UPJOKE
weatherhumiditytemperatureprecipitationglobal warminglatitudeclimate changegreenhouse gasclimemeteorologyrainfalllandscapebiodiversitymoodwind

We haven't found a solution for climate change yet, but...

...we're definitely getting warmer.

What’s the difference between weather and climate?

You can’t weather a tree, but you can climate.

Trump's Presidency is like climate change

Every day it gets worse and Republicans try to deny it.

Climate change is getting boring

It's just not cool anymore

What's the scariest part about climate change?

The atmosfear.

What do microsoft excel and climate change have in common?

They've both been commonplace since the 80's, but boomers still don't understand them

Climate change is such a joke...

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

How are climate models like birthday cakes?

If you pay someone to bake you one, they can make it say whatever you want.

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

Given the current climate, Saudi Arabia is a dangerous place to visit

I won’t beheading there anytime soon.

CO2 Climate Change Joke

One day the last man on earth went out for a stroll through the wasteland. As he was walking along, a giant, silver flying saucer burst out of the sky and landed before him. The door slowly opened and out of the craft came a little green fella who saw the man and shouted “Hey! What happened here?” T...

Two conspiracy nuts end up at the gates of heaven before God



God says to them "You may ask any question of me."

The first man asks "Was the Maui fire started by a space laser to clear out residents so the rich could buy up all the land?

God says "No my child. It was a combination of poor agriculture and climate change."

The fir...

These climate change activists need to relax, i don’t have a carbon footprint

I Just drive everywhere instead

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you solve climate change?

Convince Republicans that rising temperatures are turning people gay.

When it comes to climate change

Denial ain't just a dry patch of sand in Egypt

Robot Bartender makes a great Martini

A guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, climate change, and AI m...

Sure, we can do something about climate change now, but if we find out in 50 years that the researchers made a mistake and that climate change doesn't exist...

We would have improved air quality in all major cities, gotten rid of noisy and smelly cars, cleaned up toxic rivers and destroyed dictatorships funded on money from oil for no reason.

Why aren't people allowed to bbq naked during hot, dry climates?

High risk of Bush fires.

Never argue about climate change

It always turns into a heated debate

What motivates teens to protest climate change?

They're doing it for the Greta good.

What's the only animal unaffected by climate change?

Egyptian Crocodiles.


Because they live in the Nile.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do pedophiles and climate change deniers have in common? [NSFW]

They both enjoy fucking the next generation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Man made climate change is really annoying me!

I wish the jerks that keep changing the climate would just set it at 70 degrees Fahrenheit year round and be done with it!

A climate scientist and a climate-change denier walk into a bar

The climate-change denier goes to the bartender and asks for the strongest drink in the house.

The bartender takes out a bottle and says, "This is Absinthe, about 75% alcohol. Can I sell you a glass?"

The climate-change denier gets all upset and leaves the bar in a huff. The climate sc...

What's the main cause of Climate Change?

Somebody lit the dinosaurs on fire.

With climate change coming, economists predict that Canada will soon be the most powerful country in the world.

And then you all will be sorry.

Germany has varied climate

Winter is cold, Spring is sunny, Summer is hot,
And the Fall is full of soviets

How can we get Republicans to care about climate change?

Blame it on the poor.

It has been proven that Greta Thunberg is making a real difference to climate change

Every time she comes on the TV approximately 1 million people switch it off

Climate change is causing people to move into hilly and mountainous regions

According to one expert on YouTube it is plain unsettling.

97.62% of the world's population has accepted climate change as a scientific fact.

The rest of them are in North America.

The real reason not to do anything against climate change

Just think how dumb we'd look in front of our children, if twenty years from now we discover climate change was in fact not real. We'd have cleaned the ocean and the cities, preserved the rain forests and millions of species, innovated in multiple industries, made the air breathable again, created a...

I just invented a mathematical equation to solve climate change!

It’s an Al Gore ithm.

What’s a climate activist’s favourite movie?

Mad at gas car

What are the causes of climate change?

The climate changes when it gets tired of wearing the same old clothes.

Why r/jokes is most climate friendly sub because it

recycles continuously.

Why are conservatives climate change deniers?

Because they want to melt the snowflakes!

ḱley (Proto-Indo-European)-> κλίμα, κλίνω (Greek)-> clima (Latin)-> climat (French)-> climate

Climate change is man-made.

Humans: There is absolutely nothing that can be done to combat climate change.

Mother Earth: Hold My Beer.

I haven't always believed in climate change

But I'm warming up to the theory.

Hollywood is really taking climate change seriously

Vin Diesel even changed his name to Vin Solar

How do you persuade Trump to believe climate change is happening?

You tell him Obama didn't care about it.

How many U.S. politicians does it take the solve climate change?

Trick question: U.S. politicians can't solve anything.

Did you hear about the new drum beat formula that’s trying to fight climate change?

It’s called an AlGoreRhythm.

The time to fight against climate change is upon us, and this sub is setting fantastic examples.

Everything here is recycled anyway...

