOKE
ancestrylineagefallfiliationorigindropdeclinedeclensiondeclivitydownhillslopelineparentagesiderappel

Descent Jokes

What do you call a newborn of middle eastern descent?

An arababian

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will begin our descent soon," the Scottish pilot announced, as he took a hit and passed the joint to his copilot.

The copilot shook his head. "Look, I'm not gonna rat you out to air traffic control," he said. "But please, *please* stop asking me to call you 'The Highlander."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his:

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out. "Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said. "Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him and sh...

Dreamworks has announced a new film exploring Hiccup's descent into depression and alcoholism after saying goodbye to Toothless.

It's called *How to Drain Your Flagon.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person of Irish and Asian descent?

Rice Paddy.

-

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a man of Jewish descent

As a man of Jewish descent I don't like jokes about us Jews.
I think they often cement prejudices and misinterpretations of the Jewish people and culture.
But every now and then even I enjoy a good laugh and feel that I shouldn't be so serious about everything.

So I have a very good ...

I'm proud to be a Asian descent, with my family name Chao. When we have family gatherings…

It's completely Chaos!

A person of Spanish and Chinese descent had a son that would never stop laughing. That’s why he named him...

La Mao

Rednecks are good at sensitive stuff.

Three Rednecks were working on a Cell Phone pole: Cooter, Pete and KC. As they start their descent Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly.

As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well, damn, someone should go and tell his wife." KC says, "OK, I'm pretty g...

Not a joke but a real incident that happened to an indian acquaintance of mine when he moved to Australia for higher studies..

So he comes out of the airport and gets into the cab.

The Aussie cab driver asked where he is from ?

He replied 'India '.

The cab driver asked ' So did you come to die?'

He froze as it was the times when there were racial attacks by white Aussies on people of indian des...

[Game of Thrones] How do you ask a Northerner if they are of noble descent?

Arya Stark?

An Atheist, a Vegan, and a Person of italian descent walk into a bar

You know this because they let you know as soon as they walk in.

I was on a flight a few weeks ago, and our descent was very turbulent, followed by a hard landing that was quite jarring.

Once on the ground, our flight attendant announced, "Well, folks, that wasn't my fault, and it wasn't the captain's fault, but it was definitely the as-phalt."

The passenger reactions were a mix of chuckles and groans.

Shoutout to our Southwest Airlines flight crew from BUR-LAS flight ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Toronto Airport on it's final approach. The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Toronto".

He forgot to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in Toronto?"

"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap ... then I'm gonna take that ne...

What do you call a crashing plane full of nudists?

In descent.

A group of monks are responsible for hand-making new copies of the bible...

The entire monastery is devoted to the task, each day they all wake up and say their prayers before a humble breakfast and then they begin work. On the anniversary of creating his thousandth copy of the bible since he first joined the monastery two decades ago, brother Gray asks the abbot if he coul...

Have you heard about the new Covid strain going around?

The symptoms include loss of taste and smell, descent into horrific raving madness from gazing at Cthulu's twisted visage, and runny nose.

It's the Necromnicon variant.

Why hasn't Peru adopted LED lights yet?

Because they are proud of their incan descent.

I got on a plane the other day. As we were about to depart, a pro-life group ran out on the runway in protest.

Ironically, the pilot had to abort the takeoff.

Which brings a question to mind…. When does flight truly begin? Boarding? Taxiing? Takeoff? Some would have you believe it’s not a flight yet even during final descent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher, a lawyer, and a Catholic priest are on a plane.

One of the plane's engines fails, and the plane begins to go down. During the rapid descent, the teacher stands up and exclaims, "We must save the children!". The lawyer then stands and says, "Fuck the children!". Upon hearing this, the Catholic priest rises and asks, "Do we have time?!".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When he was a little boy, Jonny loved tractors.

His wallpapers? Tractors. His toys? Just tractors? His clothing? All tractor-themed. Until one day, he was given the chance to ride in the cockpit of a tractor on his 6th birthday. He was sadly nearly crushed by the tractors wheels when he fell out of the cab, and the experience so traumatised him, ...

What do you call the lights illuminating a downward Peruvian staircase?

Incan descent lights.

There is an app called Monstr for finding the supernatural date of your dreams

Apparently it came out after the release of the Twilight franchise caused a spike in the popularity of mythical beings as romantic partners.

A friend of mine, I'll call her Bella for privacy, was on the app for a bit and her first match was a Lycanthrope. They went for a long walk and afterw...

What do you call it when a light bulb is falling into a trash can?

It’s in-can-descent

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went down to the basement but I can’t remember why...

