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Porcelain Jokes

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Why are toilets made out of porcelain and not gold?

What, you think your shit deserves gold?

An older joke but a good one- A frog goes into the bank…

and hops up to a teller. He can see from her name plate that she is called Patricia Whack,
so he says "Ms. Whack, I'd like to borrow $30,000, please."
The teller asks for his name and the frog replies that he is Kermit Jagger, son of Mick Jagger, and a personal friend of the bank manager. Unc...

How come vampires are portrayed to be porcelain white even though the original vampire, Vlad Dracula, was quite swarthy?

Must be his nickname.

Vandals arrested for murder in a field using porcelain miniatures

Detectives report it was the first case of a nick back paddy whack

A mobster killed an Irishman with a porcelain doll

He was accused of knick-knack paddy whack

A big porcelain basin was demanding entry to our house.

Let that sink in.

A hitman beats a cow to death in a ricefield using two small porcelain figures.

Police admit this is the first known case of a knick-knack paddy whack.

The Italian mobster Johnny Bones killed a cow.

He killed the cow in a rice field with two porcelain garden gnomes.
Local news headline- "First Known Case of a Knick Knack Paddy Whack"

What do you call a murder over a set of porcelain figurines in the middle of a rice field?

A knick-knack-paddy-wack

(100% stolen from somewhere, I still think it's funny)

A frog walks into a bank

A frog wearing a business suit walks into a bank and goes to stand in line to wait for a teller.

When it is his turn, he approaches the bank teller, whose name is Patricia Whack (don't laugh), and says "Hello, Miss, my name is Kermit Jagger, and I would like to take out a loan."

Miss W...

'The victim was beaten with a porcelain angel figurine, suspect confirmed to be an Irishman'

'I guess you could say he was Knick-Knack Paddy Whacked.'

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A frog walked into a bank for a loan.

He took a number and when it was his turn walked up to the available teller. Noticing her name placard said Patricia Wack, he said “Hello Patricia, I demand a 10 thousand dollar loan for a new business venture.” Astonished at the circumstances she found herself in, the teller told the frog she would...

A Scottish Terrier walks into a bank

He sits at the desk of the Loan Officer, a Ms. Patty Black. He asks if he’s eligible for a small business loan.

“Do you have any collateral?”, Patty asks.

“I do have this,” replies the Terrier, rooting around in his bag and pulling out a small porcelain figurine.

“I’m not sur...

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So I finally got a tinder match yesterday...

And immediately I started of by asking "So have you heard of the titanic?"

She immediately got pissed and blocked me. I guess in retrospect, I shouldn't have started off with that line.

Its not a very good icebreaker.


P.s - I just thought of this while taking a shit on the p...

Yesterday I called my engineer friend and asked him what he was up to

He said, “I’m working on a hydrothermic treatment of porcelain, glass and metals in an environment under controlled pressure.”

His response impressed me but I had no idea what he was talking about and so I asked him to elaborate.

He answered, “I’m doing the dishes and my wife is super...

In a very poor village in Vietnam, farmers had a feud because of a cow eating off the wrong rice paddy.

One farmer got so upset he hired the local hitman to off the cow. The village was so poor the hitman had no guns, so killed the cow by bashing it with a porcelain figure.

Police said it was the first case they ever saw of a Knick Knack Paddy Whack.

There was once a woman called Patricia Whack

She worked in a bank and generally dealt with secured loans. One day she calls for her next appointment when a frog hops into the room and sits on the chair opposite her. Confused, she asks "Can I help you?"
"Yes," says the frog "Kermit Jagger, I'm here for a loan, uh 100k please"
Patty is ta...

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A frog walks into a bank...

And is greeted by Patricia Wack, the bank teller. He hops onto the counter, and asks to open a line of credit with their bank, requesting 150 thousand dollars.

Taken aback, Ms. Wack says "Well....uh...do you have collateral?" and very slowly and calmly, the frog pulls out a small porcelain p...

Three bullets [NSFW] [LONG]

A woman (we'll call her Sally) is pregnant with triplets. She goes to a bank to get some money from her account, but unfortunately, the bank is being robbed. The robber shoots her three times with a gun. Each bullet hits one of her triplets, but she survives and so do they. Three months later, she g...

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A frog hops into a bank and goes up to a teller.

He notices the tellers name is Patricia Whack. So he decides to ask her
"HI Ms. Whack. My name is Kermit and i would like a $50,000 loan for a vacation".

The teller is taken aback and asks "who are you and why would we give you a loan?"

The frog says "Dont worry my father is Mick Ja...

Thatll do it.

A man bought what he thought was a porcelain tea pot at a trader's market,when he finally made it home he was polishing it before putting it in his China cabinet. Smoke began pouring out of it and low and behold a genie appeared. The genie told the man he had three wishes,the only thing is your ex w...

A frog walks into a bank

He’s greeted by the receptionist “good afternoon sir, welcome to first national bank, my name is Patty Zwack, how may I help you?”. “Hello Patty, I would like to apply for a loan” said the frog. “Well” said Patty “we usually require collateral, something valuable we can retain if you fail to repay t...

