UPJOKE
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A flight is on its way to Paris when a blonde in economy class gets up, and moves to the first class section and sits down The flight attendant watches her do this, and asks to see her ticket.

She then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class, and that she will have to sit in the back.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Paris, and I’m staying right here”.

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the co-pilot that th...

The Russian economy is improving drastically.

Soon even the poorest Russian will be a billionaire.

Proof that war is great for the economy

Right before the invasion of Ukraine, I had a mere $25 in my back account. Just a week later I’m a billionaire.

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

   The first mathematician orders a beer 

The second orders half a beer 

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies 

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender r...

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China's economy is like America's pornography.

Cacheless.

If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks...

Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined.

THE ECONOMY IS SO BAD...

How bad is it you ask?

So bad,

THAT....

My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer....

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The economy is like sex

If you're on the bottom, you're either fucking up or getting fucked.

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The economy is like a bow up doll.

You inflate it as much as you can, and then fuck it until it pops!

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Bicycles are bad for national economy

Oh Yes Mr. Reader, Bicycles are bad for national economy, even if its sounds ridiculous but it is always true that: -

Cycling is a danger to the country

Now reasons:

• He doesn't buy cars

• He doesn't take loans

• He does not insure the car

• He doesn't b...

I created a new gig-economy app for laundry called Laundr.

Unfortunately, the only thing anyone seems to use it for is washer-dryer hookups.

When Putin began his first term in office…

When Putin began his first term in office in 1999, he asked the then outgoing president Boris Yeltsin if he had any advice for him since he, Putin had no prior experience in politics.


Yeltsin reportedly handed him two envelopes and said, if things go bad, open the first envelope. If thing...

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Two economists are walking in the park.

The first economist sees a pile of dog shit and says to the other, "I'll pay you $50 to eat that dog shit." So he does and gets paid $50. Later on, the second economist sees a pile of dog shit and says to the first, "I'll pay you $50 to eat that pile of dog shit." So he does and gets paid $50.
...

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Cows and ideologies (long)

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots...

The economy is so bad

The economy is so bad, if the bank returns your check marked "insufficient funds" you call & ask if they meant you or them.....

It’s hard to find deals for prosthetics in today’s economy.

They charge me an arm and a leg for their product.

Radio Yerevan was asked:

Radio Yerevan was asked:

Our beloved great leader comrade Putin described that western European economy has been inching towards the collapse and now on the edge of a cliff because of its heavy reliance on Russian energy. That makes me wonder what our economy's current situation is like?
<...

Three gulag inmates

"Three gulag inmates are telling each other what they’re in for. The first one says: 'I was five minutes late for work, and they charged me with sabotage.'

The second says: 'For me it was just the opposite: I was five minutes early for work, and they charged me with espionage.'

The t...

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The sexual position known as 69 will now be called 96

Because due the the economy, the price of eating out has gone up.

A blonde woman gets on a plane to Detroit and heads for a seat in first class, despite having an economy ticket...

A short while into the flight an air hostess notices she's in the wrong section of the plane and asks her to return to her allocated seat. The blond simply replied "no". Shocked and confused, the hostess insisted once more that she move, but the blond refused again.



The hostess leave...

What do you call an old, grumpy Avatar that comes back and ruins the economy every time you send him away?

A Boomer Aang.



P.S. I'm so sorry.

A man is dragged in front of Putin by a soldier

Putin asks the solider "What did he do?"

The soldier answered that the man went into Moscow square and shouted that he didn't like the stupid halfwit leader who caused war to break out, let his army get defeated with expensive military equipment being captured by a bunch of peasants, destroye...

Why does the communist economy always fail?

Because they cease the means of production.

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The teacher in Little Johnny's school asked the class...

...what their mothers did for a living. One little girl said her mother was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer.

When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said:

"My mom's a streetwalker."

Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's o...

Covid-19 has damaged the Italian economy so much that they have placed a lien on the Tower of Pizza.

Sounds better verbally

Why does Ireland have the fastest growing economy in the world?

Because its capital is Dublin all the time!

A woman seated while flying in economy and holding her baby in her arms, was startled when the man sitting behind her bent forward to say "Ma'am that is one ugly baby you have there!"

The woman, wide-eyed and open-mouthed, was so shocked she could barely retort "Well I ... I never!"

The man continued: "I'm just being honest with you ma'am, I mean, I've seen some ugly babies in my time, but yours is a real showstopper".

Quite overwhelmed, the woman called a fligh...

If you would have told me on Nov. 10 2016 that the Trump presidency would end with the economy failing and the country dying..

I would have totally believed you.

What's the difference between a three-wheeled car and the american economy?

The car crashes less

Whitehouse has a new slogan to encourage everyone to get back to work, school and boost the economy...

**!!No Lives Matter!!**

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A boy from working class family hears about the crash of the economy

He comes home, runs to his dad and asks him

“Dad, they told us in school that the economy crashed, and that it’s going to affect everyone’s lifestyle. Is it going to affect ours?”

His dad replied : “Don’t worry son, it’s only going to affect the lifestyle of the rich.

You and ...

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Do you know why they call it a blowjob?

... so it sounds like it has a sort of work ethic attached to it! It makes you feel like you did something useful for the economy!

\- George Carlin

The largest condom factory in the States burned down.

President Trump was awakened at 4 am by the telephone.

"Sorry to bother you at this hour, Sir, but there is an emergency! I've just received word that the Durex factory in Washington has burned to the ground. It is estimated that the entire USA supply of condoms will be used up by the end of ...

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What's the difference between a jungle cat who wrote his PhD thesis on the economic effects of taxation, and the order of insects that includes butterflies and moths?

One's a leopard doctor of tax economy, the other's a lepidopteral taxonomy

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Celibacy? In this economy?

