If robots can’t identify stop signs or traffic lights in captcha images...

maybe self-driving cars are a bad idea.

What is it called when a robot eats a sandwich in one chomp?

A megabyte.

A robot tried to start a conversation with an attractive waitress

## But he wasn't so successful in doing so. The error message read:

Error: failed to establish connection with server.

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Sex robot:

Unexpected item in bagging area

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Lie Detecting Robot

A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie. He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon. The son says, "I did some schoolwork." The robot slaps the son. The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies." D...

A robot musician’s collection of instruments will never be complete.

They can never get any organs.

What did the boy robot do on his one night stand

Nut and bolt

I had a terrible dream of a dystopian future where robots controlled every aspect of our lives.

Luckily, I was awakened by my Tesla.

I was a failing engineering student. Today I finished creating a robot with speech capabilities.

Between you and me, that's saying something.

Did you hear about Google's new AI powered robotic broom?

Soon, it'll be sweeping the nation.

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Once the sex robots learn cooking...

women will be 'screwed'.

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Doctor Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a robot that has to take an exam to become human.

Doctor: Don't worry, it'll pass.

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What does a robot do after having sex?

Nuts & Bolts

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The sex robot I entered into the school science fair came last.

It did not go down well.

A Robot gets arrested.

He's charged with battery.

What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?

An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.

Have you guys heard of this new AI robot that can take off all your clothes, and then give you a whole new outfit?

I've seen it change people.

Why don’t robots play Pokémon?

They can’t CAPTCHA ‘em all

What do robots eat on a diet?

Microchips.

What’s a robots favourite food?

Computer chips

C3PO is trying to get Nitrous Oxide for his robot friend.

He walks up to a vampire and says 'I want Nos for Ar-Too'.

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A man buys a lie detecting robot and brings it home.

Whenever the robot detected a lie, it was programmed to slap the shit out of whoever told the lie.

The man sets the dinner table with the robot and invites his family to eat.

The man starts off the dinner by asking his son what he did after school.

The son said: “I stayed after ...

Why did the robot deny having a brother?

Because he had trans-sisters

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Surely a robot can figure out how to tick a box on a website saying "I am not a robot""

I watched Terminator 2 and one of the fuckers flew a helicopter.

A hospital buys a robot

The robot is used in multiple operations, performing complicated surgeries. One day, it breaks, and the Hospital calls a mechanic. The mechanic looks at the robot, and says, "I know the problem." The hospital staff asks, "What?" In which the mechanic says, "It only operates on batteries."

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Why did the robot need viagra?

His disk was floppy.

Why do so many robots live in Africa?

'Cause Botswana.

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How did the guy die while making love to a Chinese sex robot?

He was erectrocuted.

Q: Why don't robots have brothers?

A: Because they all have trans-sisters.


^^^thanks ^^^tumblr

Do female robots have a...

Computerus?

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"My sex robot broke up with me."

"Don't worry man, there's plenty more plastic in the sea."

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At the peak of the cold war the Russians started a project to mass produce war robots.

The plan was divided into 4 stages, in the first stage the scientists were tasked to perfect the technology of remotely controlling the robots.

The second stage was giving the robots a perfectly humanoid stucture and give them the ability to perfectly copy human actions.

T...

Startup idea: A robotic arm that automatically swaps out your NES cartridges for you.

Sure, you say it's a ludicrous idea, that it wouldn't have worked even if it was 30 years ago, the market doesn't exist, it's doomed to fail, etc.



But I'm telling you, it's gonna be a game changer.

What do you call a robot with odour problems?

C3-BO

Give a robot a fish, feed him for a day.

Teach a robot to fish, feed him for a lifetime.



Teach a robot to teach other robots to fish, you're out of a job.

A robot walks into a bar

He gets a drink because he cant say jokes

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What do you call a robot that sexually harasses people?

R2 #metoo

Some people claim Al Gore dances too robotically

He says its just his Al Gore rhythm

How does a robotic Muslim pray?

Towards Mecha.

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

Someone should make a movie about an old robot who needs a software upgrade so it can learn about LOVE.

You could call it, 'The 40-Year-Old Version'.

Why was the robot couple’s anniversary in the Fall?

They were autumn mated.

There once was a job application form

There once was a job application form that said: “help wanted! Looking for people that are bilingual, able to make a computer program and able to make a robot!”, which a street dog was staring at, and it entered the building. The dog then enters the interviewing room and sits on the chair. The inter...

What do you call a robot that can read your mind?

A psyborg.

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A dad buys a robot that slaps people when they lie...

He decides to test it when his son comes back from school.

He asks "Son, where were you today?", so he says "at school". He gets a slap.

A little confused, he tells his dad that they were watching DVDs. The dad asks "What kind of DVD?"

The son says Toy Story. The robot slaps him...

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A sex robot during sex.

You really know how to push my buttons.

I met a tiny, alien robot that looked like a small bug. He told me his friends escaped their home planet, and found a home here. He was confident that his race would be OK.

