I've been dating this homeless chick for a while now and it's starting to get serious.

She asked me to move out with her.

What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

I wouldn't pay $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

How do you get a fat chick to get in bed with you?

Piece of cake.

A horse and a chick are playing in a meadow...

After a time, the horse gets stuck in the mud. Frantic, he tells the chick to run to the farm and get the farmer to pull him out.

The chick runs as fast as her little legs will carry her and reaches the farm to find the farmer is nowhere to be seen. She finds an open window into the farmhous...

I was banging this hot chick on her kitchen table when we heard the front door open

She said "it's my husband!. Quick, try the backdoor!"

Thinking back, I really should have ran but you don't get offers like that every day.

I started dating this blonde chick last night.

"Do you have any kids?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"I have one child that's just under two."

She said, "I might be blonde, but I know how many one is."

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How do you call two boobless chicks living together?

Flatmates

I knew this chick who would give handjobs to anyone, regardless of their profession.

Jacks off all trades.

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I had sex with a fat chick last night but I was really nervous...

There was a lot riding on me.

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What’s the difference between Auschwitz and Chick-fil-A

Auschwitz accepted gays

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I asked a Chinese chick for her number

She said "SEX SEX SEX FREE SEX TONIGHT"
I was surprised but then her friend said it meant "66636298"

I like fried chick peas....

But I dont think it agrees with me. Everytime I eat them I Falafel.

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Whatchya call a chick that don't suck dick?

Ya dont

A mother Galapagos Finch has two chicks.

One day, she is resting in her nest with the youngest of her two chicks when her son says to her, “Mom, why does my brother’s beak look so much different than mine?”

“I was always worried you’d ask about that eventually,” replied the mother. “I might as well settle this now. What I’m about to...

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The chicks at my junior highschool are awesome - today the hottest girl in my English class passed me a note saying she would blow me after school.

I fuckin love my new teaching job!

I once dumped a cross eyed chick

Thought she was seeing someone else.

Why does Chick-Fil-A hate prisms?

Because they turn straight, pure white light into rainbow.

What's common between long distance relationships and fat chicks?

Both don't work out.

A baby chick tells it's mom, "Mom I think I'm a penguin.."

"There's no way you're a penguin, you're without a doubt a baby chicken" she responds.

He insisted, "No mom, I really think I'm a penguin and I don't want to live in this farm anymore, I wanna live with my fellow penguins!"

She said "alright fine, you have an aunt that lives in Antarct...

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Ever wondered why most guys end up with chicks with fake tits and fake lips?

Because even though there's plenty of fish in the sea there's also a lot of plastic.

What’s the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?

I’ve never paid $200 to have a lentil in my mouth

I had a hen who could count her own eggs

She was a mathamachicken

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A guy walks into a bar, followed by an ostrich, followed by a cat.

All three sit down at the bar. The bartender looks at the man and says, “What’ll ya have?” The man says, “Gimme a beer.” The ostrich says, “I’ll have one too.” The cat says, “I want two beers, but I’m only gonna pay half price.” The bartender serves up four beers, and tells the man, “that’ll be $12....

Why do deaf guys love chicks in yoga pants?

Cos they can read their lips.

What should a bird nourish its chick with to ensure it's proper development?

Redbull

I once heard about a pimp that offered discounts on fat chicks.

You know what they say, it's always cheaper to buy in bulk.

I saw a millennial chick at the supermarket and thought she looked odd.

Then I realised she can't even.

A horse and a hen are playing in a field...

One day a horse and a hen are playing in a field. The horse gets stuck in a puddle of mud, and starts to sink. The hen is frantically searching for anything to help her friend, so she decides to go back to the barn. There, she grabs the keys to the farmer’s Mercedes and drives to where the horse is ...

I hooked up with this chick who had part of her breast amputated after surviving breast cancer.

She was a hoot and a half.

The little chicks were misbehaving.

The mother hen said to them “If your father knew how bad you were he’d turn over on his rotisserie.”

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So, this chick walks into a bar.

She sees a guy sitting at the bar and he's pretty attractive, but very sad. So she decides to sit down next to him. She can't help but ask why he's so sad. He says that his girlfriend just broke up with him. She replies that in an odd bit of happenstance, her boyfriend had just broken up with her to...

So was at a bar last night and saw this fat chick wearing a shirt that said, "caution, I'm a maneater".

I walked up to the girl and timidly said, "excuse me, Miss... about your shirt"

She interrupted me before I could continue and furiously shouted; "Oh let me guess, you're here to make a comment about how I'm so fat and how I actually eat men.. I can't help my weight you know. I have feelings...

I consider myself somewhat of a chick magnet.

I just have trouble changing the polarity.

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What do you call a chick who won’t perform oral sex.

You don’t.

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Had a chick pull a knife out on me and tried to cut my dick off...

She missed and stabbed me in the thigh. She was later charged with a misdaweiner.

I'm starting an all-male cross-dressing dixie chicks tribute band

I'm calling it chicks with dixies

Whats the difference between a pickle and a chick pea

~~I’ve never had a pickle on my chest before~~
The texture

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This farmer has about 200 hens, but no rooster and he wants chicks.

So, he goes down the road to the next farmer and asks if he has a rooster. The other farmer says, "yeah, I've got this great rooster, named randy; he'll service every chicken you've got. No problem"

well, Randy the rooster is a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. so, he buy...

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What does it take to make a Japanese chick easily orgasm?

Ten tickles

I always looks for a chick who is into bad boys.

Because I'm pretty much bad at everything.

What's the difference between a pizza and a hippie chick?

You don't peel the crust off the pizza before you eat it

What do you call a girl who’s into theater chicks?