I call this story Amnesia: The Dark Descent

What do lightbulbs and Peruvians have in common?

Incan descent

During a commercial airline flight an Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe in arms.

When the baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as discreetly as possible.

The pilot pretended not to notice and, upon disembarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related items.
When the young mother expres...

Health Education

Appropriate analogy: “The curve is flattening so we can start lifting restrictions now” = “The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we can take it off now”.

There are two critical factors in the spread of Coronavirus. 1. How dense is the population. 2. How dense is the population.
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Texas, close to the border with Mexico, there was a priest who hated Mexicans

That Sunday, after reading the Bible, the priest started his sermon:

"Today we'll reflect on Peter's lie about being a follower of Jesus. That night, Peter acted as a coward and a liar, just like these damn Mexicans we see every day in this town!"

The whole congregation started to shou...

They lifted there blades, in one last final assault...

The battle was long, perilous, and gruesome. The twins made it through nearly three quarters of the enemy battalion before reaching the final lines of the fray. Wielding naught but rags and broken tools after their endless nightmare, they saw the end stretching over the thin horizon.

One last...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

man writing to his insurance

I am writing in response to your request for additional information.  In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident.  You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient:

I am a bric...

Tour guide in the mountain

A guide was leading a group of people on a hike through some mountains. He pointed at a fairly majestic looking peak and said "This one is most popular with mountain climbers. Most days you have a few teams doing a climb. The ascent, depending on your skill level can take between two and five hours....

A blind man goes sky-diving.

A man, legally blind from birth decided that he wanted to live it up; to get out in the world and do things he'd always wanted to do, despite his disability. He'd start, he figured, with sky-diving; something he'd always been curious about.

So he signs up for a tandem dive, gets a proper orie...

Choosing a suitable name

A boy is born of multiple heritages. He is of Irish Indian Chinese and Italian descent.

His parents had a hard time choosing a name, but they eventually settled for something suitable.

They called him - Ravi O'Lee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you give a lemon an orgasm?

You tickle its citrus.

(all credit to the movie *The Descent*)

Donald Trump, Kim Jong Un, and El Chapo are on a punctured hot air balloon that's quickly going down.

In order to slow their descent, they decide to throw stuff out of the basket in which they're riding.

El Chapo throws several bricks of cocaine over the side and says, "Don't worry, I've got tons of this stuff back in my country."

Following suit, Kim Jong Un throws over several bottles...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Things I've learned from video games

My mother has been fucked to death many times.

I'm really a cigarette in disguise.

I'm also actually of African descent, my father will be very upset to find that one out. Though my real father is probably one of those random people who fucked her to death.

A lot of people are m...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Irishman Without A Job

My uncle is an old Irishman and retired sheriff for the county. To pass the time during retirement, Uncle Bob has been working with a staffing organization for years. It’s an Irish organization that helps people of Irish descent find work.

One day, Bob gets a call from a young man named Geral...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a guy is hiking in a forest and it's getting dark

He's too far from his car to make it back by nightfall and the woods are dangerous at night. Luckily, he comes upon a clearing with a quaint little cottage in the centre. A middle-aged Chinese man is sitting outside the cottage watching the sunset.
The hiker asks the wizened man if he could stay ...

A man dies and finds himself at the foot of a mountain.

There is a sign by the mountain that reads ‘Welcome to Mount Olympus. To learn your fate in the afterlife, climb to the top and see the twelve deities.’

The man looks up the towering mountain, wondering how he will reach the high summit. As he starts his ascent he sees another man making his ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An actor gets his first big break...

"Hark, for yonder art thou cannon," the actor states. The part only had the one line.

The director looks excited. "Perfect!" he yells. "You have the job."

"Awesome, when do-" the actor starts before being interrupted by 2 large security guards. They pick him up by the arms and legs and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vacation Joke

A woman went to the only hairdresser in town to get her hair styled for a vacation trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who was of Italian descent, he responded, "Rome? Why you go there? It's crowded and dirty. Full of tourists. So, how are you getting there...

"I'm NOT a window cleaner!"

(Inspired by IT crowd)

One gloomy day in London a man by the name of Roy walks in a park, taking a short break from his job in an IT department. Suprisingly, he runs into an old school friend named Alister during his walk, and they catch up. Alister is a local writer for a very famous publish...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Monastery

An old monk is recounting his life to his nieces and nephews who lived in a small, rural town. The area around was hilly, and at the bottom of a nearby valley, there was a large, ornate monastery.

"Uncle, why did you become a monk?" the youngest asked

"One day, I was riding my bicycle ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.