He was Optimus Tick

Nerd Joke: What do you get if you cross a robot with a pirate?

Aaaarrrrr2D2

Shortly after the Chernobyl incident...

...China, America, and Germany came too help with their state of the art cleanup robots, and sent them out to show them off to each other.

The Chinese robot broke down even before it could reach the cleanup site.

The Americans cheered as their robot performed its task in the highly i...

A man buys a robot that slaps liars

He puts it on the dinner table, and explains what it is. He then asks his son where he was today when he should have been at school.

"I was at school!" The robot slaps the son. "Okay, I went to the cinema."

"Who were you with and what did you watch?" The father asks.

"I was with...

A joke I made on the spot to my piano teacher

Me: Hey, so by the way, I’m not going to be able to come to practice April 4th, I got a robotics meeting that day (I actually did have that, this wasn’t just added in for me to make the joke)

Piano teacher: Alright, no problem, let me just write that down.

Me, in a stroke of genius: I ...

Why did the tiny robot need sodium nitrate in order to work?

It was a NaNObot.

Glorious China is the greatest amd most respectful of human rights!!!!

Now that i have the attention of their self-praise seeking robot- free hong kong.

A cop arrested a European robot, but eventually let it go.

He couldn't charge it with anything.

What kind of programming do trans robots have?

Non-Binary

What does the robot eat for a snack?

Computer chips

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The Lie Detector

A man buys a robot shaped like an arm and a hand and brings it home to his wife and son.

Son: "What is it?"

Dad: "It's a lie detector robot. It slaps people who lie."

Son: "No way!"

Dad: "It really is. Here let's try it: why weren't you at school today?"

Son (def...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just bought a new sex robot with artificial intelligence. But no matter what I did, I just couldn’t get her in the mood.

I just didn’t turn her on.

It's kind of patronising

that a computer asks you to prove you're not a robot...

What happens when a Norwegian robot scans a bird?

It Scandanavian

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What do you call a prostitute that's into robotics?

An erector.

The robot stabbing

What's the robot equivalent of a poisoned dagger?



A flash drive with a computer virus.

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I made a robot who changes people into the opposite sex.

I guess he's a trans former

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I’ve just seen a robot ejaculate 100 meters

Technology has come so far

A robot walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve robots."

The robot replies, "Oh, but someday you will."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I plan on opening a sex robot brothel...

It'll be called "The Uncanny Valley"

My brother is afraid that robots will replace him.

If he would look in his wife's bedside dresser he would realize he already has been

I asked a robot how he sees the world

And he just rolled his eyes at me.

A grad student is working with his lab partner on a science project for his robot acoustics research

When the student says to his lab partner, “There seems to be something missing from our robot that is keeping the voice audio from converting into an electrical signal”.

The lab partner, in an effort to help his friend, heads down the street to the computer shop to see if he can figure out w...

Did you hear about the robot who specializes in circumcisions

Real cutting-edge technology

A guy walks into a bar, and is greeted by a robot.

The robot says, “What’s your drink”? The man replies, “Whisky”. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ”? The man says 150. The robot then pours his whisky and proceeds to talk to the man about the space time continuum, time travel, and the multiverse. The man finishes his drink, and leaves the bar. ...

Did you hear about the new store where you can plug in robotic limbs?

It's great even though they charge an arm and a leg.

Thief Capturing Robot

Disclaimer: This is only a joke, whatever or whoever I have stated are only for entertainment purpose only.



Once an organization of experts invented a robot that captured thieves.

So in order to test their invention they took to some places around the world to really see how ma...

What do you call a human that discriminates against robots?

A biologist

What do you call when a robot buys new clothes?

A soft wear update

A robot bartender

A guy goes into a bar in Washington where there is a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?

The guy replies, "Whiskey."

The robot brings back his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The guy say, "168."

The robot continues to talk about physics, space...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A mad scientist and his dim-witted assistant are collecting resources to bring a cyborg abomination to life.

They split the work to be as efficient as possible. The scientist decides to stay at the lab to tinker with and clean the robotic parts, and the assistant goes out to collect body parts.

After an hour, the assistant arrives with a leg, and sees the robotic parts still covered in grease.
...

What do you call a stoner robot?

An artificial *ent*ellig*ent*s.

Scientists have discovered a planet populated entirely by robots.

They call it Mars.

What did the robot pirate say to Mark Zuckerberg?

A.i Captain

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you make payment at a robot sex brothel?

You insert your chip and release your data.

A joke for robots.

10010102

There was once a robot whose job it was to organize all the shelves of a massive library that had thousands of books. Every day he did his job without missing a beat. One day though, he didn’t show up to work. The librarians were all perplexed that a robot would do something like that...

Turns out he had become shelf aware.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the first robot sexual harassment case?

Yeah, it was R2Me2...

A man walks into a bar....

A man walks into a bar. He orders a drink. The bartender is a robot. The robot serves the man his drink and asks the man "What is your IQ?" The man says "150." The robot proceeds to make conversation about global warming, nanotechnology, and quantam physics. The man is very impressed and decides to ...

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