Hippopotamuses are seemingly unconcerned about the effects of climate change on their habitat

It's as if they lived in de Nile

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All men truly are passionate ornithologists at hearth..

Why else would they spend so much time observing *Tits* in their diverse natural habitats?

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What do you call boobs frolicking in their natural habitats?

Habitits.

Two Leafs fans die and go to hell

The devil greets them at the gate and shows them to their new home. Having lived in northern Ontario their whole lives, the two men are excited to enjoy hell's warmer climate. They immediately shed a few layers and kick back with a couple cold beers. The devil, none too pleased with their enthusiasm...

A man took his son to the zoo.

They found the monkey cage very entertaining until the father noticed two monkeys in a compromising position which embarrassed him to no end because his son was watching.

He walked up to the keeper and asked if he could stop them.The keeper told him that they are in their natural habitat and ...

I'm starting a not for profit that specializes in rebuilding environments for large sea mammals.

Wish me luck with Habitat for Huge Manatees.

I make wooden figurines for a living, which has proved to be a very good business.

I get a lot of requests to make animals, as they can be used to decorate at all times of the year. I’ve recently been working on a variety of birds for the spring season, because it’s never too early to start working ahead.
I often make a few mistakes when making animals because of the long hour...

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A man went to a gigantic zoo to visit his buddy Oscar [LONG]

Once there, he marveled at all the animals in their different habitats. Still in awe, he then asked one of the employees where he could find Oscar.


"Oscar? I know two Oscars who work here. Are you looking for Oscar Peterson or Oscar Cocks?"


"Oscar Peterson is ...

David Attenborough (Planet Earth Narrator) went to church

He wished to observe the predators up close in their natural habitat.

TIL

There's a central african tribe of pygmy called the ''Fakawi'.



But how did they get this name?..



Their habitat in the jungle is covered with wild grass which is 4 feet high but the pygmies are only 3 feet tall...



Every so often they could be seen jumping...

A kangaroo keeps escaping his enclosure at the zoo.

In an effort to keep him inside at night, the zookeepers construct a 10-foot fence around his habitat. The next morning, they find the kangaroo wandering around the zoo. The zookeepers construct a 20-foot fence to keep the kangaroo from escaping, but the next day he is loose once again. The zookeepe...

Dave is a talented mime who works at the local zoo.

He is very good at his job and is well liked by the guests of the zoo. One day, the zoo's famous orangutan dies suddenly. Not wanting to close the exhibit, the zoo approaches Dave with a proposition. Dave is to dress up in a realistic orangutan suit and pretend to be the orangutan, until the zoo can...

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An old Soviet Russian joke pt.2

A Sunday morning at the zoo. Zoo director and his assistant are doing their everyday routine of checking animals and their habitats. Suddenly, director stops next to the cage with a strange, unpleasant smell.

"Why does that tiger in this cage look so ill and miserable?", asks director.
...

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The New New Math....

I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tel...

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A joke told to me by my psychology professor...

I'll start by letting you know the backstory to this. It was the first day of class and my professor was giving a brief overview of physiological studies and theories. He then went into a very long description of a supposed psychologist who studied the training of dolphins and it went something like...

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The Shah and the Vizier

Once upon a time there was a Shah and his vizier. The Shah didn't like his vizier as the vizier was a smart-ass and the Shah was looking for a way to kick him out of his palace. One day he told the vizier to make him a kebab with male ants.

"I want to know for certain that those ants are male...

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A gorilla that swung too far

A zoo was barely making ends meet. The head zookeeper was keeping things together, but it was a struggle. Instead of a pride of lions, they had one lone lion. Instead of a band of gorillas, just two. The rest of the zoo animals were just as sparse.

One day during a thunder and lightning storm...

I think we can get Republicans on board with climate change initiatives if we just focus on consequences that mean something to them.

I've read that polar ice is melting causing polar bears to migrate south.  They've actually started sharing habitat with grizzly bears and are even interbreeding with them. Now if there's one thing Republicans hate more than science it's interracial marriage. So all we need to do is let them know th...

The difference between a crow and a raven.

A biologist was asked to finally determine whether crows and ravens are really two different birds. This has been a matter of some conjecture for quite some time. Given only a cursory glance, these birds appear to be one and the same. The biologist spent considerable time watching the birds in their...

I had this phone conversation the other day.

Me: “Consider this: like, right now, as we speak, there are human beings, like you and me, living in outer space. How crazy it is that we, as the human race, have collectively gathered the resources and technology required to haul dozens of tons of materials, entire habitats, up 350 thousand kilomet...

How do you tell the difference between a Northern and a Southern zoo?

A Northern zoo has a large plaque in front of each animal cage. The plaque list the genus, species, common name, average life span, habitat and diet of the animal.

A Southern zoo has a recipe in from of each animal cage.

One day, at the zoo...

Little Johnny and his mother go to visit the zoo. They visit the Reptile House, Monkey Island, Chimpanzee Forest, and the Avian Habitat. As they're walking toward the exit, they pass the Elephant Sanctuary.

Little Johnny points to the elephant and says, "Mommy, what's that thing hanging down...

Santa probably regrets giving coal

Santa Claus probably regrets giving coal to naughty children now that global warming is threatening his habitat.

young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test,

the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them with a sack over each bird and only the legs showing. He sat right on the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each set of bird legs and g...

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International relations

The United Nations noticed that there was a lot of dissent among its ranks and relationships were strained. The UN leaders called a meeting and came up with a plan to increase morale that was discussed and agreed upon by all members.

The plan was to take a representative from three different...

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