What do you call a cheap wig?

A small price toupee.

A perpetual criminal offender is brought to the court house for trial. However the judge is a duck wearing robes and a powdered wig

. The criminal is incensed, he shouts out "I will not be judged by a common duck"
The judge says to the defence lawyer "If you don't silence your client he will be held in contempt."
The defence says "Yes Mallard"

Someone stole the president’s wig

That was a bald move

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A guy goes to a therapist. He asks the therapist over and over, "Am I a tepee or a wigwam? Am I a tepee or a wigwam? Tepee or a wigwam, tepee or a wig wam?!"

Therapist replies, "You're too tense."

Breaking News: Thieves break into Wig Factory; Steal 500 pounds of hair.

When questioned by the press, the owner said, "When these guys are caught, there's gonna be hell toupee!"

A truck full of wigs tipped over on a motorway today.

The cause is unclear but the police are still combing the area..

What did one wig ask the other wig before going to a vacation?

With which hairline are you flying with?

Why did the bald guy leave the wig shop without a wig?

because he forgot toupee

My girlfriend caught me trying to stick a tiny blonde wig and a guitar onto a wasp...

She pleaded, "Don't do that! You'll make him Sting!"

Why did Donald Trump bring his wig to the cash register?

Toupee.

Credit: my wife made this up while we were in bed falling asleep last night.

The year 2192

The year is 2192. The British Prime Minister visits Brussels to ask for an extension of the Brexit deadline. He leaves a ceremonial letter. For reasons lost in time, this letter is always unsigned. Ceremonial garb includes a suit that looks like it was made for a someone of an entirely different si...

What did the demon say to the wig...

... who traded his soul to become real hair?

There will be hell, toupee.

(Made this up a while ago. Terrible joke and I'm almost sure it's been made before, but I felt obligated to share it.)

What do you call it when a blonde woman puts on a wig?

Artificial Intelligence.

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I was taking the piss out of a man wearing a ridiculas wig today...

...he had the last laugh though.


Sentenced me to 3 years!

What do you call a red, white, and blue pubic wig?

A merkin.

I was in the attic yesterday when I found my granddad's old wig-making machine.

It's a family hair loom.

My dad used to abuse my mom (long)

As a little kid, I remember countless nights of being awake at night scared by all the yelling and screaming downstairs. A few times my mom would be bruised on her arms. I'd ask her about it and she wouldn't say anything.

One day she got the courage to call the police and have him taken away ...

The Chancellor of Germany, Prince Harry's wife, and the actor who played Gollum should set up an emporium of pubic wigs in Sarkel, Russia

...and call it "Merkel, Markle and Serkis' Sarkel Merkin Circus"

My wife bought me a ridiculously expensive wig which covered me from head to toe! Wtf, I mean... I had to return it...

... simply far too much toupee.

I went to my Dr. the other day and said “doc last night I dreamt I was a tee-pee, and the next night I dreamt I was a wig-wam”

He said relax you’re two tents

An 11 year old boy is walking down the hall of his house at night and hears screaming from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door and sees his dad standing there with a wig on in assless chaps with his mom on the bed in cheerleading outfit...

An 11 year old boy is walking down the hall of his house at night and hears screaming from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door and sees his dad standing there with a wig on in assless chaps with his mom on the bed in cheerleading outfit...

"Daddy!? What is going on?!" the kid spurts out, ...

The head of KFC called the Pope

He said, "I'll give you a million dollars to change the Lord's prayer to give us our daily chicken."

The Pope said no and hung up.

KFC called back and offered 10 million.

The Pope said no and hung up.

KFC called back and offered 100 million.

The Pope said, "You hav...

Does anyone have a Rastafarian wig?

We have crazy hair day at work tomorrow and I'm dreading it.

BREAKING: An 18 wheeler full of wigs and toupees crashes and spills over the I-95 interstate at 1:30pm today.

Police are still combing the area.

