How many cities does it take to start a global pandemic?

Only Wuhan.

Globally over 99% of asphalt is recycled. It is the second most recycled material in the world, after jokes on reddit

Globally over 99% of asphalt is recycled. It is the second most recycled material in the world, after jokes on reddit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a global interest in survival and the ability to thrive after an apocalypse or major crisis.

Scientists decide that sending 3 men to a deserted island for 5 years with no hope of rescue or assistance would be a good indicator.

The United States, France, and China each offer up 1 person for the study and they all get sent to their fate.

5 years later a helicopter lands on the i...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was talking passionately about the things I love! She just had to interrupt me to talk about global warming and some shit

such an anticlimactic thing to say

Why is there global chip shortage?

Because it all went into vaccines.

Why did humanity fail to stop global warming?

It was too polarizing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the difference between Jesus and vaccines?

One has the ability to prevent disease, slow down and eventually stop a global pandemic, and has saved countless millions of lives.

The other is a giant hoax, made up by evil shit bags to control the global population.

Global warming doesn’t exist

This subreddit is the only place it’s appropriate to say that.

Smallpox, the Spanish Flu, and the black death have already done the whole global pandemic thing...

What covid is doing is just plaguerism.

After earning his DDS; a dentist went and opened up his own practice.

He became widely known for his amazing skills, and was highly praised + recommended by every patient he ever had. One year; he was nominated for (and won) a prestigious medical award. Inscribed upon its ornate surface was his name and the specific honor: “Global Recognition of Outstanding Surgical S...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane.

He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressma...

Disney Theme Parks reopened in the midst of this global pandemic....

in an attempt to make it a small world after all.

Over heard my flat earth believing friend talking about global warming..

I told him to make up his mind.

What do flat-earthers call global warming?

Toast

I watched a movie about the dangers of global warming.

Pretty good but it had an anticlimatic ending.

Did you know global warming is reducing terrorism?

The ISIS melting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

What was Hungarian in the beginning of 20th century and went global in the 21st century?

Korona....


(Korona was the basic monetary unit of Hungary from 1892 to 1925)

If we really do live in a simulation, I think I know how they programmed global warming.

They most likely used an "Al-Gore-Ithm"

How did Al Gore discover global warming?

Algoreythms.

When I meet women, I immediately start talking about global warming.

It's a real icebreaker.

Ending it all

Brad was sick of the World, of Covid-19, those who hate China, global warming, species extinction, racial tension and all the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy the media headlines.

Brad drove his car into his garage at home, carefully sealed up around the windows and doorways of his ...

If global warming is not real, why does...

the number of hot singles in my area keep increasing?

This year we learned something very important: The world really isn't prepared for a global pandemic.

Oh well, at least now we know. Hindsight really is 2020.

I know global warming is bad

but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?

A global survey was conducted...

A global survey was conducted.
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure.
In the African they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what ...

The top executives of the Budweiser beer company decide they need a fresh, new marketing initiative. One suggests that the Catholic church, being a well known, global brand just like themselves, would be a suitable sponsorship partner, so they send two of their most persuasive directors to Rome.

They are granted an audience with the Pope and explain that they want a commercial link-up with the Vatican. This would, of course, involve some careful 'product placement'. What they suggest is that the words in the Lord's prayer , 'Give us this day our daily bread', be replaced with, 'Give us this...

We should all agree on a global currency

In my opinion, dollars make the most cents

We’re in a global pandemic?

Says who?

In 2024 Al Gore decided to run for president again.

His campaign hinged on a song he made to promote the dangers of global warming. It was so popular it became a meme.

After a while, everyone was talking about Al Gore, and, sure enough he became President.

When asked on the News, "How do you think he won," two fallen YouTubers stated, "...

A politician finds a magic lamp, rubs it and a genie pops out.

The genie says “I shall grant you any wish you ask, on the condition that when I ask, you set me free and when I ask you acknowledge my part in your wish.”

The politician agrees and after much consideration, he wishes that his lies and exaggerations would come true.

He holds a press c...

What did the Swiss mountaineer say when he got to a mountain where global warming was reversing itself?

Let's go climate!

Global warming is a joke.

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

SUPERMAN: my nemesis is a billionaire who uses his riches to pursue his personal vendettas instead of helping people on a global scale.

**BATMAN:** *[shifts uncomfortably in his chair]*

what do you call an artist during a global pandemic?

Vincent Van Cough

Who declared the coronavirus outbreak a global pandemic?

Yes.

What if this whole Global Warming thing doesn't happen?

Boy, will that be anticlimatic!

I just got a job processing transactions for a global multi-billion dollar company!

I’m so thankful to McDonald’s for this opportunity.

Donald Trump doesn't believe in global warming

Would be a lot cooler if he did

Why are all Republicans supporting global warming?

Because they can’t wait to live in a world with no snowflakes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taking the "hands on" approach to self isolation turned out to be globally recognized advice from Pornhub.

[NSFW]

Is it okay to mock kids for protesting global warming?

Not in the current climate.

Due to global climate change the world is set to experience a loss in olive oil

Now we can all understand the heartache Popeye felt after the tragic end of his wife.

Lol plague inc easy mode is so unrealistic

Like who wouldn’t wash their hands and wear a mask during a global pandemic.

Baby are you the crumbling global economy?

Cause I want to give you an stimulus package.

According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we’ll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo.

So in other words, basically nothing is going to change.

I’m from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming

Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.

You’d think Ocasio-Cortez would support global warming...

Given how much she hates ICE and all.

