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Environmental Jokes

Redditors are very environmentally aware

More than half the content on the front page is recycled

Windows is more environmentally friendly than macOS.

Windows puts your deleted files in the Recycle Bin while macOS just throws them in the Trash.

As part of its commitment to environmentalism...

Texas is committing to executing people via electric chairs powered only by wind turbines and solar panels.

Reddit is possibly the most environmentally conscious site on the internet.

Nearly 100% of the content is recycled at some point, often several times.

I'm an environmental hipster

I believed in global warming before it was co... nevermind.

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An new, environmentally-conscious farmer starts using manure in place of fertilizer on his crops.

He gets the manure from his own cows, and within weeks notices a significant change with his wheat and other grains. They begin to flourish like he's never seen before, and he quickly begins heavily using this alternative method. The blossoming crops attract the attention of a agriculture company ne...

We are proud to announce that r/Jokes is now completely environmentally friendly sub

It's wholly made of recycled materials.

A man suddenly appeared at the gates of Hell… (Story Joke)

He looked up to see the Devil sitting at a chair.

“Hello my friend,” The Devil said kindly, “How are you this fine eternity?”

“A bit confused,” the man replied, “I didn’t realise that I was dead.”

“I understand,” the Devil said sympathetically, “Why don’t you tell me how you go...

This Earth Day I decided I would become more environmentally concious

So I'm starting to recycle jokes

Ranchers in Colorado are conducting a crucial experiment on the environmental sustainability of using hemp as a feed source for cattle.

The steaks have never been higher.

Why is this sub-reddit the most environmentally-friendly service online?

Because the content is made up of 95% recycled materials.

A man stumbles across an old oil lamp in an antique store...

The lamp is very dusty, so he gives it a rub, and the room starts to shake, and a genii appears.

He announces, "I am the Great Genii of the lamp! Since you've freed me, I will grant you one wish."

The man replies, "Just one?"

The genii relies, "Blame Reganomics, now time is sh...

For 2020 reddit is committing to being the most environmentally friendly company in the tech industry.

They are committing to 100% recycled content.

A chicken farmers’ chickens suddenly stop laying eggs one day…

He waits until the next day and still no eggs. A week goes by and still no eggs.

Worriedly, he calls a friend that is a biologist. The biologist comes over and takes temperatures of the chickens, takes stool samples and blood samples, and goes back to his lab. A week later the biologist ...

My friend likes to make off-color jokes about environmental disasters, like the Exxon Valdez and the Deepwater Horizon accidents.

He's so crude.

A new study just showed that reddit is one of the most environmentally friendly websites.

Everything they promote is recycled garbage.

I really have to give credit to this sub for being so environmentally conscious

So many of the jokes here are recycled

What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?

A green bean.

What place on the internet is so environmentally friendly that the recycling rate is 99%?

R/Jokes

I make my entire department get the bus to work. It's way more environmentally friendly than those huge gas guzzlers we drive.

Makes it hard to get to the fires on time though.

Call of Duty is the most environmentally friendly video game franchise.

... because each game is made from 90% recycled material.

What do environmentally friendly mathematicians use to make a fire?

Natural Logs

Just though of this sitting in class, please don't hurt me

What do you call someone who's obsessively environmentally friendly?

An Eco-Maniac

During the revolutionary war, a foreign scientist published a paper discussing the environmental effects of the boston tea party.

Unfortunately the scientist did not understand the number system used by the americas at the time and tried to wing it.

People to this day talk about the base 10 massacre.

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending...

My friend is so environmentally concerned

she's started recycling throwaway comments.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A park ranger catches a hunter in the act of eating a spotted owl. Feathers and bones surround his campfire.

The ranger says, "The spotted owl is a highly endangered species. Killing one is a federal crime."

The man says, "Yes, I admit that I killed and ate that owl. However, in my defense, I was lost in the wilderness for three days and frankly I was starving. The bird flew directly at me; I raised...

I just had my first experience with one of those new environmentally-friendly, paper straws.

They suck.

Why are reddittors so environmentally friendly?...

Because they recycle everything!

Why has /r/jokes won an environmental award?

Everything gets recycled.

What do you call anti-environmental music?

Plastic Rap

Girls who talks about girls' problems are great.

But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.

I've heard all the environmental activists' arguments for banning plastic products...

and they're really just grasping at straws.

