Teddy Bear Jokes - 30 Hilarious Teddy Bear Jokes

A little girl is having a tea party with her teddy bear.... "Would you like anything to eat Mr. Bear?"

The bear responds:"No, I'm stuffed."

What do they do at the teddy bear factory?

Stuff.

It's my cake day, so better post a joke about cakes... Why couldn't the Teddy bear finish his birthday cake?

Because he was already stuffed...

Sorry, I'll do better next year - definitely Muffin that I will repeat again!

So a teddy bear got a job at a mine...

Once upon a time, there was a teddy bear, and that teddy bear got a job at a mine.

On his first day there, he got up in the morning, grabbed his pick, and did a good day of mining, then he went to sleep.

The next day, he got up, grabbed his pick, and did an even BETTER day of mining,...

When I go to parties, I always bring my teddy bear with me

It's my plush one.

Why couldn’t the teddy bear finish his birthday cake?

He was already stuffed.

What happened when the teddy bear got punched?

He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear and she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?”

In my best bear voice, I replied, “No thanks, I’m stuffed!"

A constipated man robs a toy store. He steals everything but one teddy bear

Because he is unable to take a pooh

I told my teddy bear it was cute.

it plushed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are teddy bear poops called?

Fleeces

A magical teddy bear decided to go for a walk

The bear decided to walk down the street and he stumbled across an alley where he heard some weird sounds. Being a teddy bear, it figured no one would care if it saw them as long as it acted natural. So it went to see what was happening.

The bear noticed an infamous criminal beating a man to...

What is a teddy bears favorite food...

Stuffing.

How did the Space Teddy Bear cross the road?

Ewoked.

What do you call a teddy bear who rides a bike everywhere?

Schwinnie The Pooh

Our daughter wants us to set a place at our Thanksgiving dinner table, for her teddy bear, Theodore. She promises he won't eat very much.

She said he has been eating a lot lately, and is already stuffed

I recently purchased a teddy bear for £10

And named it Mohammed, then sold it for £20.
My question is.....have I made a Prophet?

What’s the difference between a beautiful night and a horror night?

Beautiful night is when you hug your teddy bear and sleep.

Horror night is...

when your teddy bear hugs you BACK.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy was given $30 by his mother to do shopping with.

However, on the way to the store, he spent the money on a teddy bear.

As he had no money, he then decided to go home. On the way, he saw that his neighbour's wife was in bed with another man, and that the neighbour was coming. He walked into their house and hid in the closet with the lover.<...

People tend to give teddy bears as gifts for Valentine's Day.

The standard teddy or panda bears seem popular this year. I've got my girlfriend a koala bear because she loves them.

Plus, I don't know a better way to tell her that I've got chlymidia.

Do you want to know what happened to the suicidal teddy bear?

He couldn't do it he was too soft.

What do an aggressive teddy bear and this joke have in common?

The punch is pretty weak

A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against his father.

He got some of his clothes, his teddy bear and his piggy bank and proudly announced, "I'm running away from home!"

The father calmly decided to look at the matter logically. "What if you get hungry?" he asked.

"Then I'll come home and eat," bravely declared the child.

"And what ...

A guy takes a girl to the state fair for their first date.

The guy asks her what she wants to do, she says, "I want to get weighed." So they visit the weighing booth, where the worker attempts to guess her weight. He guesses wrong the first time, and she gets a teddy bear.

They get some funnel cake and play whack-a-mole, until the guy asks again, "I'...

Between us

A guy goes into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist “do you have cotton balls?”

Pharmacist replies “oh yeah sure - what do I look like a Teddy Bear?!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When a man is poor and fat, he’s a fat . When a man is rich and fat, he’s:

My cute chubby teddy bear

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mother asks little Johny to go to a shop...

...but she only has a £50 note therefore she says to him "I'm giving you £50 and you have to buy bread, milk and butter only. Do not buy anything else and bring the change back."

As he was told, he goes to a shop but he sees a huge teddy bear for £50 and he buys it. He comes back home...

The son wanna date a neighbour

\- Dad, can I date Lisa next door?

\- No, she is your sister.

\- How about Anna in block 59?

\- No, she is your little sister.

\- Ok, this is weird. How about Karen the waitress? Can I date her or is she my sister too?

\- No, she is your brother.

The upset s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny won’t quit swearing.

My dad told me this joke many many years ago. It is by far my favorite little Johnny joke. I’ve searched the archives of Reddit and haven’t seen it posted before so here goes:

Little Johnny’s parents were having problems with him swearing and couldn’t get him to stop, so his dad goes to a psy...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

John's wife is about to give birth to his first child...

...and John is equally terrified and excited, a total nervous wreck.

On the day his wife went to the hospital, John went to work at the factory, prepared to leave as soon as he got the call that his wife was in labor.

John could barely concentrate. His mind was swimming with doubt and...

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