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Monetary Jokes

As a French-Canadian with a successful plaid condom business, I feel I have a lot to offer on British monetary policy

But nobody wants a Quebecker with a checkered pecker as Chancellor of the Exchequer.

All the dates I've had recently have been way too interested in my stance on monetary policy...

Why are they all so super-fiscal?

Russia, U. K. and U.S.A. just signed a monetary agreement.

A pound of rubles will cost a dollar.

Joe……….

Joe is on his last day at work as a mailman.

He receives many thank-you cards and monetary gifts along his route.

When he gets to the very last house, he is greeted by a gorgeous housewife, who invites him in for lunch. Joe happily accepts.

After lunch, the woman invites hi...

Donald Trump...

-A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter scale hits the Middle East.
-Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
-Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally ruined and the governments don't know where to start with providing help to rebuild.
-The rest of the world ...

For hundreds of years they were forced to work for us across our nation, tirelessly and without monetary compensation. They were whipped, and tied to wooden posts. Even today, they are exploited for sports and entertainment.

Man, horses must really hate us.

What was Hungarian in the beginning of 20th century and went global in the 21st century?

Korona....


(Korona was the basic monetary unit of Hungary from 1892 to 1925)

The army had to fire three of their generals..

They decided that a monetary compensation would be fitting, so they lined the three generals up and said:

"You will be paid a thousand dollars for each centimeter of distance you create from one body part to another"

The first general stretched his arms as far from each other as he pos...

A group of robbers burst into a bank and line everybody inside up against the wall.

They then proceed to take anything of monetary value from the people. Among those about to be robbed are two bank accountants.
Suddenly, one of them thrusts something into the hand of the other.
“What’s this?” He whispered.
“It’s the fifty bucks I owe you.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Delivering the male (my cake day contribution)

It was John's last day delivering the mail. He had been doing so for 4o years and was about to retire.

Most of the families greeted him warmly and handed him an envelope presumably with a small monetary gift inside.

But when he arrived at the Jones' house the woman there pulled him ins...

3 war heroes come back from 'nam...

An officer approaches the heroes and says "For your valiant effort and heroic action i will give you a monetary reward. Pick 2 points on your body i will measure the distance between the points and give you $10 for every inch between them."

The first man thinks hard then says "i choose the ti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a lawyer, whenever someone asks me the joke "why did the chicken cross the road," this is always my response.

As counsel for the chicken, I have advised my client to invoke its 5th Amendment right to remain silent. The chicken with neither confirm nor deny crossing the road, nor the existence of the road thereof. Your concept of ‘crossing’ and ‘road’ do not rise to criminal conduct in any jurisdictional cou...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A frog walks into a bank...

...and walks up to the teller, Pat E. Black.

"I'd like to take out a loan"

Pat asks the frog, "What do you have for collateral?"

The frog reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small insignificant trinket. "This is all I have"

Pat laughs. "We can't take that."

Th...

A sufficiently advanced society has synthesized all human knowledge

in pill form. So an undergraduate goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist if he has history, economics, and literature. The pharmacist disappears into the back. When he returns, he has three little boxes and says

"Here, take this purple one for all of human history—from the origins all...

There's a little known country in central Europe that is ruled by a monarchy... (x-post /r/dadjokes)

Not many people are aware of its existence but I assure that it is there all the same. The king of this little land faces a lot of difficulty. He wants to make his kingdom into a sovereign nation but unfortunately they do not have the infrastructure, population, or economy to do so. In fact, this sm...

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