UPJOKE

Dolly Parton Jokes

My friend Joe recently started the Dolly Parton diet

It’s really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Jo lean, Joe leeeaaaannn

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Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth went to the Pearly Gates on the same day.

They both met with an Angel to find out if they would be admitted to Heaven.

The angel said "Unfortunately, there's only one space in Heaven today so I must decide which one of you will be admitted."

T...

Dolly Parton no longer speaks to her bra designer.

Not since the two fell out.

What do you have when Dolly Parton is doing the backstroke?

Islands in the stream.

Why are Dolly Parton’s feet so small?

They don’t get any sun.

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Dolly Parton and Princess Diana pass away on the same day.

They arrive at the pearly gates at the very same time.

Saint Peter is waiting in judgment. With both women vying for entry, St. Peter announces, “Ladies, I only have one more space in Heaven today. You’ll have to prove you’re worthy.”

Dolly Parton laughs and says “No problem, Pete!” ...

The Dolly Parton Diet

A guy walks into a bar and orders a light beer. "How's your New Year's diet coming along?" the bartender asks. "It's going okay, but I'm not losing as much as my buddy Joe. He went on that new Dolly Parton diet," the guy says. "It's made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean."

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There were a couple of strange items at the estate sale of a eccentric collector. One was a couple of Dolly Parton's used bras, the other King Edwards used Enema...

The appraiser was surprised that they sold at all, especially the used enema, as it still had fecal matter on it. What surprised him most is that the enema actually sold for more money than the bras. The auctioneer wasn't surprised at all because he plays poker and knows that a royal flush always ...

Why did Dolly Parton refuse to have tea with Kate Middleton?

Because high tea is always 4pm and she works 9 to 5.



Lame. But this was in the news the other week. Dolly actually did refuse to have tea with Kate.....there's a joke here, somewhere. Do you have it?

Went into a shop to purchase Dolly Parton's Greatest Hits

And I was given a magazine in a plain brown paper bag.

Dolly Parton just announced she's buying Big Lots, Piggly Wiggly, and Harris Teeter.

She's combining them to open a superstore called Big Wiggly Teeters.

Why did Dolly Parton get pulled over by the police on her way to work?

.




.


She was going 9-to-5 (mph)!

Dolly Parton just got a dose of her own medicine.

Literally.

Did you know Dolly Parton wrote Joleen & I will always love you in the same day?

Seems like with her great things come in pairs

TIL Dolly Parton has small feet...

I guess nothing grows in the shade.

Dolly Parton's made a major move into the grocery business...

She bought the chains Piggly Wiggly, Giant and Harris Teeter, and is going to rename them "Giant Wiggly Teeters".

Dolly Parton has invested $1m in the Moderna covid vaccine

It's working 9 to 5 perecent of the time, what a way to keep us living

What does Dolly Parton put in her swimming pool?

Chlorine chlorine chlorine chlorineeeee

Dolly Parton is such a beloved figure in America, the DSM-5 has already classified a disease that American's might feel when she dies.

Post-Parton Depression

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Dolly Parton and Princess Diana are at the pearly gates of Heaven...

St Peter, standing guard, asks them to share their contributions with him. Dolly Parton lifts her shirt and shows him her boobs. Then Princess Diana takes a cup, pees in it, and hands it to St Peter. St Peter asks them to hold on for a moment and then walks away. When he returns, he lets Princess Di...

How do you pick Dolly Parton's Kids out of a crowd?

They're the ones with stretch marks around their lips.

I had a nightmare last nigh

I dreamed I was Dolly Parton's baby and she was bottle feeding me.

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Did you hear about Dolly Parton's husband becoming a professional sperm doner?

* He's jerkin' 9 to 5, what a way to make a living.



(I made this up and i'm kinda proud' feel free to spread it around the globe try it on your friend / spouse now and tell me if it got a smile / laugh - or a slow head shake and a sigh)

Celebs at the Pearly Gates

Queen Elizabeth II and Dolly Parton are standing at the pearly gates when St. Peter approaches and greets them.

He says "Greetings! It's not often that we have such women of notoriety join us at the same time! However we're swamped today and can only let one of you through, so you're going to...

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Just bought my new car stereo, which is voice activated.

If I shout "country" it plays Dolly Parton, if I shout "rock" it plays Guns and Roses. I was driving through town the other day when some children ran out in front of me, I shouted "FUCKING KIDS!" and it started playing Michael Jackson.

Me and my flat chested wife went to see a marriage counsellor today.

The counsellor asked us; "What seems to be the problem?"

"Well," I said, "Dolly Parton here thinks I'm too sarcastic."

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My Blasphemous Joke..

So, Dolly Parton and the Queen of England somehow end up dying at the same moment and find themselves at the Pearly Gates in front of St. Peter.

He tells them both that there's only enough room for one of them to pass, so they need to prove themselves.

Dolly Parton simply opens her blo...

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Looking for similar jokes to 'Does a bear shit in the woods?'

Hey /r/jokes,

Looking for some sarcastic one liners. All I got so far is:

* Does a bear shit in the woods?
* Is the pope catholic?
* Is grass green?
* Is the sky blue?
* Is the tin-mans cock made of sheet metal?
* Does Dolly Parton sleep on her back?

When are people.....

When is someone going to tell Dolly Parton that 9+5 don’t make eleven?

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A calculator joke...

From my childhood.

69 doctors said Dolly Partons boobs were
222 big, they sent her to
51 street to see doctor
x (multiply) He told her to take a pill for
8 days, and that left her....

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