A thesbian

Dating a chick with 12 nipples sounds funny...

Dozen tit?

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The best thing about white chicks with dreadlocks is that they’ll still suck your dick even if you haven’t showered in a couple of weeks.

Free love without judgement~

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich...

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich bird behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the wa...

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It's going to take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by this chick

This vegan chick came up to me and started talking like she knew me.

But I never met herbivore.

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I once dated a biker chick for a while

It got quite annoying as once a month she would jump on her menstrual cycle and run me the fuck over!

Some blonde chick was in my house holding something the other day...

...turns out it was just Reese Witherspoon

Why don’t In n Out and Chick-Fil-A combine restaurants?

They’re too scared and would just Chick n Out.

How are tiles and fat chicks the same?

They both get laid by Mexicans.

What do you call a chubby Indian chick?

A thicca masala

My buddy goes to church to hit on fat chicks...

He said he really enjoys Catholic mass.

I was seeing this HOT chick about twice a week.

But last week she saw me and closes her blinds now.

What’s the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player

A hockey player showers after 3 periods

What's the difference between a washing machine and a hippie chick

A washing machine won't follow you around for 3 weeks asking to get spun after you dump your load in it

What’s the difference between a freaky girl and a freaky vegan chick?

A freaky girl will toss your salad, a vegan will eat it and toss your bacon.

*spoilers* How do you pick up chicks like Margaery Tyrell?

With a broom.

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I love fucking German chicks

But I hate how they always scream their age during sex

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I once talked to a chick in the club. I said "you have a nice jeans, i would want to be inside of your jeans." She said "no need for that." I asked "why?"

She: "because there is already an asshole inside."

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Two married chicks...

...that have been long time friends, go out one night for a couple of drinks. After a few hours spent in a bar, and after they had 10 cocktails each, now dark outside, they decide to walk home.

One of them suddenly says: 

 \- Girl, I gotta take a piss RIGHT ABOUT NOW, no way I can make...

Why do hippie chicks eat with their legs open?

To keep the flies off the food

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Fat chicks shouldn't brag about having big boobs.

Because it's like having a car that's fast because it's falling off a cliff.

A college guy meets a hot chick at a frat party

They end up in her dorm knocking boots; he’s living every freshmans dream! After a breather, he notices the girl has tears in her eyes. He asks her what’s up and she says “I haven’t been truthful to you; I was raised as Christian” he shrugs. “ so? College life’s about experimenting and finding yours...

A hen is having a talk with its chick

Chick: Why do humans get names but we don't? We are only called hens, or chickens or roosters.

Hen: Well, WE might not get names but when we die, we have many names. Humans on the other hand, are only called zombies or ghosts.

Chick: What are we called when we die then?

Hen: ...

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Got a hand job from a blind chick..

She said I had the biggest dick she had ever seen.

I said no you're just pulling my leg!

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If you plan on having sex with an Amish chick, do it when the sun is out,

Because they're Mennonite.

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I once dated this really cute chick

But her dad was a cock

What do you call a threesome with two Vietnamese chicks?

A Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

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The Horse and the Chick

The horse and the chick were best friends. One day when they were walking around the farm together, the horse fell into a patch of quicksand. He couldn't get out no matter how much he struggled. The chick suddenly had an idea:

"I know! The farmer just bought a new Porsche SUV. I'll use that t...

What do you call a hot chick you meet in another country?

Abroad.

What do you call a date with a chick that’s younger than you?

A cheep date.

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I was in bed with a Chinese chick the other day

“What do you fancy?” She asked playfully...

“oooh 69 please!”

“I’m not cooking now bastard!” She said as she stormed out.

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What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese chick?

You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.

I was dating a chick from the Soviet Union...

it was nice until she tried to seize my means of reproduction.

Why is chick fil-a closed on sundays?

They need time to choke their chickens

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This really hot chick walks up to the bartender and says in a sexy seductive voice, "May I please speak to your manager?"

He says, "Not right now, is there anything I can help you with?" She replies, "I don't know if your the man to talk to...its kind of personal..." Thinking he might get lucky, he goes, "I'm pretty sure I can handle your problem, miss". She leans in and starts running her fingers through his beard and...

What does a pile of bricks and a fat chick have in common?

They both probably gonna get laid by some Mexican

I was supposed to go on a date with a dead chick...

...but she ghosted me.

I'm not usually one to brag about my chick-magnet prowess...

but that hot girl with the eye patch keeps winking at me.

I had a Pacific Islander friend who was into white chicks.

When I asked him why, he simply replied:
“Poly want a cracker!”

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A man calls his local Chick-fil-A and asks: "Do you serve gays?" The employee responds "No sir..."

"We serve chicken."

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I lost pretty badly at beer pong to a chick with a bad boob job.

She really wanted a re-rack.

An italian is picking up chicks at the bar

While at his favorite bar, he manages to attract one rather attractive looking blonde. So they’re back at his place, and sure enough, they go at it. After a long while, he climaxes loudly.

Then he rolls over, lights up a cigarette and asks her, “So…. you finish?”

After a slight pause...

What do you call a Muslim guy who won’t date fat chicks?

Shallow Halal.

I really liked this cashier chick..

But I couldn't teller

What vehicle do you pick up the most chicks in?

A tractor

(Maybe you'll have to say it out loud)

After hearing about the boycott, I've decided to give up eating Chick-Fil-A

...but only on Sundays.

(Nerdy joke) Two chicks walk into a bar...

Two chicks walk into a bar. One says to the other,"Have you ever heard of the Bechdel test?" The other says,"Yeah, my boyfriend was telling me about it the other day."

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