The Rock has come down with COVID-19

So he can't smell what he's cooking :(

Jesus and Saint Peter come down to earth to see how things are going.

After traveling all day through the universe they arrive after dark near an old farmhouse.

Not wanting to freak out the farmer, they decide to sleep in the barn.

Jesus says to Peter, ”I am going to sleep upstairs in the hayloft and you stay down here. And when you are comfortable, si...

Pollution levels have come down so drastically

That my wife is now seeing things from my point of view!

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Little Johnny and his sister come down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if they had done their chores.

"Not yet," said Little Johnny.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back ...

What goes up must come down. But what doesn’t?

Gas prices

Why does Santa come down the chimney?

Mrs. clause told him he’d never be allowed to come in the back Door.

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Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table.

The mother asks the oldest boy what he'd like to eat. “I'll have some fuckin' French toast,” he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. “Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin' French toast for me,” he says. She is livid...

Why did the Berlin Wall come down?

It didn't match with the iron curtains.

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Jesus decided to come down on earth after 2000 years

And wanted to save people. He saw an old lady, looking rather devoted religious type, long coat, veggie cart etc. He walked up to her and said "Hi, I'm Jesus and I'm here to save you". She started hitting him with her bag, shouting "Get lost you heretic!". Sad Jesus continued his soul saving quest.<...

Why does Father Christmas come down the chimney?

It helps him slide down with ease,

My wife said: "Can my mother come down for the weekend?"

So I said: "Why?" And she said: "Well, she's been up on the roof two weeks already."

A blonde and a lawyer are on a plane

And they’re sitting next to each other. The lawyer gets bored and decides to play a game.

He asks the blonde to join. The lawyer says “we’ll each ask each other a trivia question. If you get it right, you earn $5. If you get it wrong, the other person earns $5.”

Well, the blonde isn’t...

An atheist dies and goes to hell

The devil welcomes him and says:"Let me show you around a little bit." They walk through a nice park with green trees and the devil shows him a huge palace. "This is your house now, here are your keys." The man is happy and thanks the devil. The devil says:"No need to say thank you, everyone gets a ...

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Two boys, 8 and 10 constantly swear...

One evening, when the boys are fighting, the mother gets fed up and decides she is done.

She tells the boys " I've had enough of your potty mouths! The next time I hear you cuss, I'm going to slap you!! Now get to your rooms!!!"

The next morning she is in the kitchen when the boys co...

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A man hears a thumping on his roof, goes outside to look and she's a guerilla on his roof

He calls animal control and says he has a gorilla on his roof. They say they have just the guy for the job and he'll be over in half an hour. After half an hour, a white van pulls up to the house. A man steps out with a ladder, a bat, a net, a shotgun, and a rottweiler.

"So how are you gonna ...

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Three couples check into a hotel for their honeymoons.

The man at the front desk has a game he likes to play. When the first couple checked in, he asked the bride what her job was. She said she was a maid. The man thought to himself "Maids are hot. This guy's going to have a fun honeymoon."

When the next couple checked in, he asked the bride the...

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One of my grandpa’s favorite jokes

Back in the 1950s, traveling salesmen would come to rural areas and get some good customers out of it. One of these was Jack. He’s traveling on a dirt road when all of a sudden his tire pops.

He gets out of the car and realizes that he doesn’t have a spare. “Ah, shit!” he exclaims, mad that t...

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Translated joke

During the lockdown a bored lion was wondering around in the jungle looking for some company
He came across a monkey on very high tree
Lion: Hello friend would you come down to chat
Monkey: no you are just hungry and going to eat me.
Lion: I swear I won’t eat you just come down please....

A city boy comes to visit his grandparents on their farm and spend the night.

It's been years since they last saw him, and over dinner they reminisce the times that he came to visit over the summer as a kid. Most of the stories Grandpa brought up were about his grandson's dumb attempts to help out.

"Why, I remember when you said you could feed the chickens and gave the...

Ants in your tummy

A guy complained to his doctor about stomach pain and after a quick x-ray his doctor tells him he has ants living in his lower intestines. The doctor tells him to buy a watermelon and poke a hole in it and sit on the hole so the queen ant can come down, taste it, and call out the rest of the ants so...

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I was misbehaving in class...

I was misbehaving in class one day, and was sent out of the classroom to the head’s office.

He said to me “This is the 4th time this week! We’re going to have to take this further. I’m going to call your father and ask him to come down so we can discuss your punishment.”

I can’t wait t...

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A famous explorer visits a tribe of all-male natives in the Amazon and asks “how do you guys sexually satisfy yourself?”

The chief replies: “Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first." The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have s...

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A young guy from West Virginia moves to Florida and goes to a big "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?" The kid says "Yeah. I was a vacuum salesman back in West Virginia ." Well, the boss was unsure, but he liked the kid and
figured he'd give him a shot, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you d...

An Elderly Man In Louisiana

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years...

He had a large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the po...

Timbuktu

The National poetry Contest had come down to semi-finals between a Yale graduate and a redneck from Wyoming. They were both given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu”

First to recite his poe...

One night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling a little frisky. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and smiling, he says to her: “Honey, would you take me upstairs?”

Horrified, she replies: “Are you mad? My parents will see us!”

“Oh come on! Who’s gonna see us at this hour?” he asks, grinning at her.

“No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?”

“Oh come on! There’s nobody around, they’re all sleeping!”


“No way. It’s just too ri...

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