I thought my friend spent all his savings on an expensive wig.

But one look and I realised it was a small price toupee..

What were four members of One Direction doing in the wig shop?

They were looking for hairy styles.

Why was the bird wearing a wig?

Because it was a bald eagle!

If you're feeling unattractive, consider buying a wig.

It's a look that anyone can pull off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to a therapist. He asks the therapist over and over, "Am I a tepee or a wigwam? Am I a tepee or a wigwam? Tepee or a wigwam, tepee or a wig wam?!"

Therapist replies, "You're too tense."

A perpetual criminal offender is brought to the court house for trial. However the judge is a duck wearing robes and a powdered wig

. The criminal is incensed, he shouts out "I will not be judged by a common duck"
The judge says to the defence lawyer "If you don't silence your client he will be held in contempt."
The defence says "Yes Mallard"

Someone stole the president’s wig

That was a bald move

A truck full of wigs tipped over on a motorway today.

The cause is unclear but the police are still combing the area..

What do you call a wig shop in China ?

The hair club for Min

Breaking News: Thieves break into Wig Factory; Steal 500 pounds of hair.

When questioned by the press, the owner said, "When these guys are caught, there's gonna be hell toupee!"

A woman goes to buy a tv

She goes to the salesman and says, “I’d like to buy this tv good sir.”
He says, “I’m sorry ma’am but I cannot sell to blondes.” Upset the woman leaves

It is the next day and she wears a different outfit with a wig. The woman is sure the salesman won’t recognize her. She says, “I’d like to ...

Why did the bald guy leave the wig shop without a wig?

because he forgot toupee

What did one wig ask the other wig before going to a vacation?

With which hairline are you flying with?

Why did Donald Trump bring his wig to the cash register?

Toupee.

Credit: my wife made this up while we were in bed falling asleep last night.

What do you call it when a blonde woman puts on a wig?

Artificial Intelligence.

I hosted a costume party a while back

I understood most of the costumes, but there was one guy with a rainbow clown wig, a captain America shield, an invisible dog, and a kimono. I must've sat there for 20 minutes trying to figure it out, but nothing made sense. So I went up to ask him directly.

Me: "Hey, nice costume"

Him...

I was in the attic yesterday when I found my granddad's old wig-making machine.

It's a family hair loom.

What do you call a red, white, and blue pubic wig?

A merkin.

My girlfriend caught me trying to stick a tiny blonde wig and a guitar onto a wasp...

She pleaded, "Don't do that! You'll make him Sting!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was taking the piss out of a man wearing a ridiculas wig today...

...he had the last laugh though.


Sentenced me to 3 years!

What did the demon say to the wig...

... who traded his soul to become real hair?

There will be hell, toupee.

(Made this up a while ago. Terrible joke and I'm almost sure it's been made before, but I felt obligated to share it.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scene: kitchen

Son: \*walks in\*

Son: Mom, I'm gay.

Mom: \*taking off wig\* **Good.**



that's dark humor for ya

An 11 year old boy is walking down the hall of his house at night and hears screaming from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door and sees his dad standing there with a wig on in assless chaps with his mom on the bed in cheerleading outfit...

An 11 year old boy is walking down the hall of his house at night and hears screaming from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door and sees his dad standing there with a wig on in assless chaps with his mom on the bed in cheerleading outfit...

"Daddy!? What is going on?!" the kid spurts out, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A blonde woman walks into a thrift store, grabs a tv, and goes to buy it.

She tells the cashier “excuse me sir, I’d like to buy this tv.” The cashier tells the woman “sorry ma’am, I don’t sell to blondes” the blonde woman walks out pretty pissed off, and decided that she would come back tomorrow in a wig so the cashier wouldn’t recognize her. So she comes back the next da...

I went to my Dr. the other day and said “doc last night I dreamt I was a tee-pee, and the next night I dreamt I was a wig-wam”

He said relax you’re two tents

The Chancellor of Germany, Prince Harry's wife, and the actor who played Gollum should set up an emporium of pubic wigs in Sarkel, Russia

...and call it "Merkel, Markle and Serkis' Sarkel Merkin Circus"

My wife bought me a ridiculously expensive wig which covered me from head to toe! Wtf, I mean... I had to return it...

... simply far too much toupee.

What's the difference between a penalty shot in basketball, and a tiny curly wig designed for a bug?

One is a free throw, and the other is a flea 'fro.

A blond woman walks into a electronics shop

The owner of the shops asks if he can help her and she points and says : ‘I would like to buy that television.’ The owner says: ‘we don’t sell to blondes.’