I bought some pantyhose but they kept telling me climate change wasn't real

I should have checked the Denier rating

The UK is really taking the Paris Climate Agreement seriously.

Yesterday they voted to become Corbyn-neutral by 2020.

Now that the US Supreme Court has crippled the EPA's ability to fight climate change, I'm going to buy myself some beachfront property ...

... in Utah.

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Argument With A Climate Change Denier

The denier goes, “How can global warming be real if it’s 20 degrees here?”

I say to him, “Saying Climate Change isn’t real because it’s cold where you live is like saying smart people don’t exist because you’re a fucking idiot!”

Alot of people have been protesting for the climate

They're just afraid of change

Cute girls are great but those who speak about climate are

Greta

Did you know it's cheaper to buy pies in warm weather climates?

Cherry pie in Jamaica - $4.25
Blueberry pie in Cuba - $3.50

Those are some of the pie-rates of the Caribbean.

Hippopotamuses are seemingly unconcerned about the effects of climate change on their habitat

It's as if they lived in de Nile

I used to not believe in climate change

But around October I started supporting global warming

What do you get when a climate change activist creates computer code?

An Al Gore Rythym

What's the difference between climate change and obesity?

One's a worldwide problem.

The other's a wideworld problem.

What do you call a math-rock band about climate change?

The Al-Gore-Rythms!

I started to get really worried about climate change when I was house shopping and my real estate agent used the phrase:

“Potential Water Front Property”

What is the warmest period in the history of the world's climate called?

Climax.

I am also a proud antivaxx mother, flat earther, Trump enthusiast and know for a fact climate change isnt real.

There's no punchline, ive already told you the joke.

I don’t get it. What’s the problem with climate change, ice bergs melting and the sea level rising?

I mean the excess water just flows down the edge of the Earth.

My friend asked, “Aren’t you concerned Florida will be submerged from climate change?”

I replied, I thought that’s what we were all trying to do, then we’ll stop.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I would participate in the climate march

But it's too hot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How did Nazi Germany prove climate change is real?

They made it snow in the summer

What climate scientist does Disney follow on twitter?

The rogue one

Science: cowfarts cause climate change. Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

Science: cowfarts cause climate change.

Vegetarians: I'll have what the cows are eating.

Due to global climate change the world is set to experience a loss in olive oil

Now we can all understand the heartache Popeye felt after the tragic end of his wife.

What animal can only survive in temperate climates?

A lukeworm.

A Republican politician prays to God to stop climate change...

Nearly all of the world's scientists present the politician with data about the causes and potentially disastrous effects of climate change.

Ignoring them, the politician prays, "Dear Lord, please help us with this climate change problem!"

Captains of industry present the politician wi...

Donald Trump doesn't believe in the eventual flooding of the coasts due to climate change

apparently he doesn't think America can sink any lower either.

leather quality ratings

Leather is “rated” based on its texture. Cows with abundant water sources typically have softer hides, rated “A”. But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are typically D Hide-Rated.

What do you call a computer program that writes a blues song about climate change?

An Al-Gore-rhythm!

Why did the climate scientist cross the road?

To analyze the chicken´s carbon footprint.

*It's raining penny's and quarters*

Me:WTF is this

Climate:Change

I didn't get too worked up over Trumps decision on the climate accord...

the whole thing was rather anti-climatic.

How many climate change deniers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

What are you talking about? The bulb is fine.

Anyone who believes in climate change just believes whatever someone tells them to. They don't think for themselves.

I know that because Alex Jones told me so

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

Trump only pulled out of the Paris Climate Agreement because he was standing up for his own kind

After all, he is just a load of hot air

In the current climate you can walk in any shop that's still open with a mask on maybe even a bank and nobody will even bat an eyelid

Until they see the gun anyway

Carobs grow on carob trees in warm climates. They are frequently transported to other regions by air.

Usually by pilots of the carob bean.

When you see geese flying to warmer a climate ever wonder why one side of the V is longer?

It's because that side has more geese.

If Trump continues his anti climate change campaign and the provocation towards North Korea the only wall we will be building will be...

Wall-E

One good tern deserves another

Arctic terns, birds long famous for their thousands of miles migratory habits, have been profoundly affected by climate change. Researchers have determined that as landmarks have disappeared due to loss of ice, some terns get stressed to the point of prematurely ending their flights.

Exposur...

A scientist told me my climate change denial was wrong, citing the horrific brush fires we see wiping out swathes of vegetation all over the world.

I told him they were just plants.

What's the difference between a Sasquatch and a Yeti?

One lives in a rainy climate and the other, a little cooler.

Trump Keeps claiming that climate change is a hoax and that his administration has done the most for global warming, and that the USA is getting colder

But that’s because he doesn’t understand what the media means when they say:

“Donald Trump is the most **Polarizing** President America has had since Nixon.”

This year is all about noticing things we should’ve done differently. Should’ve done more to stop the spread of the virus, police brutality, wildfires, climate change...but you know what they say about hindsight...

It’s 2020.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I work for company that paints lawns green in dry climates. Someday I will own my own upholstery business. I want to make car seats out of animal hides...

...but, I dye grass.

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