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to solve Global Warming:

Convince republicans that rising temperatures are turning people gay.

I would tell a joke about global warming

But it's just not cool enough to say

Globally, the lack of awareness for women's reproductive health is a major problem. We need to grow up and understand that menstruation is not a joke.

Period.

I heard global warming is just a social construct

If it weren't for our society, it wouldn't exist.

what do global warming and Barack Obama have in common?

Trump likes to pretend they don't exist

Donald Trump DOES have a plan to combat global warming!

He's putting ICE everywhere!

Thanks to global warming, Inuit women are being forced to wear less and less clothing.

*No ice.*

I’m not saying global warming is real...

But the weather was a lot more consistent when people were sacrificing newborn babies to the sun god!

First we had an ice age, now there is global warming.

It's almost as if the Earth is bipolar.

Trump said global warming was a hoax and he could easily make temperatures "the lowest ever recorded" this summer.

So he switched the US to Celsius.

Maybe it's not global warming.

**Maybe it's just planetary menopause**

I’m considering a career change to global boating logistics...

...so when people ask what I do, I can say that I spread my seamen all over the world.

If I were from the Netherlands, I'd start getting worried about global warming...

After all, Nomorelands is not that cool of a name

Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming...

It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Global Warming and unprotected sex?

Nothing; they both feel great and scare the fuck outta me.

Trump Keeps claiming that climate change is a hoax and that his administration has done the most for global warming, and that the USA is getting colder

But that’s because he doesn’t understand what the media means when they say:

“Donald Trump is the most **Polarizing** President America has had since Nixon.”

You gotta wonder if after all this global warming talk

If someone in a factory somewhere around the world in a straw factory will say

That's it. That's the last straw

Did you hear Donald Trump's plan for combatting global warming?

Nuclear winter

TIL the Earth produces global electromagnetic resonance with the highest peak frequency of 33.8Hz, slightly lower than a C#1 note with a frequency of 34.65Hz.

I guess you can say the earth is flat.

Walking out to my truck today, in texas, I can’t help but think,

Joe Biden has really over done it with his global warming plan.

You can’t really blame Donald Trump for not believing in Global Warming

He’s permanently surrounded by snowflakes.

Batman: "Alfred, why do people deny global warming?"

Alfred: "Some men just want to watch the world burn."

When meeting someone new, start with a conversation about global warming...

It's breaking the ice.

How did i know for sure global warming was real?

On the day Trump got elected over 50 million snowflakes melted at once.

50,000 blondes met in a center for the first ever "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention

Their leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?"

After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eightee...

After learning about Global Warning, I decided to go green

and start recycling on r/jokes

What's long, hard, and waiting for you?

The upcoming global recession

If the US has a heated debate over global warming that polarizes the nation

desn't that mean problem solved?

Did you know that global warming is making students do worse?

Because all I've heard is that C levels are rising.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is globalization?

Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death

Question : How come?

Answer :

An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottis...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Found some global warming porn on my son's computer.

He didn't even put it in the recycle bin.

I'm thwarting a global cyber attack using Binary

I guess you could say I'm defending the world, One Zero at a time...

How do you program global warming?

using an Al-Gore-ithm

Just found out that global pop megastar Adele ripped off one of my songs for her debut album!

I don’t know if I can be bothered to take her to court over it though. Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing payments?

What happened when there was a global helium shortage?

Prices ballooned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I guess I'll never know the global favourite porn category

What is the world cumming to?

Scientists have reversed Global Warming!

Get rekt, Sun!

I heard about global warming...

So now I leave my air conditioner on all the time. I know just one individual can't save the planet, but I do my best.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke my dad, who is Polish, tells me all the time so I'm convinced it must be real funny

It is the cold war and there is a global military convention where each military boasts how their army is the best. After a long day of watching each country's army marching with their strongest and most masculine men, the generals sit down in the banquet hall. An American, German, and Soviet genera...

A Canadian, American, and Irishmen go on a global skydiving trip

They all skydive and enjoy the whole trip on the single prop plane that takes them across the globe. They decide that over each of their country they should drop something meaningful to them and their country. The Canadian drops a maple leaf, and the other two laugh and say what does that mean? The ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler, Stalin, and COVID were having a debate

"Who amongst us is the most hated?" Hitler asked

Stalin said "It is I, the Soviet Union killed more people than even you, Hitler!"

COVID says "NONSENSE! I've kept everyone in quarantine for 6 months, ruined global economy, and killed hundreds of thousands of people. I am the most hate...

I just finished writing a book on what it takes to create a global clothing company...

It's an International Vest-Seller

Why did the global warming activist compliment the earth?

Cause it looked hotter than usual! (I'll see myself out)

Scottish Humor

It’s called a “Kilt” because I kilt the last man who called it a skirt.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

A lot of people wonder what a true Scotsman wears under his kilt, but don't ask him: he'll not tell ya, he'll show ya.

In Scotla...

I want to start selling arm prosthetics globally

Because then I'll be an international arms dealer.

Everyone seems worried about global warming and world hunger...

...but the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.

Nobody cares about global warming..

Not even polar bears, they're too busy learning how to swim.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Global Facts About Sex

At any given moment:

FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex (i.e. right now);

FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing;

FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing after having sex;

FACT: A few less fortunate are reading emails & web postings;

You hang in there!

The concept of global warming was created by and for the Chinese in order to make U.S manufacturing non-competitive...

Donald Trump, 2012.

There is no solid evidence of global warming...

...it all melted.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.