So she leaves and comes back to the shop with a red colored wig on and points and says : ‘I would like to buy that television.’ Again th...

Some jokes I know.

What do you call a golf club with a wig on it?

A hairy putter.





Why does Santa Claus have such a large sack?

Because he only comes once a year.





Him: *"Yo, what happened to your face? It's all bloodied"*

Her: *"Can you see that tree ov...

Does anyone have a Rastafarian wig?

We have crazy hair day at work tomorrow and I'm dreading it.

BREAKING: An 18 wheeler full of wigs and toupees crashes and spills over the I-95 interstate at 1:30pm today.

Police are still combing the area.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bald man and his wig

A bald man wearing a wig, along with his wife, go to the movie theater. After lights out, the man somehow loses his wig. He uses his hand and searches for it around his seat. His wife, having been deprived of sex for so long, uses this opportunity and takes his hand and puts it under her panties. Hi...

I got screwed by a man in a wig yesterday...

He was judging me the whole time.

The year 2192

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. He leaves a ceremonial letter. For reasons lost in time, this letter is always unsigned. Ceremonial garb includes a suit that looks like it was made for a someone of an entirely different si...

My dad used to abuse my mom (long)

As a little kid, I remember countless nights of being awake at night scared by all the yelling and screaming downstairs. A few times my mom would be bruised on her arms. I'd ask her about it and she wouldn't say anything.

One day she got the courage to call the police and have him taken away ...

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to buy. [Long]

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to she wants to buy. She goes to the only cashier (who is also the manager of the place) and tells him:

"How much is this hair dryer?"

The cashier replies: "This is not for sale".

The blonde returns the item and leaves. Next da...

If this wig doesn’t stay on...

There will be hell toupee.

The head of KFC called the Pope

He said, "I'll give you a million dollars to change the Lord's prayer to give us our daily chicken."

The Pope said no and hung up.

KFC called back and offered 10 million.

The Pope said no and hung up.

KFC called back and offered 100 million.

The Pope said, "You hav...

If Donald Trump's Hair turns out to be a wig then...

There'll be hell Toupée.

I received the oddest dollar bill as change. When I looked closely, I noticed that George Washington was wearing face-paint, a wig, and round, red nose.

It was obviously a clownterfeit.

A Blonde walked into a electronics store...

She came in the shop and asked for a Tv. The man asked her which one. She pointed to the one she thought was cheapest. Instantly the guard said "No blondes allowed".

The next day she came in wearing a red wig. She did the exact same thing and the guard kicked her out again.

The 3rd d...

An old woman walks into a bank...

The bank was the most reputed one in the small town.

Clerk: " May I help you madam?"

Woman:"I want to open an account and deposit $1,000,000."

Since it was a lot of money, the clerk sent the woman to the manager's office.

Manager:"Please don't mind my asking but how do yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hannibal Lecter escapes his prison, and begins a cannibalistic killing spree.

Bodies turn up all over the city, mutilated and butchered like livestock. The livers are missing from the bodies, as is muscle from the shoulders, legs and back, the tongues, a variety of human flesh all carved out and eaten by Lecter after killing his victims.

Not only that, but he escapes t...

Circa 1994: A blonde walks into an appliance store and says to the salesman.

"excuse me sir, I would like to buy that television over there"

"Sorry ma'am we don't sell to blondes" the salesman replies

Appalled the blonde scoffs and storms out the door

She comes back with a red wig on and tries again only to have the man tell her

"Sorry ma'am we...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

duck

Me: There are 3 black roosters on one side of the street how many legs do they have?

Friend: 6

Me: how many wigs?

Friend: 6

Me: how many eyes?

Friend: 6

Me: There are 3 white cats on the other side of the street how many eyes do they have?

Friend: 6...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Irish Judges and women have in common?

According to irish law they both deserve to be assaulted

One for wearing thongs, the other for wearing a sexy wig.

A quick math question

Alright, so here's quick math question for ya:

So there's two trains. The first train is traveling at *exactly* 90 miles per hour from Plotopia heading due west. There is a clown standing atop it. He is holding a grenade. (And yes, his billowing pants and rainbow-dyed afro-wig *are* affecting...

What do clowns call their boss?

The big wig.

So a blonde wants to buy a new tv

So she gets to the store and picks the tv she likes but then a member of staff stops her and says: "sorry we dont sell to blondes", more confused than offended she walks out the store.

When she got home she thought of a plan that will allow her to buy a tv: to dye her hair black.
So the ne...

Blonde walks into a pawn shop...

Tells the cashier she would like to purchase the TV in the corner.