What's the difference between a penalty shot in basketball, and a tiny curly wig designed for a bug?

One is a free throw, and the other is a flea 'fro.

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to buy. [Long]

A blonde walks into a small store and picks an item to she wants to buy. She goes to the only cashier (who is also the manager of the place) and tells him:

"How much is this hair dryer?"

The cashier replies: "This is not for sale".

The blonde returns the item and leaves. Next da...

What do you call a carrot and a potato who are both wearing stupid wigs?

Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

duck

Me: There are 3 black roosters on one side of the street how many legs do they have?

Friend: 6

Me: how many wigs?

Friend: 6

Me: how many eyes?

Friend: 6

Me: There are 3 white cats on the other side of the street how many eyes do they have?

Friend: 6...

I got screwed by a man in a wig yesterday...

He was judging me the whole time.

What do clowns call their boss?

The big wig.

A Blonde walked into a electronics store...

She came in the shop and asked for a Tv. The man asked her which one. She pointed to the one she thought was cheapest. Instantly the guard said "No blondes allowed".

The next day she came in wearing a red wig. She did the exact same thing and the guard kicked her out again.

The 3rd d...

If this wig doesn’t stay on...

There will be hell toupee.

A blonde walks into a thrift store

And says to the clerk, "I'd like to buy that tv right there." The clerk says "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes." The blonde grunts, and then walks out. She comes back a week later with a red wig on and says "I'd like to buy that tv right there." The clerk says once again, "Sorry, but we don't sell to...

Circa 1994: A blonde walks into an appliance store and says to the salesman.

"excuse me sir, I would like to buy that television over there"

"Sorry ma'am we don't sell to blondes" the salesman replies

Appalled the blonde scoffs and storms out the door

She comes back with a red wig on and tries again only to have the man tell her

"Sorry ma'am we...

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Hannibal Lecter escapes his prison, and begins a cannibalistic killing spree.

Bodies turn up all over the city, mutilated and butchered like livestock. The livers are missing from the bodies, as is muscle from the shoulders, legs and back, the tongues, a variety of human flesh all carved out and eaten by Lecter after killing his victims.

Not only that, but he escapes t...

An old woman walks into a bank...

The bank was the most reputed one in the small town.

Clerk: " May I help you madam?"

Woman:"I want to open an account and deposit $1,000,000."

Since it was a lot of money, the clerk sent the woman to the manager's office.

Manager:"Please don't mind my asking but how do yo...

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What do Irish Judges and women have in common?

According to irish law they both deserve to be assaulted

One for wearing thongs, the other for wearing a sexy wig.

So a blonde wants to buy a new tv

So she gets to the store and picks the tv she likes but then a member of staff stops her and says: "sorry we dont sell to blondes", more confused than offended she walks out the store.

When she got home she thought of a plan that will allow her to buy a tv: to dye her hair black.
So the ne...

A blonde walks into Best Buy...

She approaches an associate and asks the price of a TV in the corner, but to her surprise, the associate looks at her and tells her that they don't serve blondes.

The blonde goes home and dies her hair brown, the returns to the store and asks the same question - only to get the same reply. ...

A quick math question

Alright, so here's quick math question for ya:

So there's two trains. The first train is traveling at *exactly* 90 miles per hour from Plotopia heading due west. There is a clown standing atop it. He is holding a grenade. (And yes, his billowing pants and rainbow-dyed afro-wig *are* affecting...

So yesterday I wore a costume....

I am a male and I wore a see through shirt and pants. I completed my ensemble with a stuffed bra, long haired wig and lipstick. I pushed a baby doll around all night in a stroller holding the baby bottle....

I was a transparent transparent.

Which insect has great hair?

An ear-wig!

It's the day before Halloween in Hollywood

A group of actors old and new are hanging out talking about their plans and what they're going to be dressed up as. Among them are Nic Cage, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Leonardo Dicaprio. The trio are huddled together as all three still haven't decided on a costume!
"We should plan something as a...

