I know global warming is bad

but wouldn't it be kinda funny if dinosaurs made humans go extinct?

Did you know global warming is reducing terrorism?

The ISIS melting.

The top executives of the Budweiser beer company decide they need a fresh, new marketing initiative. One suggests that the Catholic church, being a well known, global brand just like themselves, would be a suitable sponsorship partner, so they send two of their most persuasive directors to Rome.

They are granted an audience with the Pope and explain that they want a commercial link-up with the Vatican. This would, of course, involve some careful 'product placement'. What they suggest is that the words in the Lord's prayer , 'Give us this day our daily bread', be replaced with, 'Give us this...

What did the Swiss mountaineer say when he got to a mountain where global warming was reversing itself?

Let's go climate!

Lol plague inc easy mode is so unrealistic

Like who wouldn’t wash their hands and wear a mask during a global pandemic.

This year we learned something very important: The world really isn't prepared for a global pandemic.

Oh well, at least now we know. Hindsight really is 2020.

what do you call an artist during a global pandemic?

Vincent Van Cough

We’re in a global pandemic?

Says who?

A global survey was conducted...

A global survey was conducted.
The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure.
In the African they didn't know what "food" meant.
In Eastern Europe they didn't know what ...

I just got a job processing transactions for a global multi-billion dollar company!

I’m so thankful to McDonald’s for this opportunity.

What if this whole Global Warming thing doesn't happen?

Boy, will that be anticlimatic!

Who declared the coronavirus outbreak a global pandemic?

Yes.

SUPERMAN: my nemesis is a billionaire who uses his riches to pursue his personal vendettas instead of helping people on a global scale.

**BATMAN:** *[shifts uncomfortably in his chair]*

Baby are you the crumbling global economy?

Cause I want to give you an stimulus package.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Taking the "hands on" approach to self isolation turned out to be globally recognized advice from Pornhub.

[NSFW]

Due to global climate change the world is set to experience a loss in olive oil

Now we can all understand the heartache Popeye felt after the tragic end of his wife.

Due to the global pandemic disease, which spreads quickly and is potential fatal, many cities have canceled the St. Patrick's day parade.

Columbus Day celebrations will continue as scheduled

What does a global pandemic and an overworked lawyer have in common?

They’re both sick of new cases.

Why are all Republicans supporting global warming?

Because they can’t wait to live in a world with no snowflakes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler, Stalin, and COVID were having a debate

"Who amongst us is the most hated?" Hitler asked

Stalin said "It is I, the Soviet Union killed more people than even you, Hitler!"

COVID says "NONSENSE! I've kept everyone in quarantine for 6 months, ruined global economy, and killed hundreds of thousands of people. I am the most hate...

Trump: "I'm not a fan of a global nuclear war."

"It's the last thing that I would do."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke my dad, who is Polish, tells me all the time so I'm convinced it must be real funny

It is the cold war and there is a global military convention where each military boasts how their army is the best. After a long day of watching each country's army marching with their strongest and most masculine men, the generals sit down in the banquet hall. An American, German, and Soviet genera...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

We have a valid potential solution for global warming.

Nuclear winter.

A 15 year old boy saves the world.

A 15 year old boy makes a fresh new campaign to save the world from global warming. The movement is a huge success, with almost 100% of rubbish removed from the oceans, and succeeding in righting lumberjacks' and factory owners' ways, cutting down greenhouse gas emmision and forest cutting by around...

There wasn’t global warming in the Middle Ages because

the earth was flat back then

Is it okay to mock kids for protesting global warming?

Not in the current climate.

Donald Trump doesn't believe in global warming

Would be a lot cooler if he did

Yo Mamma so ugly...

Yo momma so ugly that we created a global conspiracy "plandemic" and ruined the world economy and expedited the new world order and ruined Trump's rally and banned the Confederate flag from nascar and cancelled major league baseball just so she'd wear a mask.

According to a news story, if global warming continues, in 20 years the only chance we’ll have to see a polar bear is in a zoo.

So in other words, basically nothing is going to change.

I've been bugging my ex-girlfriend...

I've been bugging my ex-girlfriend for a few days now since i wanted to get back and she's been avoiding me pretty badly.

The conversation went this way.

Me: Babe, why are you avoiding me like this.

She: you haven't caught the covid-19 yet?

Me: Nope, why?

She: Don...

If you meet a woman, start talking about global warming.

It’s a real icebreaker.

A toothbrush journey in India

Very real story...,,

A Dentist was conducting a global survey-
*"How long do you use your Toothbrush...?"*

Chinese:
"3 months...!"

American:
"1 month...!!"

Indian:
"There is no fixed time limit doctor, it may be years...!!! Initially we use it for *brushing* ...

I would tell a joke about global warming

But it's just not cool enough to say

We should stop global warming.

Club Penguin was shut down because of it.

Global warming is a joke.

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

The blondes Convention

80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

T...

Trump said global warming was a hoax and he could easily make temperatures "the lowest ever recorded" this summer.

So he switched the US to Celsius.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me:*watches argument about global warming*

Also me: *oh shit thing are getting heated*

I heard global warming is just a social construct

If it weren't for our society, it wouldn't exist.

Thanks to global warming, Inuit women are being forced to wear less and less clothing.

*No ice.*

Donald Trump DOES have a plan to combat global warming!

He's putting ICE everywhere!

If I were from the Netherlands, I'd start getting worried about global warming...

After all, Nomorelands is not that cool of a name

You’d think Ocasio-Cortez would support global warming...

Given how much she hates ICE and all.

I’m from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming

Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.

I’m not saying global warming is real...

But the weather was a lot more consistent when people were sacrificing newborn babies to the sun god!

what do global warming and Barack Obama have in common?

