I thought my friend spent all his savings on an expensive wig.

But one look and I realised it was a small price toupee..

I just stole a wig from the devil

If I ever get caught, there's going to be hell toupee.

Did you hear about the man who bought a wig from the dollar store?

It was a small price toupee.

Sometimes when I'm bored I put makeup and little wigs on marijuana cigarettes.

That might sound dumb to you, but I think it's pretty dope.

The local wig shop got broken into last night

They've had to replace all the locks

Why shouldn't you visit an expensive wig shop?

**It's too high of a price 'toupee.'**

A man with dwarfism walked out of the wig store after haggling for a good deal.

It was a small price toupee'.

I just removed a Wig, some Lipstick and two Chicken Fillets off my racecar...

You could say I significantly reduced the drag.

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I was taking the piss out of a bloke with a ridiculous wig on today.

He had the last laugh though. Sentenced me to 6 months.

How did the bald man live after he got caught stealing a wig?

He lived toupee.

I was talking to a lovely young lady and things seemed to be going really well.

Then she said "There's something I want to get out of the way right now," and she reached up and took a wig off her head, and it turned out she was as bald as a new-laid egg.

"Alopecia," she said. "It's a condition that causes hair to fall out."

"Oh," I said. "...Just on your head, or ...

The CW's Batwoman wore a red wig as a part of her costume, but that was just a misdirect...

A red "hairring", if you will

I opened an awful men’s wig shop.

It’s called hell toupee.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to a therapist. He asks the therapist over and over, "Am I a tepee or a wigwam? Am I a tepee or a wigwam? Tepee or a wigwam, tepee or a wig wam?!"

Therapist replies, "You're too tense."

Why was the bird wearing a wig?

Because it was a bald eagle!

What do you call it when a blonde woman puts on a wig?

Artificial Intelligence.

The local wig shop was burgled

Police is combing the area..

If you're feeling unattractive, consider buying a wig.

It's a look that anyone can pull off.

A truck full of wigs tipped over on a motorway today.

The cause is unclear but the police are still combing the area..

Breaking News: Thieves break into Wig Factory; Steal 500 pounds of hair.

When questioned by the press, the owner said, "When these guys are caught, there's gonna be hell toupee!"

What do you call a red, white, and blue pubic wig?

A merkin.

What were four members of One Direction doing in the wig shop?

They were looking for hairy styles.

What do you call a wig shop in China ?

The hair club for Min

Someone stole the president’s wig

That was a bald move

Why did the bald guy leave the wig shop without a wig?

because he forgot toupee

What did one wig ask the other wig before going to a vacation?

With which hairline are you flying with?

What did the demon say to the wig...

... who traded his soul to become real hair?

There will be hell, toupee.

(Made this up a while ago. Terrible joke and I'm almost sure it's been made before, but I felt obligated to share it.)

I was in the attic yesterday when I found my granddad's old wig-making machine.

It's a family hair loom.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My 7yo son just came up with this.

What is a difference between pokemon and the White house?

In pokemon you catch turtwig, but in White house you have a turd wig.

Why did Donald Trump bring his wig to the cash register?

Toupee.

Credit: my wife made this up while we were in bed falling asleep last night.

An 11 year old boy is walking down the hall of his house at night and hears screaming from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door and sees his dad standing there with a wig on in assless chaps with his mom on the bed in cheerleading outfit...

An 11 year old boy is walking down the hall of his house at night and hears screaming from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door and sees his dad standing there with a wig on in assless chaps with his mom on the bed in cheerleading outfit...

"Daddy!? What is going on?!" the kid spurts out, ...

My girlfriend caught me trying to stick a tiny blonde wig and a guitar onto a wasp...

She pleaded, "Don't do that! You'll make him Sting!"

I went to my Dr. the other day and said “doc last night I dreamt I was a tee-pee, and the next night I dreamt I was a wig-wam”

He said relax you’re two tents

The Chancellor of Germany, Prince Harry's wife, and the actor who played Gollum should set up an emporium of pubic wigs in Sarkel, Russia

...and call it "Merkel, Markle and Serkis' Sarkel Merkin Circus"

My wife bought me a ridiculously expensive wig which covered me from head to toe! Wtf, I mean... I had to return it...

... simply far too much toupee.

Does anyone have a Rastafarian wig?

We have crazy hair day at work tomorrow and I'm dreading it.

A blonde is late to work and runs onto a very packed bus

As the doors close, she checks her bag "wig, eggs salami... Hold on where are my keys?!?"

She checks once again and the guy next to her says "lady, you put your hand down my pants once more and we might have a problem"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bald man and his wig

A bald man wearing a wig, along with his wife, go to the movie theater. After lights out, the man somehow loses his wig. He uses his hand and searches for it around his seat. His wife, having been deprived of sex for so long, uses this opportunity and takes his hand and puts it under her panties. Hi...

What's the difference between a penalty shot in basketball, and a tiny curly wig designed for a bug?