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A Frog Walks Into a Bank

A frog walks into a bank, and sees the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. The frog says, “Hi Miss Whack, I’d like a loan of $50,000 for a vacation. You see, my name is Kermit Jagger, and my dad is Mick Jagger.” Surprised at the situation, Patricia replies, “Uh, well sir, I’m going to need some sort of...

Good evening welcome to the six o'clock news

Our top story today, convicted hitman confessed today that he was once hired to beat a cow to death in a rice field, using only two small porcelain figures.

Police admit this may be the first known case of a knick knack paddy whack.

Police were called to the scene of a murder

A man escaped a mental hospital and stole some porcelain figurines. Later that night he snuck into a farmers field and used them to beat a cow to death with them.

It was the first documented case of a nic-nac patty wack

A friend calls his engineer friend

A friend calls his engineer friend. What are you doing? He asks. The engineer answers "I'm in the middle of the project hydro thermal behavior of porcelain glass and metals under a controlled high-pressured environment". I am not sure I understand, can you explain it in plain language?. And the engi...

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Fred and Charlie had been having a few beers at the bar together when suddenly they both had to take a piss.

Standing next to each other at the urinal, Fred could hardly ignore the fact that Charlie was very well endowed.

"I say, that's a remarkable donger you have there old boy,” remarked Fred.

"Wasn't always that way,” replied Charlie, “Medical science can do wonders with transplants these ...

A man was killed by an assassin

An Irishman was killed by an assassin in his own home Thursday. Sources say the assailant was armed only with 2 porcelain figures. After beating the man to death, the assassin threw the body to several mongrel dogs that lived in a nearby wooded area.

Police claim it's the first known case of ...

A man struggled into the animal hospital ...

A man struggled into the animal hospital carrying a large dog in his arms. The team quickly led them into a treatment room and in walked a doctor, who asked "What's wrong?"

"I ... need to put ... my dog down," said the man, breathing heavily, barely able to stand.

The doctor motioned...

So a frog walks into a bank...

So a frog walks into this bank to apply for a bank loan. He approaches the tell and notices her name tag says Patricia Whack. He walks up to her and says, "Miss Whack I'm here to apply for a bank loan. I need $30,000 to go on my dream vacation." Patty is a little thrown off by this unusual request a...

A frog walks into a bank...

So, one day a frog walked into a bank. He hopped on over to a teller and quickly eyed her name tag: Patricia Waak.

Frog: Good morning, Miss Waak. Such a lovely day outside, isn't it?

*teller just stares at him, because, well, he's a FROG.*

Teller: Uh, yes. Yes it is. How can I h...

After spending so much time using his phone on the toilet...

Erwin forgot whether or not he had actually relieved himself yet. Loosely gripping the paper, he wipes in search of evidence. The results come back negative. He thinks to himself, "perhaps it was just cleaner than the others". If he looks down now, will he find the log floating in the porcelain lake...

Kermit Jagger needs a loan.

Kermit Jagger needed to take out a large loan, so he went to his bank and met with a banker named Patricia Wack.

Patricia asked, "Do you have something you can offer as collateral?" Kermit responded by placing a little porcelain figurine on the desk. Patricia was not impressed, but she went ...

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I Wrote This On The Toilet

Toss and turn I clench my cheeks,
I'm half awake and half asleep,
My stomach growls and up I sit,
To take my nightly sloppy shit

And as I stumble in the dark,
I concentrate lest I should fart,
For if I do disaster strikes,
I'll shit my pants in this cold night

A...

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Bit long, but one of the few work appropriate ones I know.

A frog named Kermit Jagger walks into a bank and up to the bank teller whose named Patty Wack.

Kermit: Hi there, I'm Kermit Jagger the son of the famous Mick Jagger and I would like a loan for $30,000 to buy a speed boat.

Patty Wack: Oh ok? Well do you have a down payment?

Kermi...

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Frog joke

A frog goes into a bank in search of a loan. He approaches Patricia Wack who deals with the loans in this particular bank and says "Hi, I'd like a £10,000 loan as I am doing some home renovations". Patricia is a little bemused, as it is a frog asking for a loan, but she is a polite lady and so conti...

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The Shit List (from the office fax machine 30 or so years ago)

**THE SHIT LIST**

GHOST SHIT:

You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but there is no shit in the toilet.

TEFLON COATED SHIT:

Comes out so slick, clean & easy you didn't even feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper. You have to look in the toile...

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A frog walks into a bank

Heard this one on Norm MacDonald's show/podcast so he gets the credit. It's better delivered in live, but here it is:

A frog walks into a bank to get a loan. He walks over to the bank teller--her name's Whack (nametag says Whack).
Frog: "Yes, I'd like to get a loan."

Teller: "A loan...

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Vernon Koekemoer

A British man on safari walks into a bar far out in the reaches of a game reserve in Southern Africa, he stays at the bar for a while shooting the shit with the bartender and drinking like a fish, he offer to buy the barkeep a round and since no one else is within 2km of their small oasis of liquor ...

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