This Earth Day I decided I would become more environmentally concious

So I'm starting to recycle jokes

We are proud to announce that r/Jokes is now completely environmentally friendly sub

It's wholly made of recycled materials.

My friend likes to make off-color jokes about environmental disasters, like the Exxon Valdez and the Deepwater Horizon accidents.

He's so crude.

Permits required

A woman from Sydney who was a tree hugging, vegetarian and anti-hunter purchased a piece of native bush land in northern N.S.W.

There was a large gum tree on one of the highest points in her property.

She wanted a good view of the natural splendour of her land, so she started to clim...

For 2020 reddit is committing to being the most environmentally friendly company in the tech industry.

They are committing to 100% recycled content.

Ranchers in Colorado are conducting a crucial experiment on the environmental sustainability of using hemp as a feed source for cattle.

The steaks have never been higher.

Why is this sub-reddit the most environmentally-friendly service online?

Because the content is made up of 95% recycled materials.

I make my entire department get the bus to work. It's way more environmentally friendly than those huge gas guzzlers we drive.

Makes it hard to get to the fires on time though.

I really have to give credit to this sub for being so environmentally conscious

So many of the jokes here are recycled

How would you write “I changed a light bulb” on your resume?

Single-handedly managed the successful upgrade and deployment of new environmental illumination system with zero cost overruns and zero safety incidents.

Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It's bad for the environment.

Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly.

There was this young minister that had just started his first preaching gig.

Like many younger folks he was environmentally-minded, and as such he rode a bicycle to church. After a month of preaching he finds his bike gone, and he thinks one of the members of the congregation stole it.

So he goes and talks to an older preacher to ask for advice. The wise minister tel...

My friend is so environmentally concerned

she's started recycling throwaway comments.

A new study just showed that reddit is one of the most environmentally friendly websites.

Everything they promote is recycled garbage.

I just had my first experience with one of those new environmentally-friendly, paper straws.

They suck.

What do you call someone who's obsessively environmentally friendly?

An Eco-Maniac

During the revolutionary war, a foreign scientist published a paper discussing the environmental effects of the boston tea party.

Unfortunately the scientist did not understand the number system used by the americas at the time and tried to wing it.

People to this day talk about the base 10 massacre.

What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?

A green bean.

The South-African, Chinese and American are all on a new experimental long distance plane together

The South-African, American and the Chinese president are all on a plane

Eventually they get tired of talking business and decide to open up a couple of beers and soon get drunk, somehow they find a way to open one of the windows of the plane and take turns sticking their hand out the window....

What place on the internet is so environmentally friendly that the recycling rate is 99%?

R/Jokes

Girls who talks about girls' problems are great.

But girls who talk about environmental problems are Greta.

I've heard all the environmental activists' arguments for banning plastic products...

and they're really just grasping at straws.

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me.
Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unen...

What do environmentally friendly mathematicians use to make a fire?

Natural Logs

Just though of this sitting in class, please don't hurt me

Call of Duty is the most environmentally friendly video game franchise.

... because each game is made from 90% recycled material.

Why has /r/jokes won an environmental award?

Everything gets recycled.

What do you call anti-environmental music?

Plastic Rap

Bored at work so I wrote my first joke. It’s extremely dumb but maybe it’ll make someone laugh.

An extremely wealthy family owned countless successful companies, bought out competitors and even purchased new ventures if they looked promising enough. Nothing was too big or small, and nothing was off limits.

The family consisted of a mother (Linda), father (Robert) and 3 sons (Robert Jr.,...

Why are reddittors so environmentally friendly?...

Because they recycle everything!

What is the most environmentally friendly game company?

The three that make Call of Duty; They've recycled their ONLY GAME, every year for the past 7 years.

African conservationists call for the ban on hunting hippopotamus to be lifted, citing environmental concerns.

To me the whole thing seems so hippocritical.

What did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

Well that’s environmental impact for you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Environmentally friendly pyjamas

A little girl is visiting her grandparents. Her grandma tells her to go brush her teeth, and put on her pyjamas. The girl brushes her teeth and hops into bed, but completely naked. Grandma is quite taken aback, and asks the girl why she's not wearing pyjamas.

"Oh, I *am* wearing pyjamas! They...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the men's bathroom, an accountant, a lawyer and a cowboy were standing side-by-side using the urinal.

The accountant finished, zipped up and started washing and literally scrubbing his hands...clear up to his elbows....he used 20 paper towels before he finished. He turned to the other two men and commented, "I graduated from the University of Michigan and they taught us to be clean."

The lawy...

Unlike Buzzfeed.......

Which is complete trash, Reddit has proven time and time again to be the more environmentally friendly website as we recycle 90% of our own content.

Did you know that non vaxxed kids had super abilities?

Their bodies are way more sensible to environmental exposure, and they can hear a sneeze from miles away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three Men Were Using Urinals In a Public Restroom

The first man finished relieving himself, zipped up, strolled to the sinks and proceeded to wash his hands, using plenty of soap and water and doing a splendidly thorough job.
As he was drying his hands (with lots of paper towels), he loftily announced to no one in particular "At Harvard, I lear...

The Pope's Alaska Visit

The Pope went on vacation to visit Alaska. He was cruising in the Pope-Mobile when he heard a frantic commotion. He found a helpless Democrat wearing shorts, sandals, a 'Vote for Bernie' hat and a 'Save the Trees' shirt. The man was screaming and struggling frantically, trying to free himself from t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

EA to donate 50% of profits from future titles to starving children around the world.

After they make them purchase the postage, packing materials, fuel for the planes, silverware, plates, drinking cups, seasonings, construct hand out facilities, eating establishments, refuse disposal, environmental studies on said refuse disposal, labor costs and finally any and all expenses from F...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you have two cows,

Socialism: The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor

Communism: You give them to the government and the government gives you some milk

Fascism: You keep the cows and give the milk to the government, then the government sells you some milk

New Dealism: You shoot one ...

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it...

Then Scott Pruitt's environmental plan is working.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An IRS auditor visits a synagogue...

...and requests that the rabbi answer a few questions.

"You guys sure burn a lot of candles here. What do with all the leftover wax?" asks the auditor.

"Well, we try to be environmentally friendly, so we send it back to the candle factory, and they send us back new candles," answers t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Texas A&M (Aggie) grad, a Texas Tech (TT) grad and a University of Texas (UT) grad end up at the urinals in a bar.

The Aggie finishes first, walks over to the sink and loudly proclaims "In my health class at Texas A&M we were taught to wash our hands after using the bathroom to prevent disease" and proceeds to splash soap and water everywhere. Additionally, while drying off he uses more paper towels than are...

Modern Bible Stories: American Noah's Ark

…..And the Lord spoke to Noah and said:
” In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed, but I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.”
In a...

Crows in Boston are dying

The city of Boston has a problem with crows. They are dying by the thousands and the roadways are littered with the carcasses. The problem is only getting worse. Massachusetts' Dept. of Environmental Protection just completed a study of the problem. The crows are being killed when they are struck by...

The man that desired to understand women

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."

The sunny California sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, and the Lord said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wi...

Moses was commiserating with the Hebrews in Egypt

Things were terrible. Pharaoh wouldn't even speak to him. The rest of the Israelites were mad at him and making the overseers even more irritable than usual, etc. He was about ready to give up.

Suddenly a booming, sonorous voice spoke from above:

"You, Moses, heed me ! I have good ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Saw someone post this on Facebook. Got a kick out of it.

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity
generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the U.S. Department of Energy.

I then took a shower in the clean water provided by a municipal water
utility.

After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC-re...

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