One is a free throw, and the other is a flea 'fro.

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Surprises

The farmer and his wife are entertaining the local bigwigs when their son runs in and announces to his father in a loud voice, “Dad, dad, the bull’s fucking the cow.”

After a moment of shocked silence, the farmer turns to his son and calmly says, “Next time, son, be a little less explicit. Yo...

A perpetual criminal offender is brought to the court house for trial. However the judge is a duck wearing robes and a powdered wig

. The criminal is incensed, he shouts out "I will not be judged by a common duck"
The judge says to the defence lawyer "If you don't silence your client he will be held in contempt."
The defence says "Yes Mallard"

What do you call a carrot and a potato who are both wearing stupid wigs?

Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un.

I got screwed by a man in a wig yesterday...

He was judging me the whole time.

A Blonde goes to a shop and selects a TV for purchase.

Blonde: Hey I would like to buy that Television!

Shopkeeper: Sorry! We don't serve blondes.

*The Blonde gets furious and leaves. She comes back with a brown wig the day after.*

Blonde: I'd like to buy that Television over there

Shopkeeper: Nice try with the Wig, but we do...

A blond walks in to a electronics store

A blonde walks in to a electronics store looking for a new tv. She found one that seemed fine and found a employee. When she showed him the tv he said: Sorry ma’am, we don’t sell to blondes

The next day she came back wearing a brown wig and another employee that she wanted the tv. again. The...

A woman goes to buy a tv

She goes to the salesman and says, “I’d like to buy this tv good sir.”
He says, “I’m sorry ma’am but I cannot sell to blondes.” Upset the woman leaves

It is the next day and she wears a different outfit with a wig. The woman is sure the salesman won’t recognize her. She says, “I’d like to ...

Mrs. Schmidt hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair.

The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, "I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there."

That night, Mrs. Schmidt tells her husband.

He says, "I've never seen anything like that. Please tomorrow, ask her to go into the b...

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Hannibal Lecter escapes his prison, and begins a cannibalistic killing spree.

Bodies turn up all over the city, mutilated and butchered like livestock. The livers are missing from the bodies, as is muscle from the shoulders, legs and back, the tongues, a variety of human flesh all carved out and eaten by Lecter after killing his victims.

Not only that, but he escapes t...

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A thug starts harassing a nun on a bus

He's saying things to her like 'show me what's under that outfit' and 'I bet you're not wearing any underwear'. The nun is clearly uncomfortable and eventually clutches her bible to her chest and yells 'LORD PROTECT ME' and gets off the bus at the next stop.


The thug starts yelling abus...

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A man walks into a costume shop and asks for a Dracula costume.

The shop assistant goes into the store room and returns with a suit and Trump wig.

“Sorry I think you misheard me”, the man says, “I said I wanted to look like a Count, not a cunt!”

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A blonde woman walks into a thrift store, grabs a tv, and goes to buy it.

She tells the cashier “excuse me sir, I’d like to buy this tv.” The cashier tells the woman “sorry ma’am, I don’t sell to blondes” the blonde woman walks out pretty pissed off, and decided that she would come back tomorrow in a wig so the cashier wouldn’t recognize her. So she comes back the next da...

I hosted a costume party a while back

I understood most of the costumes, but there was one guy with a rainbow clown wig, a captain America shield, an invisible dog, and a kimono. I must've sat there for 20 minutes trying to figure it out, but nothing made sense. So I went up to ask him directly.

Me: "Hey, nice costume"

Him...

A blond woman walks into a electronics shop

The owner of the shops asks if he can help her and she points and says : ‘I would like to buy that television.’ The owner says: ‘we don’t sell to blondes.’

So she leaves and comes back to the shop with a red colored wig on and points and says : ‘I would like to buy that television.’ Again th...

The head of KFC called the Pope

He said, "I'll give you a million dollars to change the Lord's prayer to give us our daily chicken."

The Pope said no and hung up.

KFC called back and offered 10 million.

The Pope said no and hung up.

KFC called back and offered 100 million.

The Pope said, "You hav...

My dad used to abuse my mom (long)

As a little kid, I remember countless nights of being awake at night scared by all the yelling and screaming downstairs. A few times my mom would be bruised on her arms. I'd ask her about it and she wouldn't say anything.

One day she got the courage to call the police and have him taken away ...

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Scene: kitchen

Son: \*walks in\*

Son: Mom, I'm gay.

Mom: \*taking off wig\* **Good.**



that's dark humor for ya

Some jokes I know.

What do you call a golf club with a wig on it?

A hairy putter.





Why does Santa Claus have such a large sack?

Because he only comes once a year.





Him: *"Yo, what happened to your face? It's all bloodied"*

Her: *"Can you see that tree ov...

The year 2192

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. He leaves a ceremonial letter. For reasons lost in time, this letter is always unsigned. Ceremonial garb includes a suit that looks like it was made for a someone of an entirely different si...

An old woman walks into a bank...

The bank was the most reputed one in the small town.

