I've been dating this homeless chick for a while now and it's starting to get serious.

She asked me to move out with her.

I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open

She said "it's my husband!. Quick, try the backdoor!"

Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don't get offers like that every day.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar, followed by an ostrich, followed by a cat.

All three sit down at the bar. The bartender looks at the man and says, “What’ll ya have?” The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I’m only gonna pay half price.” The bartender serves up four beers, and tells the man, “that’ll be $12....

I once heard about a pimp that offered discounts on fat chicks.

You know what they say, it's always cheaper to buy in bulk.

What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

I wouldn't pay $300 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

How do you get a fat chick in bed?

Piece of cake!

What's the actual reason the chicken crossed the road?

To find the answer to this joke.

I hooked up with this chick who had part of her breast amputated after surviving breast cancer.

She was a hoot and a half.

The little chicks were misbehaving.

The mother hen said to them “If your father knew how bad you were he’d turn over on his rotisserie.”

I saw a millennial chick at the supermarket and thought she looked odd.

Then I realised she can't even.

"I banged the hottest chick of my class and now the whole town is talking about it."

~ Walter, 52, primary school teacher

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So, this chick walks into a bar.

She sees a guy sitting at the bar and he's pretty attractive, but very sad. So she decides to sit down next to him. She can't help but ask why he's so sad. He says that his girlfriend just broke up with him. She replies that in an odd bit of happenstance, her boyfriend had just broken up with her to...

Why do deaf guys love chicks in yoga pants?

Cos they can read their lips.

I had a hen who could count her own eggs

She was a mathamachicken

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I asked a Chinese chick for her number

She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."

I'm starting an all-male cross-dressing dixie chicks tribute band

I'm calling it chicks with dixies

I consider myself somewhat of a chick magnet.

I just have trouble changing the polarity.

I once dumped a cross eyed chick

Thought she was seeing someone else

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater".

I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt"

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men.. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings...

Whats the difference between a pickle and a chick pea

~~I’ve never had a pickle on my chest before~~
The texture

What's the difference between a pizza and a hippie chick?

You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it

How do you pick up Syrian chicks?

In pieces.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a chick who won't suck dick?

You don't

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So this chick tried to claim I was "no good at screwing" just because I sucked on her titties and then nutted on her thigh before even putting it in...

But I mean.... who *really* got screwed on that deal?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What does it take to make a Japanese chick easily orgasm?

Ten tickles

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call a chick who won’t perform oral sex.

You don’t.

A horse and a hen are playing in a field...

One day a horse and a hen are playing in a field. The horse gets stuck in a puddle of mud, and starts to sink. The hen is frantically searching for anything to help her friend, so she decides to go back to the barn. There, she grabs the keys to the farmer’s Mercedes and drives to where the horse is ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Had a chick pull a knife out on me and tried to cut my dick off...

She missed and stabbed me in the thigh. She was later charged with a misdaweiner.

I always looks for a chick who is into bad boys.

Because I'm pretty much bad at everything.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.

So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "yeah, I've got this great rooster, named randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem"

well, Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. so, he buy...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The best thing about white chicks with dreadlocks is that they’ll still suck your dick even if you haven’t showered in a couple of weeks.

Free love without judgement~

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I once dated a biker chick for a while

It got quite annoying as once a month she would jump on her menstrual cycle and run me the fuck over!

What do you call a girl who’s into theater chicks?

A thesbian

Why don’t In n Out and Chick-Fil-A combine restaurants?

They’re too scared and would just Chick n Out.

How are tiles and fat chicks the same?

They both get laid by Mexicans.

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich...

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich bird behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the wa...

Dating a chick with 12 nipples sounds funny...

Dozen tit?

What do you call a chubby Indian chick?

A thicca masala

This vegan chick came up to me and started talking like she knew me.

But I never met herbivore.

My buddy goes to church to hit on fat chicks...

He said he really enjoys Catholic mass.

*spoilers* How do you pick up chicks like Margaery Tyrell?

With a broom.

Some blonde chick was in my house holding something the other day...

...turns out it was just Reese Witherspoon

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It's going to take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick

What's the difference between a washing machine and a hippie chick

A washing machine won't follow you around for 3 weeks asking to get spun after you dump your load in it

What’s the difference between a freaky girl and a freaky vegan chick?

A freaky girl will toss your salad, a vegan will eat it and toss your bacon.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

If you plan on having sex with an Amish chick, do it when the sun is out,

Because they're Mennonite.

What’s the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player

A hockey player showers after 3 periods

I was seeing this HOT chick about twice a week.

But last week she saw me and closes her blinds now.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I love fucking German chicks

But I hate how they always scream their age during sex

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two married chicks...

...that have been long time friends, go out one night for a couple of drinks. After a few hours spent in a bar, and after they had 10 cocktails each, now dark outside, they decide to walk home.

