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Robot Jokes

A man buys a robot that slaps people when they tell a lie.

He decides to test it on his family at dinner that night.

The man asked his son, "Son, what did you do after school today?"

The son replied, "Oh, I just did some homework" and the robot slapped the son.

The son said, "Okay I actually watched a movie with my friends".

The ...

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What does a robot do after sex?

He nuts and bolts.

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What do you call a robot sex worker that only does one-night stands?

Nuts’n bolts

What do you feed a hungry robot?

Mega-bites.

Just an average joke by my sister

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A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
<...

Why do robots eat Gyros?

to balance their diet

A robot tried to rob a bank but was caught when its battery died.

Police have no plans
to charge the suspect.

The book 'I, Robot' is about sentient robots, but did you know it has a sequel about sentient submarines?

It's called 'U, boat'

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The Japanese invented a thief catching robot.

After running successful lab trials they decided to test it. After deploying in Tokyo the robot caught 35 thieves in 24 hours.

The news Broke out.

Much Impressed, the Brits ordered the robot for themselves. After deploying in London the robot busted 65 thieves under 8 hours.

The...

Humans are being tested against the new AI program

The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because




ROBOTS CAN...

I just saw a robot charging itself

It was re-volting!

What do you call a robot crab that has fallen into disrepair?

A rustacean.

What sound does a robot frog make?

Rivet Rivet

A robot went on a crime spree in our neighbourhood right before it ran out of battery.

The cops are refusing to charge the perpetrator.

Smart Robot

A guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration, and m...

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My three year old daughter made this up...what did the potty training robot say?

Pee poop pee poop.

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Convincing your girlfriend that she's crazy is called gaslighting and it's a dick move.

Convincing her that she's a robot with artificial intelligence and implanted memories is called bladerunning and it's a Philip K. Dick move.

Norwegian Robot

If a Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, then it
 Scandinavian

A robot man walks into a robot restaurant.

A robot waiter approaches and asks him for his robot order.
The robot man orders a robot steak.
The robot waiter asks him how he wants his robot steak prepared.
The robot man replies, "Weld on".

Scientists have discovered a planet populated entirely by robots.

They call it Mars.

The Robot Family.

It's a big night for XR-573, the patriarch of the robot family. Not only are all three of his sons going to be over for dinner for the first time in years, but all three of them have brand new fiancées! XR-573 and his wife Z7-271 are both very excited to see their children and learn all about their ...

Why are robots bad in bed?

They just screw, nut and bolt.

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Japanese have finally invented a robot that catches thieves


They decided to test it and put the robot in Belgium. In the first day it caught 10,000 thieves.

Then they put it in America. In the first day it caught 20,000 thieves.

Then they put it in Russia. In the first hour, someone stole the robot.

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A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie, so he decides to try it out at dinner.

He asks his son, "Did you go to school today?" The son replies, "Yes," and the robot slaps him. The son says, "Alright, I went to the movies."



The father asks, "What did you see?" and the son replies, "Toy Story 4." The robot slaps him again, and the son says, "Okay, okay! It was an a...

How was the robot frog held together?

Rivets.

Why was the robot cancelled?

Because it didn't accept non-binary arguments

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A dad buys a robot that slaps people when they lie...

He decides to test it when his son comes back from school.

He asks "Son, where were you today?", so he says "at school". He gets a slap.

A little confused, he tells his dad that they were watching DVDs. The dad asks "What kind of DVD?"

The son says Toy Story. The robot slaps him...

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Why did the robot stop watching porn?

He lost his sex drive.

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

Why don't Robots have Brothers?

Because they all have Trans Sisters. :)

A robot broke a kids finger during a chess tournament.

Still processing it.

Who is smarter, a robot maid or a robot MD?

A robot maid, because she's got her AI.

Why did the robot go to jail?

Cos he was charged with batterie

What do you call a sentient robot pirate?

Aaarrgh-tificial intelligence, me matey!

Why are so many robots progressive?

Many of them have transistors.

Did you hear about the robot who assaulted someone?

Turns out he was charged with battery

How do you jump start a serial killer robot with a dead battery?

Charge it with murder.

What's a Robots favorite animal?

A cowculator.

From my 7 year old.

I was bored so I made a robot to distribute herbs

It helped pass the thyme

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Robotic Arm

A man's (lets call him John) arm is mangled in an accident and needs to have it amputated.

The doctors fit John with a new high tech robotic arm that is voice activated. The doctor has John run through some tests by placing a pen on the table on front of him and having him tell the arm to ...

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How does a robot avoid getting caught for public masturbation?

