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The economy is like a bow up doll.

You inflate it as much as you can, and then fuck it until it pops!

It’s hard to find deals for prosthetics in today’s economy.

They charge me an arm and a leg for their product.

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Bicycles are bad for national economy

Oh Yes Mr. Reader, Bicycles are bad for national economy, even if its sounds ridiculous but it is always true that: -

Cycling is a danger to the country

Now reasons:

• He doesn't buy cars

• He doesn't take loans

• He does not insure the car

• He doesn't b...

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A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane.

He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressma...

Economy of North Korea

It tells you a lot about a country's economy when there's literally only one fat guy in the entire country .

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

   The first mathematician orders a beer 

The second orders half a beer 

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies 

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The barten...

What do you call an old, grumpy Avatar that comes back and ruins the economy every time you send him away?

A Boomer Aang.



P.S. I'm so sorry.

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Simple Economics

SOCIALISMYou have 2 cows.You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISMYou have 2 cows.The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISMYou hav...

If you would have told me on Nov. 10 2016 that the Trump presidency would end with the economy failing and the country dying..

I would have totally believed you.

Why does the communist economy always fail?

Because they cease the means of production.

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD...

How bad is it you ask?

So bad,

THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer....

My family told me I should buy local products. As it's healthier and helps the economy.

I don't know how buying low calorie products helps our economy but okay.

A politician finds a magic lamp, rubs it and a genie pops out.

The genie says “I shall grant you any wish you ask, on the condition that when I ask, you set me free and when I ask you acknowledge my part in your wish.”

The politician agrees and after much consideration, he wishes that his lies and exaggerations would come true.

He holds a press c...

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A flight is on its way to Sydney when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves up to the first class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Sydney and I’m staying right here”.

The flight...

Covid-19 has damaged the Italian economy so much that they have placed a lien on the Tower of Pizza.

Sounds better verbally

Theres no such thing as a Communist economy

There is however, a thing such as an communist economOURS

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Action News Update

And in other news...the sexual position formerly known as 69 will be changed to 96. Due to the economy, the cost of eating out has gone up....

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Two economists are walking down the street and they come upon a massive pile of horse shit

Two economists are walking down the street and they come upon a massive pile of horse shit. One says to the other "I'll give you $20,000 if you eat that shit" so he does, and collects his money. They walk a while longer and come upon another pile of horse shit. The shit eater, wanting to get even, t...

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

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Celibacy? In this economy?

How would I make any fucking money?

Whitehouse has a new slogan to encourage everyone to get back to work, school and boost the economy...

**!!No Lives Matter!!**

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A boy from working class family hears about the crash of the economy

He comes home, runs to his dad and asks him

“Dad, they told us in school that the economy crashed, and that it’s going to affect everyone’s lifestyle. Is it going to affect ours?”

His dad replied : “Don’t worry son, it’s only going to affect the lifestyle of the rich.

You and ...

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What is the difference between a troubled penis and the Economy?

The Economy gets going post stimulus

The economy is so bad

ExxonMobil just laid off 25 Congressmen.

What is the gig economy for pole weapons called?

Freelance

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What does American economy and pornstar in stepsis videos has in common?

Well, both are getting fucked hard and daddy is fucking clueless.

Flying economy..

Flight Stewardess: Do you want a drink, sir?
Sir: What are my choices?
Flight Stewardess: Yes or No

Baby are you the crumbling global economy?

Cause I want to give you an stimulus package.

A woman seated while flying in economy and holding her baby in her arms, was startled when the man sitting behind her bent forward to say "Ma'am that is one ugly baby you have there!"

The woman, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, was so shocked she could barely retort "Well I ... I never!"

The man continued: "I'm just being honest with you ma'am, I mean, I've seen some ugly babies in my time, but yours is a real showstopper".

Quite overwhelmed, the woman called a fligh...

A blonde woman gets on a plane to Detroit and heads for a seat in first class, despite having an economy ticket...