Trump likes to pretend they don't exist

Maybe it's not global warming.

**Maybe it's just planetary menopause**

Globally, the lack of awareness for women's reproductive health is a major problem. We need to grow up and understand that menstruation is not a joke.

Period.

Trump Keeps claiming that climate change is a hoax and that his administration has done the most for global warming, and that the USA is getting colder

But that’s because he doesn’t understand what the media means when they say:

“Donald Trump is the most **Polarizing** President America has had since Nixon.”

First we had an ice age, now there is global warming.

It's almost as if the Earth is bipolar.

You gotta wonder if after all this global warming talk

If someone in a factory somewhere around the world in a straw factory will say

That's it. That's the last straw

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It seems like the world is ending these days

We’ve got all this awful shit just falling from the sky. Climate change, global pandemics, economic crashes, Australian wildfire, elections, Kobe Bryant,

I’m considering a career change to global boating logistics...

...so when people ask what I do, I can say that I spread my seamen all over the world.

Picture This: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live in and around the mouths of Alpacas.

Global Chaos Ensues.

The disease wipes out 99% of humanity, and the desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca-lip-tick wasteland.

Stolen from r/dadjokes from u/habsfan1112

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to solve Global Warming:

Convince republicans that rising temperatures are turning people gay.

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

Scottish Humor

It’s called a “Kilt” because I kilt the last man who called it a skirt.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

A lot of people wonder what a true Scotsman wears under his kilt, but don't ask him: he'll not tell ya, he'll show ya.

In Scotla...

A student never turns in his homework because his dog keeps eating it. After moving to online classes, the teacher thought he finally wouldn’t have an excuse.

Because of the global pandemic, the teacher had to move the assignments online. Thinking of this student, she thought that he surely wouldn’t have an excuse anymore and would finally have to turn an assignment in.

But after the assignment was due and the teacher was done grading, she noticed...

I guess China will save the world's climate.

They are not fond of global warning.

When meeting someone new, start with a conversation about global warming...

It's breaking the ice.

Day 1: Staying home, avoiding social gatherings and eating food in my room

Day 50: Continuing with this process

Day 100: Still feeling okay

Day 2500: Now a global virus has arrived and others are doing what i do.

Global warming is caused by a growing mountain of carbon.

I just hope our children can climate.

If China had $1 for every time they oppressed a racial minority...

They’d become an economic global power.




Wait...

There was once a man

Let's call him Jim. Jim had a remarkably ordinary life. He went to school, got his degree, got himself a secure office job, set up his pension fund, met a nice girl, got married, and had 2 wonderful sons. Jim was set for life. But he was bored.

It was that sneaky boredom that you don't quite ...

Company Heinz announces plans to produce PPE

There is still global shortages. They will be playing Ketchup.

TIL the Earth produces global electromagnetic resonance with the highest peak frequency of 33.8Hz, slightly lower than a C#1 note with a frequency of 34.65Hz.

I guess you can say the earth is flat.

Batman: "Alfred, why do people deny global warming?"

Alfred: "Some men just want to watch the world burn."

Trump has left the historical Paris Climate Accord in which countries around the world agreed to fight global warming...

It was the first time he pulled out of a working model.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Global Warming and unprotected sex?

Nothing; they both feel great and scare the fuck outta me.

You can’t really blame Donald Trump for not believing in Global Warming

He’s permanently surrounded by snowflakes.

How did i know for sure global warming was real?

On the day Trump got elected over 50 million snowflakes melted at once.

Did you hear Donald Trump's plan for combatting global warming?

Nuclear winter

After learning about Global Warning, I decided to go green

and start recycling on r/jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Because of the coronavirus there’s a new drink people are ordering in bars.

It’s called, “global pandemic.”

What you do is, you drink a corona, then you go and buy all of the toilet paper in the world, like a jackass.

Did you know that global warming is making students do worse?

Because all I've heard is that C levels are rising.

- Did you hear the World Health Organization is calling the Coronavirus a pandemic?

- WHO?
- The World Health Organization
- Yes
- Yes, what?
- WHO Is the World Health Organization
- The people in charge of global disease and health issues
- Who
- The people out there trying to prevent outbreaks
- Who
- The doctors and scientists working on a solution!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My eight year old storms into the room and proclaims to his three year old sister

Back in my day, we battled a global pandemic to survive, the kids these days are pussies.

How do you program global warming?

using an Al-Gore-ithm

Me: Did you know that the fish in Egypt dont believe in global warming?

Friend: ....
Me: Yeah, they're in Da Nile

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Found some global warming porn on my son's computer.

He didn't even put it in the recycle bin.

Just found out that global pop megastar Adele ripped off one of my songs for her debut album!

I don’t know if I can be bothered to take her to court over it though. Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing payments?

I'm thwarting a global cyber attack using Binary

I guess you could say I'm defending the world, One Zero at a time...

My girlfriend has a global map tattooed on her body

She may have been a difficult person to deal with. But you always knew where you were with her.

What happened when there was a global helium shortage?

Prices ballooned.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is globalization?

Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death

Question : How come?

Answer :

An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottis...

I heard about global warming...

So now I leave my air conditioner on all the time. I know just one individual can't save the planet, but I do my best.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I guess I'll never know the global favourite porn category

What is the world cumming to?

Which global disasters happen when you drop a roast turkey?

The downfall of Turkey, the break-up of China, and the overthrow of Greece.

Scientists have reversed Global Warming!

Get rekt, Sun!

I just finished writing a book on what it takes to create a global clothing company...

It's an International Vest-Seller

Nobody cares about global warming..

Not even polar bears, they're too busy learning how to swim.

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