He nuts and bolts.

Why don’t they build nervous systems on robots?

They would rather give the robot a confident system.

What would you call a Texas robot?

Tex Mechs.

There was a giant, steel, robot who had one job, protect the city.

One day when it was raining some of the screws got rusty and fell off causing one of the legs to fall off entirely. When the leg fell off it crushed the city that it was meant to protect.

Oh, the iron knee!

What makes Al Gore so robotic?

His Al Gore rhythm

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Sex robot:

Unexpected item in bagging area

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I made a robot who changes people into the opposite sex.

I guess he's a trans former

Did you hear that Apple is developing a robotic service dog?

It’s called the iChihuahua.

How do robots eat guacamole?

With computer chips

ROBOT MAN

A dad makes a robot that slaps people when they lie.



"Son, why were you not at school yesterday?"

"I was at school"

The robot slaps the kid.

"FINE! I was watching a move with a friend."

The robot slaps the kid.

"FINE! It was an erotic movie."

...

Robot vs AntiRobot music

What is a robot's favorite music? Heavy Metal

What is an anti-robot's favorite music? TechNo

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The robot that knew everything

Scientist were finally able to invent a robot which could answer any question.

His friends told him about this robot and so he decided to test it because he believed that such a robot could not possibly be created.

So he went to the the robot , press the button. The robot turned activ...

If you had a robot lizard that wasn’t working properly



would that be eReptile Dysfunction?

Apple is introducing robot dogs to the market soon. They're testing one in Mexico right now.

It's called the iChihuahua.

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Why did the robot need viagra?

His disk was floppy.

A robot walks into a bar. The bartender asks,

"What'll ya have?"

The robot says, "Well, it's been a long day and I need to loosen up. How about a screwdriver?"

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I bought a robotic penis that attaches between my forearm and my fingers.

It seems quite futurewristdick.

A man was making a robot out of whatever he could find

The head was an old toaster, the torso a series of welded wrenches and bolts, the arms and legs bits of rebar. It wasn’t pretty, so he gave it an ugly name: Brek.

The thing worked fine, but it wasn’t terribly balanced. The left hand was heavier than the other, so it always leaned to the left....

What’s a robot’s favorite candy?

A ‘Wall-E’pop

Police responded to a reported burglary at Tesla’s robotics lab.

It was an Optimus crime.

A man ordered for a voice automated robot car

A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.

He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.

One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car t...

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If I was a robot

I’d actually have a sex drive

(Credit to my stoned wife)

Do female robots have a...

Computerus?

A guy walks into a bar, and is greeted by a robot.

The robot says, “What’s your drink”? The man replies, “Whisky”. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ”? The man says 150. The robot then pours his whisky and proceeds to talk to the man about the space time continuum, time travel, and the multiverse. The man finishes his drink, and leaves the bar. ...

How did the robot vacuum the house?

Roomba room.

I recently got three robotic appendages

It’s such a relief not to have to go out on a limb to get the groceries.

Your honour, i'm not a robot

How could i possibly be charged with battery?

What did the robot have written on their gravestone?

Rust In Peace

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Robot For Sex

A woman was having sex in an apartment 20 floors high with another man. She then heard her husband coming..
She told her lover to stay like robot and not to move.

Husband: What is this?

Wife: This is a robot I bought to have sex with when you are traveling...

Husband: Okay.....

Why did the robot cross the road?

It was programmed by the chicken.

Two robots fall in love

Two robots fall in love they went on dates and they got a bit frisky so the male put on his nuts and bolt and they went at it he put it in and the girl robot said "no input detected"

Why do so many robots live in Africa?

'Cause Botswana.

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Lie detector robot

So a Dad builds a lie detecting robot that slaps anyone when they lie. He's been suspicious of what his son has been up to lately.

So they are sitting at the dinner table, the mum, the dad, the son, and the robot.
The dad asks his son "So where were you last night?"
The son replies "I w...

What is a robot's favourite snack?

Computer chips

A married couple with kid gets h*rny...

on a Sunday morning and thinks about how they can have some time to "cuddle". So they tell their son to go stand on the balcony and look if he can see something new going on in the neighbourhood.

So their son stands on the balcony and they get going. After a few minutes he yells: "Dad, dad! T...

If an A.I robot is depressed, and keeps on seeing the glass half empty,

Is it electronegative?

What do you call a robotic horse?

A woahh-bot

How does a robot identify?

It doesnt its non-binary...well technically it is but...nevermind

I have invented microscopic robots that can form the face of Robin Williams.

I call them "nanu-nanubots."

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