A short while into the flight an air hostess notices she's in the wrong section of the plane and asks her to return to her allocated seat. The blond simply replied "no". Shocked and confused, the hostess insisted once more that she move, but the blond refused again.



The hostess leave...

If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

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The leaders of the free world gather to discuss the problems of a struggling nation

The French start: "The Age of Enlightenment started here. We'll help spread progressive ideas."

The Germans follow: "We have a very stable economy, we'll help lower national debt."

The Japanese join in: "Our scientist are the best in the world. We pledge to help battle the spreading di...

It’s good to see North Korea’s economy getting back on track

Apparently they’re producing vegetables now.

Why does Ireland have the fastest growing economy in the world?

Because its capital is Dublin all the time!

What do you call an economy car from the Stone age?

Priustoric

People used to be a lot more optimistic in the past, but things have taken quite a turn haven't they. The economy's uncertain, salaries are shrinking, jobs are dissipating. Morale is generally quite low nowadays.

If the elevator were invented today, it would be called the plunger.

Donald Trump's presidency is already positively affecting the economy.

Alcohol sales have never been higher.

Yo mama so ugly

Yo momma so ugly the whole world faked a virus and ruined the economy just to make her wear a mask

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Personally I think removal of net neutrality will be great. It will offer our businesses new opportunities for development which will help the economy in the long run

Edit: son of a bitch, they're hijacking accounts already!!

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A crashing economy can affect your sex life drastically.

I am one of the victims ...

My Neighbour's husband lost his job & is always at home now !

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, my pension, the high cost of housing...

... so I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in the Mid East and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

Far off, in a distant land, there were three kingdoms.

Each kingdom had faced a side of a triangular lake. The first kingdom was the youngest, and wealthiest kingdom. They have the most business, biggest buildings, and the strongest military.

The second kingdom, is about 50 years older than the first. They aren't the wealthiest, but they are wel...

My son asked me: "would you sell me for a million dollars?!?"

I said "never in a million billion years!!"

He asked "what about 2 million"

I said "are you kidding me?!? In this economy? Sorry little man"

Saudi-Arabia has developed teleportation technology in order to sustain their economy when oil is depleted.

First tests in their embassies are promising, but apparently there are still issues with the part that is supposed to make one reappear.

Germany and the Czech Republic have left the EU to form their own fully integrated economy.

Their currency is called the ✓

The African Economy

Also known as, the black market.

What does a Brit do to a perfectly fine economy?

He Brex it...

The CEO at Euro A Bank Ltd got economists thinking when he said:

"A cyclist is a disaster for a country's economy. He does not buy a car and does not take out a car loan. Does not buy car insurance. Does not buy fuel. Does not send his car for servicing and repairs. Does not use paid parking. Does not become obese.
Yes - and he stays well, damn it !! Healthy p...

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If I had a dollar for every time the economy inflated...

I'd have an infinite amount of money, but i'll still be poor as fuck.

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Hitler, Stalin, and COVID were having a debate

"Who amongst us is the most hated?" Hitler asked

Stalin said "It is I, the Soviet Union killed more people than even you, Hitler!"

COVID says "NONSENSE! I've kept everyone in quarantine for 6 months, ruined global economy, and killed hundreds of thousands of people. I am the most hate...

We should move to a herb based fuel economy

We can finally make the trains run on thyme.

As I sat in my airplane seat for the 16 hour flight, I tried to get comfortable.

Then I remembered that I was in economy.

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A man was released from prison after a 40-year sentence.

After he checked into his economy hotel, he called an escort service and told them he wanted 2 of their best girls. He immediately went down to the pharmacy and asked for a bottle of Viagra and the pharmacist told him to only take one pill. To the pharmacist's dismay, he immediately opened the bottl...

When the economy is good, people drink. When the economy is bad, people drink. The moral?

Invest in alcohol

Yo Mamma so ugly...

Yo momma so ugly that we created a global conspiracy "plandemic" and ruined the world economy and expedited the new world order and ruined Trump's rally and banned the Confederate flag from nascar and cancelled major league baseball just so she'd wear a mask.

Why would Hilary Clinton as president be good for the economy?