Clerk: " May I help you madam?"

Woman:"I want to open an account and deposit $1,000,000."

Since it was a lot of money, the clerk sent the woman to the manager's office.

Manager:"Please don't mind my asking but how do yo...

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to buy. [Long]

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to she wants to buy. She goes to the only cashier (who is also the manager of the place) and tells him:

"How much is this hair dryer?"

The cashier replies: "This is not for sale".

The blonde returns the item and leaves. Next da...

A Blonde walked into a electronics store...

She came in the shop and asked for a Tv. The man asked her which one. She pointed to the one she thought was cheapest. Instantly the guard said "No blondes allowed".

The next day she came in wearing a red wig. She did the exact same thing and the guard kicked her out again.

The 3rd d...

Circa 1994: A blonde walks into an appliance store and says to the salesman.

"excuse me sir, I would like to buy that television over there"

"Sorry ma'am we don't sell to blondes" the salesman replies

Appalled the blonde scoffs and storms out the door

She comes back with a red wig on and tries again only to have the man tell her

"Sorry ma'am we...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Irish Judges and women have in common?

According to irish law they both deserve to be assaulted

One for wearing thongs, the other for wearing a sexy wig.

A quick math question

Alright, so here's quick math question for ya:

So there's two trains. The first train is traveling at *exactly* 90 miles per hour from Plotopia heading due west. There is a clown standing atop it. He is holding a grenade. (And yes, his billowing pants and rainbow-dyed afro-wig *are* affecting...

So a blonde wants to buy a new tv

So she gets to the store and picks the tv she likes but then a member of staff stops her and says: "sorry we dont sell to blondes", more confused than offended she walks out the store.

When she got home she thought of a plan that will allow her to buy a tv: to dye her hair black.
So the ne...

So yesterday I wore a costume....

I am a male and I wore a see through shirt and pants. I completed my ensemble with a stuffed bra, long haired wig and lipstick. I pushed a baby doll around all night in a stroller holding the baby bottle....

I was a transparent transparent.

It's the day before Halloween in Hollywood

A group of actors old and new are hanging out talking about their plans and what they're going to be dressed up as. Among them are Nic Cage, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Leonardo Dicaprio. The trio are huddled together as all three still haven't decided on a costume!
"We should plan something as a...

James Bond gets called into M's office

M: I have a job for you. You will have to disguise yourself as a blond businessman called John Smith.

Bond: But I have dark hair! Do you expect me to wear a wig or something?!

M: No mister Bond, I expect you to dye.

Which insect has great hair?

An ear-wig!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How to rob a bank

I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow. I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels. I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping u...

A blonde joke

A blonde goes to the store to return her TV she just bought. She takes it to the customer service desk and tells the employee that her TV is defective and would like to return it for a working model.
The employee looks at her and says "I'm sorry but we do not serve blondes".
The lady comes...

My friend came up to me

He said, "Can you ever remember a time where you removed a wig?"

I said, "Not off the top of my head."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Blonde tries to buy a tv

So this blonde girl goes to a store and say to the salesman that she wants to buy the tv right behind him , he says that he doesnt sell to blondes

She is pissed off, leaves the store but she wants that tv so bad , so she buys a black wig and go to the store again to try to buy that tv

...

A blonde walks into an electronics store...

and asks the manager, "How much is this TV?"

The manager says to her, "We don't sell to blondes". Furious, the blonde storms back to her home, where she threw on a black wig. She then goes back to the same store and asks the same manager, "How much is this TV?"

Once again, the manager ...

The racing driver

The racing driver can't work out why he's come in last in a race despite using the fastest, most technologically advance car.

With his support team, he checks the vehicle and finds three men in large dresses, full make-up and wigs sitting on the roof.

"There's the problem," says the en...

customer - Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup.....

customer - Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup.
-
Waiter - And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman is having a party and tells all the guests to dress as a feeling.

The first person shows up all dressed in green with his face painted green. The hostess says, "I see you are green with envy. Come on in."

The second guest is a woman who is dressed in blue with a blue wig. The hostess says, "I see you're blue - you're sad. Come in!"

Later, the hos...

A blonde walks into an appliance store...

She goes to the clerk and points behind him.

"I'd like to buy that television there." she declares to the clerk. The clerk turns around, glances back at the lady and says "We don't sell TVs to blondes." discouraged she walks out of the store.

The next day she comes back in hopes a ne...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A family walks in to a talent agency

The father goes to the agent, "Sir, you really have to see our act. It's incredible!"

The agent says "No, I don't do family acts..."

The father excitedly interrupts, "I know what you are going to say they are too cutesy, right? Well our show is nothing like that!"

"No I don't do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sex maniac is on board a taxi

when a beautiful nun flagged it down. the sex maniac told the taxi driver to stop the cab and to let the nun share the ride with him.

Once inside, the sex maniac groped the beautiful nun, grabbed her tits and asked her "hey sister, wanna have sex with me?"

"You rude sex maniac! You hav...

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