How would I make any fucking money?

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What does American economy and pornstar in stepsis videos has in common?

Well, both are getting fucked hard and daddy is fucking clueless.

Theres no such thing as a Communist economy

There is however, a thing such as an communist economOURS

The economy is so bad

ExxonMobil just laid off 25 Congressmen.

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A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane.

He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressma...

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What is the difference between a troubled penis and the Economy?

The Economy gets going post stimulus

Flying economy..

Flight Stewardess: Do you want a drink, sir?
Sir: What are my choices?
Flight Stewardess: Yes or No

A blonde woman moves to first-class on a plane without permission

The flight attendant come up to her, she says "Um excuse me miss, this isn't your seat." The blonde woman replies "Excuse me? Yes it is!" So the Flight Attendant points where her seat is in economy class But she refuses to go back there. Suddenly the captain comes out and asks "what's going on he...

Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zealand , is rudely awoken at 4am by the telephone

"Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fectory en Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated thet the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."

PM: "Shut ...

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Personally I think removal of net neutrality will be great. It will offer our businesses new opportunities for development which will help the economy in the long run

Edit: son of a bitch, they're hijacking accounts already!!

I recently flew to Africa to do some charity work.

It was an eye-opening, shocking experience.
The poverty, the starvation, the fighting.... the *smell*, the noise....

I am never flying economy again.

Biggest joke of the 2021

Turkey’s economy

What do you call an economy car from the Stone age?

Priustoric

Getting old is weird, because there'll be things you notice that you didn't realize you were paying attention to...

There'll be a building going up. And you find yourself thinking 'There's no way the economy's strong enough right now to support the completion of this construction project...'

People used to be a lot more optimistic in the past, but things have taken quite a turn haven't they. The economy's uncertain, salaries are shrinking, jobs are dissipating. Morale is generally quite low nowadays.

If the elevator were invented today, it would be called the plunger.

I keep hearing that more women in the workplace makes for a stronger economy. But isn't that obvious?

Cheaper labour always helps the bottom line.

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A crashing economy can affect your sex life drastically.

I am one of the victims ...

My Neighbour's husband lost his job & is always at home now !

Germany and the Czech Republic have left the EU to form their own fully integrated economy.

Their currency is called the ✓

What do you call it when Gen Z brings the good economy back?

A Boomer-ang.

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If I had a dollar for every time the economy inflated...

I'd have an infinite amount of money, but i'll still be poor as fuck.

Donald Trump's presidency is already positively affecting the economy.

Alcohol sales have never been higher.

We should move to a herb based fuel economy

We can finally make the trains run on thyme.

What do Apple and the US economy have in common now?

No Jobs

When the economy is good, people drink. When the economy is bad, people drink. The moral?

Invest in alcohol

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If legalized marijuana boosts a towns economy, it can then also be known to have...

municipal purposes.

What does a Brit do to a perfectly fine economy?

He Brex it...

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This economy is getting so bad, I had to pose nude for a magazine

I'm never going back to *that* newsstand!

-Emo Philips

Why would Hilary Clinton as president be good for the economy?

We would only need to pay her 78 cents on the dollar.

The African Economy

Also known as, the black market.

An old joke about the Soviet economy

Since Russia is on our minds, here's an old joke used to explain the dysfunction of the former Soviet economy.

An Italian, a Frenchman and a Soviet are waking on the beach when they find a magic lamp. They rub it, and out pops a genie who grants each of them one wish.

The Italian say...

The American economy is like a tree.

All the growth goes to the top.

Cat ownership is like the economy

50% of cats are owned by the top 1% of cat lovers

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Two economists are walking down the street and they come upon a massive pile of horse shit

Two economists are walking down the street and they come upon a massive pile of horse shit. One says to the other "I'll give you $20,000 if you eat that shit" so he does, and collects his money. They walk a while longer and come upon another pile of horse shit. The shit eater, wanting to get even, t...

What do my ex wife and the economy have in common?

Inflation over time

I told my wife that I am helping create jobs in the economy.

I left a dish in the sink and told her she now has a job to do.

Hey cutie, are you the economy?

Because you're almost as crippling as my student loans and anxiety.

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The leaders of the free world gather to discuss the problems of a struggling nation

The French start: "The Age of Enlightenment started here. We'll help spread progressive ideas."

The Germans follow: "We have a very stable economy, we'll help lower national debt."

The Japanese join in: "Our scientist are the best in the world. We pledge to help battle the spreading di...

Economy

My friend was helping me understand economics. He asked, what is something that would be good for the economy? I said, Chicken. He says yeah..ok, so what would be bad for the economy?

Me: If they breathed fire!

In today's economy what do Arts graduates bring to the table?

Your lunch.

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Day 388 of Quarantine :

Karen: “And that’s how we’ll fix the economy.”

Karen’s Cat: “Seriously, get the fuck off me.”

Yo mama so ugly

Yo momma so ugly the whole world faked a virus and ruined the economy just to make her wear a mask

How bad is the economy?

Twenty years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Today we have no cash, no hope and no jobs.

Why did the Covenant Economy collapse?

Because there was no Prophet.

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Japan's economy crashed in the 90s because their housing bubble was so bad, the Imperial Palace was worth all the land in California.

I *wish* houses out here could still be that cheap!

Walking Economy

A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm just a walking economy."

His friend replies, "What do you mean?"

"It's like this: My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a de...

You know the economy is bad...

When you pull into the McDonald's drive thru and the person at the speaker asks...

Can you afford fries with that?

Difference between your wife and the economy?

5 years later, the economy will still suck.

The economy is doing really bad...

Its so bad that when Bill and Hillary Clinton travel, they have to share a room.

What’s a horse’s primary concern when voting?

A stable economy.

The Greek Economy

Forever A Loan!

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