The 85+ Best Robot Jokes

A man buys a robot that slaps people when they tell a lie.

He decides to test it on his family at dinner that night.

The man asked his son, "Son, what did you do after school today?"

The son replied, "Oh, I just did some homework" and the robot slapped the son.

The son said, "Okay I actually watched a movie with my friends".

The ...

What does a robot do after a one-night stand?

He nuts and bolts.

A robot went on a crime spree in our neighbourhood right before it ran out of battery.

The cops are refusing to charge the perpetrator.

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What do you call a robot sex worker that only does one-night stands?

Nuts’n bolts

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A father buys a lie detector robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, "I did some schoolwork."

The robot slaps the son.

The son says, "Ok, Ok. I was at a friend's house watching movies."

Dad asks, "What movie did you watch?"
<...

What do you feed a hungry robot?

Mega-bites.

Just an average joke by my sister

What does a robot eat for a small snack?

Microchips

One robot asks another robot

One robot asks another robot "Do you have any brothers?" the other robot replies "No!I only have transistors."

Why do robots eat Gyros?

to balance their diet

The book 'I, Robot' is about sentient robots, but did you know it has a sequel about sentient submarines?

It's called 'U, boat'

The Russian Agency of Research and Automation has been commissioned by Putin to develop a new robot to make gloves for the pandemic that are superior to all others. They have named it in his honour.

It's called RARA's grasp-Putin, Russia's greatest glove machine.

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The Japanese invented a thief catching robot.

After running successful lab trials they decided to test it. After deploying in Tokyo the robot caught 35 thieves in 24 hours.

The news Broke out.

Much Impressed, the Brits ordered the robot for themselves. After deploying in London the robot busted 65 thieves under 8 hours.

The...

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Japanese have finally invented a robot that catches thieves…

They decided to test it and put the robot in Belgium. In the first day it caught 10,000 thieves.

Then they put it in America. In the first day it caught 20,000 thieves.

Then they put it in Russia. In the first hour, someone stole the robot.

Smart Robot

A guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?"
The guy says, "Martini."
The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?"
The guy says, "168."
The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration, and m...

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My three year old daughter made this up...what did the potty training robot say?

Pee poop pee poop.

I just saw a robot charging itself

It was re-volting!

What do you call a robot crab that has fallen into disrepair?

A rustacean.

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A dad buys a robot that slaps people when they lie...

He decides to test it when his son comes back from school.

He asks "Son, where were you today?", so he says "at school". He gets a slap.

A little confused, he tells his dad that they were watching DVDs. The dad asks "What kind of DVD?"

The son says Toy Story. The robot slaps him...

A robot broke a kids finger during a chess tournament.

Still processing it.

Scientists have discovered a planet populated entirely by robots.

They call it Mars.

How do you jump start a serial killer robot with a dead battery?

Charge it with murder.

What sound does a robot frog make?

Rivet Rivet

Why are robots bad in bed?

They just screw, nut and bolt.

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A man buys a lie detecting robot that slaps people when they lie, so he decides to try it out at dinner.

He asks his son, "Did you go to school today?" The son replies, "Yes," and the robot slaps him. The son says, "Alright, I went to the movies."

The father asks, "What did you see?" and the son replies, "Toy Story 4." The robot slaps him again, and the son says, "Okay, okay! It was an a...

How was the robot frog held together?

Rivets.

Apple is introducing robot dogs to the market soon. They're testing one in Mexico right now.

It's called the iChihuahua.

Did you hear that Apple is developing a robotic service dog?

It’s called the iChihuahua.

Why was the robot cancelled?

Because it didn't accept non-binary arguments

Did you hear about the robot who assaulted someone?

Turns out he was charged with battery

Why did the robot go to jail?

Cos he was charged with batterie

What do you call a sentient robot pirate?

Aaarrgh-tificial intelligence, me matey!

There was a giant, steel, robot who had one job, protect the city.

One day when it was raining some of the screws got rusty and fell off causing one of the legs to fall off entirely. When the leg fell off it crushed the city that it was meant to protect.

Oh, the iron knee!

I was bored so I made a robot to distribute herbs

It helped pass the thyme

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I bought a robotic penis that attaches between my forearm and my fingers.

It seems quite futurewristdick.

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I made a robot who changes people into the opposite sex.

I guess he's a trans former

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Convincing your girlfriend that she's crazy is called gaslighting and it's a dick move.

Convincing her that she's a robot with artificial intelligence and implanted memories is called bladerunning and it's a Philip K. Dick move.

Why don’t they build nervous systems on robots?

They would rather give the robot a confident system.

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How does a robot avoid getting caught for public masturbation?

He nuts and bolts.

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An inventor, Liam, builds a humanoid lie detector robot that can slap you if you lie. As with all his inventions, his family will be the first round of test subjects.

At dinner, the inventor asks his son Jimmy about his day.

"I was at Scotts, we were studying for mid-terms."

The robot suddenly springs to life, slapping the son hard upside the head.

"Ow, what the fucking shit?" Jimmy exclaims angrily.

Liam looks at his son with a bemu...

If you had a robot lizard that wasn’t working properly…

…would that be eReptile Dysfunction?

Why don't Robots have Brothers?

Because they all have Trans Sisters. :)

If an A.I robot is depressed, and keeps on seeing the glass half empty,

Is it electronegative?