A blonde walks into an electronics store...

and asks the manager, "How much is this TV?"

The manager says to her, "We don't sell to blondes". Furious, the blonde storms back to her home, where she threw on a black wig. She then goes back to the same store and asks the same manager, "How much is this TV?"

Once again, the manager ...

James Bond gets called into M's office

M: I have a job for you. You will have to disguise yourself as a blond businessman called John Smith.

Bond: But I have dark hair! Do you expect me to wear a wig or something?!

M: No mister Bond, I expect you to dye.

The racing driver

The racing driver can't work out why he's come in last in a race despite using the fastest, most technologically advance car.

With his support team, he checks the vehicle and finds three men in large dresses, full make-up and wigs sitting on the roof.

"There's the problem," says the en...

If Donald Trump's Hair turns out to be a wig then...

There'll be hell Toupée.

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Blonde tries to buy a tv

So this blonde girl goes to a store and say to the salesman that she wants to buy the tv right behind him , he says that he doesnt sell to blondes

She is pissed off, leaves the store but she wants that tv so bad , so she buys a black wig and go to the store again to try to buy that tv

...

customer - Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup.....

customer - Waiter, I am outraged. There is one hair in my soup.
-
Waiter - And what do you expect for this price? A whole wig?!

A blonde walks into an appliance store...

She goes to the clerk and points behind him.

"I'd like to buy that television there." she declares to the clerk. The clerk turns around, glances back at the lady and says "We don't sell TVs to blondes." discouraged she walks out of the store.

The next day she comes back in hopes a ne...

My friend came up to me

He said, "Can you ever remember a time where you removed a wig?"

I said, "Not off the top of my head."

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The bald man and his wig

A bald man wearing a wig, along with his wife, go to the movie theater. After lights out, the man somehow loses his wig. He uses his hand and searches for it around his seat. His wife, having been deprived of sex for so long, uses this opportunity and takes his hand and puts it under her panties. Hi...

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A woman is having a party and tells all the guests to dress as a feeling.

The first person shows up all dressed in green with his face painted green. The hostess says, "I see you are green with envy. Come on in."

The second guest is a woman who is dressed in blue with a blue wig. The hostess says, "I see you're blue - you're sad. Come in!"

Later, the hos...

A blonde joke

A blonde goes to the store to return her TV she just bought. She takes it to the customer service desk and tells the employee that her TV is defective and would like to return it for a working model.
The employee looks at her and says "I'm sorry but we do not serve blondes".
The lady comes...

The man in the pool

A fat man hops into a swimming pool with lots of women. One woman says to him that this is a lady's class and that he is not welcome to join. The man gets of the pool and forms a plan, that night he shaves his chest,buys a woman's swimsuit and a wig. The man returns the next day and hops into the po...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm going to go rob a bank tomorrow.

I plan on dressing up in a clown wig and make up and only wearing a thong and nipple tassels. I'll carry a goat and a can of fluorescent paint in one arm and, while in the bank, I'm going to fuck the goat and throw the paint over the walls, all the time ripping up pages of a phonebook and swearing m...

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A sex maniac is on board a taxi

when a beautiful nun flagged it down. the sex maniac told the taxi driver to stop the cab and to let the nun share the ride with him.

Once inside, the sex maniac groped the beautiful nun, grabbed her tits and asked her "hey sister, wanna have sex with me?"

"You rude sex maniac! You hav...

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A family walks in to a talent agency

The father goes to the agent, "Sir, you really have to see our act. It's incredible!"

The agent says "No, I don't do family acts..."

The father excitedly interrupts, "I know what you are going to say they are too cutesy, right? Well our show is nothing like that!"

"No I don't do...

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A hippie goes up to a nun...

...on the bus and begins to flirt with her. Things do not go well and she turns him down and leaves. Disappointed, the man gets off in the next stop, but just before he does the bus driver stops him. "Hey man, look, if you want to get with the nun you have to be smart about it."

"what can I ...

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