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Two Scotsmen go to Hell

[I know this joke has been shared a few times before but I thought I would share my Scottish cultural adaptation of it]

A demon approaches the devil and says "Dark lord! Two men from Glasgow in Scotland have been sent here. What should be done with them?"

The devil says "Glaswegians? T...

A mother ant and her daughter were out for a walk in their underground city.

They were having a lovely day until they came upon a group of protesters outside the queen's domain. One, with a sign reading *It's time to GO!,* spotted them and quickly approached.

"Excuse me ma'am, can you spare a moment to take a look at some alarming literature and help support our cause...

Girls are like Internet Domain names

the ones I like are already taken

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A bus full of nuns is driving through the Italian Alps...

When all of a sudden the driver misses a turn and the bus is launched of the edge of the cliff, rolls down the side of the mountain and explodes in a spectacular ball of flames.

A few moments later, St. Peter, who was expecting an easy day, found himself faced with 50 newly deceased and quite...

What is eminent domain?

When the government makes you an offer you can’t refuse

What's the most popular top-level domain in Mordor?

.orc

Joe's Talking Trees

Joe was a simple and serious man. He was a carpenter in a small village named Arge Oaks where he owned the store "Joe's Carpentry."

For years Joe impressed his fellow neighbors with the highest quality carpentry work. Some people in town complained he was a bit too expensive, but no one ever...

Helium walks into a bar.

Or, rather than walks, floats; for helium, at room temperature, is a gas, and thus has no legs with which to walk, and, due to its lighter-than-air nature, does not sink to the ground. The bartender himself is confused, for not only is helium invisible to the naked eye in the absence of another obje...

What did Montenegro's internet domain name say when it broke up with Yugoslavia?

It's not yu it's me.

Since we're at it: Dating in your 30s is like registering a domain name...

The good ones are all taken. But you can always get one from an exotic country...

We fear no wives

Three guys are sitting in a bar. Suddenly the first guy’s phone rings, he immediately answered it then without saying anything he ran out the door only to rush back, quickly throws 10-dollar bills on the bar while muttering, “Damn I forgot to do the dishes, the wife’s on the way home.” Then he ran f...

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Found this on Twitter

Me: My hot water doesn’t work

Landlord: Not my domain .

Firelord: Nor mine.

Me: What?

Waterlord: [rising out of the sink] WHO DARES DISRUPT THE MIGHTY WATERLORD, GOD OF THE 7 SEAS?

Me: I..I do. My hot water doesn’t work.

Waterlord: Oh shit for real? I'll cal...

I tried to register slimshady.com, and it turns out the US government forcibly took it over.

They cited Eminem domain.

The Poor Snake Named Nate

So... Nate the Snake was the king of the jungle, by virtue of his
immense size. Nate was the size of a freight train, and had a similar outlook on life. He ruled largely through terror and intimidation.


One day Nate the Snake was rumbling through the jungle, as was his own. Whenev...

An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

An engineer dies and goes to Hell.

"Welcome to my domain!" Satan says, with a malicious grin and a nod to the lava pools and torture devices. "I hope it's to your liking."

"It's alright," the engineer says. "But it could do with some improvements. I'd be happy to help if you give me go...

What is it called when a rapper takes your rap career for the public good?

Eminem Domain

Having heard that Steve Jobs is in hospital with only his Ipad to comfort him

I've decided to release the cure for pancreatic cancer into the public domain.

But only in flash.

There once was an emperor who ruled over a massive territory.

When he came in to power he passed many strange laws. The first law he passed was that in every sentence that you use the word "or" you must also have an "M" in that same sentence.

The people of his domain could do nothing to oppose this outrageous law because it was the
"M per Ors" decre...

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Was told this joke a couple of years ago and I still find it funny. (Kind of really Long)

So there's three guys in a car. One is a scientist, one a mathematician, and one a truck driver. Suddenly, one of the tires gets stuck in a pothole, the car flips over and they all die. They ascend to heaven and the guy at the gate tells them "There's only room for one of you here. You will all h...

Thor

Thor goes out for a ride on his mighty war horse.
He rides all morning and afternoon until as the sun sets he is sat on the top of the highest mountain overlooking his entire domain.
He stands up on the horse and shouts "I AM THOR" and as his voice echoes through the valleys his horse replies:...

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King of the jungle

A lion strolls proudly through the jungle. He happens upon a monkey and roars: "Who is the king of the jungle?!" The monkey nearly pisses himself and grovels before the lion: "You, you, lion, are the king of the jungle!" So the lion lets the monkey run off, nodding in approval. He continues his morn...

The mathematician worked from home,

Because he only functioned in his domain.

Top 5 Ways to Build Trust Once it is Broken

5. Do what you say
4. Honor your promises
3. Tell the truth
2. Speak from the heart
1. Remove from the domain and then add back into the domain after a reboot.

An ancient Chinese story

Long ago in ancient China, the Wong brothers ruled 2 kingdoms, side by side. Life was well, until a neighboring kingdom decided to invade both the brother's domains. Citizens were killed and villages were burned to the ground.

Desperate, the brothers turned to magic. Meeting up, they devised...

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