What is the most environmentally friendly game company?

The three that make Call of Duty; They've recycled their ONLY GAME, every year for the past 7 years.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Environmentally friendly pyjamas

A little girl is visiting her grandparents. Her grandma tells her to go brush her teeth, and put on her pyjamas. The girl brushes her teeth and hops into bed, but completely naked. Grandma is quite taken aback, and asks the girl why she's not wearing pyjamas.

"Oh, I *am* wearing pyjamas! They...

Wife-Husband Peaceful Relationship

They asked him why your relationship with your wife is always peaceful and no fight ever?! He replied that is because we agreed since the beginning that she takes decisions in small issues leaving me the big ones. For example, she takes decisions in: What house or car to buy; what school we choose f...

How would you write “I changed a light bulb” on your resume?

Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

Bored at work so I wrote my first joke. It’s extremely dumb but maybe it’ll make someone laugh.

An extremely wealthy family owned countless successful companies, bought out competitors and even purchased new ventures if they looked promising enough. Nothing was too big or small, and nothing was off limits.

The family consisted of a mother (Linda), father (Robert) and 3 sons (Robert Jr.,...

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Timber Land

A young woman from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land, so she started to climb the big tree.

As she neared the top, she encountered a spotted owl that attacked her....

Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween.

It’s terrible for the environment. Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.

There was this young minister that had just started his first preaching gig.

Like many younger folks he was environmentally-minded, and as such he rode a bicycle to church. After a month of preaching he finds his bike gone, and he thinks one of the members of the congregation stole it.

So he goes and talks to an older preacher to ask for advice. The wise minister tel...

The South-African, Chinese and American are all on a new experimental long distance plane together

The South-African, American and the Chinese president are all on a plane

Eventually they get tired of talking business and decide to open up a couple of beers and soon get drunk, somehow they find a way to open one of the windows of the plane and take turns sticking their hand out the window....

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In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."

The lawy...

Unlike Buzzfeed.......

Which is complete trash, Reddit has proven time and time again to be the more environmentally friendly website as we recycle 90% of our own content.

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Three Men Were Using Urinals In a Public Restroom

The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job.
As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular "At Harvard, I lear...

Did you know that non vaxxed kids had super abilities?

Their bodies are way more sensible to environmental exposure, and they can hear a sneeze from miles away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An IRS auditor visits a synagogue...

...and requests that the rabbi answer a few questions.

"You guys sure burn a lot of candles here. What do with all the leftover wax?" asks the auditor.

"Well, we try to be environmentally friendly, so we send it back to the candle factory, and they send us back new candles," answers t...

The Pope's Alaska Visit

The Pope went on vacation to visit Alaska. He was cruising in the Pope-Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Vote for Bernie' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, trying to free himself from t...

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If you have two cows,

Socialism: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor

Communism: You give them to the government and the government gives you some milk

Fascism: You keep the cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk

New Dealism: You shoot one ...

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A Texas A&M (Aggie) grad, a Texas Tech (TT) grad and a University of Texas (UT) grad end up at the urinals in a bar.

The Aggie finishes first, walks over to the sink and loudly proclaims "In my health class at Texas A&M we were taught to wash our hands after using the bathroom to prevent disease" and proceeds to splash soap and water everywhere. Additionally, while drying off he uses more paper towels than are...

Modern Bible Stories: American Noah's Ark

…..And the Lord spoke to Noah and said:
” In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed, but I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.”
In a...

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EA to donate 50% of profits from future titles to starving children around the world.

After they make them purchase the postage, packing materials, fuel for the planes, silverware, plates, drinking cups, seasonings, construct hand out facilities, eating establishments, refuse disposal, environmental studies on said refuse disposal, labor costs and finally any and all expenses from F...

Crows in Boston are dying

The city of Boston has a problem with crows. They are dying by the thousands and the roadways are littered with the carcasses. The problem is only getting worse. Massachusetts' Dept. of Environmental Protection just completed a study of the problem. The crows are being killed when they are struck by...

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it...

Then Scott Pruitt's environmental plan is working.

The man that desired to understand women

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

The sunny California sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, and the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wi...

Moses was commiserating with the Hebrews in Egypt

Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn't even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:

"You, Moses, heed me ! I have good ...

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Saw someone post this on Facebook. Got a kick out of it.

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity
generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy.

I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water
utility.

After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-re...

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