A man was making a robot out of whatever he could find

The head was an old toaster, the torso a series of welded wrenches and bolts, the arms and legs bits of rebar. It wasn’t pretty, so he gave it an ugly name: Brek.

The thing worked fine, but it wasn’t terribly balanced. The left hand was heavier than the other, so it always leaned to the left....

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Why did the robot stop watching porn?

He lost his sex drive.

Why are so many robots progressive?

Many of them have transistors.

The Robot Family.

It's a big night for XR-573, the patriarch of the robot family. Not only are all three of his sons going to be over for dinner for the first time in years, but all three of them have brand new fiancées! XR-573 and his wife Z7-271 are both very excited to see their children and learn all about their ...

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before, Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent...

Police responded to a reported burglary at Tesla’s robotics lab.

It was an Optimus crime.

Has anyone heard of the Jamaican vigilante who dresses up in a black robot costume?

They call him the Botmon.

I heard germany is going to make robot driven cars illegal in their highways

It's going to be called auto-ban

A robot walks into a bar. The bartender asks,

"What'll ya have?"

The robot says, "Well, it's been a long day and I need to loosen up. How about a screwdriver?"

Norwegian Robot

If a Norwegian robot analyzed a bird, then it… Scandinavian

A guy walks into a bar, and is greeted by a robot.

The robot says, “What’s your drink”? The man replies, “Whisky”. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ”? The man says 150. The robot then pours his whisky and proceeds to talk to the man about the space time continuum, time travel, and the multiverse. The man finishes his drink, and leaves the bar. ...

I have invented microscopic robots that can form the face of Robin Williams.

I call them "nanu-nanubots."

Why don’t robots like Apples?

Because They’re androids!

Judge: "So, Mr Robot. Your neighbour accused you of stealing their electricity to power yourself. How do you pleade?"

Robot, the defendant: "Guilty as charged"

What would you call a Texas robot?

Tex Mechs.

What do you call an Indian robot killer from the future?

Turbanator.

I dated a robot for a while, but we broke up.

She was just too high maintenance.

A married couple with kid gets h*rny...

on a Sunday morning and thinks about how they can have some time to "cuddle". So they tell their son to go stand on the balcony and look if he can see something new going on in the neighbourhood.

So their son stands on the balcony and they get going. After a few minutes he yells: "Dad, dad! T...

Humans are being tested against the new AI program

The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because

ROBOTS CAN...

A dad buys a lie detector robot and it slaps anyone who lies

The dad asks his son, “where were you today”? And the son says, “at school” and the robot slaps him. Then the son says “ok, ok, ok,... I was watching Kung Fu Panda”. Then the robot slaps him again. So the sons says “fine...I was hanging out with a girl. And the dad goes “what?” “You’re too young to ...

Nasa was experimenting with different animals in space.

Monkeys were an obvious choice, but they had no patience. Mice chewed all the cables, dogs were too stupid and chickens were always scared. It seemed the only animal that could cope with the intense stress of space travel was a chilled out alley cat.

After a few months of testing and training...

What did the robot have written on their gravestone?

Rust In Peace

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Robotic Arm

A man's (lets call him John) arm is mangled in an accident and needs to have it amputated.

The doctors fit John with a new high tech robotic arm that is voice activated. The doctor has John run through some tests by placing a pen on the table on front of him and having him tell the arm to ...

"All the women that want to go on a date with me are such robots," I told my brother.

"You're wrong," he said, "all the women that want to go on a date with you are the opposite of robots."

"What? How?"

"One's artificial intelligence and the other is genuine stupidity."

What did the robot say to the guy running the tattoo shop?

I'd like to get my nickels pierced.

What language do Eeyore and Marvin the Robot use to communicate with each other?

Morose Code

What's a Robots favorite animal?

A cowculator.

From my 7 year old.

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I just read that article about Robot Sex Workers, and all I could think was, "Man, automation really is taking over all the jobs...

Even your mom's.

What did one robot say to the other after they got arrested by the police?

"At least we got charged."

How do robots eat guacamole?

With computer chips

What’s a robot’s favorite candy?

A ‘Wall-E’pop

What makes Al Gore so robotic?

His Al Gore rhythm

What did the robot do after being caught sleeping with the neighbor’s wife?

Nut and Bolt

A robot man walks into a robot restaurant.

A robot waiter approaches and asks him for his robot order.
The robot man orders a robot steak.
The robot waiter asks him how he wants his robot steak prepared.
The robot man replies, "Weld on".

Why do so many robots live in Africa?

'Cause Botswana.

Who is smarter, a robot maid or a robot MD?

A robot maid, because she's got her AI.

A scientist built a robot but unbeknownst to him, the battery was damaged.

The only way to fix the battery was to sprinkle it with sodium chloride. Some chemical reaction with the combination of battery acid and sodium chloride caused the robot to act highly irrationally and attack the scientist, at which point the robot had to be detained by police.

The robot was c...

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If I was a robot

I’d actually have a sex drive

(Credit to my stoned wife)

How did the robot vacuum the house?

Roomba room.

[OC] What’s the difference between a fault line and a robot who just wants to be friends?

What’s the difference between a fault line and a robot who just wants to be friends?

One is a tectonic plate and the other is platonic tech

A man ordered for a voice automated robot car

A man ordered for a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.

He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.

One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car t...

I recently got three robotic appendages

It’s such a relief not to have to go out on a limb to get the groceries.

Do female robots have a...

Computerus?

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