With out hesitation the clerk tells the blonde that they dont sell tvs to blonde people.

Puzzled, the blonde walks out. She returns the next day with a brown wig on, and ask the owner if ahe can buy the TV in the corner...

A blonde walks into Best Buy...

She approaches an associate and asks the price of a TV in the corner, but to her surprise, the associate looks at her and tells her that they don't serve blondes.

The blonde goes home and dies her hair brown, the returns to the store and asks the same question - only to get the same reply. ...

So yesterday I wore a costume....

I am a male and I wore a see through shirt and pants. I completed my ensemble with a stuffed bra, long haired wig and lipstick. I pushed a baby doll around all night in a stroller holding the baby bottle....

I was a transparent transparent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A hippie goes up to a nun...

...on the bus and begins to flirt with her. Things do not go well and she turns him down and leaves. Disappointed, the man gets off in the next stop, but just before he does the bus driver stops him. "Hey man, look, if you want to get with the nun you have to be smart about it."

"what can I ...

Which insect has great hair?

An ear-wig!

A blonde walks into an electronics store...

and asks the manager, "How much is this TV?"

The manager says to her, "We don't sell to blondes". Furious, the blonde storms back to her home, where she threw on a black wig. She then goes back to the same store and asks the same manager, "How much is this TV?"

Once again, the manager ...

James Bond gets called into M's office

M: I have a job for you. You will have to disguise yourself as a blond businessman called John Smith.

Bond: But I have dark hair! Do you expect me to wear a wig or something?!

M: No mister Bond, I expect you to dye.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blonde tries to buy a tv

So this blonde girl goes to a store and say to the salesman that she wants to buy the tv right behind him , he says that he doesnt sell to blondes

She is pissed off, leaves the store but she wants that tv so bad , so she buys a black wig and go to the store again to try to buy that tv

...

My friend came up to me

He said, "Can you ever remember a time where you removed a wig?"

I said, "Not off the top of my head."

It's the day before Halloween in Hollywood

A group of actors old and new are hanging out talking about their plans and what they're going to be dressed up as. Among them are Nic Cage, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Leonardo Dicaprio. The trio are huddled together as all three still haven't decided on a costume!
"We should plan something as a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is having a party and tells all the guests to dress as a feeling.

The first person shows up all dressed in green with his face painted green. The hostess says, "I see you are green with envy. Come on in."

The second guest is a woman who is dressed in blue with a blue wig. The hostess says, "I see you're blue - you're sad. Come in!"

Later, the hos...

A blonde goes to the store...

A blonde goes to the store and wants to buy the TV that she sees on the shelf. She asks to buy it but the store owner says "I'm not selling it to you! Go away you dumb blonde!"

The next day the blonde decides to put on a black wig in order to buy the TV. When she asks the store owner he repl...

A blonde joke

A blonde goes to the store to return her TV she just bought. She takes it to the customer service desk and tells the employee that her TV is defective and would like to return it for a working model.
The employee looks at her and says "I'm sorry but we do not serve blondes".
The lady comes...

customer - Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup.....

customer - Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup.
-
Waiter - And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to rob a bank

I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow. I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels. I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping u...

A blonde walks into an appliance store...

She goes to the clerk and points behind him.

"I'd like to buy that television there." she declares to the clerk. The clerk turns around, glances back at the lady and says "We don't sell TVs to blondes." discouraged she walks out of the store.

The next day she comes back in hopes a ne...

The racing driver

The racing driver can't work out why he's come in last in a race despite using the fastest, most technologically advance car.

With his support team, he checks the vehicle and finds three men in large dresses, full make-up and wigs sitting on the roof.

"There's the problem," says the en...

The Brass Rat

A man walks into a pawn shop one day not looking for anything in particular. While browsing, the man sees a brass rat sitting on a shelf. The brass rat is on its hind legs standing proudly with a human wig on its head. The man picks it up and asks the owner of the shop, "how much?" The owner says, "...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family walks in to a talent agency

The father goes to the agent, "Sir, you really have to see our act. It's incredible!"

The agent says "No, I don't do family acts..."

The father excitedly interrupts, "I know what you are going to say they are too cutesy, right? Well our show is nothing like that!"

"No I don't do...

This joke was like "The Aristocrats" back in the day - question was how much you could elaborate it ...

Guy on a business trip gets to chatting with an attractive woman at the hotel bar and both of them being a little drunk, they wind up together in his bedroom.

So he's lying in bed watching her get ready, and first thing he sees is her take off her false eyelashes.

Then her false finger...

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