We would only need to pay her 78 cents on the dollar.

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This economy is getting so bad, I had to pose nude for a magazine

I'm never going back to *that* newsstand!

-Emo Philips

The American economy is like a tree.

All the growth goes to the top.

A new CEO takes his seat at the helm of a large corporation

He finds three envelopes on his desk, numbered 1 to 3, and a note.

"Dear successor,
On this desk you find 3 envelopes that will help you in times of a crisis. Open them only in the order they are numbered, and only when you face a crisis that you cannot manage.
Best of luck"

...

Cat ownership is like the economy

50% of cats are owned by the top 1% of cat lovers

Obesity is a problem and needs to be dealt with immediately

But remember, 50% off fast food restaurants for the month of August. Help the economy

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A blonde on a plane

One of the stewards to the blonde passenger:
- Miss, you have a ticket to economy class. Please release this place from business class.
- I'm young, I'm beautiful and I go to Monte Carlo. Leave me alone!
After several attempts from the other stewards, who received the same answer:
- ...

What do Apple and the US economy have in common now?

No Jobs

Cows & politics

***SOCIALISM***

You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

***COMMUNISM***

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

***FASCISM***

You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

***BUREAUCRATISM***

...

An old joke about the Soviet economy

Since Russia is on our minds, here's an old joke used to explain the dysfunction of the former Soviet economy.

An Italian, a Frenchman and a Soviet are waking on the beach when they find a magic lamp. They rub it, and out pops a genie who grants each of them one wish.

The Italian say...

Hey cutie, are you the economy?

Because you're almost as crippling as my student loans and anxiety.

What do my ex wife and the economy have in common?

Inflation over time

Economy

My friend was helping me understand economics. He asked, what is something that would be good for the economy? I said, Chicken. He says yeah..ok, so what would be bad for the economy?

Me: If they breathed fire!

Oregon fires trapped cattle on a pot farm...

...the farm made up the majority of the surrounding town’s economy so an unprecedented rescue effort ensued.

Unfortunately, It all burned to the ground and the steaks couldn’t have been higher...

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What’s the one key difference between Hitler and Trump?

One helped the economy

A sinful engineer dies and goes to hell

The first thing he notices is how hot it is, so he builds an air conditioner. He then proceeded to build more and more over time and thanks to this engineer, Hell is completely air conditioned and has a booming economy in a few years. One day, God decides to check on Hell and is baffled at how much ...

I told my wife that I am helping create jobs in the economy.

I left a dish in the sink and told her she now has a job to do.

What’s a horse’s primary concern when voting?

A stable economy.

In today's economy what do Arts graduates bring to the table?

Your lunch.

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President Trump met the Queen of England in her palace

Trump: “Your Majesty, any tips you can give me to prevent slow down in economy ?"


"Well," said the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."


Trump frowned, and then asked, "But how do I know the people around me are intelligent?" ...

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Government

The federal government is sending most Americans a $1200 rebate.
If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China.
If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs.
If we buy a computer it will go to India.
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras
a...

The king of animals

So a sheep had a big house in the middle of nowhere. After some time she noticed some pigs wandering around and they asked to move in for a week or two, they promised the sheep that during those two weeks they'll help her build a small cottage she wanted right next to her house. As they were buildin...

Why did the Covenant Economy collapse?

Because there was no Prophet.

Difference between your wife and the economy?

5 years later, the economy will still suck.

You know the economy is bad...

When you pull into the McDonald's drive thru and the person at the speaker asks...

Can you afford fries with that?

Jaws

Americans, do you remember in "jaws" when the Mayor was so concerned about the economy, he told everyone it was safe to get back in the water?

How bad is the economy?

Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Today we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.

The Greek Economy

Forever A Loan!

The economy is doing really bad...

Its so bad that when Bill and Hillary Clinton travel, they have to share a room.

This actually happened...

My son farted several times in a row this morning and said "wow! I'm really pootin' "... I said "well what are you going to do about the Russian economy?"... he didn't get it, but at least I was amused...

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