One of them suddenly says: 

 \- Girl, I gotta take a piss RIGHT ABOUT NOW, no way I can make...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I once talked to a chick in the club. I said "you have a nice jeans, i would want to be inside of your jeans." She said "no need for that." I asked "why?"

She: "because there is already an asshole inside."

Why do hippie chicks eat with their legs open?

To keep the flies off the food

Chicks dig golden retrievers

One can even say they are "Gold Diggers"

A college guy meets a hot chick at a frat party

They end up in her dorm knocking boots; he’s living every freshmans dream! After a breather, he notices the girl has tears in her eyes. He asks her what’s up and she says “I haven’t been truthful to you; I was raised as Christian” he shrugs. “ so? College life’s about experimenting and finding yours...

I was just talking to this chick, i said “I can do 80 push ups.”

She said “Get out of here.” I said “Yep, do you want me to show you?” She said “No, I mean, get out of the women’s toilets!”

What do you call a hot chick you meet in another country?


A hen is having a talk with its chick

Chick: Why do humans get names but we don't? We are only called hens, or chickens or roosters.

Hen: Well, WE might not get names but when we die, we have many names. Humans on the other hand, are only called zombies or ghosts.

Chick: What are we called when we die then?

Hen: ...

I lost my V-Card to a cute chick the other night

Had to call my bank today and cancel my visa

What do you call a date with a chick that’s younger than you?

A cheep date.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I once dated this really cute chick

But her dad was a cock

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Fat chicks shouldn't brag about having big boobs.

Because it's like having a car that's fast because it's falling off a cliff.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I was in bed with a Chinese chick the other day

“What do you fancy?” She asked playfully...

“oooh 69 please!”

“I’m not cooking now bastard!” She said as she stormed out.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I lost pretty badly at beer pong to a chick with a bad boob job.

She really wanted a re-rack.

Why is chick fil-a closed on sundays?

They need time to choke their chickens

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Got a hand job from a blind chick..

She said I had the biggest dick she had ever seen.

I said no you're just pulling my leg!

I was dating a chick from the Soviet Union...

it was nice until she tried to seize my means of reproduction.

I had a Pacific Islander friend who was into white chicks.

When I asked him why, he simply replied:
“Poly want a cracker!”

I'm not usually one to brag about my chick-magnet prowess...

but that hot girl with the eye patch keeps winking at me.

What do you call a threesome with two Vietnamese chicks?

A Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

I was supposed to go on a date with a dead chick...

...but she ghosted me.

It was a motel where married men would take their side-chicks.

A Ho-tel, if you will.

What does a pile of bricks and a fat chick have in common?

They both probably gonna get laid by some Mexican

What do you call a Muslim guy who won’t date fat chicks?

Shallow Halal.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man calls his local Chick-fil-A and asks: "Do you serve gays?" The employee responds "No sir..."

"We serve chicken."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Horse and the Chick

The horse and the chick were best friends. One day when they were walking around the farm together, the horse fell into a patch of quicksand. He couldn't get out no matter how much he struggled. The chick suddenly had an idea:

"I know! The farmer just bought a new Porsche SUV. I'll use that t...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

This really hot chick walks up to the bartender and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?"

He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss". She leans in and starts running her fingers through his beard and...

I really liked this cashier chick..

But I couldn't teller

What vehicle do you pick up the most chicks in?

A tractor

(Maybe you'll have to say it out loud)

An italian is picking up chicks at the bar

While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde. So they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes loudly.

Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So…. you finish?”

After a slight pause...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I hate my job.

My job is so fucking unbelievable.

I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. Sh...

After hearing about the boycott, I've decided to give up eating Chick-Fil-A

...but only on Sundays.

Why do philosophers get chicks?

They're thot provoking.

I buy chicks but not hens.

A chick's a little cheeper

When in high school, I was always a chick magnet...

...the side that repels.

I met an Asian chick with 1 leg

Her name is Irene

Before I started working out, I used to have a hard time picking up chicks.

Now I can toss them in the back of the van no problem.

The Chicken Farmer Coincidence.

A chicken farmer went to a local bar, sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

The woman perked up and said, “How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!”

“What a coincidence,” the farmer said. “This is a special day for me; I am celebrating.”


(Nerdy joke) Two chicks walk into a bar...

Two chicks walk into a bar. One says to the other,"Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test?" The other says,"Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day."

The armed grenade was under a pile of chick peas, tahini and olive oil.

Captain Smith threw himself on top of it to save his men from the inevitable explosion.

His medal for bravery was awarded post-hummusly

When did people finally begin to appreciate chick peas?


My friends all call me a chick magnet.

However due to my lack of ferromagnetic material in my chemical makeup I can can’t seem to think of what repels all these girls.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My girlfriend reentered the room and looked at my computer screen.

"What the fuck is that?" she asked.

I said, "It's a woman masturbating."

"Why is this on your computer screen?"

"I thought you wanted to watch a chick flick."